Baseball Tonight 9-30-06

Thanks to an 0-3 performance yesterday, I now need 4 wins in 6 games to reach 100 wins. With a whole $10 riding on it, will I be able to handle the pressure?

• Florida Marlins (77-83 4th NL East Scott Olsen 12-9 3.97) vs. Philadelphia Phillies (84-76 2nd NL East Randy Wolf 4-0 5.24)-The Phillies are barely alive in the playoff race. They're 2 games behind LA and San Diego in the wild card with 2 games left. That means if they lose they're done. When they faced the Marlins Scott Olsen last Sunday, they scored 7 runs off him in 3 innings, and though I don't expect them to do that again today, I think the Phils leave with a win. (FOX 1:25PM Est.)
• San Francisco Giants (76-83 3rd NL West Matt Cain 13-11 4.09) vs. Los Angeles Dodgers (86-74 1st NL West-t Greg Maddux 14-14 4.26)-Needing 4 wins to get my money, I turn to a team that's been good to me all season. When the Dodgers are streaking it's smart to take them, and they're streaking again right now. Their 5 game win streak has them tied with the Padres for the division lead, and I think they grab number 6 this afternoon. (FOX 4:10PM Est)
• Arizona Diamondbacks (76-84 4th NL West Juan Cruz 5-6 4.27) vs. San Diego Padres (86-74 1st NL West-t David Wells 2-5 4.80)-David Wells hasn't won a game for the Padres since he was traded to San Diego. He missed his last start with gout in his right foot. That's right, gout. Here's an example from Wikipedia about whom gout usually effects. "The stereotypical victim was a lazy, obese middle-aged man who habitually overindulged in rich foods and alcohol." That doesn't sound like David Wells at all!!!! Regardless of all that, I'm taking the Padres. I'm just crazy like that. (FOX 4:10PM Est.)

Yesterday: 0-3 (L Tigers Astros Brewers)

Season:96-92

The heat is on.

The Foulest of Our Balls

In the spirit of being lazy shameless self promoters, we here at Foul Balls present to you the "best" of the last week here. Something for you all to peruse through while we sit in our underwear eating Pringles and watching football all weekend, cuz it beats blogging.

• The second most read post in the history of Foul Balls, and it comes complete with some pretty good arguing in the comments.
• The Irish were pretty lucky to escape from East Lansing last Saturday night.
• The Madden Curse struck again, and it made us wonder, who do you want to see on the cover of next seasons Madden?
• Nerds of Chicago Beware:Ricky Manning is a free man, and he's totally pissed off.
• Did you know that Kenny Williams is racist? Well, thanks to the first ever Foul Balls interview, you do now.

Hang Ten

A look around the interweb.

1. Five things you may not have known about the Chicago Bulls. [Deadspin]
2. Who's the next NFL player that attempts suicide going to be? [NFL Fanhouse]
3. Screw what I say, who does Grandpa Simpson think is going to win this week? [Fox Sports]
4. You know how I know you're gay? You go to a Carrie Underwood concert with a placekicker. [Sports Oasis]
5. Can Drew Tate lead the Hawkeyes over Ohio State on Saturday night? [ESPN]
6. Maybe Cubs fans can take solace in the collapse of the Cardinals. [Goatriders of the Apocalypse]
7. Since the 1966 Irish National Championship team is being honored this weekend, let's take a look back to the 1966 Notre Dame/Purdue game. [Blue-Gray Sky]
8. The Fighting Illini play against Michigan State this weekend, which got me to thinking. How's the basketball team looking? [Herald & Review]
9. The Cubs begin their search for the one-armed manager. [Chicago Sun-Times]
10. Parcells says T.O. will be a game-time decision, and then T.O. tries to kill himself using a Bic razor. [CBS Sportsline]

An Important Game That Means Nothing

Like a lot of other Chicagoans, I have something of an inferiority complex when it comes to our sports teams. We're always seeking respect from around the country that we seldom feel we're getting.

The Bears are 3-0 and in first place in the NFC North, and if you asked a lot of Bears fans, they'd tell you that, while the Bears are the best in the NFC, no one but them is noticing.

Personally, I don't feel the Bears are the best team in the NFC either, but that doesn't mean I think this city is fairly assessed. In 2005 when the White Sox were winning every day, all the media talking heads could say is that they weren't as good as the Yankees or the Red Sox. Never mind the fact that the White Sox were beating those teams. It took a World Series ring for people to finally take notice, and even then the consensus was, "well they caught a lot of breaks."

That right there is the difference in how it seems Chicago teams are viewed around the country. Find me a championship team in any sport that doesn't "catch a lot of breaks." The Yankees do it, the Red Sox do it, the Patriots do it. Ask Seattle and Dallas if the Steelers and Heat caught a few breaks.

Still, when those teams win they're seen as deserving champions. When Chicago teams do it, well, they got lucky. (Okay, not the Bulls dynasty. That was all MJ.)

This dismissive attitude definitely affects the way the Bears are perceived. I remember last season when the Bears were on a winning streak, it was, "they haven't played anybody yet." Then the Panthers came to town and promptly got the shit kicked out of them in a beating so bad that Chris Simms would have lost a spleen and a kidney. But that week everyone in the media was still talking about how the Panthers were a better team than the Bears. Of course, after last season's playoff loss to those same Panthers, nobody remembers the beating they got earlier in the season.

All of this bitching leads me to a point:

No matter what the Bears do against the Seahawks this Sunday night, people will still say that the Seahawks are the superior team.

And it's all because of hairline fracture in the left foot of Shaun Alexander.

Even if the Bears go out and win this game 63-2 people will say that it doesn't matter because the Seahawks were without their most important weapon. They won't look at the fact that Alexander's been hurt all season, only averaging 62.3 yards per game and a whopping 2.9 yards per carry. They won't notice that, after averaging nearly 2 touchdowns a game last season, Alexander has only had 2 in three games, yet the Seahawks are still 3-0.

That means a few things. Most obvious, the Seahawks are damn good and deserve to be considered the best team in the NFC. They are the defending conference champions, after all. Seattle is good without Alexander because they still have Matt Hasselbeck taking the snaps, and throwing to a pretty nice set of wide receivers (Darrell Jackson, Bobby Engram, Nate Burleson, and now Deion Branch).

Their defense hasn't been too shabby, either. Yes, they've given up 46 points on the year but it pays to notice that 30 of those came against the Giants last week after Seattle had built a 42-3 lead.

It also means that the Bears can't afford to get cocky or complacent, thinking it will be an easy ride come Sunday night absent Alexander. It won't.

