Minnesota:Land of a Thousand Freaks

You know there were a few sad stories in the sports world today. Northwestern football coach Randy Walker died of a heart attack, LA Laker forward Lamar Odom lost his six- and-a-half month old son the Cubs played.

Then there was this story.

This happened on March 30th!? How in the hell have I not heard about this before today?

Seriously, what the hell is going on in Minnesota? First, there was the Minnesota Vikings sex boat incident, and then Eddie Griffin felt left out and decided to get drunk, drive and then watch a little porn to top it all off. Or get it all off, whatever way you want to look at it.

When will Johan Santana get busted for pimping 12-year- old boys to opponents before games? (It tires batters legs, and therefore gets them out in front on his changeup.)

I want to know what life is like in the Timberwolves locker room after this. Hell, what is life like period after you get busted for something like this? I mean in Griffin's stat column from now on will it say, 7.4 Points per game, 5.8 Rebounds per game, and 3.2 Ejaculations per trip to the 7-Eleven?

Also am I the only one wondering what movie it was that he was watching? Teenage Sluts 32? Big Backyards 12? Young Smooth Asian Boy Cinema Volume 4? What was it?

Also if you're comedian Eddie Griffin, do you sue too? I mean, isn't this defaming his good name?

Will I ever not find this story to be absolutely hilarious?

Can I stop asking stupid questions?

You betcha!

Quite Frankly THAT WAS A GOOD DRAFT!

I don't know how many of you watched the NBA Draft last night, but if you did it was one of the weirdest drafts I can remember. There might have been more trades than there were draft picks. At one point, I think Portland was trading picks and players they didn't even have.

"Hey Isaiah? Yeah, this is the Blazers. What would you say if we offered you Kevin Garnett, Clyde Drexler, next year's #1 pick, and Stephen A Smith's Cheetos for Channing Frye and Madison Square Garden?"

"I'd say, deal!"

The draft was bound to be one of the better ones in recent memory, not for the quality of players, but because noone really knew for sure what anybody was going to do. The only thing we could be sure of was the New York Knicks would make a horrible pick, which they did, and Jay Bilas finding 4,392 different ways to say "athletic."

Instead of dissecting the entire draft, though, I'm just gonna stick to the two newest members of the Chicago Bulls and two of my favorites from the University of Illinois. Please beware though that the rest of this entry will be written in
Stephen A. Smith-O-VISION. (Patent Pending)

QUITE FRANKLY I WAS VERY HAPPY WITH WHAT THE BULLS DID IN LAST NIGHT'S DRAFT! I HAD BEEN GOING BACK AND FORTH ON WHAT I WANTED THE BULLS TO DO WITH THE #2 PICK IN MY MIND FOR A FEW WEEKS NOW!

TRADE IT!!

KEEP IT!!

TAKE TYRUS THOMAS!

TAKE LAMARCUS ALDRIDGE!

I WANT BRANDON ROY!

QUITE FRANKLY I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I WANTED! TYRUS THOMAS WAS THE HIGHEST GUY ON MY DRAFT BOARD(btw my draft board consists of my closet door and a black Sharpie) SHOULD THE BULLS KEEP THE PICK! I WAS REALLY IMPRESSED WITH HIS "FREAKY ATHLETICISM" (thanks for that one, Jay Bilas) DURING THE NCAA TOURNAMENT! MY ONLY REAL CONCERN WITH THOMAS WAS THAT HE MAY TURN OUT TO BE NOTHING MORE THAN A SHORTER VERSION OF TYSON CHANDLER!

QUITE FRANKLY TYRUS SOUNDS A LOT LIKE TYSON! THE BIGGEST DIFFERENCE BETWEEN CHANDLER
AND THOMAS THOUGH IS THE FACT THAT THOMAS IS SUCH AN AMAZING ATHLETE! WHEREAS CHANDLER SOMETIMES LOOKS LIKE HE'S MOVING IN CONCRETE, THOMAS FLIES AROUND ALL OVER THE COURT! THOMAS ALSO HAS THE ABILITY TO STEP OUTSIDE AND DRAIN THE 15-17 FOOT JUMPER THAT WILL BE VERY USEFULL IN THE BULLS SCREEN AND ROLL OFFENSE!

THE BIG PROBLEM WITH THOMAS WILL BE THAT I DON'T THINK HE'S GOING TO BE FULLY READY FOR AT LEAST A SEASON OR TWO! SO THE BULLS WILL STILL HAVE TO ADDRESS THEIR NEED FOR AN INSIDE PLAYER IN FREE AGENCY THIS SUMMER! THERE HAVE BEEN RUMORS FLOATING AROUND OUT THERE THAT BEN WALLACE IS INTERESTED IN WHAT THE BULLS HAVE GOING ON! STEPHEN A. TOLD US SO, AND WHEN STEPHEN A. SAYS SOMETHING YOU KNOW IT'S THE TRUTH!

QUITE FRANKLY THE PROSPECT OF HAVING A HINRICH-GORDON BACKCOURT, A NOCIONI-THOMAS-WALLACE FRONTCOURT, AND BRINGING IN LUOL DENG, CHRIS DUHON, AND THE BULLS SECOND PICK-THABO (rhymes with Bob-O) SEFOLOSHA(rhymes with um........Mefolosha?)OFF THE BENCH GETS ME EXCITED!

AS FAR AS THABO SEFOLOSHA, QUITE FRANKLY I HAVE NO IDEA WHO IN THE HELL THIS MAN IS! BUT I LIKE HIM! HE WAS BORN IN SOUTH AFRICA, PLAYED IN ITALY AND WAS ON THE SWISS NATIONAL TEAM! FROM WHAT I HAVE HEARD FROM ANALYSTS AND SEEN ON LIMITED VIDEO, SEFOLOSHA APPEARS TO BE THAT TYPE OF LONG 2 GUARD THE BULLS WANTED!
HE'S A STRONG ON THE BALL DEFENDER AND CAN GUARD ANYBODY FROM A POINT GUARD TO A SMALL FORWARD WELL! IN OTHER WORDS HE'S THE TYPE OF PLAYER THAT BULLS GM JOHN PAXSON AND COACH SCOTT SKILES ABSOLUTELY LOVE!

