Ball Buster

Ebay alert: the NBA's new synthetic balls may soon be history.

ESPN.com reports NBA officials have called each of the league offices to determine how many old leather balls each has in storage.

This summer, the league arbitrarily decided to ditch the leather ball it had been using for 35 years for a Spalding-produced synthetic version.

It's been heralded by the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, just the group whose approval truly matters.

But the players? You know, the guys on the floor actually shooting and passing? Well, they're weren't so fond of them. Complaints were universal and vociferous. Shaquille O'Neal was so incensed he called for the firing of whoever made the decision.

Spalding insisted the players were exaggerating. NBA Commissioner David Stern dismissed the NBA stars as petulant whiners and said the new ball would stay. Further, he warned the players that if anyone said another word, he would put gum on their noses (or the synthetic equivalent), make them sit in the corner and listen to a continuous loop of Frank Sinatra singing, "I Did It My Way."

Mavs owner Mark Cuban - God, I love this guy - asked the physics department at UT-Arlington to compare the two balls. And it turns out everything the players were saying about the balls is true:

What the physicists found was that the new ball, when dropped from a height of five feet, bounced an average of four inches lower than the old ball. In addition, the synthetic ball was much slower to absorb moisture, a key complaint among players who seem to be constantly losing their grip on the new spheroid in the preseason.

Another complaint by players, that the ball does not react the same off the backboard, was also proven true.

But still, the NBA insisted on keeping the balls.

So the NBA players took the All-American route: they filed a lawsuit to get the old ball back.

And now, finally, stern Mister Stern is relenting:

[He] acknowledged the validity of the players’ complaints and admitted regret over not consulting them beforehand.

Stern said that balls were being sent back to the manufacturer, Spalding, for further testing. The league will continue to use the new balls, but Stern left open the possibility that they would be changed during the season. “I won’t make a spirited defense with respect to the ball,” Stern said. “In hindsight, we could have done a better job. I take responsibility for that.”

He added: “If our players are unhappy with it, we have to analyze to the nth degree the cause of their unhappiness. Everything is on the table. I’m not pleased, but I’m realistic. We’ve got to do the right thing here. And of course the right thing is to listen to our players. Whether it’s a day late or not, we’re dealing with this.”

You know, I understand that NBA players can occasionally act like recalcitrant children and sometimes need to be reigned in.

But if you want them to behave like grown men, perhaps you might try treating them that way.

To unilaterally change one of the most crucial components of the game with zero input from the people it directly affects is the height of arrogance, condescension, and disrespect. Add a jumpshot, Mister Stern, and you'd be an All Star.

Change it back now and at least you can mitigate some of this PR disaster.

Which is to say, just give 'em their balls back, okay?

When the change occurs, expect to see a lot of happy players covered in fake blood.