The Juice Has Been Let Loose

A lot of things went wrong for the Fighting Illini on Saturday night in St. Louis. First off, they couldn't stop the Missouri offense to save their lives, giving up 549 total yards, and allowing 52 points. If the Tigers didn't score on a drive, it wasn't because the Illini defense stopped them, but because Mizzou stopped itself and failed to execute (with the exception of Derek Walker's 34-yard interception return for a score).

Of course, had somebody told the defense before the game that they weren't playing two-hand touch, it might have helped matters...

Continue reading at FanHouse

Big Ten Preview: Illinois, Wildcard

The Fighting Illini were quite the surprise in college football last season, going 9-4 overall and 6-2 in the Big Ten a year after finishing 2-10. The quick turnaround in Champaign resulted in the first Rose Bowl berth for the Illini since 1983, and the team celebrated by getting their butts kicked 49-17 by USC.

Still, despite the embarrassment handed them by the Trojans, the 2007 season can't be considered anything less than a raging success at Illinois.

The question is, will the Illini be able to carry that success into the 2008 season...

Continue reading at FanHouse

Ron Zook Will Be a Reality Television Star

It's pretty sad when I think about it, but I have to tell you, I'm excited to know that in a few months I'll finally have the Big Ten Network. The White Sox and Cubs are in first place and play again this weekend? That's cool. The NBA Draft is tonight and the Bulls have the first pick? Neat. The Blackhawks will be playing a game at Wrigley Field? That could be fun.

I'll have the Big Ten Network on August 25th? WOOOO HOOOOO!!!

Finally, after following from afar my entire life, I'll be able to see the rivalry that is Minnesota/Wisconsin Lacrosse. My eyes are watering up just thinking about it.

Seriously, though, I'm very happy to know that I'm going to be able to see any Big Ten football or basketball game I want to this season. No longer will I have to watch Michigan or Ohio State every Saturday this season if I don't want to.

I'll be able to see every Illinois game as Ron Zook tries to keep his program on the path to becoming a Big Ten power. Of course, it's not only the games I'm going to be able to follow, but the entire path leading up to the games.

BTN officials plan to announce Thursday the Illini will be featured in Season 2. Minnesota and its first-year basketball coach, Tubby Smith, were the series' guinea pigs.

"I talked with Tubby and he was impressed with their professionalism," Zook said. "He had the same fears in the beginning as I do."

Chief among those fears?

"This will be like having someone in your bedroom," Zook said.

The first installment of "Illinois Football: The Journey" will air Sept. 2 and last an hour. The series is slated for 10 to 13 episodes, most 30 minutes long.

So it's kind of like HBO's Hard Knocks (which I love), but with Illinois football instead of the Dallas Cowboys. I don't know about you, but I'm already setting my DVR.

Mrs. Mendenhall May Be The Driving Force Behind Her Son's Dislike of Ron Zook

Yesterday I wrote about Rashard Mendenhall and his feelings towards his former college coach Ron Zook. Those feelings not exactly being positive, as Mendenhall said that as long as Zook is still coaching at Illinois, he won't be returning to the school or watching games from the sidelines.

This also means that when Rashard makes his debut on Monday Night Football or Sunday Night Football, he's probably going to say "Rashard Mendenhall, running back, Niles West High School."

In the post I theorized that Rashard's feelings towards Zook probably stem from the fact that his brother, Walter, never got any real playing time in Champaign, and has recently transferred to Illinois State. Rashard was often quoted saying that his brother was just as good as he is, and should get more playing time.

Well, it turns out that may be the case after all, but it may have been Rashard's mother who was stirring the pot. According to something I read on the PJStar.com forums, Rashard's mother wanted to take her kids out if Illinois before last season.

From a poster named Wholinson:

OK, you want the details of the rift between the Mendenhalls and the staff. Here is the story:

Last year, before Rashard's junior season, the players' mother came in and discussed a possible transfer to Cincinnati for both players, the impetus being that Walter wasn't being given a fair shake and that the brothers wanted to play together in the same backfield. They only would stay if Zook would adhere to certain playing conditions for both.

Zook said sorry, we think highly of both kids and Walter would be given a fair look, but there would be no conditions and no promises. And if they wanted to transfer, Zook said he would be sorry to see that because both are good students and have made significant progress toward degrees, but agreed he would sign the release papers if that really is what they wanted. At that point, the mother backed off and both players stayed. And of course, Rashard had the big season.

Before and during the season, the coaches tried to give Walter fair chances during spring, camp, etc. A chance to be the backup ahead of Dufrene and/or Pollard. You would much rather have a veteran player who knows the offense and has put in his time win the job over two new guys.

But despite that, the coaches just didn't believe he was as good as them. Didn't change directions, didn't have quick feet, didn't find the hole. A kid that worked hard and tried, but a player that just wasn't a Big Ten running back, in their opinion. And their first responsibility is to the University of Illinois to put the best players are the field.

Obviously, you are trying like crazy to win games, so if Walter would have been the second best back, why wouldn't you play him? They just didn't think he was.

During the season, the mother was upset he wasn't playing more. At least one parent of a prominent Illinois player told Zook that the Mendenhall's Mom told her that she should pull her kid out of Illinois, that he should transfer because the coaches wouldn't be fair to him. The parent was very upset about it and told Zook. The player is a very, very good player (Edit. Note: I guess that rules out Juice Williams) who starts.