MY FAVORITE PART OF THE SELECTION OF SEFOLOSHA IS GETTING TO HEAR BULLS COLOR ANALYST JOHNNY "RED" KERR SAY HIS NAME! THAT SHOULD BE A DAMN GOOD TIME!

QUITE FRANKLY I WAS ALSO VERY EXCITED TO SEE FORMER ILLINOIS GUARD AND BIG TEN PLAYER OF THE YEAR DEE BROWN GET SELECTED BY THE UTAH JAZZ! HE WILL BE RE-UNITED WITH COLLEGE TEAMMATE DERON WILLIAMS THERE AND THEY CAN CONTINUE WITH WHERE THEY LEFT OFF AT KAM'S AND OTHER CAMPUS BARS IN SALT LAKE CITY! SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT DEE MADE A MISTAKE BY GOING BACK FOR HIS SENIOR YEAR BECAUSE LAST YEAR HE WOULD HAVE BEEN A LOTTERY PICK!

WELL, QUITE FRANKLY, I DON'T THINK DEE BROKE HIS FOOT ON PURPOSE DURING SUMMER WORKOUTS BEFORE LAST SEASONS DRAFT! SO IT CAN'T BE HIS FAULT THEN, CAN IT?! I DON'T THINK DEE WILL EVER BE A STAR IN THE NBA, BUT I CAN EASILY SEE HIM BECOMING A VALUABLE ASSET FOR THE JAZZ COMING OFF THE BENCH! HE BRINGS LIFE TO AN OFFENSE! YOU DON'T CALL A GUY "THE ONE MAND FAST BREAK" CUZ HE'S BORING. MY BIGGEST QUESTION ON DEE, CAN HE EVOLVE INTO A PURER POINT GUARD!? RIGHT NOW, HE'S MORE OF A 2 GUARD IN A POINT GUARD'S BODY BUT QUITE FRANKLY, WITH THE WAY THEY'RE OFFICIATING THE NBA THESE DAYS, THAT COULD WORK OUT TO HIS BENEFIT!

THE OTHER ILLINOIS ALUMNUS, JAMES AUGUSTINE, WAS SELECTED BY THE ORLANDO MAGIC! I SEE AUGUSTINE AS BEING THE TYPE OF ROLE PLAYER THAT GOOD TEAMS WILL NEED! HE CAN COME OFF THE BENCH AND SPELL SOON-TO-BE-ALL-WORLD JOSH HOWARD, GET THE MAGIC SOME REBOUNDS AND SCORE SOME POINTS ALONG THE WAY! PLUS HE'LL BE ABLE TO GO ON ALL NIGHT BENDERS WITH HIS FELLOW ROOKIE AND DRAFTEE, J.J. REDICK!

QUITE FRANKLY, I GIVE THE CHICAGO BULLS A GRADE OF B+ IN THEIR 2006 DRAFT! (You can grade them yourself by voting in the poll on the right of the page) THE ONLY REASON I AM NOT GIVING THEM AN A IS BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW ENOUGH ABOUT SEFOLOSHA AND TYSON CHANDLER IS STILL A BULL!

HOPEFULLY THAT SITUATION CAN BE RECTIFIED IN THE COMING WEEKS!

White Sox Cheating?

After being swept by the Chicago White Sox, the St. Louis Cardinals believe that the White Sox were using a center field camera to steal signs.

The Sox scored 33 runs against the Cardinals in the first two games of the series, and then in the finale managed only 1 hit and 1 run in a 1-0 victory.

As a lifelong White Sox fan who watches every game, let me assure the St. Louis Cardinals that we are not in fact stealing your signs. Well, not from a camera anyway.

The truth is that Thursday night the Cardinals sent Anthony Reyes to the mound. Now there are two things in Reyes' favor that are absolute kryptonite to the White Sox offense:

1. They have never seen him before. They had seen Mark Mulder plenty of times and Jason Marquis too. They always struggle against pitchers they've never seen. Take the Texas Rangers John Rheineker. In his first start against the White Sox(In Chicago) he handcuffed the lineup and the Rangers won. A week and a half later, in Arlington, the Sox roughed him up.

2. The White Sox always struggle against pitchers with above average changeups and Reyes possesses one, to go along with his 93MPH fastball. Another pitcher in the Sox division, Johan Santana, possesses a fantastic changeup, and the Sox have never been able to hit him well.

Personally I think the Cardinals were just a bit frustrated, and more than a bit embarrassed by their trip to Chicago in what some saw as a potential World Series matchup, and are venting those frustrations with these allegations.

Twin Terrors

There were two big returns last night on the Major League baseball schedule. One, unexpected - Albert Pujols for the St. Louis Cardinals at US Cellular Field in Chicago - the other, long awaited - Roger Clemens at Minute Maid Field in Houston.

Pujols' return was anticlimatic. He went 0-4, unable to help his team avoid a three-game sweep at the hands of the white hot White Sox.

Clemens walked to the mound before the first inning with the hopes of an entire city's baseball fans on his shoulders. He's the horse the Astros and their fans hope they can ride to a second consecutive World Series appearance.

I had set my DVR to record this game while I watched the Sox/Cardinals pitchers' duel but not for the reason most would think. I set it almost a week earlier, before I realized that it was the game in which Clemens would return.

Why? For the last few weeks I have made it a point to record a Francisco Liriano start any chance I've get. The first time, it was just to see what all the fuss was about. I had seen Liriano come out of the Twins bullpen a few times but I really wanted to check out what he had when he started a game.

Well, there's a reason I continue to record every single one of his starts.

This kid is absolutely phenomenal and on a night in which Roger Clemens was the main attraction, Liriano was the show.

In eight starts this season for the newly resurgent Minnesota Twins, Liriano sports a 7-1 record, a 2.17ERA and a 1.06WHIP. In his last three starts he is 3-0 with a 1.64ERA (4 ER in 22 innings).

