The Bears Are Very Protective of Their Property

I think most of us have been there. You're dating a girl, and you have been for a while. Things have gone pretty well for the most part, but lately, lately things have been a little rough. She is looking for more from you, and honestly, you're just not ready to make that type of commitment. You're still young! You've all sorts of adventures waiting to be had!

So you start fighting a lot more often, nothing major, but sometimes in public in front of all your friends. Then one night when you're out at your friend's party after a fight with her, you see she's on the other side of the room flirting with that asshole from accounting.

Now you're pissed.

You walk right over to that douchebag CPA and let him know he's not to mess with your girl. She's yours.

You know what I'm saying, right?

Well, that's exactly what the Bears did, except it wasn't their girlfriend exactly, it was Lance Briggs. And the CPA was the San Francisco 49ers, and instead of letting the Niners know how they felt, they ran to their mommy to take care of it for them. And mommy did just that.

The NFL found the 49ers guilty of tampering with the Bears linebacker last season and punished the NFC West team Monday by taking away its fifth-round selection in the April 26-27 draft. San Francisco violated the league's anti-tampering policy by contacting Briggs' agent, Drew Rosenhaus, last season without the Bears' permission.

Briggs was on a one-year tender as the team's franchise player. He declined to comment when reached by phone Monday. Rosenhaus did not return a message.

What's even better? Not only do the Niners have to give up their 5th round pick for lookin at out girl, but they have to swap their third round pick (7th of round) with ours (12th of round). So not only do we keep our girl, but we took their beer and copped a feel on his wife! We're total bad asses right now, and if our lady doesn't want to be with us anymore, there are 20 other girls at the party that wouldn't mind changing places with her.

The moral of the story here, kids, is always tattle. Everybody loves a tattler, and good things come to those who snitch.