That was a big red flag to Zook -- that the Mendenhall's mother would tell another mother that she should take her kid out of Illinois.

Then, at season's end, came the conversation that got very heated.

In most programs, most fifth year players who haven't played much and who have a degree (Walter is earning his this semester) and who probably aren't going to play much usually choose not to return. Whether it's Chris Pazan or Billy Garza or J.J. Simmons or Walter Mendenhall or whoever. They have their degree, they have a fully paid for education, and why go through another camp and 6 a.m.'s and all of that to not play very much for a fifth year.

So when Zook and Reggie Mitchell explained to Walter that and asked if he still wanted to come back given all of that, Walter became very upset. He believed he was the team's best running back, that he wasn't being given a chance.

Later, Walter, Rashard and the mother all came in to discuss it further. Zook reiterated that the important thing was the degree. And that he didn't think Walter would play very much if he came back. But, if given all of that, he wanted to come back and play his fifth year, he again would be on scholarship and given a fair chance.

At that point, the mother was very angry. She said why would he come back when it is clear they didn't want him. And all three of them got up and left. None of them have spoken since.

Now, obviously, this is from a post on a message board and it's entirely possible that this is just somebody making crap up. At the same time, though, it's just as possible this entire story is true. You'd be surprised how often I read things on these message boards (particularly when it comes to college sports) while researching stories at FanHouse, ignore them because of the source, and then see the same story hitting ESPN a week or so later.

Personally, I'm inclined to believe it right now because it supports my theory from yesterday, but you'll have to decide for yourself what you think.

Rashard Mendenhall Is Not a Big Fan of Ron Zook

The 2007 football season was a great one for the Illini. After winning only two games the season before, none of which came against a Big Ten opponent, the Illini bounced back in 2007 and ended up playing USC in the Rose Bowl. Yeah, they got their ass kicked, but the season still had to be considered a success.

God knows it was a success for running back Rashard Mendenhall, who after spending his first two seasons in Champaign keeping the bench from getting lonely, exploded onto the scene in 07 and ended up being a first round draft pick of the Pittsburgh Steelers.

So you have to figure Rashard has very fond memories of Champaign, right? Wrong. Apparently Rashard isn't that big a fan of the coach who helped turn the program around.

"Everything always looks good on the outside," Mendenhall said. "Nobody really knows except for the people who are there and involved with it. The only thing being on the outside that you can know is what people allow you to know from talking to me or from talking to (Ron) Zook or anybody within the organization."

Bottom line for Mendenhall was that he didn't enjoy the season the way you think he might have.

"When you find things that were said, you can kind of read between the lines and see that everything wasn't as it appeared to be," Mendenhall said.

Mendenhall's current relationship with the Illinois football program can best be described as strained. You won't see him on the sidelines of Illinois games during the upcoming season. Or in future years either.

"To tell you the truth, as long as Ron Zook is there it will be hard for me to support the University of Illinois football team," Mendenhall said.

Reached Saturday afternoon, Zook said "I feel bad that he feels that way."

I've no idea where Rashard's feelings towards Zook come from, but in the article it does say that he was very close to quitting the team before the 2007 season started, but that his brother Walter convinced him to stay on the team.

The same Walter who just transferred from Illinois to Illinois State.

Maybe the reason Rashard, who has openly supported his brother in the media and said he should get more playing time, is that Zook wasn't planning on using Walter very much this season. Maybe Rashard's just bitter about having to spend all that time on the bench his first two seasons.

Whatever it is, he should probably just move on and get over it. Whatever the hell Zook did, it's ended with Rashard making millions of dollars in the NFL, and the Illini football program on the verge of becoming a Big Ten power. To me, it seems like everybody wins.

Ron Zook Is Not Much of a Singer

Illinois head football coach Ron Zook was at Wrigley Field yesterday to sing the 7th inning stretch, and I think it's pretty obvious that singing is not Ron's strong suit. Hopefully he doesn't take any of his potential recruits to a karaoke bar, or else the Illinois football program is going to go back down the crapper.

It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

When I woke up this morning, I had a smile on my face. Today is the day I've been waiting for since early February when the Giants were shocking the world by beating the Patriots in the Super Bowl.

The dead time that is sports in February and March is over, and not even the crappy weather outside can bring me down. Do you realize what's taking place over the next five days?

Tonight, after three long days, the NCAA tournament picks back up in the Sweet 16, and over the next four nights we'll all learn who the Final Four is going to be. Then, on Monday we get a full day of baseball. And not that crappy kind of spring training baseball where #65 gets #82 to ground into an inning ending double play. The real kind. The kind played in Major League parks where the stats are official, and beers are $7.

As far as I'm concerned, this is the best time of the year.

Along with the tournament and baseball, I also take comfort in knowing that I'm only going to have to deal with the Bulls for a few more weeks. After being a good soldier and sitting through this Bulls season, I deserve a vacation from this team. I think we all do.

It's been a very tough year for Chicago sports fans like us. Ever since the Bears lost in the Super Bowl last February, the entire city has gone down the toilet.

Illinois got eliminated in the first round of last year's NCAA tournament, and then crapped the bed this season.

The White Sox followed up two consecutive 90 win seasons with their first losing season since the last century.

The Cubs won the division and made the playoffs, but were then quickly disposed of by the Diamondbacks, rounding out a century's worth of heartbreak.