It seems unfair for a team that already has Johan Santana to add a carbon copy to its rotation. Liriano, like Santana, sports a plus fastball and a slider. But from what I can see, Liriano's slider appears to be harder for batters to pick up. It's also clear that Santana, who in my opinion has the best changeup in MLB, has been tutoring Liriano on that pitch as well.

When a pitcher has three above-average pitches that he can throw for strikes at any time, well, hitters don't stand much of a chance. And Liriano's delivery is seemingly the same for each pitch too.

The worst part?

As if it isn't hard enough to decipher between his fastball and changeup, his slider breaks extremely late. So each and every pitch, the batter is stuck trying to figure out which of three he's seeing - because they all look the same.

It is incredibly hard to hit when you have to think up there.

I have to wonder, just how did the Twins manage to pull off the coup that brought Liriano to Minnesota? Does Minnesota GM Terry Ryan have incriminating photos of Giants GM Brian Sabean? One of Barry's syringes?

Ryan not only got Liriano, but Joe Nathan and Boof Bonser. Nathan has been a lights out closer when given the opportunity in Minnesota. In a little over two-plus seasons, Nathan has converted 98 of 107 save opportunities (some of them being the 2 inning type).

Boof Bonser (if that's not an instant entry into the MLB Name Hall of Fame, I don't know what is) is a 24 year old right-hander who has had some struggles in his first five starts for the Twins. He is 1-1 with a 5.81ERA, but the Twins see some potential in the kid.

So what did Ryan have to give up for this future ace, lights out closer, and a possible #3 kind of guy?

AJ Pierzynski.

Now this isn't a knock on Pierzynski by any means. He was a large factor in the Chicago White Sox winning the 2005 World Series, and as of right now is in the top ten of the American League batting race. Still, the Twins weren't getting rid of Pierzynski because they wanted to, it was more of a necessity.

They had to make room on the big league roster for former #1 overall pick Joe Mauer. So why would Sabean give up so much when he had so much of the leverage? To make it worse, Pierzynski never fit into the San Francisco clubhouse and was gone after only one season.

Sabean still has to wake up in the middle of the night screaming "Liriano!!"

In reality it could turn out to be one of the most lopsided trades in Major League history.

Back to Liriano.

With Santana, Liriano, Torii Hunter and The Natural, Joe Mauer(he of the Major League best .375 batting average) behind the plate, the Twins might not be as far away as a lot of us thought to start this season.

Admittedly, a Wild Card berth may be very tough to come by for the Twins. They trail the White Sox by 10 games as of now, and it doesn't appear that the Sox are going to start losing anytime soon. Plus they still have to play the White Sox and Tigers another 22 times, and will have to win an overwhelming majority to surpass either team. (As of now the Twins have a combined 4-12 record against both teams).

Still, anytime you can throw out Johan Santana and Francisco Liriano on the mound 2 of every 5 games, you have a shot.

These two could be the Twin Terrors in Minnesota for years to come.

FTW

So, our World Cup dreams were shattered this morning after a 2-1 loss to Ghana.

Was anyone really surprised?

Let's face it, the U.S. sucks at soccer. There's been a campaign here for years trying to get Americans into it but it hasn't worked yet and it never will. The sport just isn't tailored to the American fans' sensibilities.

It's too slow, it's low scoring... face it, to us it's just plain boring.

We already have baseball, football, basketball and an entire cadre of other sports to fill our time. We need to stop embarrassing ourselves on a global level every four years.

It's time we cut ourselves loose of this sport. In fact, let's get rid of it all together. Ban it. There should be a federal law passed that bans soccer in all its forms in the United States.

I'm sure that with enough motivation the Bush administration can prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that playing soccer helps fund Al-Qaeda and other terrorist groups.

And if you want motivation, just look at where we stand in the eyes of the world. Anyone who has watched an actual US game this World Cup has witnessed the disdain of our European counterparts. Why give them more fodder to sling?

See, we're the real nerdy kid that the cool kids invite to the big kegger on Friday night for no other reason than to make fun of him and probably beat him up. So let's just stay home and play some Dungeons and Dragons with our other nerdy friends.

Screw the cool kids.

It's not just soccer, either.

Major League Baseball started the World Baseball Classic this year. Our national pastime and we couldn't even win that.

Hell, we didn't even get to the second round.

Over and over again we embarrass ourselves on the global sport platform.

But we Americans are so full of ourselves that we really don't need the rest of the world anyway. So let's just pretend they aren't even there.

Let's ditch the Olympics too. We already know we're better, so why give them a chance to shatter our fragile egos?

We'll start our own. Call them the Microsoft (or whoever the hell wants to sponsor them) Olympics and have each of our fifty states - and maybe Puerto Rico if they're game - form their own teams in the same events.

I mean, do you really get pumped up when you see Shaun White win the Snowboarding gold over some Norwegian? Who the hell cares about Norway? Half our population probably can't even tell you where it is.

But beating a rival state, now that would be something. If you're from New York, wouldn't you want to revel in your recent victory over New Jersey in beach volleyball?

What's the point of being better than someone if they aren't around for you to constantly remind them? Next time I'm out and I run into somebody from Indiana or Michigan or Wisconsin, I want to be able to puff up my chest and elocute on the superiority of Illinois basketball:

"Congratulations on your big win over Wyoming. That must have been tough. Excuse me while I go sleep with my trophy."

Am I the only one excited by the possibilities here?

Screw the cool kids party, let's throw our own. One with more kegs and better looking girls with looser morals.

A Little Too True

Ozzie Guillen did it again.

Ozzie went on a rant Tuesday, calling Chicago Sun-Times columnist Jay Mariotti a "fag."

I agree - along with the majority of Chicagoans who read Mariotti's column - with the gist of what Ozzie was saying.

Mariotti is an ass. He is a moron.

The man flip-flops on issues like a porn star on a mattress.

He never has anything good to say about anything going on in Chicago sports. When the White Sox are winning it's, "They're a great team, but [fill in the blank: Reinsdorf or Guillen or even TV play-by-play announcer Hawk Harrellson] is an idiot."

