There Can Only Be One

The best part of the NBA's "There Can Only Be One" ad campaign is that it's so easy to parody. Well, that and it's just a good idea. I mean, Time Magazine is ripping it off as well.

And you just knew it was only a matter of time before somebody did something like this.

This Took Longer Than I Thought

With the absurdity of the whole Roger Clemens/Mindy McCready story breaking yesterday, you knew it was only a matter of time before the internets blew up with parody videos mocking the entire thing, and now I'd like to present you with the first one I've found.

It's from Ryan Parker, and it's sung to the tune of the incredibly poignant McCready song "Guys Do It All The Time." (kinda sorta NSFW depending on how your job views anatomical charts)

See the video at FanHouse

How About That Roger Clemens?

Obviously, the craziest story to hit yesterday was the news that Roger Clemens had been having a relationship with country singer Mindy McCready for 15 years. A relationship that started when McCready was 15 years old and Clemens was 28.

That's pretty disgusting.

Oh, and incredibly illegal.

What was weird though was that Clemens still hasn't come out with a statement about the whole thing, while he came out swinging as soon as his name was dropped in the Mitchell Report. Was this because he was just hoping that by not giving the story any attention it would go away, or was it because after seeing what has happened to him after fighting the steroid allegations, he thinks it's best to just keep his mouth shut?

I can't really be sure, though Roger's lawyer, Rusty Hardin, did come out and say that all of this Clemens/McCready stuff was crap. More specifically, he said this.

"There's no question in my mind that this is a really filthy smear campaign orchestrated by [Brian] McNamee's lawyers clearly intended to do anything they can to ruin Roger's reputation. ... I'll let Roger speak for himself on the matter, but it is clear that the Daily News throughout this entire episode has been the house mouthpiece for McNamee's lawyers, and this is just one more example."

Looks like Rusty should have checked with Roger before saying this because McCready had her say yesterday as well, and she admits it's all true.

"I cannot refute anything in the story," a tearful but resolute McCready told the Daily News, which broke the story at midnight Sunday.

[...] "Yes, I have known Roger Clemens for a long time," McCready said, reading from a prepared statement. "He's a kind and caring man. He's also a legendary athlete. The central topic in the debate, however, regards his professional life, not his personal life.

"There are legal matters working their way through the system that have nothing to do with me. From my point of view, that is where the focus should remain."

Now you're probably thinking that Clemens having a relationship with a 15-year old girl is far worse than whether or not he stuck a needle in his ass, and you're 100% correct, if he did. If you read the New York Daily News article carefully, though, you'll see an important part that states Roger's relationship with McCready didn't become a sexual one until after she moved to Nashville.

McCready was 18 when she moved to Nashville.

That's not illegal.

It doesn't change the fact that Roger is kind of a scumbag, targeting girls at the age of 15 and then being "friends" with them until it's legal to sleep with them, but he's not a statutory rapist.

It's still pretty disgusting, though. Of course, the only man who could ever truly get to the bottom of this entire story would be Jerry Springer.

I Have A Lot Of Nothing To Say

I don't have much to say about yesterday's congressional hearings about whether or not Brian McNamee ever stuck some needles in Roger Clemens' ass. The truth is, I didn't watch a single second of the hearings.

From all the "highlights" I did see and hear throughout the day though, I'd have to say Clemens came out of all the proceedings looking the worst. It's as though he was under the impression that the louder you talk the more innocent you are, and he never seemed to really answer any questions.

So since I didn't really watch it, everybody else is talking about it, and there are no other real big stories in sports to talk about right now, I'm just going to hit a whole bunch of different topics today. It is Valentine's Day after all, so think of today's post as a heart-shaped box full of all different sorts of chocolates.

Foul Balls

Devean George Is Doing Dallas a Favor - I already wrote about the Mavs/Nets trade that didn't happen yesterday thanks to Devean George in The Basketball Diaries this morning, but I didn't say why I thought that George was doing the Mavs a favor.

Did you see all the people the Mavericks were going to send to the Nets for Jason Kidd? Devin Harris, Jerry Stackhouse, DeSagana Diop, Devean George, Maurice Ager, $3 million, two first-round draft picks, a couple of Cowboys cheerleaders, a cowboy hat, 15 head of cattle, and the first born of every family in Dallas.

All for a soon to be 35-year old point guard who isn't going to get the Mavericks to the NBA Finals anyway. If Jason Kidd couldn't lead the Nets to a better record in the Eastern Conference with Richard Jefferson and Vince Carter at his side, what in the hell is he going to do in the Western Conference with Dirk Nowitzki and Josh Howard?