The Bears followed up their Super Bowl run with one of the most disappointing seasons, for me anyway, by a team in this city that I can remember. We then had the added insult of seeing Eli Manning win a Super Bowl knowing that, until the playoffs started, he was just Rex Grossman East.

The Illini football team had a great season, the best of any of our local teams, but even that ended on a sour note as they were trampled by the Trojans in the Rose Bowl, and then Rashard Mendenhall left for the NFL.

The Blackhawks are actually having a winning season, and are gaining traction in this city once again, but even so, they aren't going to make the playoffs this year. At least there's hope, though.

Then there's the Bulls, who have somehow managed to be the most embarrassing team in the city this year, and they've had a lot of competition so you know they earned it.

But starting this morning, none of that matters.

Whether you're a White Sox fan or a Cubs fan, this is the weekend where you get to wash the dirty feeling of the last year off your skin. Start the cleansing with a weekend of college basketball, and then on Monday, call in sick to work and stay home to bathe in baseball.

You've earned it. We all have.

Illinois: A Basketball Wasteland

Since I took the day off yesterday to recover from my weekend, I didn't get to say anything about the Illini's run in the Big Ten tournament, or anything else about the NCAA tournament. Of course, since this blog is focused on Chicago sports, I guess I don't really have a reason to anyway.

After all, not a single team from the state of Illinois made the field of 65.

No Illinois.

No Southern Illinois.

No Illinois State.

No Bradley.

Nobody.

It's just the latest blow in what's been a horrible year to be a sports fan in the city of Chicago and Illinois in general. The Bulls wouldn't even have made it.

Luckily for me, I still have Notre Dame to fall back on, but I'd be lying if I said I was a huge Irish basketball supporter. Though, to be honest, thanks to the Big Ten Network and Comcast, I was actually able to see more Notre Dame games this season than Illini games, which is probably a good thing when you consider how bad Illinois was this year.

Speaking of the Illini, while their run to the championship game of the Big Ten was a nice way to end the season, I never let the thought that they might actually win the thing enter my head. I am a lot more encouraged about next season because of it though.

As for my other thoughts on this year's tournament....

• Indiana's #8 Seed - I've heard a lot of complaints from Indiana fans over the team's #8 seed, but people need to shut up. The Hoosiers don't deserve much more than what they've gotten. Just look at the way they finished their season. First they lost their coach, and then they finished up their schedule with a blowout loss to Michigan State, a loss against Penn State, and an early exit from the Big Ten tournament at the hands of Minnesota. Combine that with the fact that the Big Ten just sucks this year, and Indiana should just shut up and be happy with where they are.
• Notre Dame - While I'll be rooting for Notre Dame in the tournament, I'll only get to do so for one weekend. Even if they win their first round game against George Mason and beat Washington State in the 2nd round, that will only get them a date with the Tar Heels in the Sweet 16.
• Butler's #7 Seed - If you need further proof that the tournament committee just hates mid-major schools, look no further than Butler. The Bulldogs finished the season with a 29-3 record, are ranked #11 in the AP poll and #10 in the coaches poll, yet they get a #7 seed? I'm no genius, but the math just doesn't work out there.
  
• The Big Ten's Only Hope - The Big Ten only got four teams into the tournament, and by my estimation, they'll be lucky to get even one team into the Sweet 16. The best bet to do it is Wisconsin, but a likely date with USC in the second round won't be an easy test for the Badgers.
• Best 1st Round Matchup - This one's pretty easy, it's USC/Kansas State in the Midwest region. Two fabulous freshman in O.J. Mayo and possible player of the year Michael Beasley facing off should make for a very exciting game to watch. One that I see the Trojans winning.
• My Final Four - As a rule, I never have more than two #1 seeds in my Final Four, but this year I can't see any other scenario. I see no Cinderella's or major upsets, and my Final Four consists of: North Carolina, Kansas, UCLA, and Texas. The final game will be North Carolina and UCLA.

Oh, and of course, we're still taking entries in the Foul Balls March Madness Pool.

Illini Look to Upset Purdue

After barely escaping a depleted Penn State squad yesterday, the Illini moved on to the second round of the Big Ten Tournament where they'll be facing the #2 seed Purdue Boilermakers this evening (5:30PM Central on Big Ten Network. Hey! I can't watch it! Awesome.) at Conseco Fieldhouse.

So the question now becomes: Can the Illini pull off the upset and move onto the semifinals? There are two possible answers to the question, but they both lead to the same place. It's unlikely that Illinois is going to beat Purdue, whom they've lost to twice already this season. Still, they'd lost to Penn State twice this year and still managed to beat them on Thursday.

Of course, the problem is, even if they do beat Purdue it's not going to mean anything. They still won't win the tournament, and they still won't be getting a bid to the NIT, let alone the Big Dance.

But that doesn't matter to me, I'd still like to see the Illini pull it off and screw their competition. You have to figure that right now Purdue is set up for a #4 or #5 seed in the tournament, and a loss to the Illini would surely drop them to a #6. If Illinois is going to pull this one off though, they're going to have to play better than they did yesterday.

They're going to have to avoid the extremely long scoring droughts that have plagued them all season, and there's a reason to believe they can do it against Purdue. The Boilermakers are a small team, with JaJuan Johnson being the only player on their roster listed at 6'10. That means if the Illini can get the ball into Shaun Pruitt consistently, and he can actually finish, the Illini might be able to pull this one off.

Will they though? I don't think so.