"Ya, the Bulls made the playoffs but Tyson Chandler is a joke and John Paxson was a fool to give him such a large contract."

He conveniently glosses over all the good and hammers on the rare bad.

Three years ago it was, "The Cubs need Dusty Baker!" Now it's, "Dusty Baker is an idiot and everybody who hired him should lose their job."

His bombast hasn't gone unnoticed by Chicago fans. 95% of the Letters to the Editor in the Sunday Sun-Times read something like: "Mariotti, you're an idiot. STFU."

When you think about it, it's a wonder Mariotti doesn't need a bodyguard surrounding him 24/7.

So really, Ozzie said absolutely nothing that the majority in this town haven't said repeatedly to themselves.

The problem is Ozzie said it in a very public setting.

He is the manager of the defending World Champion White Sox. He represents the organization and the City of Chicago. The world is not a baseball clubhouse. It's really quite the opposite. There is freedom of speech, so Ozzie can say whatever the hell he wants but at the same time he has to accept the consequences of his words.

He should be suspended this time.

...and the guy says, "Rectum!? It damn near killed him!!"

He made a similiar gaffe last season in a press conference. They were jesting remarks made to a couple friendly reporters, so there wasn't a lot of noise about it. (Well, of course, Mariotti wrote a column on it.)

Whether or not "fag" has different connotations in his homeland of Venezuela is beside the point. He has lived in the United States long enough to know what the word means here. He's also been here long enough, and has had to take enough abuse from, the incredibly PC atmosphere here in the United States.

He should know better.

A suspension and a fine may just be the thing that needs to be done to drive that point home to Guillen.

The biggest crime of this whole thing is that over the last ten days the White Sox are playing their best baseball since their 12-1 run through the postseason last year.

But now, the attention will be on Ozzie and what he might possibly say.

He's a brilliant manager, whether he wants to admit it or not.

He was a huge factor in the White Sox winning their first World Series in 88 years last season, whether he wants to take any credit for it or not.

This time, though, he's gonna have to take the credit for what he said and accept his punishment.

Whether we agree with him wholeheartedly or not.

Video Game Baseball

The third inning of the White Sox game last night against the Cardinals:

• Joe Crede doubled to deep left center.
• Brian Anderson doubled to deep right, Crede scored.
• Pablo Ozuna flied out to right.
• Tadahito Iguchi singled to center, Anderson scored.
• Jim Thome singled to center, Iguchi to second.
• Paul Konerko singled to left, Iguchi scored, Thome to second.
• Jermaine Dye singled to right center, Thome scored, Konerko to second.
• AJ Pierzynski homered to right, Konerko and Dye scored.
• Juan Uribe singled to left.
• Joe Crede homered to left, Uribe scored.
• Brian Anderson struck out.
• Pablo Ozuna singled to left.
• Tadahito Iguchi singled to center, Ozuna to second.
• Jim Thome walked, Ozuna to third, Iguchi to second.
• Paul Konerko singled to left, Ozuna and Iguchi scored, Thome to second.
• Jermaine Dye grounded into fielder's choice to shortstop, Konerko out at second.

11 runs,

12 hits,

16 batters sent to the plate.

All 9 men in the Sox lineup had a hit.

Three had 2 hits.

Six got an RBI.

The inning lasted 30 minutes.

The Sox had an 11-1 lead on the St. Louis Cardinals (first place in the NL Central). Which meant that they could just relax and swing free for the rest of the game. They batted around AGAIN in the sixth inning, plating another 6 runs.

The Sox would go on to win the game, which lasted a total of 3 hours and 23 minutes, 20-6.

First time the Sox scored 20 runs in ten years.

Four of the Cardinals came in the ninth. It was a Phyrric victory.

Joe Crede, a Missouri native, had the biggest night.

4-5 2HR(12) 3RBI(48) and 4 runs scored.

He was also just about a half inch away from a three homer night, as his double that started the 11 run third inning hit just under the top of the wall.

The box score.

In the last week and a half the Sox are averaging 8.5 runs per game along with 11.75 hits.

The truth so far with this team is that, unlike last year when they played all aspects of the game (pitching, hitting, defense) well, this year it's generally only been one aspect per game.

Maybe two on a good day.

But for the last ten days it's been all three again.

Since last Monday the Sox have played three teams, all division leaders or wild card teams when the Sox played them (Texas Rangers, Cincinnatti Reds, St. Louis Cardinals).

They are 7-1 in those eight games.

Oh and they've lost a half game in the standings during this span.

Those damn Tigers just won't lose.

A Star Is Born

There are a lot of things that people can say about Miami Heat guard Dwyane Wade. Many of the fans in Dallas, and even myself, have labeled him as a Trauma Queen.

He has this uncanny ability to get injured and then play spectacular basketball while hurt. Personally, I had never noticed it until the Heat's first round matchup with the Chicago Bulls when Wade injured his hip.

On defense he would hobble around and grimace, and then as soon as the Heat took possession of the ball he would sprint full speed, cut, spin, jump, hit a shot... then return to the defensive side of the court looking like he'd been shot.

It's all a show. I have no doubt that when Shaquille O'Neal landed on Wade's leg that it hurt like hell. Anytime a 350 pound man falls on you, it is not going to feel good. Wade, however, milks it, whether to further his legacy (hard to use "legacy" for a guy in his third season) or just in an attempt to lure the opposition into a false sense of security.

Whatever the hell the reason is, it's working.

The NBA Finals are where legends are made, and this year we are seeing a new one emerge even as we see a familiar one fade. For everything Dirk Nowitzki did for the Dallas Mavericks to get them to the NBA Finals, he is being seriously outshined by the Miami guard from Chicago.

So far in five Finals games Wade is averaging 34.4 points, 7.4 rebounds, and 3.6 assists. Twice he's scored over 40 points and in Game 3 had a Chamberlain-esque stat line of 42 points and 13 rebounds.

All this from a 6'3" (tops) guard.

Of course, all this brings with it the inevitable Jordan comparisons. But even Wade thinks these are unrealistic and unfair.

"There's never going to be another Michael Jordan, man."

