In Drunken Driving Masturbation News...

We missed this the other day, but Minnesota Timberwolves forward Eddie Griffin pled guilty to inattentive driving on Monday.

Inattentive driving?

Maybe some of you need a refresher course on what exactly it was that Griffin did:

"Defendant Griffin was under the influence of alcohol and negligently not paying attention to the direction of travel ahead of him due in part to the fact he was watching a pornographic DVD which was displayed on a mounted in-dash DVD player, located near the steering column, in his Escalade video. He was manually manipulating his genitals which he described to a witness, after the accident, as “jacking off.” DVD jackets with pornographic titles “Anal Action” and “Privates” were seen in the driver/passenger area of the vehicle. The items were viewed by the officers at the scene, whereupon they laughed."

Obviously he was paying attention to something.

Anywho, Griffin has to pay a fine and court fees totaling $375. Or in other words, about fifteen new pornos.

Here's some more choice info from the incident:

The I-TEAM report showed surveillance tape of Griffin's Cadillac Escalade truck smashing into an SUV parked in front of Santana Foods grocery store on University Avenue in southeast Minneapolis. Store owner Abed Hassuneh said Griffin was drunk and told him he had been watching pornography on his dashboard DVD player.

"The guy was drunk and he was performing sex to himself inside the car," Hassuneh said. In the surveillance tape, Griffin can be heard saying "It's like I am drunk, I'm drunk" and seen struggling for several minutes to put on his sweatshirt.

When Minneapolis police arrived on the scene, they did not test Griffin for alcohol or arrest him for DWI. Instead the officers, Daniel Anderson and Matthew Lindquist, gave him a ride to his home and the much less serious traffic tag.

See, this is why Kevin Garnett needs to get the hell out of Minnesota.

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