Friday Predictions (Thursday: 3-0)

• Wisconsin over Michigan (11:00AM ESPN)
• Michigan State over Ohio State (1:30PM ESPN)
• Purdue over Illinois (5:30PM BTN)
• Indiana over Minnesota (8:00PM BTN)
  

The Illini Live Another Day

Well, they tried to lose. The Illini blew a 10-point lead with 4 minutes left, and actually trailed Penn State with under a minute to go, but thankfully Penn State forgot to guard the inbound man and Chester Frazier didn't miss his wide open layup.

Of course, the fact that the Illini had this much trouble against a Penn State team that was without its two leading scorers and lost their third option at halftime, doesn't bode well for tomorrow's matchup with Purdue.

The Big Ten Tournament Starts Today

As I mentioned yesterday when announcing the Foul Balls March Madness pool (which you should totally join if you haven't yet) this week is the week where I go from loving college basketball to living college basketball. It's conference tourney time, and while I'm currently watching Georgetown and Villanova in the Big East (which will be the best tourney because the league is so deep), I'm really getting ready to watch the Big Ten tournament which starts at 1:30PM today.

Of course, if you live in Chicago, you better watch the tournament today because it's likely the only chance you'll get to see the local teams. Illinois and Northwestern both play today for the right to get knocked out in the next round.

I'm not even going to spend that much time talking about Northwestern. They went 1-17 in the conference this season, have never been to the Big Dance, and they're not going to beat Minnesota this afternoon. Then for some reason, Bill Carmody will come back as coach for a 10th season next year, and the Wildcats will do it all over again.

The Illini, however, do have a shot at getting to the 2nd round of the tournament. They're facing a Penn State team they've already lost twice to this season, but it's a young Nittany Lions team none the less. Obviously, even if the Illini can manage to pull off a win in Indianapolis this afternoon, they're going to end up getting their asses kicked by Purdue on Friday.

But I don't care. You see, this season has sucked if you're an Illini fan. Sure, some of us were lucky enough to have Comcast and therefore be spared the vast majority of Illinois' games, but it didn't make it any easier to follow the team.

Now the regular season is over, so that 5-13 conference record and 13-18 overall record are out the door. They mean nothing now.

Today is a new season!

Okay, so the new season is probably going to go a lot like the old season did, but damn it, this will probably be my last chance to see the Illini play until next fall, so I'm going to "enjoy" it while I can.

(And after they lose I'll go into "What do you mean? I've always been a fan of Notre Dame basketball too!" mode. The Irish play tonight as well, against Marquette at 8:30 on ESPN.)

Thursday Predictions

• Michigan over Iowa (11AM BTN)
  
• Illinois over Penn State (1:30PM ESPN2)
• Minnesota over Northwestern (4PM ESPN2)
  

The Blackhawks At Wrigley Field?

The Blackhawks beat the Minnesota Wild 3-0 last night at the United Center, giving the team their first shutout of the season, and Nikolai Khabibulin the 37th shutout of his career. They've now won five of their last seven games, but their improved play over the last few weeks isn't the big story with the Blackhawks right now.

No, that would be the team's current plans to play a game outdoors within the next year or two. As for where they'd play the game, team president John McDonough was on 670 The Score this morning, and he says he'd like the game to be played at the site of his last job: Wrigley Field.

Blackhawks president John McDonough is considering hosting an outdoor game at Wrigley Field.

‘‘We had a meeting with the commissioner four weeks ago, and that was one topic we wanted to discuss,'' McDonough said on WSCR-AM (670). ‘‘It would be a huge event for the city of Chicago and for the NHL.

‘‘In the event we should be so fortunate to get the game, all venues would be in play. We've heard from most of them already, so we'll see where we would go. There's been a lot of talk about Wrigley, and I think Wrigley would be a terrific place for it.''

If the game were to happen, and I'm hoping it does, other options would be at Soldier Field and US Cellular Field. Personally, I think Soldier Field would make more sense.

Soldier Field can not only hold more people, and I'm guessing demand for tickets will be high, but it also provides better sight lines than Wrigley Field can. The problem is I'm not sure that's going to matter to anybody making the decision.

If NBC is going to broadcast the game, they're going to want some say in where it should be played, and they may be looking for something new after having Buffalo and Pittsburgh play earlier this season in Ralph Wilson Stadium in Buffalo.

Wrigley Field would provide an entirely different atmosphere, as NBC could use the novelty of people in the stadium's bleachers, or across the street on the rooftops watching a hockey game.

So in the end, I think this game will end up getting played at Wrigley Field whether it makes sense for the actual game and fans or not. Of course, it's not like if the game is played at Wrigley, I'm going to boycott it or anything. I'm just excited by the fact that this whole thing could possibly happen.

It's just we'll all have a better chance of seeing it for ourselves if they play the game at Soldier Field.

Foul Balls

Bears Continue To Rebuild Offensive Line - Unlike last offseason, every move the Bears have made so far this offseason has pleased me. Most especially, the decision to cut Fred Miller on Monday.

Well, I'm happy to report that the Bears are aware that Fred wasn't the only problem on the offensive line, as they've also cut guard Ruben Brown.

The Bears will cut ties with veteran offensive guard Ruben Brown, coach Lovie Smith said Thursday at the NFL combine in Indianapolis.

The team is clearly rebuilding the offensive line after also releasing veteran tackle Fred Miller earlier this week.