Still, unlike a lot of the other errant MJ comparisons happily bandied about over the years by sportswriters with pages to fill, Wade at times actually does evoke memories of 23.

Last night he struggled mightily from the field but getting to the free throw line enough times to keep his team in the game. As color analyst Hubie Brown said, "Anytime you are having a bad night offensively, drive to the rim." Wade did just this and was able to keep the score close, and keep the Mavericks in foul trouble.

Then the fourth quarter started, and Wade couldn't miss a shot if he was forced to shoot lefty, blindfolded, and with a shotgun in his mouth.

It looked almost completely effortless. Dribble, drive, spin, jump shot, 2 points. Dribble, drive, lay it up, 2 points.

Then at the end of the fourth, with Adrian Griffin defending him perfectly, Wade was able to clear a little space thanks to his shoulder and bank in a 5 foot jumper with an impossible angle to send the game to overtime.

It was with 9.1 seconds left in OT that we saw the return of the Nowitzki sneer. Dirk gave the Mavericks a 100-99 lead, but really was there ever a doubt that Miami was still going to win?

Not on my part there wasn't.

When Miami inbounded the ball at half court it became a 1 on 5 drill as every Maverick on the court rushed at Wade at some point to try to stop him. Now in a moment like this Michael probably would have found a Steve Kerr or John Paxson standing all by themselves for a game winning shot. Wade, however, never even entertained the thought. Somehow, getting past five defenders and getting to the basket, Wade was able to draw a foul on Nowitzki with 1.9 seconds remaining. (A very suspect call since it was on Nowitzki, but complain all you want, Dallas fans - if it wasn't Dirk who fouled Wade ont that play, it was definitely someone else.)

Wade sank the first shot to tie it at 100. Then Josh Howard had a Chris Webber moment and called the Mavericks final timeout. This cost the Mavs a chance to inbound at half court should Wade sink the last free throw.

Wade of course sank the final free throw and 2 seconds and a Devin Harris heave later the Miami Heat were celebrating a 3-2 advantage heading back to Dallas, just one win shy of an NBA title.

Josh Howard, Avery Johnson, and the rest of the Mavericks can argue the timeout call forever if they want. Howard can maintain his stance that he was looking at Avery and asking if he wanted a timeout, but the truth is when you're asking your coach if he wants one you don't make the hand gesture and then immediately start walking to your bench, which is exactly what Howard did.

Back to DWade.

After his Game 5 performance more MJ comparisons are sure to come, but it's still incredibly unfair. Wade had decent games in Games 1 and 2, but his team lost both, and Wade never really controlled a game.

The biggest difference thus far between Wade and Jordan was that Jordan was able to go on the road in an NBA Finals game, and still dominate the opposition. Just look at the fact that the Bulls celebrated the majority of their championships on the road; in Los Angeles, in Phoenix, in Seattle, in Salt Lake City.

If Dwyane Wade can go into Dallas and single handedly carry the Miami Heat to it's first ever NBA Championship, then and only then will all the Jordan comparisons carry any weight.

If Wade fails then he's just another in a long line of MJ wannabe's and s'posedtabe's.

Texas Justice

There are a few things about baseball in the current era that drive me insane. Steroids, of course, are the biggest problem but when it comes to the game itself, it's the umpires warning teams for no reason.

Last night in Arlington, Texas, Ranger Vicente Padilla drilled AJ Peirzynski twice. Both were first pitch fastballs fired directly at AJ's right shoulder. The first time, I thought it was on purpose. Padilla had amazing control last night and was sitting Sox hitters down left and right. Then in the 4th inning, AJ came up to the plate again and Padilla drilled him in his shoulder again. That time I - and everyone else who saw it - KNEW it was on purpose.

Right away Phil Cuzzi come out from behind home plate and warned both teams.

What in the hell did the White Sox do?

It's like when AJ got thrown out of the game in which Michael Barrett sucker punched him. AJ did nothing but get punched, and he was tossed.

It's gotten absolutely ridiculous.

There used to be a time when umpires let the teams settle it themselves and, guess what? Nobody got killed or shot.

Fighting and beaning batters has long been a part of baseball, and trying to change that kills part of what the game is. In hockey officials let two players fight until one goes down before breaking it up.

Now I know that umpires are just following orders when it comes to these situations, but I don't understand why Phil Cuzzi couldn't wait until the White Sox retaliated to issue them a warning.

And why not have individual warnings? In last night's incident, couldn't Cuzzi warn Padilla and the Ranger bench and leave it at that? Then issue a warning to the Sox only if they retaliate. Is this really that difficult for the umpires and MLB to figure out?

It's just another symptom of the Selig administration. A relatively good idea executed with all the grace of a chimpanzee flinging its own feces.

Luckily for the White Sox, they have a Ozzie Guillen, a manager from that old school mold. Warning or no warning, if you attack his players he will attack yours. Especially since the person who ordered Padilla plunk Pierzynski was none other than Ranger manager Buck Showalter.

When asked why Padilla plunked him, AJ had no idea. "I faced him like twice in the National League. I don't know why."

Showalter and Guillen however have a long standing feud. The two have taken jabs at each other in the media over the last few years. To be honest, I'm not even sure what started the whole thing, I just know that the two men do not like each other at all. They will not greet each other at home plate before a game to exchange lineup cards, instead sending out coaches to do it for them.

So plunking AJ was just Showalter's latest attempt to get to Guillen.

Ozzie being Ozzie brought rookie Sean Tracey into the game late with one sole purpose.

To bean Hank Blalock.

Blalock had homered and doubled in the game, so he was the best candidate to get the retaliation.

Tracey threw two inside pitches, both missing their target. He then got Blalock, who know what was going on so was a bit defensive, to ground out harmlessly. Ozzie then slammed his water bottle down on the ground and ran to the mound to pull Tracey.

Now managers don't bring in a right hander to get a lefty out, and then replace that right hander with another right hander to face a right handed hitter. So what was going on?

"I tried to get Montero ready [to face Blalock] and wasn't able to. It was a little late," Guillen explained. "It was my mistake. I didn't get him up quick enough. I didn't want Tracey in that situation."