Don't get me wrong, I think Jason Kidd is one of the greatest point guards in the history of the game, but he's not the answer in Dallas. At least not at that cost. Devin Harris is never going to be Jason Kidd, but at 24 he still has all the potential to become one of the top point guards in the NBA for years to come. Kidd has a season or two left in him.

Then there's the fact that the Mavs would have sent two future first round picks to the Nets as well, thereby assuring that in a few years when Kidd does retire, the Mavs will be left with nothing but an aging Dirk Nowitzki and no draft picks to bring in new talent.

Dallas isn't going to get through the Western Conference this season, with or without Kidd, but by not making the trade they give themselves a better chance of getting back to the NBA Finals in the next few years.

Ryan Dempster Is Confident - Ryan Dempster has always been the "class clown" of the Chicago Cubs clubhouse. He's also the team's only ninja. I'm not sure whether Dempster was joking around with the media yesterday, but he made a rather bold statement about what he expects the Cubs to do this season.

"I think we're going to win the World Series, I really do," Dempster told reporters as pitchers and catchers reported to camp. "I wouldn't show up here and have worked as hard as I did, and everyone worked as hard as they did, to not believe that. I think it's funny when people make predictions or they say things and people are like, 'Oh, how can you say that?'

"You believe it. You really do. Enough of all the … curse this, the curse that, the goat, the black cat, or the 100 years [without a championship]. … Whatever it is, we're a better team than we were last year. And last year we made it to the playoffs, and it was a battle to make it, to have a rough April and be 10 [games] down and kind of grind our way to first place. I just feel like our chances are better."

I admire Ryan's confidence, though I'm not sure I can really support what he's saying. Will the Cubs get to the playoffs again this season? Probably, I mean their division was horrible last season and it's only gotten worse this season, so it's damn near impossible for the Cubs to not win the division just by showing up to the park everyday.

Will they win the World Series though? Well, they'd have to win a playoff game first, but if the Colorado Rockies can get to the World Series, I see no reason why the Cubs can't get there. There's no way in hell they'd win a 7-game series against the Red Sox, Angels, Tigers, or Indians, but they can get there.

I Hope Terrelle Pryor Doesn't See This - With the nation's top football recruit, quarterback Terrelle Pryor, still undecided about where he's going to go to school, there's still a lot of recruiting being done by the three teams apparently left on his list: Michigan, Ohio State, and Penn State.

Obviously, I want Pryor to go to Penn State because I'm a Nittany Lions fan, and Michigan and Ohio State suck.

The recruiting isn't just being done by the schools themselves though, as fans have taken to posting YouTube videos on the internet trying to convince Pryor to attend their school.

I'm just praying Pryor hasn't seen the following video because, if he has, I don't think he's going to go to Penn State.

Baseball's Three Ring Circus

Spring training is just getting started, and I plan to start rolling out Foul Balls' very own baseball previews next week, but spring training and my previews aren't the big story in baseball right now. The big story is the one I've been doing everything in my power to avoid talking about, but I've now realized that it's going to be impossible.

Roger Clemens is going to be in front of Congress tomorrow morning playing He Said/He Said with Brian McNamee.

So far the story has taken on O.J. Simpson trial proportions as McNamee busted out needles he said that Clemens used, and even went as far as saying he injected Clemens' wife with HGH for a Sports Illustrated photo shoot.

I'm pretty sure before Roger sits down tomorrow morning, there will be a story released saying that McNamee also injected Roger's kids and dog with HGH, and that McNamee has crudely drawn pictures he made with a box of Crayolas to prove it.

Roger will then counter attack by releasing a YouTube video in which he'll use sock puppets to recreate a scene in which McNamee molests a 10-year old boy.

The whole thing has turned into a circus, and though I'm hopeful that the circus will end tomorrow, I'm not stupid enough to think that will actually be the case. This story won't be going anywhere, the names may change, but the song will remain the same.

Unfortunately, the hearings lost some juice yesterday when it was revealed that Andy Pettite would no longer be testifying in Washington on Wednesday.

New York Yankees pitcher Andy Pettitte, former Mets trainer Kirk Radomski, and former Yankee and Twins player Chuck Knoblauch will not testify before a congressional committee Wednesday in Washington D.C.

The only people now scheduled to testify on Wednesday are pitcher Roger Clemens, former Clemens trainer Brian McNamee and Charlie Scheeler of former Senate majority leader George Mitchell's staff.

"Mr. Knoblauch and Mr. Pettitte answered all the Committee's questions and their testimony at the hearing is not needed," committee chairman Henry Waxman and ranking Republican Tom Davis said in a statement. "Mr. Clemens and Mr. McNamee have also cooperated with the Committee in its investigation."

