While You Were Drinking

A recap of what you may have missed this weekend

• White Sox lost Wild Card lead - The Twins took 2 out of 3 from the Sox this weekend and, with that, the Wild Card lead. It was a pretty frustrating series, as the Sox had chances to win all three games. On Friday they jumped out to an early 3-0 lead, then lost 5-4. Saturday, Jermaine Dye capped a comeback in the ninth inning with a two-run homer off of Joe Nathan, only to see the team lose in 11. Sunday afternoon finally saw a complete effort as the Sox won 6-1. The best news of the entire weekend may have been Mark Buehrle on Sunday afternoon. He went 7.1 innings only giving up one run in what was his best start in what seemed like 14 years. Also, Twins pitcher Brad Radke, who's been throwing with a torn labrum for a few weeks now, may be done for the season. The bad news: Jose Contreras had his third horrible start in a row and there has to be something wrong with him. Brandon McCarthy came on and pitched very well, only fueling the fire to MOVE HIM INTO THE GODDAMN ROTATION.
• Cardinals sweep the Cubs - Maybe the Cubs don't own the Cardinals after all. After Gary Bennett hit a walk off grand slam on Sunday night, the Cardinals finished their three-game sweep of the Cubs, and expanded their division lead to three games. It was the second night in a row Bennett had a walk off winning hit against the Cubs; Dusty Baker speculates that it's because Bennett is most definitely a racist. The sweep came at the best possible time for the Cardinals cuz after the Reds tied them for the divisional lead last Thursday, they got swept in San Francisco this weekend. Still, I don't even think the National League should have playoffs this season. Just award the Mets the pennant now. Nobody else in the NL even deserves a playoff spot.
• Matt Leinart treats Bears as just another groupie - Apparently the Cardinal really is the state bird of Illinois, cuz Cardinals dominated Chicago teams all weekend. Matt Leinart picked the Bears defense apart like he was still at USC and playing against Southwest North Dakota State. The Cardinals won 23-16 but it wasn't even really that close. To make things worse, Alex Brown dislocated his shoulder in the first quarter but says he'll be ready to play by the season opener. Rex Grossman didn't play as God awful as he had but then Brian Griese came on the field and again made it look incredibly easy. It wouldn't be football season in Chicago if Bears fans weren't chanting the name of the backup QB.
• Barry Bonds played for the Carolina Panthers!? - There was a report released this weekend about several Carolina Panthers seriously abusing steroids during the team's Super Bowl season in 2004. No names have been officially released, but there are enough clues in the report for those who want to do the research.
• Patriots give Deion Branch permission to seek trade - The team and Super Bowl XXXIX MVP are way off on contract negotiations. I wouldn't mind seeing the Bears go after Branch but I'm sure they would have to pay an incredibly high price to get him. Besides, I'm like the Patriots here: I really don't think that Branch deserves as much money as he's asking for. He's a nice receiver to have but I hardly consider him to be a game breaker.
• Cowboys fine Owens $9,500 - The official reason behind the team's fining Owens was for "being a total douchebag." Owens skipped out on a few team functions this weekend while continuing to train for next year's Tour de France. "I have to do it for America, man. Lance retired, the guy who won this year was a cheat. I have to restore the glory to America, man. I'm a patriot." Seriously, for any of you who had Pre-season Week 3 in the office pool, collect your prize. How much longer until Bill Parcells just shoots him?
• In other "Texas is Filled With Rich Morons" news - Ever wonder what winning a national championship does for a University? Well the University of Texas has used some of that BCS money to install the world's largest HDTV at Royal-Memorial Stadium. It's a 1608 inch screen. I mean, why go to the game to actually watch it live when you can go to the game and watch it on a 1608 inch HDTV? I hope it collapses.