The defensive line will be what decides this game for the Bears. They limited the Vikings to 16 points, and have only surrendered one touchdown this season but they didn't tackle at all last week. Seattle's offensive line lost a huge advantage this offseason when Steve Hutchinson left for Minnesota, but then last week they lost "Pork Chop" Womack for the season. What the Bears will need to do is let Seattle quickly realize that Maurice Morris isn't going to go anywhere running the ball, and then just play "Meet at Hasselbeck."

On offense the Bears are going to have to establish a running game. They've yet to do it this season, but at the very least they haven't abandoned the running game. They need to find a way to get Cedric Benson on the field. I like Thomas Jones but the fact he's only averaging three yards a carry tells me that he could probably use a breather here and there. Not to mention, Benson wasn't drafted #4 overall and making all that money just to stand on the sidelines and give Rex Grossman high fives after he throws a touchdown.

The key to the Bears offense will still be Rex Grossman. Rex showed last week that he can recover from making a back-breaking mistake (the ill-advised pass intercepted and returned for a Viking touchdown in the 4th quarter). Rex did get away with a few other passes earlier in the game, though, that should not be forgotten. On one of them, Darren Sharper dropped a pick that he would have easily returned for a touchdown. (There's one of those "lucky breaks" again!!)

This game is going to be a close, hard fought contest, and a great one to watch. When it's over I expect that the Bears will stand victorious and be 4-0, with possibly the best record in the NFC.

Not that any of it will matter, cuz after all, we'll just be lucky cuz Shaun Alexander didn't get to play.

BEARS 20 SEAHAWKS 14

Baseball Tonight 9-29-06

So I kinda let the cat out of the bag with a few of my picks tonight, but so what?

• Detroit Tigers (95-64 1st AL Central Wilfredo Ledezma 3-3 3.58) vs. Kansas City Royals (59-100 5th AL Central Runelvys Hernandez 6-10 6.38) - Like I said earlier today, the Tigers are 14-1 against the Royals. Last time somebody got owned like that, Abraham Lincoln had to deliver something called the Emancipation Proclamation. Taking the Tigers. (7:05PM Est.)
• Atlanta Braves (77-82 3rd NL East Chuck James 10-4 3.94) vs. Houston Astros (81-78 2nd NL Central Roger Clemens 7-5 2.35) - This game right here is the reason why you give Roger Clemens all that money and kiss his ass hoping to keep him from retiring. Chuck James has pitched pretty well lately, but the Astros are as hot as a team can be right now. I'm taking Houston. (7:05PM Est.)
• St. Louis Cardinals (81-77 1st NL Central Jeff Weaver 7-14 5.79) vs. Milwaukee Brewers (74-85 4th NL Central Chris Capuano 11-11 3.87) - So, your team's season is basically on the line, and you have Jeff Weaver pitching for you tonight. How do you feel? Exactly. The Cardinals' collapse just about completes itself tonight, I'm taking the Brew Crew. (8:10PM Est.)

Yesterday:2-1 (W-Brewers Astros L-Phillies)

Season:96-89

Just need 4 more wins!!!

Tommy the Dago Presents: NFL Week Four

Okay, so last week I got my ass handed to me by the spread. There's this crazy trend going around the NFL right now that has seemed to make being on the road an advantage. Something tells me that won't last all season.

Jets vs. COLTS (-9)
You don't normally give up nine points with a team on the road but when that team is the Colts and it's the regular season, it's not that big a deal. An interesting angle to this game, though: Jets coach Eric Mangini used to coach the secondary for those New England Patriots teams that still give Peyton Manning nightmares. The only difference is that those New England secondaries also had the New England front seven making their job a lot easier. The Jets don't.

Ravens(+3) vs. Chargers
Last week's narrow escape from the Cleveland Browns may prove the Ravens aren't as good as we were ready to believe after the first two games of the season. That said, it was a game the Ravens wouldn't have won last season with Kyle Boller playing QB, so Steve McNair does make a difference. This Sunday, they get their first true test in Ladainian Tomlinson but the Ravens' defense will make it tough on Chargers QB Philip Rivers in his third career start, and at the very least keep it close.

Bills vs. Vikings (+1)
The Vikings could have very easily been 4-0 and on top of the NFC North right now but they let one slip away from them at home last week, while the Bills lost to the Jets. The Vikings are just the better all-around team, and I think they'll come away with a win here.

Titans (+9) vs. Cowboys
Remember what I just wrote about how it's okay to give up nine points on the road with Peyton Manning in the regular season? Well, it's not okay when it's Drew Bledsoe. EVER. Especially when his top two targets both have hand injuries (Terry Glenn - cut his thumb pretty bad - Terrell Owens -broken bone) and one of them may have tried to off himself earlier this week. I don't even care that Kerry Collins has six interceptions this season or that the Titans may be without three of their offensive lineman.

Chiefs vs. 49ers (+7)
The Chiefs still don't have Trent Green, and in the 1.5 games they've played without him they have managed to score 6 whole points. Larry Johnson should finally score his first touchdown; that noise you'll hear when he does will be the sound of a couple million fantasy footballers screaming, "It's about fucking time!!" I do, however, think the 49ers offense is good enough to keep this game somewhat close. This game would be my upset of the week, but I don't do that shit around here.

Panthers (-7) vs. Saints
The Saints impressed the hell out of me on Monday night by the way they just manhandled the Falcons. They may be a legitimate playoff team this season, really. Despite that, after all the emotion running through the Superdome and the Saints Monday, there has to be a letdown. They can't possibly be as psyched up for this game against the Panthers. Also, with Steve Smith's return, the Panthers are a much stronger team. The Panthers bring the Saints down a peg this week, but don't make the mistake of writing them off after it happens.

Falcons (-7.5) vs. Cardinals
So, the Falcons got trampled by the Saints on Monday night, but they're returning home this weekend against a team with quarterback problems. Kurt Warner can't seem to hold onto a football anymore, which tends to be a problem when you're the quarterback. Also, I don't think the Cardinals' defense can do anywhere near the job on Mike Vick that the Saints did. Vick and the Falcons run game returns to form this week.

Texans vs. Dolphins(-3.5)
Ok. I know it's Daunte Culpepper, and it's a road game. So what? Last week I took Mark Brunell on the road in Houston giving up points, and that worked out fine. The Texans are exactly what Daunte needs to buy him another week of time in Miami, and maybe get all those people calling for Joey Harrington (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH) off of his back.

Rams (-6) vs. Lions
The Rams are 2-1 but to be honest, I'm not really sure how. They aren't exactly playing well. The Lions, meanwhile, have done nothing but regress weekly since they held the Seahawks to 9 points in Week 1. I think this week Marc Bulger finally gets things going through the air thanks to Steven Jackson controlling the tempo against the Lions D.