Brown didn't finish the season after undergoing shoulder surgery. He had expressed optimism that he would be back with the Bears.

Brown was no where near as useless as Fred Miller last season, but after getting another year older, and having to undergo the shoulder surgery, it's best that both parties go their seperate ways.

As for who Brown's replacement will be, and keeping with my "think big" logic that led to wanting Randy Moss, I'm hoping the Bears will look at Steelers guard Alan Faneca who's a free agent this season.

Brian Carlwell Leaves Illinois - When the Illini first recruited Brian Carlwell out of my high school's arch-rival Proviso East, they did so hoping that he'd grow to become one of the more dominant big men in the Big Ten.

Unfortunately for Brian and the Illini, the only thing Carlwell became known for in Champaign was for being the guy teammate Jamar Smith left for dead after getting into a car accident last season.

Now, after hardly getting any playing time this season thanks to the severe concussion he suffered in that accident, and a knee injury he suffered during one of the few games he did play in, Carlwell has decided it's time to move on.

"Anybody who has injuries like that is set back," Carlwell, wearing a Shaun Pruitt jersey, said before watching his former teammates play Wisconsin. "It might have even set the program back, I'm not sure. I really felt like this year would be my year to contribute, then I had a knee injury and that set me back.

"It was time for a fresh start for me and for the program," Carlwell said. "I hate to have to do it, but … I'm not doing anybody any good with all the injuries.

"I'm going to have to work 20 times harder to get back."

Well, good luck, Brian. Just don't let Jamar give you a ride back home to Maywood.

Wrigley Field's New Field - Getting back to the topic of Wrigley Field, let's not forget that the Cubs tore up the old field and put a new one down this offseason. How would playing a hockey game affect the new sod? I mean, if a Jimmy Buffet concert can tear center field to shit, who knows what a Zamboni could do.

Anyway, the guys over at Home Run Derby dug up (Get it? Dug up. I'm hilarious.) a video that shows the entire process of tearing up the old field and laying down the new one. It's kind of cool to watch, but don't take my word for it, judge for yourself.



Tiger Woods Is Still Awesome - Rare is the occasion in which I talk about golf here at Foul Balls, but after seeing what Tiger Woods did yesterday, I'll make an exception.

Tiger is currently at the Accenture Match Play Championships, and in his first round matchup he found himself going against the legendary J.B. Holmes (Who? Exactly.) Somehow Tiger found himself down three holes after only playing five, and then he was still down 3 holes after the duo completed the 13th hole.

So Tiger had five holes left to make up a 3-hole deficit. What do you think he did?

Other Sports Scandals That Require Immediate Congressional Intervention

Some naysayers out there have their man panties in a twist about Congress spending its time on steroids and Spygate. These nabobs of negativism would have Congress focus on matters like pharmaceutical company price gouging, repeated White House lies about the Iraq war, the nation’s crumbling infrastructure, a looming recession...

What. Ever.

Me, I’m in favor of Congress devoting all its time and attention to sports issues. Cuz what’s more important, unregulated energy trading markets that allowed Exxon to register a record-breaking $41 billion profit last year or Patriots home movies of Bob Sutton sneaking the Ninja Star to Omare Lowe?

Exactly.

In fact, I think Congress should be delving more deeply into the serious national issues that trouble every true American (and by true American, I mean sports fan), to wit:

Giselle Bunchen. Bitch promised to run through the streets of New City naked if her boy toy lost the Big Game. Now she’s reneging? If there’s anything that pisses off elected officials, it’s people who make promises they don’t keep. This calls for an investigation! Does Giselle have a current visa? Does this “Victoria" have some other secrets? I say, haul her in before the Committee on Homeland Security, put her under oath, and demand some answers. And make her wear the Santa suit.


Hot Russian female tennis players. What's the story here? I mean, how did it happen that suddenly every comely "-ic" and "-ova" are top contenders on the tennis circuit? This is a troubling turn of events, as it severely reduces the pool of Russian brides available for American men, not to mention affecting the quality of strippers at Scores. But there is a deeper, darker secret lurking here and Maria Sharapova holds the key. Maria is from Chernobyl. You know, "worst nuclear power plant accident in history" Chernobyl? Maria calls herself a survivor of the deadly event. Here's the problem with that: Chernobyl occurred on April 26, 1986, a year before she was born. Extensive research (I've watched X-Men, X2 and X-Men: The Last Stand) leads me to an inescapable conclusion: Maria is a mutant. This means she and her other ex-Iron Curtain mutant cronies have a totally unfair advantage over our American women tennis players who - as Lindsay Davenport (left) so tragically demonstrates - use nothing to enhance their play, much less appearance. I'm not sure which Senate committee handles superhuman beings, but thinking it's probably Foreign Relations, so I call on you, Senator Biden, to subpoena Sharapova's shapely mutant ass. And make her wear Giselle's Santa suit.

IndyCar Crisis. Seriously, how many more crashes have to occur before Congress wakes up and takes the necessary action to stop these unsafe drivers? I don't know about you, but I blame Danica Patrick. (Did you see the Detroit Grand Prix? Buddy Rice running out of gas.... yeah, sure.) Senator Innoye, Chairman of the Transportation Committee, you know what to do. Make her wear the Santa suit and her helmet.