Now at first this would appear to be good news for Roger. After all, part of McNamee's testimony involves conversations he had with both Pettite and Clemens about HGH. It's not good for Roger though, because the reason Pettite didn't want to testify tomorrow was because he's afraid he's going to get one of his good friends in trouble.

So basically, Andy knows his testimony is going to be pretty damning for Roger. Unfortunately for Roger, they wouldn't let Pettite back out of testifying if they didn't already have enough information from him, and word is that Pettite's affidavit is more supportive of McNamee than it is Clemens.

Andy Pettitte's affidavit helps to support Brian McNamee's version of events that the former trainer gave Roger Clemens steroids and HGH, Rep. Tom Davis told Newsday.

Although Pettitte won't testify at Wednesday's hearings, the left-hander's affidavit will be presented to Clemens at the hearing and will be part of the public record, the newspaper reported.

Davis, R-Va., told Newsday that Clemens says in his affidavit that both Pettitte and McNamee are mistaken in their statements.

As if all this wasn't enough, John Rocker made news yesterday by coming out and saying he failed a drug test back in 2000, and Bud Selig knew all about it and chose to ignore it.

Former major league pitcher John Rocker said Monday that baseball commissioner Bud Selig knew he failed a drug test in 2000 and that doctors for the "league" and the "players association" advised him and several Texas Rangers teammates on how to effectively use steroids.

Rocker, no stranger to controversy, made those comments on Atlanta radio station Rock 100.5.

Later Monday, he told Atlanta sports talk radio station 680 The Fan that "between 40 to 50 percent of baseball players are on steroids" and "in 2000 Bud Selig knew John Rocker was taking the juice."

Then during the same interview, just for fun, Rocker went and said this.

"Bud Selig is a clown, and should do the entire world a favor and kill himself."

And to think, Will Leitch didn't even have to get Rocker drunk first before he started spouting off about all this.

While I don't subscribe to the notion that Bud should kill himself, I do agree with Rocker's assessment that Selig is a clown. Rocker's a clown too, as are Clemens and McNamee.

They're all clowns, even the morons in Congress that think baseball is somehow a government issue.

The circus is in town, ladies and gentlemen. Try not to step in any of the elephant shit.



Foul Balls

Return of the Ninja - In what will probably be the only thing you ever see me write about the Arena Football League, at least here at Foul Balls, we take a trip back in time. As of right now the kicker for the Chicago Bears is Robbie Gould, and he's done a pretty acceptable job in the two years he's been here.

Sure, he can't be counted on from over 45 yards, but get him any closer and he's straight cash, homey. I like Gould, but in truth, he'll never be my favorite kicker to wear a Bears uniform. To find the Bears kicker that currently holds that title, you'll have to go a ways back. Back to a kicker out of Michigan State who had an odd way of contorting himself like a corkscrew before kicking his field goals and extra points.

He moved with the stealth and speed of a ninja, and that's why my friends and I dubbed him as The Ninja. You knew him as Paul Edinger. After Edinger was released by the Bears in 2004, he signed on with the Vikings in 2005.

He's never been heard from since, at least, until now. That's right Arena Football fans, The Ninja has come back home to Chicago.

Paul Edinger--you remember him, he of the corkscrew windup before becoming one of the most accurate kickers in Bears history--has signed a deal to join the Rush of the Arena Football League.

Edinger, drafted in the 6th round out of Michigan State in 2000, kicked for the Bears from 2000-2004. He last kicked in the NFL for Minnesota in 2005 and has been out of the NFL since.

This is truly a great day for crime-fighting, superhero kickers everywhere.

Yet Another Berman Video - This time Chris talks about his former Monday Night Football colleague, Al Michaels.

Must warn you though, some naughty language is involved. After all, it is Chris Berman.

A Trade That Makes No Sense

So apparently Shaquille O'Neal is on the verge of being traded to the Phoenix Suns for Shawn Marion and Marcus Banks. The deal has been agreed to by both sides in principle, but Shaq has to pass a physical first, and the deal could be finalized by the end of today.

This is the type of trade that doesn't happen very often. First off, it involves two stars in Marion and Shaq. Then there's the fact that it was completely unexpected, and nobody saw it coming. Finally, and this is the weirdest part of this deal, it's a bad trade for both teams and it's probably worse for Phoenix.

Let's forget about the fact that it was only a few weeks ago that we were all told that O'Neal would be out for the year with a hip problem. I mean, it's amazing how quickly NBA veterans can heal when they're about to go from a horrible team to a team that has a chance to get to the NBA Finals.