BENGALS (-6.5) vs. Patriots
Is Tom Brady pissed off right now? Well, let's put ourselves in his shoes. Imagine taking a pay cut at your job to help the company keep some much-needed employees around, but then it goes ahead and lays them off anyway, replacing them with a bunch of punk ass kids straight out of college. Now you're getting paid less to do a lot more. So, do you think Tom Brady is pissed off? The Bengals, meanwhile, are turning into a monster. Not only can they score points at an alarming rate, they've also demonstrated they can stop other teams from scoring. Cincinnati made a pretty large statement defeating the Steelers in Pittsburgh last week, and I think they make another one this weekend.

Redskins vs. Jaguars (-3)
Well, Mark Brunell, I hope you enjoyed your vacation in Houston last week, cuz now you're back in reality. The Jaguars are pretty pissed off right now cuz they played good enough to win in Indy last week and lost. Guess who that defense is going to want to take that out on? That's right, you. No, Mark, telling them that you used to be a Jaguar won't help, not even if you wear your old jersey during the game.

Raiders (+3) vs. Browns
This game almost made my head explode. In the end though, there is just no way I can take a team that is 0-3 giving up points on the road. No matter how much I want to. Not even if they're playing the Raiders. Just. Can't. Do. It. Dear God, I'm taking a team coached by Art Shell.

Bears (-3.5) vs. Seahawks
So I guess this is the game of the week. It will decide who the best team in the NFC is in Week 4. I guess that's equivalent to having MLB's best record in April. If the Seahawks had Shaun Alexander, I'd be picking them, but they don't. So I'm taking the Bears. As for who the best team in the NFC is, we'll find out in January.

EAGLES (-11) vs. Packers
Man, ESPN and Monday Night Football got Rumphed with this TV deal. They paid a ton of money, yet NBC gets the flexible schedule at the end of the season, while ESPN is stuck with this game. No doubt Joe Theismann will take over John Madden's role of slobbering all over Brett Favre, but as far as watching the game goes, I don't think this one will be too close.

The Playoffs Start Now

The MLB schedule may list the next three days as the final ones of the regular season but for a few teams the postseason officially starts now.

Hell, if you're the Mets, your postseason may have already ended.

In the AL Central the Tigers have just about completed the inevitable "collapse" many expected. Their once mighty ten-game lead has evaporated. After yesterday's loss to Toronto and an extra-innings Twins victory over the Royals, Detroit is now tied with Minnesota for the division lead.

Both are assured of postseason berths, but there is still a lot left to decide.

First, there's the fact that whoever loses the division will be starting the playoffs in the Bronx. Sure, playing in Oakland wouldn't be a cakewalk either but I don't think anybody wants to face that Yankees' lineup.

Also, both the Tigers and Twins trail the Yankees by one game for homefield advantage throughout the playoffs and into the World Series, thanks to Michael Young.

Homefield would mean the most to the Minnesota Twins. This season, the Twins have an MLB best record of 53-25 at home; on the road, they're only 42-39. Another reason that the Twins would enjoy homefield advantage is Johan Santana, who hasn't lost a game at the Metrodome this season. In a short series he'd be pitching both Games 1 and 5 at home.

Luckily for Minnesota, they have three games left at home against their personal lapdog, the Chicago White Sox. The X-factor in that series: I'm sure there's nothing the White Sox would love more than to cost the Twins a division title.

Meanwhile, the Tigers get to play the Royals, over whom they lord a 14-1 advantage this season. Now that's what we refer to as owning somebody.

The Yankees are at home against the (now second place!) Toronto Blue Jays, who they're 9-6 against but 5-1 at Yankee Stadium.

Bottom line, all three teams may already be in the playoffs, but none of them can really afford to lose this weekend.

Over in the National League we have what could be considered the biggest choke job since Anna Nicole Smith caught Daniel rummaging through her medicine cabinet. On September 20th the Cardinals had a healthy seven-game lead in the NL Central. Just nine days and eight losses later, their lead has evaporated to a half game over the Astros. Meanwhile, the Astros won their ninth consecutive game yesterday afternoon. Tonight, the Cardinals start Jeff Weaver. The Astros are starting Roger Clemens.

Who would you rather have on the mound?

I'm going to go ahead and say the Cardinals won't make the playoffs. And after tonight, the Astros will be in first place. I don't think they'll let it get away once they get there.

In the NL West the Padres and Dodgers are separated by a mere game. I view this race like the one in the AL Central in that both are basically in the postseason already. Nothing's official, but with only three games left, the two game deficit the Phillies have dug themselves into will be too large for them to dig out of.

Part of me wonders if either team should want to win the division. Here's why.

The team that ends up with the wild card will get to face the Mets who, despite their NL best record, have problems. I've felt all season that, though the Mets were the favorite in the NL, they had no shot at winning it all because of their pitching. And now that they'll be without Pedro Martinez, I'm not sure that the Mets can get out of the Divisional round.

So that means winning the NL West could end up getting you a date with the Astros, the hottest team in baseball right now. Do you remember what happens to teams that get real hot at the end of the season going into the playoffs? Well in 2003 it was the Marlins. They won the World Series. In 2005, it was the White Sox. They won the World Series.

Besides, would you really want to face a team in a short series that has three men in their rotation named Roy Oswalt, Andy Pettite and Roger Clemens?

If the Cardinals do hang on to win the NL Central, it would matter who won the NL West. Both teams would rather play the Cardinals in the first round, and it would also decide which of the two teams would have homefield when they meet in the NLCS.

This weekend alone is why I bought the MLB Extra Innings package back in April.

Hang Ten

A look around the interweb

1. RIP Coach Spanky Janky. [Deadspin]
2. Goodbye White Sox, from the Buerhle Bile File. [Chi-Sox Blog]
3. Big Daddy Drew has some things to say to one Mr. Bill Simmons. [Kissing Suzy Kolber] (Christ, I link to KSK more than Deadspin.)
4. How in the hell did this ever seem like a good idea? [The Mighty MJD]
5. Is it time for Cedric Benson? [The Ron Karkovice Fan Club]
6. It's funny that Mariotti would rip on Terrell Owens today, you know, cuz Jay Mariotti is Terrell Owens. [Jay the Joke]
7. I knew it was the pitching, now stop calling me stupid! [Chicago Sports Review]
8. Nope, couldn't see this coming. How many people do you know that have it? [Reuters]
9. Bill Belicheck responds to Chad Johnson's mouth, and then sleeps with his girlfriend. [Sports Illustrated]
10. This one's an oldie, but a goodie. [YouTube]

Baseball Tonight 9-28-06

So yesterday, I was able to get back on the winning track with a 2-1 performance. A few more days like that and I shall be moving to Mexico with Panger's $10 where I shall live like a King!!

