NFL Week 3 Recaps: Ow, My Spleen!

Organ donations, Madden curses, forsaken quarterbacks.... NFL's week three had a lot of everything. Well, everything except wins for yours truly.

Rough week.....rough week.

Jets 28 Bills 20
The New York Jets are 2-1. Not even that annoying bastard Fireman Ed saw this coming. I'm not sure how the Jets won this game, considering the Bills(1-2) gained 475 total yards of offense, while New York managed only 256. Hell, Bills QB JP Losman had more yards (328) than the Jets by himself. Instead of playing good defense, the Jets just played opportunistic defense, causing three turnovers, including a 32 yard fumble return by Victor Hobson, to give the Jets a 21-10 lead in the 3rd quarter. The Bills were the first team in NFL history to have a QB throw for over 300 yards, a running back rush for 150 yards (Willis McGahee, 150), and lose. I'm sure they're proud. (My pick: Jets +6 Win)

Bengals 28 Steelers 20
Considering how important this game was to both teams, it sure was fugly. There were eight turnovers in the game, five of which were thanks to the quarterbacks. Of course, this was the first time both teams had met since Kimo Von Oelhoffen tore up Carson Palmer's knee in the playoffs last year, allowing the Steelers(1-2) to win the game and eventually the Super Bowl. Well, Carson got his revenge. He only threw for 193 yards, but managed 4 touchdowns to help the Bengals reach 3-0. Big Ben on the other hand, didn't have quite as good a day. He was 18/39 for 208 yards, no TDs, and 3 interceptions. It was Ben's second consecutive bad game, and it makes you wonder if the secret to being a good NFL quarterback lies in one's appendix. (My pick: Steelers -1 Loss)

Colts 21 Jaguars 14
If the Jaguars(2-1) could muster up an offense that was half as good as their defense, they would have won this game, and they'd probably be the best team in the NFL right now. The Jaguars were able to hold the Colts(3-0) to 272 yards, including only 63 rushing, but it wasn't good enough. Peyton Manning threw for a touchdown, and ran one in, while Terence Wilkins returned a punt 82 yards to account for all the points Indianapolis would need. In fact, Mannings' 45.2 completion percentage in the game was the lowest in his career. Somehow, I doubt that means anything to the Jags. (My pick: Jags +7 Push)

Dolphins 13 Titans 10
Well, one of these two teams would have to win this game, and fortunately for Nick Saban it was his Miami Dolphins (1-2). We can just label this the "Thank God I Didn't Have to Watch It" game of the week. Daunte Culpepper didn't do much for the Dolphins but he did run for a 5 yard touchdown and didn't turn the ball over. Olindo Mare kicked what would be the game winner with 3:39 left after Ronnie Brown (90 yards) had a game high 27 yard run to get the Dolphins in scoring position. (My pick: Dolphins -11 Loss)

Redskins 31 Texans 15
So the Texans (0-3) were just what the doctor ordered for Mark Brunell. Brunell completed 22 consecutive passes and the Redskins (1-2) finally got their first victory of the season. Brunell finished 24/27 for 261 yards and a touchdown, but most important for Washington was the healthy return of Coach Spanky Janky himself, Clinton Portis. Portis rushed for 86 yards and 2 touchdowns, yet wasn't even the Redskins leading rusher. That title went to Ladell Betts with 124 yards and a score. There are still some disciplinary problems for the Redskins, committing 12 penalties for 126 yards. Usually, when you do that on the road, you don't win. Lucky for Washington they were playing the Texans. (My pick: Redskins -4 Win)

Bears 19 Vikings 16
I recapped this game yesterday but here's the gist. Rex Grossman made a few costly mistakes, but overcame them to throw a touchdown pass to Rashied Davis with 1:55 left, giving the Bears the win. It was the first 4th quarter touchdown pass of Grossman's career as the Bears improved to 3-0 over the Vikings (2-1), with all three victories coming against their NFC North opponents. Next week the Bears are set to play Seattle on Sunday night. (My pick: Bears -4 Loss)

Panthers 26 Buccaneers 24 Chris Simms -1 spleen
In the battle of two teams no one thought would be 0-2, the Panthers were finally able to scratch out their first victory. On the way they pounded the hell out of Chris Simms so bad, he had to have his spleen removed after the game and is out indefinitely. The Panthers also had WR Steve Smith for the first time this season, who finished with 112 yards receiving. Keyshawn Johnson was facing his former team for the first time, and had 2 touchdowns for Carolina - 1 receiving, 1 rushing - to help his new team get their first win. Tampa Bay was actually able to come back from a 17-0 deficit to take the lead late in the 4th quarter, bt John Kasay kicked a 46 yard field goal (he had 5 on the day) in the closing seconds to win the game for Carolina. (My pick: Carolina -3 Loss Best Bet)

