The Headband Speaks

There's a lot of controversy in Chicago over the growing feud between Bulls coach Scott Skiles and center Ben Wallace, and this little disagreement about a headband.

The Bulls have a team rule that states no player can wear a headband.

Wallace tried to wear one on Saturday night in New York.

He was quickly benched.

Wallace tried to wear it again later.

He was quickly benched.

We personally think both sides are being pretty stupid about the whole thing. As far as Skiles is concerned, why the hell does the team need a rule against headbands? Did some bully wearing one try to beat you up when you were a kid?

Also, Ben, it may be a stupid rule, but you gotta follow it. For someone who's supposedly a great team guy, you're awfully concerned about yourself right now.

Both sides have kept their beefs in house, and haven't really talked to the media about it, but there's a third side to this story.

The headband's side.

Luckily for us at Foul Balls, Ben's headband sent us a letter asking us to post his feelings about this whole controversy. We were more than happy to accomodate.

We present to you, A Headband's Story.

Ben may be doing the "right" thing, and keeping his mouth shut with the media, but I ain't Ben, dammit. I got a lot to say, and I'm going to say it.

Do you know who I am, Scott Skiles? Do you? I don't think you do.

I am Ben Wallace's headband.

Oh, sure, the PR departments of the Pistons, and now the Bulls, have always gone after the "Fear the Fro" campaigns, but that's nothing. The Fro serves no purpose. In fact, it only slows Ben down aerodynamically.

I'm the reason Ben succeeds. I do more than keep the sweat out of Ben's eyes, Scott Skiles. I'm there for him when he needs me.

Who's that in the gym with him for hours on end after practice helping Ben with his free throws?

Is it you, Scott Skiles? No. It's me. The Headband.

When Ben's having trouble in his life, is it you he looks to for support, Scott Skiles?

No. It's me. The Headband.

How many NBA titles have you won, Scott Skiles?

I've won one. Hell, Scott Skiles, I've lost more NBA Finals than you've even been in.

How many NBA Defensive Player of the Year Awards have you won, Scott Skiles?

I've won four.

I know the real reason you don't wanna see me on Ben's head.

You're jealous.

You can't wear a headband. I'd slide right off of your glossy dome.

The truth is, you're an anti-headbandite, Scott Skiles. You'd kill us all if you could.

That's fine, Scott Skiles. It's not the first time I've felt such bigotry. Just remember this, you spiteful little midget. You need Ben and me a lot more than we need you.

So you may want to rethink this. You aren't going to win an NBA title for the Chicago Bulls, Scott Skiles. Ben Wallace and me, The Headband, can.

The balls in your court now, baldy. Make your move.