• Pittsburgh Pirates (65-93 5th NL Central Tom Gorzelanny 2-4 3.79) vs. Houston Astros (80-78 2nd NL Central Roy Oswalt 14-8 3.07)-It took 15 innings but the Astros were finally able to get their 8th straight victory last night in Pittsburgh. Unfortunately for them, the Cardinals were able to snap their losing streak, so the Astros still trail the Redbirds by 1.5 games. They look to finish the sweep this afternoon against the Pirates and will be sending Roy Oswalt out there to do it. I'm taking the Astros again today. (12:35PM Est)
• Washington Nationals (70-88 5th NL East Mike O'Connor 3-8 5.04) vs. Philadelphia Phillies (83-75 2nd NL East Jon Lieber 9-10 4.92)-The Phillies were able to snap the mini-slide that saw them fall out of the wild card lead to a game behind the Dodgers by winning last night. They still trail the Dodgers though, since LA held off the Rockies 6-4 as Derek Lowe won his seventh straight decision. I notice that the one night the Phillies win is the one night I don't choose them. Is there a Foul Balls curse? Let's find out! I'm taking the Phillies tonight. (7:05PM Est.)
• St. Louis Cardinals (81-76 1st NL Central Jason Marquis 14-15 5.80) vs. Milwaukee Brewers (73-85 4th NL Central Doug Davis 10-11 5.02)-Was that 4-2 win over the Padres last night enough to stop the bleeding for the Cardinals? Will they turn it around and hold off the worst collapse since the '64 Phillies? Or was it just a mirage and the collapse will continue tonight? Well, I'm taking the Brewers tonight, so you do the math. (8:10PM Est.)

Yesterday: 2-1 (W-Dodgers Astros L-Padres)

Season: 94-88

Just need 6 more wins!!

An Interview with White Sox GM Ken Williams

The White Sox are not going to the playoffs to defend their title this season and I must admit, I'm a little bitter. I'm also incredibly depressed. Everyday when I change my socks, and put on a freshly washed pair of new white ones, I burst into tears.

It's hard.

I've dedicated a lot of my year to supporting this team, a lot of my time telling everybody how we were the greatest team in the history of team sports. A lot of time going up to my Cubs fan friends and gloating like a moronic childish ignoramus.

Now I'm left with a sour taste in my mouth, and many unanswered questions.

The most important: How did this happen?

I needed answers so I decided to call the only person who could truly tell me what went wrong and why. Unfortunately, Jay Mariotti wouldn't return any of my calls.

Then I called Ozzie Guillen and got a hold of him. I even interviewed him, but I couldn't understand a single god damn word he said.

So finally I called Sox general manager Ken Williams. After a little bit of groveling and flirting I finally got him to talk to me. Don't believe me? Here's a picture I took of Kenny talking to me on his cell phone.

Told you.

Foul Balls: Hi Kenny, thanks for taking the time to talk to us.

Ken Williams: Not a problem, it's a pleasure.

FB: Let's get right to it. I'm devastated by this season. What happened?

KW: Well, I'll tell you right off the bat, I feel your pain. Nobody is more hurt by what happened this season than me. That said, I feel there's nowhere else to place the blame than on my shoulders. It was my job to get the players we needed to repeat as champions, and I thought I did that. I was wrong.

FB: Wow, what a stand-up guy. Still, it can't all be your fault can it? Last week Ozzie said it was all his fault. How can you both be 100% to blame? I may have failed third grade math five times but that seems mathematically unpossible to me.

KW: Five times? Damn.

FB: My teacher had it out for me. She totally wanted to sleep with me but I was dating Andrea Weaver at the time, and I'm a one woman man.

KW: I see.

FB: Ya, actually it brings up painful memories, how 'bout we just get back to the "blame" math?

KW: Well, I appreciate what Ozzie said but it's his job to manage what I give him, and he did it to the best of his abilities. I'm just going to have to do a better job of giving him the talent.

FB: Don't the players fall into the equation somewhere? I mean, except for Jon Garland and Bobby Jenks, the pitching staff was awful this season.

KW: Jose Contreras had a pretty good season, but had some rough spots. I can't blame the players, they did the best that they could.

FB: If there was anything you could have changed from last offseason what would it be?

KW: I don't know, that's a tough question. I don't think I made any bad moves. Jim [Thome] had a spectacular season - he gave us what we asked for and more. Javier Vazquez struggled a bit but you'd be hard pressed to find a #5 starter better than him. That said, I really wish I could have done more for the bullpen but after the seasons they had last year, I couldn't know that Cliff Politte and Neal Cotts would struggle so much.

FB: While we're on the subject, here's a list of players gone from last season's team. Frank Thomas, Carl Everett, Willie Harris. What do these three have in common?

KW: They're no longer on the White Sox?

FB: True but not what I was going for. Let me put it this way. Jermaine Dye is the only black player on the team. Just what is it that makes you hate black people so much?

KW: Excuse me!?

FB: Why do you hate black people? You got rid of Frank, Carl and Willie; all three are black. The only black guy you kept, Jermaine Dye, felt that he had to go out and have an MVP caliber season just so you wouldn't get rid of him this offseason. Why, Kenny? Why?

KW: First of all, if you didn't notice, I'm black.

FB: I didn't notice sir, for I am color blind and love all people. Even those god forsaken Canadians.

KW: That's great, but I also got rid of Aaron Rowand, and Geoff Blum. They aren't black.

FB:Nice try but Blum was only on the team for a few months, and we all know that Aaron Rowand is down with the brown, if you know what I mean.

KW: I have absolutely no idea what you mean. Listen, I'm not racist, and the fact that you think I am tells me that you're a jackass.

FB: Okay, fine. For the sake of this interview, I'm willing to pretend that you don't hate black people. Happy?

KW: I DON'T HATE BLACK PEOPLE!!

FB: I know, and neither does George Bush. Since we're so busy playing in the land of make believe I have a new idea. Let's pretend that I'm another GM and I'm calling you to make a trade offer. Tell me if you'd take the deal.

KW: Okay.

FB: Hi, Kenny! It's me John Q General Manager from the Bumfuck Fucktards. I was wondering if you'd be willing to talk about Scott Podsednik?

KW: Whatcha got?

FB: I'll offer you (C-grade minor league reliever), a half eaten box of Nilla Wafers and a Revenge of the Nerds DVD. Whaddya say?