That is manager code for "I brought in Tracey to plunk Blalock and he didn't do it. So I took him out of the game but I can't tell you that cuz then I will get fined and suspended."

All the evidence needed to prove it was the dressing down Guillen gave to Tracey in the dugout, which reportedly had the 25 year old right hander on the brink of tears. After the game, Tracey was sent back down to the AAA Charlotte Knights.

So all this leads to tonight's game. It's the final game of the four-game series between the Sox and Rangers. The Sox won the first two before being shut out last night. Though I want the Sox to retaliate, I think they would be better served to wait until the Rangers come to Chicago for a weekend series July 21-23.

Two reasons for this:

1. Wait for the heat to die down a little bit. The Sox already face the prospect of losing Brian Anderson for 5 games, and the umpires and MLB will be watching tonight's game. We don't need more suspensions right now. Especially with the arms shortage in the bullpen.
2. When the Rangers come to town in July there will be a new crew of umpires working the games. It's easier to retaliate when people aren't looking for it.

Still, knowing Ozzie and the way he operates, I won't be surprised to see some more fireworks in Arlington tonight.

RANDOM THOUGHTS

• Speaking of the arms shortage in the bullpen, the Sox made a trade today to help out.
• Ben Roethlisberger has been released from the hospital. Thankfully, it appears everything is going to be fine. Hopefully now Roethlisberger will be able to see that he isn't immortal and maybe reconsider the whole helmet idea.
• Lately, I've been reading a lot of sportswriters rip on baseball players for getting on Jason Grimsley. They're upset at players for admonishing Grimsley because he named names. What I want to know is what would these same writers do if somebody asked THEM to reveal THEIR sources? Bunch of hypocrites.
• It never fails to surprise me the number of people who think the NBA Finals are over after the home team takes a 2-0 lead. They seem to forget that NBA officials have this crazy way of helping out the home team late in games. Which is to say, this series isn't anywhere near being over. I still stand by my Heat in six prediction. It's not that crazy to think Miami can win all three games at home. They've been incredibly strong at home all season and in the postseason; they're just a different team in Miami. The only question: whether they can steal one in Dallas.
• Scary news if you're a Miami Heat fan, though. You trail 2-1, and easily could be down 3-0, and Mavs forward Josh Howard hasn't even played a good game yet.
• My prediction for Saturday: Italy 139, USA -2. Gee, why can't soccer catch on in the States? Oh yeah, we suck at it.

The Count Returns

Gotta say something about my man Jose Contreras tonight.

He dominated one of the better hitting teams in baseball, the Texas Rangers, in a hitter friendly park.

His final line:8IP, 6H, 3ER, 11K(Career High) OBB

He's now 7-0 with a league-leading 2.69ERA. This marks his 15th consecutive win, tying a White Sox record.

Give him is Cy Young now, please.

With Contreras pitching the way he is, and Jermaine Dye hitting the way he is (yes, that's right, Jermaine Dye, not Thome, not Konerko), the Sox might have the Cy Young and MVP to go along with a second consecutive World Series Championship.

Video here.

Centerfield Gap

Ken Williams and the Chicago White Sox placed a lot of faith in Brian Anderson this season. With the trade of Aaron Rowand to the Philadelphia Phillies, the Sox basically gave the job to the unproven former first round pick from the University of Arizona.

Anderson has not lived up to his promise.

Defensively, Anderson has been everything that Rowand was and more. He's the type of centerfielder that will probably never win a Gold Glove because he's too good. What I mean is he makes every play look easy.

A line drive into the gap - the kind most centerfielders would need to make a diving catch on - Brian reaches on the run, if he's not standing there already. The jumps he gets on fly balls are amazing. Along with his fielding, he carries a rifle on his right shoulder that doubles as his throwing arm.

There is one rather large problem with Anderson, though. How he's performing at home plate.

Anderson's numbers as of today: .178, 4HR, 12RBI, .259OBP, 39K (Or 1 in every 3AB's).

He is completely lost at the dish. He swings at bad pitches and takes good pitches.

Ozzie Guillen and the Sox staff have done everything they can to help Anderson keep his confidence but it's gotten to the point where they may ruin him if they let him keep struggling here. Another week or two of looking horrible and Anderson may become convinced he just can't hit Major League pitching.

So in the last few days Guillen has come forward and said he's strongly considering sending Anderson down to AAA Charlotte. With a recent rash of injuries in the bullpen (Jeff Nelson and Cliff Politte) the Sox could use an extra arm.

The problem with demoting Anderson is that the Sox don't have a backup plan. It was a risk that Ken Williams gambled on in the offseason and now it looks like it could be a losing one. Rob Mackowiak has platooned in center with Anderson, but he has misplayed quite a few balls out there that cost the Sox runs. It's hard to be mad at Mackowiak though because it's not like he's ever once claimed he was a centerfielder. In reality he's a utility infielder who can play the corner outfield spots occasionally. Mack is very valuable to the team coming off the bench but the team is weaker when he's playing everyday.

So the best bet at filling their hole in centerfield is via a trade. But who can the Sox get to play it? Well there have been a lot of rumors swirling around on sports radio and in the papers. Here's a list of possibilities and my take on what's most likely.

PUT DOWN THE PIPE

• Torii Hunter-The Minnesota Twins are shopping their superstar centerfielder - he's a free agent after the season and they don't think they will be able to re-sign him. There's talk they'd consider trading him to a team in the AL Central if the offer's right. While I absolutely love the idea of seeing Hunter rob home runs of other teams instead of ours, I don't see this happening. First of all, the asking price will be high; the Twins don't want to risk having Hunter play for the Sox without getting something for it. So would it be smart for the Sox to give up some big prospects for a player they may only have for a few months? If they intended to sign Hunter to a long term deal then they would probably have to include Anderson in the deal. And signing Hunter could tie up a lot of the money the team will need to keep its pitching rotation intact; Williams and Guillen have made it clear they'd rather have pitchers than hitters. I would love to see Hunter in a Sox uniform, but realistically I just don't see it happening.
• Ken Griffey Jr.-It's the same rumor as last season but this time just more ludicrous, given that the Cincinatti Reds now sit alone atop the NL Central. Teams generally don't like to give up Hall of Famers when they are in a pennant race. I'll admit that a lineup that goes Thome-Konerko-Griffey-Dye is a wet dream. There's only about 1300 career home runs in that foursome.
• Aaron Rowand-I heard talk about the Sox getting Rowand back from the Phillies, but I see this as nothing more than wishful thinking for Sox fans. They just want their old favorite back. The Phillies aren't going to get rid of Rowand while they're still in the NL East race. Plus if they did make the trade with the Sox for some prospects they would have basically given us Thome for nothing, all while paying the majority of his salary. For some reason, teams just aren't willing to do that too often.