SwamiGate. C'mon, Chris Berman must be breaking some FCC law, right? For God's sake, you guys on the Select Committee on Intelligence can dig up actionable dirt on him if you just make a little effort. A syringe, a crushed Miller Lite can, a leather stain...anything. And please, please, please, make him wear that Santa suit.

Foul Balls

Urlacher Has Neck Surgery - Well, it appears Brian Urlacher had a good reason for his less-than-stellar season.

Urlacher recently had neck surgery to correct a problem detected during a routine postseason physical, sources confirmed Thursday night.

Surgeons performed a procedure on Urlacher's lower neck region to address something believed to be affecting the cervical curve of the spine, according to a person familiar with the surgery. Urlacher was said to be experiencing soreness before the surgery

While no one is going on the record, sources at Halas Hall claim the surgery wasn't serious - comparing it to "typical postseason medical maintenance." According to them, Urlacher will be back before training camp opens.

Speaking from personal experience, I can state unequivocably that there is no such thing as "routine" neck surgery. Not to mention the guy's thirty - which makes him "sixty" in football years. Sorry, but this can't be good news for the Bears.

Regardless, here's wishing Urlacher a speedy - and full - recovery.

U-G-L-I-N-I - I didn't get a chance to see last night's game against Indiana but from all accounts, it was not Chester Frazier or the Illini fans' finest hour.

As the Hoosiers stretched before the game, [Illinois] students chanted, "Traitor! Traitor" and then "Liar! Liar!"

Moments later, the Hoosiers headed back to the locker room to a chorus of boos.The "Liar" chant commenced again just before the game, along with an obscene one from students in the Assembly Hall's upper reaches.

When Chester Frazier met Gordon at midcourt to shake hands during introductions, he delivered a hard chest-bump that knocked Gordon back a step and seemed to stun him.

It was such a brutal hit, the TV analysts suggested Frazier receive a technical.

According to Jay Marriotti, the Frazier push and the crowd's threatening behavior made Gordon's father, there for the game, "grateful he'd hired a security guard for his son."

A security guard for a kid playing a college basketball game? All because he changed his mind about going to Illinois? Maybe I'm just getting soft in my old age but since when did American sports fans go Euro?

Commit To The Controversy

So the Blackhawks are starting to work their way back into the public consciousness of Chicago sports fans. That's great. Really, I mean it. As I've often said here in the past, I have nothing against hockey and I used to enjoy it a bit. It was just that Bill Wirtz caused me to abandon the Blackhawks, and the strike caused me to abandon the sport all together.

Apparently I wasn't the only one who left for these reasons because now that Dollar Bill is dead, people are showing up to the United Center again, and people are actually talking about the team again. Seriously, you hear about the Blackhawks on sports radio in this city again. For the last five years or so, the only time you heard about the Blackhawks was if somebody was making fun of them.

Still, being back in the public consciousness also leads to problems. When nobody pays any attention to you, you can do whatever the hell you want and not worry about the consequences. When they are paying attention to you, you can get yourself in trouble from time to time.

Which is what seems to be happening at the moment. Remember last week when coach Denis Savard ripped into his team after a 1-0 loss, and told them they had to "commit to the Indian?"

Well, as you'd expect in this politically correct world we now live in, the phrase has rubbed some people the wrong way. Take the Chicago Sun-Times' Carol Slezak for instance.

The phrase has struck a chord with Hawks fans, many of whom would like to adopt it as the team's slogan. President John McDonough has been inundated with e-mails suggesting ways the Hawks can market the phrase, and you already can buy ''Commit to the Indian'' T-shirts online. Clearly Hawks fans are rediscovering their passion for the team, and that's great. But not everyone is happy about the way they've latched onto Savard's poor choice of words.

Count Podlasek -- executive director of the American Indian Center at 1630 W. Wilson on the North Side -- among the unhappy.

''For a fan base to use that statement as its motto is terrible,'' he said. ''What are they teaching the kids? These old symbols perpetuate the belief that American Indians are a thing of the past and that natives don't exist.''

Hey, it's Chief Illiniwek all over again!

I'm not going to get into a big debate about whether or not teams should have an Indian as it's mascot, but I will say that it doesn't bother me in the slightest. What I don't get is how the Blackhawks using an indian head logo is going to "perpetuate the belief that American Indians are a thing of the past and that natives don't exist."

Really?

I'm willing to bet that if the Blackhawks weren't named the Blackhawks that the majority of children in this city would grow up never knowing what in the hell a Blackhawk was, let alone whether or not they ever existed.

Now some people might say that I don't know what it's like since I'm not a native American, and I can't possibly know what it feels like to see my heritage exploited. These same people ignore the fact that as an Italian, I've spent my entire life seeing Italians in movies portrayed as nothing but members of the mob.

When I meet somebody and they hear my last name, I'm inevitably going to get the "Are you in the mafia?"

Does this bother me? No. Just like it doesn't bother any of my Irish friends that Notre Dame calls it's sports team the Fighting Irish, perpetuating the stereotype that all Irish people do is drink and fight. (Actually, that's not a stereotype. That's 100% true except they also eat a lot of corned beef and hash in between the two.)

The truth is that sports teams are just entertainment sources for people, they're not the moral compass of our society. Anybody who thinks otherwise isn't somebody you should be listening to.

Foul Balls

Bustin' Caps At Kams - I wrote about this at FanHouse last night, but I'm going to write about it here as well because I can. Yesterday it was announced that the Illini had suspended freshman linebacker Erique Robertson indefinitely for violating team rules.