KW: You're kidding, right?

FB: No, I'm serious. An actual DVD copy of Revenge of the Nerds. Still in the original plastic.

KW: No deal.

FB: What!? C'mon Ken, he sucked ass this season. Nobody wants him back, you should consider yourself lucky to even get that offer.

KW: Scott Podsednik would be a valuable player for a lot of organizations.

FB: Are you kidding? Isaiah Thomas wouldn't trade for that shithead. Okay, next player. Freddy Garcia. I got a Jugs pitching machine and an ounce of the stickiest of the icky for ya. You can keep the weed or give it to Freddy as a going away present. Whaddya say?

KW: I say this interview is over.

FB: Are we still on for dinner tomorr - (click)

And just like that....he was gone.

The Quest for Brady Quinn

Brady Quinn may not be the front runner for the Heisman Trophy. Still, many believe that he's still the most likely player to be chosen first overall in the next NFL draft.

Brady had a pretty rough first quarter in East Lansing trying to rebound from the Michigan disaster. But he turned it around, finishing the game with five touchdown passes, as the Irish came back in the 4th quarter to beat the Spartans 40-37.

What were teams around the NFL doing to assure themselves of the chance to Brady Quinn? A lot.

5. Detroit Lions

Anytime you lose to the Packers at home, you can be pretty sure you're worthy of #1 pick status. The Lions QB corps of Jon Kitna, Josh McCown and Dan Orlovsky is not much to get excited about, so the Lions could definitely use Quinn. What could the genius that is Mike Martz do with such talent!? The real question is, how would Matt Millen fuck it up?

4. Houston Texans

The Texans are pretty damn god awful, aren't they? The biggest problem for them re. Brady is that the least of their problems is the quarterback. David Carr isn't bad, it's just he's surrounded by a horrible team. They have no offensive line, no running game, no defensive line, no linebackers, and no secondary. What they do have is Mario Williams, and he's been worth every penny so far.

3. Cleveland Browns

The Browns are playing as if they were the Cleveland women that love them. Ugly. There is a problem though, as the Browns get to play the Raiders this week and could accidentally get themselves a win. Cleveland vs. Oakland is easily the most important game of Week 4, if not the entire season.

2. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Things were going horribly for the Bucs, and then they got worse this weekend. We all know that Chris Simms is out for what could be the season since he had to have his spleen removed. The good news (or bad news if you're a Bucs fan) is that the spleen is nowhere near as vital to quarterbacking skill as the appendix is. Isn't that right, Mr. Roethlisberger? The bad news for Tampa (or good news if your a Bucs fan) is that some guy named Bruce Gradkowski is going to be filling in for Simms. Gradkowski seems like the perfect guy to lead the Bucs to the NFL's worst record.

1. Oakland Raiders

Oakland was on the bye this week and didn't play. Of course, that didn't stop them from losing by 27. The best part was when Art Shell showed up at the stadium Sunday afternoon and had absolutely no idea where everybody was. Jerry Porter was seen in the stands laughing at him.

Hang Ten

Seeing how we at Foul Balls are already sick of the whole T.O. thing, and he's already held a press conference telling us he has no idea what the hell everyone's talking about, and he'll be playing this weekend, let's just move on, okay?
Wait, not yet. I still have 2 T.O. related links for you to read.

1. A minute by minute account of T.O.'s day yesterday. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
2. You may not remember the last high profile athlete who tried to kill himself but The Seattlest does. [The Seattlest]
3. So a priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into a bar and....holy shit!! It's Mark Cuban!!! [We Are the Postmen]
4. Shaun Alexander's prayers to God have been answered, and by prayers he means his calls to T.O. asking for some of those pills. [ESPN]
5. What's better than a blogger interviewing another blogger about this weekend's Bears/Seahawks game? Nothing! [NFL Fanhouse]
6. Remember Michael Simko from yesterday's Hang Ten? He's the ARCA driver who did a dropkick through another driver's windshield. Well, MJD wants you to know that Michael Simko is a badass. [The Mighty MJD]
7. For those of you who didn't know that Kirk Hinrich predicted he would be the Chicago Bulls point guard as a child, now you do. Learn more about Kirk's psychic abilities in an interview with J.E. Skeets. [The Basketball Jones]
8. Looks like all that sun is starting to get to Miami citizens' brains. [Dave's Football Blog]
9. Own this piece of child actor/Los Angeles Clipper history!! [EBay]
10. Speaking of washed up child actors, this has nothing to do with sports, well unless they're going to be starting a Professional Dirty Sanchez League. [NY Daily News]

Baseball Tonight 9-27-06

Apparently TO is depressed over my struggles getting to 100 wins this season. Don't worry, buddy, things are going to be all right. I promise. Now who wants a lollipop!?

• Pittsburgh Pirates (65-92 5th NL Central Shawn Chacon 7-6 6.25) vs. Houston Astros (79-78 2nd NL Central Jason Hirsh 3-4 5.83)- So the Astros are going to have to lose a game at some point. But not tonight. I just wonder how much longer before MLB finally sends the Astros a memo letting them know that the regular season starts in April. This is the third year in a row they're pulling this late season rally schtick. (7:05PM Est.)
• St. Louis Cardinals (80-76 1st NL Central Anthony Reyes 5-7 4.92) vs. San Diego Padres (85-72 1st NL West Chris Young 11-5 3.55)-Will the Cardinals finally end their 7-game losing streak tonight? Will they summon the courage to pick themselves up off the canvas and fight on? Will Tony LaRussa take over 30 painkillers after the game if they don't? This isn't good for the Cardinals, cuz while the Astros are playing the Pirates, they're stuck playing a Padres team that is still trying to win its division, and isn't playing horrible baseball. I'm taking the Padres tonight as the city wide suicide watch in St. Louis gets even scarier tonight. (8:10PM Est.)
• Colorado Rockies (74-83 4th NL West Aaron Cook 9-14 4.11) vs. Los Angeles Dodgers (83-74 2nd NL West Derek Lowe 15-8 3.57)-The Dodgers reclaimed the wild card lead last night by defeating the Rockies 11-4, while the Phillies lost yet again in Washington. Tonight they send Derek Lowe to the mound, who's seeking his seventh straight win. I think he gets it. (8:35PM Est.)

Yesterday: 1-2 (W-Twins L-Pirates Phillies)

Season: 92-87

The Cardinals Follow T.O.'s Lead

On September 16th, just 11 days ago, the St. Louis Cardinals were 7 games up on the Reds and 8 games up on the Astros with only 15 games to play. As of this morning, 10 games later, the Cardinals lead has dwindled to 1.5 over the Astros, and 2.5 over the Reds.