The insane part of this deal is, at 35 years old Shaq is already slowing down, and he was never moving that fast to begin with. Speed isn't generally a trait for 7-foot, 300 pound men. So how in the hell is Shaq going to play in Phoenix's system?

This is a team that lives to run all game. Shaq is a player that prefers to plod his way down the court, set up on the blocks, and go to work.

The deal doesn't really work for Miami, either. Sure, they'll be getting O'Neal and the $40 million left on his contract off their books, and they're getting a great player in Marion, but does he fit in Pat Riley's system?

Marion is the type of player that flourished in Phoenix's high-octane offense. Will he be as valuable playing Pat Riley's half-court offense, where defense is priority? I'm hoping that with both Marion and Dwyane Wade the Heat realize they're going to have to pick up the pace a bit.

Still, the biggest reason the Suns traded Marion was because he was tired of being in Phoenix where he's always felt he was unappreciated. He wanted to get out the shadow of Amare Stoudemire, and to a lesser extent, Steve Nash.

Why is Marion going to feel any different in Miami? Dwyane Wade is already the man there, and if Dwyane was the man while Shaq was in town, Marion isn't going to change that.

Miami though has less to lose because the team wasn't going anywhere this year anyway, and they probably weren't going to be that much better next year if they didn't make a change. The Suns on the other hand, are taking a pretty big risk here.

It could pay off huge because maybe Shaq will be magically healed now that he's out from under Riley and playing on a good team. Maybe combined with Amare Stoudemire, the Suns will then run through San Antonio and Los Angeles and finally get to the NBA Finals.

I highly doubt it though.

Foul Balls

Mr. Clemens Goes To Congress - I'm not going to get into how idiotic I find it that Congress feels the need to waste it's time talking to baseball players about whether or not they stuck a few needles in their ass ten years ago. Sure, there are more important things Congress could be doing, like finding out if the Patriots cheated or not, but hey, I don't vote so I shouldn't tell them what to do.

Anyway, Clemens told Congress the same thing he's been saying to us for weeks now. He hasn't done anything.

The star pitcher gave a sworn deposition for about five hours to congressional lawyers behind closed doors Tuesday, addressing his former personal trainer's allegations. And this time, Clemens was under oath.

''I just want to thank the committee, the staff that I just met with. They were very courteous,'' the seven-time Cy Young Award winner said, wearing a pinstriped gray suit instead of a pinstriped New York Yankees uniform. ''It was great to be able to tell them what I've been saying all along -- that I've never used steroids or growth hormone.''

See what Roger did there? He admitted he's done HGH in his denial. He said he hasn't done steroids or growth hormone. No where did he say he's never done human growth hormone.

Thought you'd get away with it, didn't you Clemens?

Meanwhile, In CrazyLand - As a sports fan that generally considers himself pretty educated and knowledgeable about the world outside of a sporting event, I can fully admit there are some sports fans out there that are complete idiots.

A lot of them live in Green Bay, but not all of them. They also have their fair share up in New England (Okay, we have some here too.) where I'd like to introduce you to the following moron. His name is Victor Thompson, and he's heartbroken.

If Victor Thompson had hair covering his Patriots-emblazoned skull, he admits he probably would have been pulling it out Sunday evening as New England went down to defeat in Super Bowl XLII.

For the New York Giants, the 17-14 win was the realization of one of the biggest upsets in NFL history.

But the man who tattooed his head like Patriots quarterback Tom Brady's helmet is definitely in the dumps.

"The minute the Giants got that (last second) touchdown I knew it was done ... it killed me," said Thompson.

Thompson, 39, of Laconia has gained both local and national attention for a stunt that saw him getting the Patriots logo tattooed on both sides of his shaved head and Brady's number 12 on the back along with the American flag.

Now I don't think I need to explain to you, the intelligent reader, just how stupid what Thompson has done is. What makes this "story" for me though is this. Emphasis is mine.

He noted that he still has plans to get New England's other championship Super Bowl years tattooed on his head.

Thompson said the trophy will have to wait.

"Maybe next year. As Brady said (after the game) ... we will be back."

Until then Thompson has tentative plans to get his entire head tattooed silver like the real helmet and he is still working on getting Brady himself to sign his skull with a tattoo gun to make it official.

Even Britney Spears thinks this guy is nuts.

Thank God Almighty, We Are Free At Last!

He's gone!

Thank you, Jesus, he is gone!!

Let January 29th, 2008 go down as one of the greatest days in Chicago White Sox history. I feel like a Russian on the day Stalin died. Not even the 30 MPH winds, and -20 wind chill in Chicago could cool the warm feelings flooding my heart on Tuesday night.