Green Bay 31 Lions 24
In a battle for NFC North futility, the Lions (0-3) were able to outlast the Green Bay Packers (1-2) in not scoring enough points. Brett Favre actually looked like Brett Favre throwing for 340 yards and 3 touchdowns. Jon Kitna also threw for 342 yards and 2 touchdowns, including one to Roy Williams who finally did something. Williams finished the day with 138 yards, so you know he was happy, even if the Lions lost. I was happy too, cuz with every win the Packers get, the further away they are from Brady Quinn. (My pick: Lions -7 Loss)

Ravens 15 Browns 14
See!! I told you the Ravens (3-0) weren't that good in my Week 3 preview. It's just I thought we'd see that when they played a real team, not the Cleveland Browns (0-3). Still, the Ravens were able to leave Cleveland with a win thanks to a game-winning 52 yard field goal from Matt Stover with 20 seconds left. The Browns had a 14-3 lead going into the 4th quarter, but in typical Brownie fashion, they choked it away at the end. (My pick: Ravens -7 Loss Best Bet)

Rams 16 Cardinals 14
Gee, how about everybody's dark horse, the Arizona Cardinals? They can't even win games when the other team tries to give them away. With 1:58 left on the Rams (2-1) 30 yard line, Marc Bulger fumbled the snap and the Cardinals Antonio Smith recovered it. Then 12 seconds and 12 yards later, trailing by 2 points at the Rams 18, Kurt Warner did the Christian thing and fumbled the snap right back to the Rams. The Rams ran out the clock to escape Arizona with a win. Kurt Warner's performance on Sunday was so good that the Cardinals will be starting Matt Leinart next week. (My pick:Cardinals -4.5 Loss)

Seahawks 42 Giants 30
This game was over before it started. I know it says 42-30, but it was 35-3 at halftime. The Giants (1-2) seem to think that games don't start until the second half, cuz they couldn't move the ball or stop the Seahawks (3-0) from moving it in the first half. The best news from this game came after it was over, when Jeremy Shockey went off about his coaches, and the Madden Curse reared its ugly (actually, it's beautiful, from my point of view) head as the Seahawks found out Shaun Alexander broke a bone in his foot. He's out indefinitely. That means he won't be playing against the Bears next week. (My pick: Giants +3.5 Loss)

Eagles 38 49ers 24
This game, like the Seattle/New York affair, was not as close as the score indicates. Philly (2-1) had a 24-3 lead at the half thanks to Brian Westbrook. Westbrook caught a 4-yard touchdown pass, and then had a 71-yard touchdown run to singlehandedly destroy my fantasy football team. Mike Patterson broke an Eagles record when he returned a fumble 98 yards for a touchdown to give the Eagles a 31-3 lead in the third quarter. (My pick: Eagles -6.5 Win)

Broncos 17 Patriots 7
Broncos fans can't boo Jake Plummer when he's on the road and it's too bad. Plummer played his best game of the season throwing for 256 yards and 2 touchdowns as he led the Broncos (2-1) to a big road win over the Patriots (2-1) Sunday night. Tatum Bell responded nicely to being named the Broncos' feature back, rushing for 123 yards on 27 carries. Am I the only one who thinks Shanahan made that move just to be a dick again? I mean, he's a fantasy footballers' Public Enemy #1. He started this running back-by-commitee crap, and now that most teams are doing it, he just comes out and says, "We're only going to use one running back." What a douche. (My pick: Patriots -7 Loss)

Saints 23 Falcons 3
On the fourth play of the game, New Orleans' (3-0) Steve Gleason broke through Atlanta's (2-1) line like Hurricane Katrina through a levee (too soon?) and blocked an Atlanta punt, which Curtis Deloatch recovered in the end zone to give the Saints a 7-0 lead and set off the largest party New Orleans has seen in 15 months. The Saints rode the emotion of the New Orleans crowd to victory helped along by a Falcons team that were never in the game and a Saints' defense that bottled up Michael Vick. For me, the personal highlight was when a ref inexplicably failed to call a penalty after throwing a flag, and Joe Theismann said, "He must have seen something or why pull it out of his pants?" For those wondering why they chose Tony Kornheiser to be in the MNF booth, it's exactly for moments like that. (My pick: Falcons -4 Loss Best bet)

Week 3
Overall:3-10-1
Best Bets:0-3

Season
Overall:11-18-1
Best Bests:6-3