The Cardinals are in the midst of a seven game losing streak that has coincided perfectly with the Astros seven game win streak. If St. Louis muffs this, it would be the worst collapse since the 1964 Phillies blew a 6.5 game lead in the final two weeks of the season.

Last night, after establishing an early three-run lead over San Diego (aided by two Ronnie Belliard HRs and some shoddy Padres defense), the Cards were done in by a Padres 4-run seventh inning.

"The shoe seems to keep falling at some point in the game. I don't know how anybody can control that."

-Scott Rolen

My biggest question isn't how are the Cardinals blowing such a large lead this late in the season but how in the hell are they even in first place so late in the season? This Cardinals team just isn't that good. To me it's just more a reflection of the sorry state of the National League, most importantly, the Central division.

That said, I don't want to take away from what the Astros are doing right now. They're pitching well, they're hitting well, and they're taking advantage of every opportunity that comes their way.

The NL Central is going to be an interesting race to watch these final five days.

Ricky Manning Jr. Pleads No Contest to Assault Charges and Then Attacks Court Stenographer

Chicago Bears cornerback Ricky Manning Jr. pled "no contest" to assault charges stemming from his attack of a man at Denny's using a laptop computer.

If you don't remember the incident, in the morning hours just after he had signed a contract with the Bears, Manning, along with Maurice Jones-Drew and Tyler Ebell, attacked a man at a Westwood, California Denny's for being a nerd. The three UCLA alums kicked and punched the man in the face until he lost consciousness.

After pleading no contest Manning was sentenced to three years' probation, a year of anger management counseling, and 100 hours of community service.

"We are disappointed in Ricky's involvement in the incident that occurred this past April. Situations like these are embarrassing to our football team and create unnecessary distractions. We will continue to follow the NFL's personal conduct policy which retains jurisdiction on this issue."

-Bears GM Jerry Angelo

Manning is already on probation for a similiar incident in 2002 while at UCLA.

Here's hoping the anger management counselor doesn't bring a laptop to class.

T.O. Wants Your Attention

Terrell Owens wanting our attention is nothing new but it's the distances he's willing to go these days that are quite surprising.

Terrell Owens tried to kill himself yesterday.

According to the Dallas Police Department incident report, Owens told police he took more than 30 pills in a suicide attempt. Sources tell CBS 11 News Owens was taken to Baylor Hospital by Dallas Fire Rescue and that emergency room doctors attempted to induce vomiting.

What the hell?

Was he going through old photo albums last night, and come across pictures of him and Donovan McNabb during better times? Jeff Garcia?

I realize it's horrible karma to make fun of this thing but it's Terrell Owens. Would you be surprised if this was all just a big publicity stunt? People who try to kill themselves by taking a bunch of pills don't really want to die, they just want attention. It's cold, but it's true.

After all, who was the person that alerted the hospital of Owens taking the pills?

His publicist, Kim Etheridge.

The Cowboys have a press conference scheduled for 2:30PM Est. The Smoking Gun has also obtained a copy of the police report from the incident.

Hang Ten

A quick look around the interweb

1. Could Big Frank be the Greatest Hitter of all Time-Non Steroids Edition? [ESPN Page 2]
2. Why will Matt Leinart be successful this weekend? [Dan Shanoff]
3. Can a kicker really be worth $12.2 million? Seriously? [NFL Fanhouse]
4. Have no fear Patriot fans, Bill Belichek and his brilliant mind have devised a way to get the Patriots back to their dominant ways. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
5. NASCAR may be more popular, but ARCA has Chuck Norris fans driving their cars. [WTOL-TV Toledo]
6. The Twins clinched a playoff berth last night, and understandably, Bat Girl is excited. [Bat-Girl]
7. Speaking of girls and baseball, what should you do if you want to watch the playoffs this season, and your girlfriend is around? Off the Baggie has some helpful tips. [Off the Baggie]
8. Some White Sox fans are pissed about the 2006 season....[Chi-Sox Blog]
9. ....and some are a little more reserved. [Ron Karkovice Fan Club]
10. How well do you know the NBA? [ESPN]

Baseball Tonight 9-26-06

As if my picking these games wasn't important enough, now I have ten bucks riding on whether I can get to 100 wins, thanks to a bet with Panger. No, Panger, I won't just start picking gimme games for the last week to get there. Well, unless come Friday I'm six wins shy. Then I will.

• Pittsburgh Pirates (65-91 5th NL Central Ian Snell 14-10 4.67) vs. Houston Astros (78-78 2nd NL Central Andy Pettite 13-13 4.31)-The NL Central is so horrible that the Astros six-game winning streak has not only gotten them to .500, but within 2.5 games of the "division" leading Cardinals. God, I wish the White Sox were in the National League. I'm taking Pittsburgh tonight, and if that doesn't prove that I'm not taking the easy route to 100, I don't know what will. (7:05PM Est)
• Washington Nationals (69-87 5th NL East Ramon Ortiz 10-15 5.40) vs. Philadelphia Phillies (82-74 2nd NL East Brett Myers 12-6 3.94)-The Phillies suffered a minor setback last night against the Astros, and are now tied with LA for the wild card lead. Tonight, the Wifebeater takes the mound and looks to teach those Nationals a lesson about "keepin' her ass in the kitchen." For those who doubt my sincerity in rooting for the Phillies, I'll have you know that I've been booing Pat Burrell non-stop since Friday. The Phillies win tonight. (7:05PM Est.)
• Minnesota Twins (93-63 2nd AL Central Johan Santana 18-6 2.79) vs. Kansas City Royals (58-98 5th AL Central Odalis Perez 6-8 6.06)-Well, now that the White Sox are officially eliminated from the postseason, I can finally admit I'm now rooting for the Twins to win the AL Central. Not cuz I like them or anything, I just want to see them play against the Athletics. They're the two hottest teams in baseball, and I figure it would be a great series. Tonight, Johan Santana goes against the Royals, and I'm going to take the Twins, but who knows what kind of hangover Johan may have from last night's celebration. (8:10PM Est.)

Yesterday: 1-2 (W-Twins L-Phillies Athletics)

Season: 91-85

Nine wins left, eighteen games left to get there.

The Madden Curse

For years, John Madden's image sat on the cover of his famous game by EA Sports.

In 2001, that changed when Tennessee Titan Eddie George became the first player to grace the cover.

And with that, the Madden Curse was born.

Every year since then the player on the cover of the game has suffered some kind of unexpected injury or twist of fate.

Just look at the evidence.