That's all we got at first, but then later in the day Robertson appeared in court, and we all found out exactly what he'd done.

University of Illinois football player Erique Robertson has pleaded not guilty to felony charges for allegedly firing a gun at a Champaign bar.

The 19-year-old freshman is charged with reckless discharge of a firearm and two counts of aggravated unlawful use of weapons. Both are felonies.

Champaign police spokeswoman Rene Dunn said Robertson was arrested about 1:45 a.m. Sunday in front of Ellusions, a local bar. No one was injured.

I have no idea why Robertson brought the gun to the bar, and no idea why he fired the thing. What I want to know is where the hell is Ellusions? It sure as hell wasn't there when I lived in Champaign, and I don't remember seeing it anytime I've visited since then. Is it a townie bar?

No, wait, it can't be a townie bar. They wouldn't let a 19-year old into a townie bar, and everybody has a gun.

Any U. of I. students want to fill me in in the comments?

Gilbert Gives Leitch Two Thumbs Up - I got my copy of Leitch's "God Save the Fan" last Thursday, and I was finished reading it by Saturday. I don't tell you this to impress you with my reading skills (admittedly it goes over great with the ladies) I only say it so when I tell you it's a good book, you know I've actually read the whole thing.

But hey, if you don't want to take my word for it, take Gilbert Arenas'. From Gil's blog,

Have you seen the new book that came out, God Save the Fan? Will Leitch came out with the book. Thank you Will Leitch! Got to give a shout out to Will Leitch and Deadspin for coming out with the book God Save the Fan. I’m just going to tell you guys to go get the book, because I’m in Chapter 2. I mean, the title might be a little hard for some of you to read, especially since me and LeBron James are best friends. It’s about me and LeBron and it’s somewhere along the lines of “Why Gilbert is Better for the Game than LeBron” … it’s somewhere along those lines. I don’t want Cleveland fans to get mad at me, I didn’t write the book, I just read it. It’s kind of funny because me and him have been best friends over the five years since he’s been in this league. I was just grateful being mentioned with him. When I’m done playing and after all is said and done and he’s compared in Jordan likeness, I’m going to show my kids the book and be like, “Look at this here. Y’all see this, kids? Told you I was somebody. Y’all thought I was playing.” LeBron and I are really friends though, the whole free throw thing in the playoffs was just trash talking.

I know what you're thinking, and I'm shocked as well. I had no idea athletes could read either. Kinda makes me want to watch what I say around here.

Michael Wilbon Had A Heart Attack - When I sat down to watch Pardon The Interruption yesterday, like I do every day, I was pissed when I saw that Michael Wilbon wasn't on the show. Instead he was replaced by J.A. Adande, and I told myself "At least it's not Dan Le Batard."

Tony Kornheiser explained Wilbon's absence saying he was under the weather and had some minor chest pains. Turns out, Willy Buns had a heart attack.

Michael Wilbon acclaimed longtime columnist at the Washington Post and Pardon the Interruption (PTI) co-host suffered a minor heart attack this morning. It was reported that at 3 a.m. he complained of chest pains to his wife who took him to the hospital. Doctors found minor blockage in his heart and performed an angioplasty, which successfully removed the blockage.

Though he is weary he is expected to be back at his home in Scottsdale, Arizona tomorrow.

Get better, Wilbon. And lay off those sticky buns.

FanHouse: Shaun Pruitt Benched By Bruce Weber

Shaun Pruitt is the new Joakim Noah!

Pruitt was benched by Bruce Weber on Tuesday before Illinois lost to Ohio State. Which luckily wasn't televised here, so I didn't have to torture myself for two hours watching this team.

Packers Fans Shouldn't Have Children

It's going to be a big weekend up there in Green Bay this week. After all, God Brett Favre will be trying to lead his mighty Packers back to the Super Bowl for the first time in 9 years when the Pack last made a trip to the Super Bowl.

Obviously as somebody who's spent a lot of time in his life arguing with Packers fans about whose team is better, or whose fan base is further proof of the de-evolution of man, I know that Packers fans take their Packers football seriously. As a strong Bears fan, I can respect and understand it.

So I have no doubt that these are stressful times to be living in Green Bay. After all, if the Packers lose this weekend, the city's residents will have to crawl back into their holes until August, and nobody's quite ready for that yet.

Still, it doesn't mean they need to tie their kids up.

Upset that his 7-year-old son wouldn't wear a Green Bay Packers jersey during the team's playoff victory Saturday, a man restrained the boy for an hour with tape and taped the jersey onto him.

Mathew Kowald was cited for disorderly conduct in connection with the incident with his son at their home in Pardeeville, Lt. Wayne Smith of the Columbia County Sheriff's Department said. Pardeeville is about 30 miles north of Madison.

The 36-year-old Kowald was arrested Monday after his wife told authorities about the incident. Kowald was taken to the county jail and held until Wednesday, when he pleaded no contest, paid a fine of $186 and was released.

To make things even worse for Kowald, when he was released on Wednesday he was released to a restraining order from his wife, so he's not allowed any contact with his family. Apparently she doesn't want to wear the Mark Chmura jersey anymore either.

Foul Balls

Speaking Of Idiocy and Green Bay - Apparently Eli Manning is a huge Seinfeld fan, and with the people of Green Bay wanting to do anything in their power to help the Packers get past Eli's Giants this Sunday, they're willing to take drastic measures to ensure Eli is unhappy on Sunday.