More Sensible

• Darin Erstad-Erstad is a 2 time Gold Glove winner, and the Angels have struggled so far this year. If the struggles continue, they'd probably be willing to listen to offers for the veteran. A couple negatives about getting Erstad are his age and the fact that he's on the DL right now and has been hurt a bit the last few seasons. Throw in the fact that he makes $8 million a year and that could be just a bit too pricey for an aging player past his prime. (Though in the Sox lineup he wouldn't be asked to do too much.)
• Joey Gathright- A good prospect. He's the fastest player in the Majors but as of now he's more of a track star than a baseball player. Speed doesn't help much when you're not getting on base, and Gathright's average(.200) isn't much of an improvement on Anderson. He does have a lot of potential but that's not what the Sox need at this point.
• Juan Pierre-The last time the Sox made a trade with the Cubs they sent middle reliever Matt Karchner to the north side for a young righthander named Jon Garland. Obviously, the Sox got the better end of that deal. The Cubs have made it known that they will shop Pierre who has been a bust thus far in his first season there. Pierre is a player that Ozzie Guillen knows and likes from his days coaching third base on the 2003 World Champion Florida Marlins team. Positives for Pierre would be if the Sox put him in the ninth spot of the order the back-to-back combination of Pierre-Podsednik could drive pitchers insane - and putting pressure on their opponent is something the Sox love to do. Pierre is also above average defensively, but he has a horrible arm.
• Carlos Lee-The slugging left fielder from Milwaukee is a free agent after the year, and the Brewers are not expected to re-sign him. He doesn't play centerfield, but if the Sox needed to they could move Scott Podsednik(oddly enough, the man the Sox traded Lee to the Brewers for) to centerfield where he played while in Milwaukee. Carlos Lee was a fan favorite in Chicago, and many fans would love to have him back. While his defense leaves something to be desired, his bat has a tendency to make a lot of noise. Would Lee mesh with Ozzie Guillen though? When Carlos was traded there were rumors that Ozzie didn't want Carlos on the team because he's a numbers first kind of guy. This is a deal Ken Williams may think about, but probably only as a last resort.

Who I Want

• Mark Kotsay-The Oakland Athletics centerfielder is one of the most underrated players in the game. He plays Gold Glove-caliber defense and is a career .285 hitter with above average power. The only problem is that Oakland seems to know I want Kotsay on the Sox cuz just yesterday they signed the potential free agent to a 3 year contract extension through 2008. Still if cost-conscience Oakland falls out of the AL West race they might still be willing to part with him if the offer is good enough.

A big problem facing the Sox is the fact that it's still early June. A lot of teams aren't willing to make deals now because they are just a win streak away from being right back in contention.

So honestly I have no idea what Ken Williams is going to do. I do know he'll do something. He's never been the type of guy to just sit back and wait. Especially since he created the predicament he's now in, he'll be twice as determined to fix his own mistake.

Brian Anderson will be starting tonight for the White Sox against Cliff Lee. The Indians' other lefty, CC Sabathia, will also be throwing in the weekend series. Odds are this is Anderson's last chance to stay on the ball club.

It's put up or sit down time.

Showdown at The Cell

The biggest series for the Chicago White Sox so far in the 2006 season begins tonight: the team with the best record in baseball, the Detroit Tigers, are coming to US Cellular Field.

Both teams post the best records in the American League (Detroit 37-20, Chicago 34-22). Both come into this series playing their worst baseball of the season.

The Tigers are 4-6 in their last 10 games after losing 3 of 4 to the Yankees and 2 of 3 to the Red Sox, all at home in Comerica Park.

The Sox are playing even worse, losing 7 of their last 10, and they've also lost their last 3 series (dropping 2 of 3 in Toronto, 3 of 4 in Cleveland, and 2 of 3 at home against the Rangers).

Needless to say, this series is of great importance to both teams.

Divisions and pennants are not won in June but they can be heavily swayed.

Now is the time for the White Sox to set Detroit straight. In their only meeting this year (April 10-12 in Detroit) the Sox swept the Tigers. If they can do that again they will not only reclaim first place, but possibly shatter the Tigers' confidence.

It hasn't been a good week and a half for Detroit. There had been a lot of talk that the Tigers were fattening up on weaker teams such as the Royals and Twins to boost their MLB best record. They had a chance to shut critics up with seven consecutive games at home - against the Yankees and Red Sox - but the team didn't capitalize. Instead, they went 2-5 and just narrowly avoided a four-game sweep by the Yankees. To make matters worse, they lost one-fifth of their MLB best starting rotation, Mike Maroth, possibly for the entire season.

The Tigers are 0-3 against the Sox already this season. A loss in this series could plant serious doubt in the Tiger clubhouse whether it can beat the defending champs. And it could turn the Tigers into nothing more than this year's version of the 2005 Baltimore Orioles, a team that started off blistering hot but quickly faded to mediocrity.