2001 - Eddie George comes off the best year of his career, rushing for 1,509 yards and 14 TDs in 2000. The Titans also finished 13-3 and lost in the Super Bowl. In 2001 George wouldn't reach 1,000 yards, and the Titans would finish 7-9. George would never be a valuable running back again.

2002 - After throwing 33 touchdown passes and 3,900 yards in 2001, Daunte Culpepper was put on the cover of Madden 2002. He responded by throwing for 2,612 yards, and 14 TDs to go along with 13 INT as the Vikings finished 5-11. Culpepper also missed 4 games due to injury. Culpepper has never been the same QB.

2003 - Marshall Faulk was the most electrifying player in football, so it made sense to put him on the cover of Madden 2003. He responded with the worst year since his rookie season and the Rams went 7-9, missing the playoffs.
2004 - Mike Vick was Madden 2004's cover boy, and then a day after the game came out he broke his leg in a preseason game. Vick would miss the first 11 games of the season as the Falcons finished 5-11.

2005 - Ray Lewis was the only player to seemingly escape the curse. His numbers for the season were relatively the same as always, and he only missed one game due to injury. He did however have the only year of his career where he didn't make one interception. My theory is that the curse came after Lewis, but was then stabbed to death by Ray Ray.

2006 - Donovan McNabb was on the cover of Madden 2006, and the curse was reborn. After 9 games McNabb was shut down for the season, and the defending NFC champion Eagles finished 6-10, missing the playoffs.

2007 - Shaun Alexander made the cover this season, after breaking the NFL's touchdown record with 28 last season. Yesterday he broke a bone in his foot during a 42-30 Seattle victory, and is now out indefinetely.

So all this got me to thinking:

Who do we here at Foul Balls want to see on next year's Madden Cover?

Here's a list of 5 people I would love to see on the front of Madden 2008.

1. Bill Wirtz - Owner Chicago Blackhawks - There was a time in my life where I actually cared about hockey. That time has passed, and it's largely due to Bill Wirtz. Wirtz' brilliant idea to get a shrinking fan base to come back to the United Center to see the Blackhawks again is to not show home games on television. Hey, everybody!! It's 1972!!!!!!!
2. Johan Santana-Pitcher Minnesota Twins - Johan dominates the entire American League, but not as often as he dominates my White Sox. Even when he doesn't pitch that well, the White Sox can't touch him. I would love to see Johan on the cover of Madden 2008 and then watch his arm rip out of it's socket and fly towards home plate.
3. Paris Hilton - Whore - I just really hate Paris Hilton.
4. Steve Smith - Wide Receiver Carolina Panthers - I will never forgive Steve Smith for what he did against the Bears in the playoffs last year. Then to make matters worse, I get him on my fantasy team this year, and he goes out and pulls a hamstring missing the first two games and helping my team (Swamp Nutz) get off to a 1-2 start.
5. Vince Young - Quarterback Tennessee Titans - Let's just say that Mr. Young cost Foul Balls a pretty significant amount of money by single handedly carrying the Texas Longhorns to a National Title, defeating the USC Trojans in the Rose Bowl this year. I want my revenge.

So dear readers, who would you like to see on the cover of Madden 2008? Leave your choices in the comments, and obviously, it's not limited to football players.

NFL Week 3 Recaps: Ow, My Spleen!

Organ donations, Madden curses, forsaken quarterbacks.... NFL's week three had a lot of everything. Well, everything except wins for yours truly.

Rough week.....rough week.

Jets 28 Bills 20
The New York Jets are 2-1. Not even that annoying bastard Fireman Ed saw this coming. I'm not sure how the Jets won this game, considering the Bills(1-2) gained 475 total yards of offense, while New York managed only 256. Hell, Bills QB JP Losman had more yards (328) than the Jets by himself. Instead of playing good defense, the Jets just played opportunistic defense, causing three turnovers, including a 32 yard fumble return by Victor Hobson, to give the Jets a 21-10 lead in the 3rd quarter. The Bills were the first team in NFL history to have a QB throw for over 300 yards, a running back rush for 150 yards (Willis McGahee, 150), and lose. I'm sure they're proud. (My pick: Jets +6 Win)

Bengals 28 Steelers 20
Considering how important this game was to both teams, it sure was fugly. There were eight turnovers in the game, five of which were thanks to the quarterbacks. Of course, this was the first time both teams had met since Kimo Von Oelhoffen tore up Carson Palmer's knee in the playoffs last year, allowing the Steelers(1-2) to win the game and eventually the Super Bowl. Well, Carson got his revenge. He only threw for 193 yards, but managed 4 touchdowns to help the Bengals reach 3-0. Big Ben on the other hand, didn't have quite as good a day. He was 18/39 for 208 yards, no TDs, and 3 interceptions. It was Ben's second consecutive bad game, and it makes you wonder if the secret to being a good NFL quarterback lies in one's appendix. (My pick: Steelers -1 Loss)

Colts 21 Jaguars 14
If the Jaguars(2-1) could muster up an offense that was half as good as their defense, they would have won this game, and they'd probably be the best team in the NFL right now. The Jaguars were able to hold the Colts(3-0) to 272 yards, including only 63 rushing, but it wasn't good enough. Peyton Manning threw for a touchdown, and ran one in, while Terence Wilkins returned a punt 82 yards to account for all the points Indianapolis would need. In fact, Mannings' 45.2 completion percentage in the game was the lowest in his career. Somehow, I doubt that means anything to the Jags. (My pick: Jags +7 Push)

Dolphins 13 Titans 10
Well, one of these two teams would have to win this game, and fortunately for Nick Saban it was his Miami Dolphins (1-2). We can just label this the "Thank God I Didn't Have to Watch It" game of the week. Daunte Culpepper didn't do much for the Dolphins but he did run for a 5 yard touchdown and didn't turn the ball over. Olindo Mare kicked what would be the game winner with 3:39 left after Ronnie Brown (90 yards) had a game high 27 yard run to get the Dolphins in scoring position. (My pick: Dolphins -11 Loss)

Redskins 31 Texans 15
So the Texans (0-3) were just what the doctor ordered for Mark Brunell. Brunell completed 22 consecutive passes and the Redskins (1-2) finally got their first victory of the season. Brunell finished 24/27 for 261 yards and a touchdown, but most important for Washington was the healthy return of Coach Spanky Janky himself, Clinton Portis. Portis rushed for 86 yards and 2 touchdowns, yet wasn't even the Redskins leading rusher. That title went to Ladell Betts with 124 yards and a score. There are still some disciplinary problems for the Redskins, committing 12 penalties for 126 yards. Usually, when you do that on the road, you don't win. Lucky for Washington they were playing the Texans. (My pick: Redskins -4 Win)