They're taking away his Seinfeld.

Jay Zollar, general manager of WLUK, a Fox affiliate in Green Bay, this week made it clear that he, not the Giants quarterback, is the master of that domain.

On a video on the station's Web site, Zollar points at the camera and says, "Eli, no 'Seinfeld' for you!"

Yup, the station has pulled its regularly scheduled 5:30 p.m. Saturday "Seinfeld" rerun in an attempt to disrupt Manning's preparation for Sunday's NFC Championship Game against the Packers.

No word on whether or not there are any plans to tie Eli to a chair and force him to wear a Packers jersey.

The Illini Actually Won A Game! - Sure, it was against one of the few teams in the Big Ten that Illinois can honestly be considered better than, but a win still counts as a win. Illinois beat Michigan on Wednesday night at Assembly Hall to end a 5-game losing streak, including 4 in a row at home, and to notch their first conference victory of the season.

Of course, this doesn't mean that the Illini have turned things around or anything. Still, Bruce Weber would like to see his team use Wednesday's victory to at least try and do something.

"It would make it easier on all of us," Weber said. "Consistent double-digit scoring, seven, eight, nine rebounds [from each], keep Randle out of foul trouble, be active—that's what we envisioned from the get-go.

"They have had their moments, and they have had their moments the other way. We talked about having 15 games left—seven home, seven on the road and one guaranteed neutral-court game at the Big Ten tournament. Now, what will you do with it?"

They'll probably lose, coach.

Can Ohio State Redeem Itself?

Last year at this time the Buckeyes were embarrassed by the Florida Gators in the BCS Title game for all the world to see. The way they were manhandled by the Gators physically, and burned athletically did nothing but add fuel to the fire that the Big Ten just can't compete with college football's top conferences like the SEC.

So here we are again a year later, with the Buckeyes prepared to try again for a national championship, against yet another SEC opponent, the LSU Tigers.

Can the Buckeyes redeem themselves and the Big Ten tonight? With Michigan's victory over Florida in the Capital One Bowl, a Buckeyes win would be a nice cap to a bowl season that's been pretty unkind to the Big Ten.

I really have no idea if the Buckeyes can pull this one out or not, but there are more than a few reasons to think they can.

I can start off by reminding you that in the history of the BCS and the title game, the underdog has won every year. According to Bodog, the Buckeyes are currently four point underdogs.

Then there's the fact that this has been a college football season in which we should expect the unexpected. The Appalachian States of the world are beating Michigan, and the Stanfords upset the USCs. So Ohio State beating LSU couldn't be that big of a shocker, could it?

The most important reason why the Buckeyes could come away with a victory tonight is also the most basic of reasons: LSU isn't that good. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying the Tigers suck or anything, but they have lost two games this season. It's not like they're unbeatable, and this LSU team is not as good as last year's Florida team.

When you break these two teams down by position, you actually find that the Buckeyes are very evenly matched with LSU, and even have an advantage in some areas.

Where this game will be settled though is where all big games are settled, in the trenches.

The key to tonight's game will be the Ohio State offensive line going against Glenn Dorsey and the LSU defensive line. If Ohio State can control the line of scrimmage when they have the ball, they will win this game. If Dorsey and the boys control it, the Buckeyes have no chance.

I'm not going to go too in depth here because I have other things I want to get to today, and frankly it's hard to figure out how each team is going to respond tonight after having such long layoffs.

I will make a prediction though, and it shouldn't come as a surprise to anybody that I'm siding with the Big Ten yet again.

Ohio State 24 LSU 20

Foul Balls

The Illini Still Suck - They did it again. The Illini lost their third straight home game on Sunday afternoon, this time to the Penn State Nittany Lions. I knew that the Illini weren't going to be the same team we've all grown accustomed to seeing this season, but I had no idea things were going to get this bad.

Three straight home losses?

It used to take this team three years to lose three games at Assembly Hall, and they sure as hell weren't losing any games to Penn State. (Or Miami of Ohio and Tennessee State for that matter.) Considering their next two games are on the road against Indiana and Michigan State it's pretty clear that this team is going to start out it's conference schedule 0-4, and at this point the NIT is a pipe dream, let alone the NCAA's.

Clemens Fires Back - I already went over my feelings on Roger Clemens on Friday, and I didn't even see the 60 Minutes interview, so I've nothing new to add to the subject. (If I wanted to watch the interview, I could go here.)

Still, one of the big things I've always maintained when a player claims their innocence when it comes to steroids is "If you're so innocent, why don't you sue those bastards for defamation and defend yourself?"

Well, guess what Roger's doing!

Roger Clemens beat Brian McNamee to court, filing a defamation suit against the former trainer who claimed to have injected him with performance-enhancing drugs. McNamee's attorney, Earl Ward, told ESPN's T.J. Quinn on Monday that McNamee is determined to file a counter lawsuit against Clemens. Ward said he spoke to McNamee on Monday morning and Clemens' statements in Sunday's "60 Minutes" interview are "a total lie."

No countersuit has been filed yet.

Clemens filed the suit Sunday night in Harris County District Court in Texas, listing 15 alleged statements McNamee made to the baseball drug investigator George Mitchell. Clemens claimed the statements were "untrue and defamatory."

Of course, this does absolutely nothing to make me think Clemens is innocent in this matter, but at least he's really trying to appear as though he is.