But the Sox have their own problems to worry about. Here's a list of what's going for and against the Sox in this series:

• For: It's at US Cellular Field, where the Sox own MLB's best home record of 20-8.
• Against: The Tigers hold a MLB best road record of 20-7.
• For: The Sox will be putting Freddy Garcia(7-3), Jose Contreras(5-0) and Jon Garland(4-2) on the mound, the same three who started and won all three games in Detroit earlier this season. Garcia is at his best in big games, and tonight's start is definitely a big game. Contreras had a rough outing last week in Cleveland, but still hasn't lost in his last 13 decisions. Jon Garland has easily had his best 2 outings in his last 2 starts; unfortunately both were ruined by the bullpen.
• Against: The Tigers will be starting Nate Robertson(5-3), Justin Verlander(7-3) and Kenny Rogers(7-3). The Sox roughed up Verlander in April when they scored seven earned runs against him and knocked him out after 2 2/3 innings, but Robertson and Rogers, both southpaws, pose a problem. The Sox come into this series 9-12 against lefties, accounting for 55% of their losses. Both, however, have had a couple of rough outings their last few times out.
• For: Detroit's closer Todd Jones is 0-2 with an 11.12 ERA in his last 5 outings. The rest of Detroit's bullpen is starting to show chinks in the armor too.
• Against: The Sox bullpen sure isn't doing any better. Cliff Politte looks like an outclassed rookie so far this season after being absolutely dominant last year (2005 7-1 2.00ERA, 2006 1-1 7.40ERA). It's not just Politte. All the Sox relievers are struggling right now, and are largely responsible for the Sox slump. The only person in the pen not giving Ozzie Guillen ulcers is closer Bobby Jenks (2-1 3.47ERA and 15 saves in 16 chances).

Another positive for the Sox will be the return of Jim Thome to the #3 spot in the lineup. Thome missed all three games against the Rangers with a sore groin. Taking no chances, the team decided it would be best to let the big man rest up for this series.

While Thome's return should help the Sox powerful lineup, it cannot help the team execute the intangibles that so often determine the outcome of a game. Yes, the Sox lead MLB with 81 home runs, but in the last few weeks they have struggled to put runs on the board in key situations. They aren't bunting properly or sacrificing. This season, the Sox are grounding into inning-ending double plays - last season the same situation would have been met with a single to the opposite field. So just like this series could be make or break for Detroit, it's the same for Chicago. If the Sox take 2 of 3 or sweep they are right back in Detroit's heads. If they lose 2 of 3 or get swept the teams' confidence won't be helped.

But I take solace in the fact that this White Sox team, while not playing anywhere near to its capability, still hosts the 2nd best record in the AL at 34-22. At this pace they would finish the year around 98-64.

Last year's team finished 99-65.

So when a team isn't pitching like it should, hitting like it should and fielding like it should yet still sits 12 games over .500, what happens when they start to play well? The White Sox are getting by on pure talent alone right now.

Every team hits a groove at some point in a 162-game season and the Sox have yet to find theirs. The Sox also proved during the regular season and playoffs last season that when they do hit a groove they tend to stay in it for a long time.

The bullpen is the only aspect of the team that truly worries me but Kenny Williams will undoubtedly address that issue before the July 31 trade deadline.

Of course I'm getting tired of waiting for this team to find itself, and I really would like for them to do it tonight. Here's hoping they feel the same way.

Random Thoughts

• I hope Sun-Times Cubs beat writer Mike Kiley wrote this accidentally on Friday. If he did it on purpose it's a pretty classless move that he should definetely be punished for. In the article he talks of Cubs radio analyst Ron Santo who isn't on the Cubs current road trip for health reasons. Santo is a diabetic and has lost both his legs the last few years. So when I read Kiley report that Santo "will miss the first 2 legs of the trip," I was kinda shocked.
• I don't know whether I'm going to write a NBA Finals preview column or not this week. I will say that I'm picking Miami to win in 6 though. This whole postseason, people keep picking against the Heat. I'll admit, I was one one of them. Like many, I didn't think the Heat would escape the first round against the Bulls. The Heat won. Then every expert and their momma talked about how the Nets would dispose of them. The Heat won. Then it was, "They can't beat the Pistons." Well the Heat did that too. Now everybody is saying that there is no way that they can beat the Mavericks. It's as if everyone is still basing their opinion on this team on the way they played in the regular season - well, Shaq, anyway. It's like nobody's noticed he's been a beast in the postseason. I'll settle this using simple math. Shaq+Wade>Nowitzki. Who on the Mavericks will stop Wade or Shaq?
• Since there was no White Sox or NBA game last night and the Red Sox/Yankees game was a blowout, I watched my first hockey game of the season last night. Game 1 of the Stanley Cup Finals. It was a pretty damn good game too. Edmonton jumped out to a 3-0 lead only to lose 4-3. Rod Brindamour scored the game winner for Carolina with 31.4 seconds left. The Oilers had lost their goalie earlier in the third period (he's now out for the series) and the backup made a crucial mistake, playing the puck behind the net. Brindamour was able to score easily from behind the wide open net. I may actually Tivo the rest of this series, though without their goalie it seems that Edmonton's Cinderella postseason run is going to come up short.
• The way he's pitching now Carlos Zambrano seems to be the guy I thought he would be when I picked him to win the NL Cy Young Award this year. He shutout the Astros 8-0 last night while throwing 7.1 innings of no hit baseball. Now if only the Cubs could find a place to put him in the lineup everyday. He went 1-3 with a homer, and 4 RBI in the game. He also hit .300 last season. The Cubs are actually starting to show some life, and they couldn't have picked a better time. Why?
• The fact that nobody's sure just how long Albert Pujols is going to be out really, REALLY sucks. What could have been the single greatest season of all time for a hitter is no longer a possiblity. Remember in one of my previous columns when I asked what would happen to the Cardinals if Chris Carpenter, Mark Mulder, and Albert Pujols got hurt? Well we're 2/3 of the way to finding out now, aren't we? Sorry for jinxing you guys, St. Louis.
• Oh and by the way, I know they're winning right now but someone please explain this to me. The Cubs trade for Phil Nevin to help the sagging offense. He joins the team Friday in St. Louis and sits. Saturday he gets a start and hits a home run. Sunday he sits. Monday he sits. How does Dusty Baker have a job? You don't trade for a bat to help your team and then sit him on the bench. Is Tony Womack that important to your lineup that you can't just keep Todd Walker at second and let Nevin play first?