Bears 19 Vikings 16
I recapped this game yesterday but here's the gist. Rex Grossman made a few costly mistakes, but overcame them to throw a touchdown pass to Rashied Davis with 1:55 left, giving the Bears the win. It was the first 4th quarter touchdown pass of Grossman's career as the Bears improved to 3-0 over the Vikings (2-1), with all three victories coming against their NFC North opponents. Next week the Bears are set to play Seattle on Sunday night. (My pick: Bears -4 Loss)

Panthers 26 Buccaneers 24 Chris Simms -1 spleen
In the battle of two teams no one thought would be 0-2, the Panthers were finally able to scratch out their first victory. On the way they pounded the hell out of Chris Simms so bad, he had to have his spleen removed after the game and is out indefinitely. The Panthers also had WR Steve Smith for the first time this season, who finished with 112 yards receiving. Keyshawn Johnson was facing his former team for the first time, and had 2 touchdowns for Carolina - 1 receiving, 1 rushing - to help his new team get their first win. Tampa Bay was actually able to come back from a 17-0 deficit to take the lead late in the 4th quarter, bt John Kasay kicked a 46 yard field goal (he had 5 on the day) in the closing seconds to win the game for Carolina. (My pick: Carolina -3 Loss Best Bet)

Green Bay 31 Lions 24
In a battle for NFC North futility, the Lions (0-3) were able to outlast the Green Bay Packers (1-2) in not scoring enough points. Brett Favre actually looked like Brett Favre throwing for 340 yards and 3 touchdowns. Jon Kitna also threw for 342 yards and 2 touchdowns, including one to Roy Williams who finally did something. Williams finished the day with 138 yards, so you know he was happy, even if the Lions lost. I was happy too, cuz with every win the Packers get, the further away they are from Brady Quinn. (My pick: Lions -7 Loss)

Ravens 15 Browns 14
See!! I told you the Ravens (3-0) weren't that good in my Week 3 preview. It's just I thought we'd see that when they played a real team, not the Cleveland Browns (0-3). Still, the Ravens were able to leave Cleveland with a win thanks to a game-winning 52 yard field goal from Matt Stover with 20 seconds left. The Browns had a 14-3 lead going into the 4th quarter, but in typical Brownie fashion, they choked it away at the end. (My pick: Ravens -7 Loss Best Bet)

Rams 16 Cardinals 14
Gee, how about everybody's dark horse, the Arizona Cardinals? They can't even win games when the other team tries to give them away. With 1:58 left on the Rams (2-1) 30 yard line, Marc Bulger fumbled the snap and the Cardinals Antonio Smith recovered it. Then 12 seconds and 12 yards later, trailing by 2 points at the Rams 18, Kurt Warner did the Christian thing and fumbled the snap right back to the Rams. The Rams ran out the clock to escape Arizona with a win. Kurt Warner's performance on Sunday was so good that the Cardinals will be starting Matt Leinart next week. (My pick:Cardinals -4.5 Loss)

Seahawks 42 Giants 30
This game was over before it started. I know it says 42-30, but it was 35-3 at halftime. The Giants (1-2) seem to think that games don't start until the second half, cuz they couldn't move the ball or stop the Seahawks (3-0) from moving it in the first half. The best news from this game came after it was over, when Jeremy Shockey went off about his coaches, and the Madden Curse reared its ugly (actually, it's beautiful, from my point of view) head as the Seahawks found out Shaun Alexander broke a bone in his foot. He's out indefinitely. That means he won't be playing against the Bears next week. (My pick: Giants +3.5 Loss)

Eagles 38 49ers 24
This game, like the Seattle/New York affair, was not as close as the score indicates. Philly (2-1) had a 24-3 lead at the half thanks to Brian Westbrook. Westbrook caught a 4-yard touchdown pass, and then had a 71-yard touchdown run to singlehandedly destroy my fantasy football team. Mike Patterson broke an Eagles record when he returned a fumble 98 yards for a touchdown to give the Eagles a 31-3 lead in the third quarter. (My pick: Eagles -6.5 Win)

Broncos 17 Patriots 7
Broncos fans can't boo Jake Plummer when he's on the road and it's too bad. Plummer played his best game of the season throwing for 256 yards and 2 touchdowns as he led the Broncos (2-1) to a big road win over the Patriots (2-1) Sunday night. Tatum Bell responded nicely to being named the Broncos' feature back, rushing for 123 yards on 27 carries. Am I the only one who thinks Shanahan made that move just to be a dick again? I mean, he's a fantasy footballers' Public Enemy #1. He started this running back-by-commitee crap, and now that most teams are doing it, he just comes out and says, "We're only going to use one running back." What a douche. (My pick: Patriots -7 Loss)

Saints 23 Falcons 3
On the fourth play of the game, New Orleans' (3-0) Steve Gleason broke through Atlanta's (2-1) line like Hurricane Katrina through a levee (too soon?) and blocked an Atlanta punt, which Curtis Deloatch recovered in the end zone to give the Saints a 7-0 lead and set off the largest party New Orleans has seen in 15 months. The Saints rode the emotion of the New Orleans crowd to victory helped along by a Falcons team that were never in the game and a Saints' defense that bottled up Michael Vick. For me, the personal highlight was when a ref inexplicably failed to call a penalty after throwing a flag, and Joe Theismann said, "He must have seen something or why pull it out of his pants?" For those wondering why they chose Tony Kornheiser to be in the MNF booth, it's exactly for moments like that. (My pick: Falcons -4 Loss Best bet)

Week 3
Overall:3-10-1
Best Bets:0-3

Season
Overall:11-18-1
Best Bests:6-3

Hang Ten

A look around the interweb.

• Odell Thurman likes the booze. More than playing football, apparently. [The Big Lead]
• Don't really think I need to say anything more than Baseball Sluts. [The Chicago Sports Review]
• Was Jay Mariotti really in Minneapolis for the Bears game yesterday? [Jay the Joke]
• JoePa's got himself a brand new endorsement deal thanks to ABC's scheisse fascination. [Also Receiving Votes]
• Need to make a pickup for one of your players on the bye this week? Well, who's playing the Texans? [NFL Fanhouse]
• Are you already looking forward to the Ohio State/Michigan game in November? The Dead Shembechlers are. [Deadspin]
• A timeline of Notre Dame's victory on Saturday night. [Blue-Gray Sky]
• Chris Simm's splenectomy will have more farreaching consequences than you first thought. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Steeler's fans aren't too happy with the teams 1-2 start. [Mondesi's House]
• Are the Cardinals already thinking of benching Warner for Leinart? [ESPN]