Fred Smoot Can't Talk Anymore

That's what happens when you break your jaw in five different places.

Minnesota Vikings cornerback Fred Smoot will miss the last game of the regular season because of a jaw that's broken in five places as a result of a recent car accident.

The single-vehicle crash, revealed by coach Brad Childress at his Wednesday news conference, occurred on Friday evening in Smoot's home state of Mississippi. After the Vikings were eliminated from playoff contention with a 9-7 loss to the Packers last Thursday, players were given the holiday weekend off.

Childress said his information, coming mostly from Smoot's agent, Bus Cook, was "sketchy" but that he believed Smoot was recovering from surgery and out of the hospital. Smoot, whose interception return was Minnesota's only score in the game at Green Bay, has exchanged text messages with Childress but is unable to speak. He was placed on injured reserve so the Vikings (6-9) can use his roster spot for someone else.

The details were "sketchy" eh? Well then, that gives us license to wonder just what happened. Based on Smoot's personal history, and that of Minnesota athletes in general, there are a few possibilities.

The most likely is he was drunk. That's boring though. There's the possibility he was drunk, and masturbating while driving home from the bar.

Then there is the ultimate possibility that he was drunk while helping two girls masturbate with his most famous asset.

Bet you'll never guess which one we're rooting for.