Johan Santana is gone. Not only out of the AL Central, but out of the American League.

That's right, Cubs fans, he's your problem now.

...on Tuesday afternoon, the New York Mets agreed to a tentative deal with the Minnesota Twins for arguably the best pitcher on the planet, Johan Santana, for a package of four prospects.

Santana has a full no-trade clause and can veto the deal unless he gets a contract extension, and it's expected that the Mets and Santana will begin negotiating as soon as possible. New York and Santana have until 5 p.m. ET Friday to reach an agreement, a baseball official told The Associated Press, on condition of anonymity. Deadlines have been extended in the past, however.

If Santana agrees to a deal -- and it is thought he will seek a six-year, $150 million contract -- then he also would have to pass a physical.

Blah, blah, blah, who the hell cares? He's gone!

The Mets already knew that Santana is going to want $150 million, so I see no reason why they're going to have a problem giving it to him, and I have no doubt he's going to pass his physical.

No longer will I have to suffer watching Johan pick apart my beloved White Sox five or six times a season, and when you consider the fact the Twins also lost Torii Hunter and Carlos Silva this offseason, we might actually be able to beat them consistently.

Third place is ours, bitches!

Of course, this is a sad day for Twins fans, as it's never easy to lose a pitcher of Johan's caliber. For those poor souls who are reading this, I offer you these soothing words of the great Nelson Munce.

Foul Balls

Alonzo Spellman: Still Crazy After All These Years - Do you remember Alonzo Spellman? He's one of my favorite Chicago Bears of all time. Not for what he did on the football field, but for all the crazy shit he did off of it.

There was the time in 1998 when he barricaded himself in his publicist's house after a doctor was late for an appointment, and threatened suicide. It took Mike Singletary to convince him to go to a hospital and get himself checked out, where it was discovered Alonzo had bi-polar disorder.

Everything was fine for a while, since Alonzo was taking his medications, and he was able to play a few more years with the Cowboys and Lions. Then he retired, and figured he didn't need his medication anymore.

His assumption was wrong.

On July 23rd, 2002 Spellman was on a flight from Cincinnati to Philadelphia when he lost it. He started screaming that the plane was going to crash, and then started yelling at other passengers and even threatened to kill members of the flight crew. The plane had to make an emergency landing, and afterwards Alonzo was sentenced to 18 months in a federal prison for what he'd done.

Then Alonzo was quiet for awhile, until now, that is.

Former Bears defensive lineman Alonzo Spellman was arrested Tuesday after Tulsa police fired pepper-spray pellets into his car following a 20-minute chase.

Spellman was booked into the Tulsa County Jail on complaints of eluding, assault with a deadly weapon on a police officer, resisting arrest and driving without a license, jail records show. His bond was set at $10,700 and Spellman remained jailed Tuesday evening.

The chase began at 12:23 p.m. after officers responded to a disturbance at a convenience store in midtown Tulsa, police spokesman Leland Ashley said. When officers arrived, Spellman got into a green Chrysler Pacifica and drove away, Ashley said.

"He took us on a little pursuit," Ashley said. "We had to use stop sticks that took out three of his tires."

After the vehicle stopped, the 36-year-old Spellman refused to get out of the car for about 20 minutes until officers fired "pepper bullets" through the windows.

Oh, Alonzo. How I've missed you.

How's Rocket Going To Get Out Of This One? - While I've never been a fan of Roger Clemens, I have to admit, I've admired his fervor in defending himself ever since he was named in the Mitchell Report.

First there was the denial, then there was the taped conversation with Brian McNamee, followed by the 60 Minutes interview, and finally we had the "War and Peace"-esque statistical report Clemens released to prove steroids had nothing to do with his success late in his career.

It's going to be interesting to see how Rocket tries to get out of this one, as his friend, and fellow Mitchell Reporter, Andy Pettite is willing to testify that he and Clemens talked about HGH on a number of occasions.

"Based on what we know, there was a situation where Andy was speaking to Roger in Brian's presence, then Andy came over to Brian and essentially said, 'Why didn't you tell me about this stuff?' He referred to HGH," [Brian McNamee's lawyer Earl] Ward said. "Brian discouraged him and then several months later, when he [Pettitte] got injured, he came back and asked Brian about it, and that's when Brian injected him. We believe that based on the fact that Andy came to Brian and asked him about HGH, it was Roger who told Andy about HGH and that's why he asked Brian about it."

Richard Emery, another lawyer for McNamee, said his client and Pettitte also discussed steroids use by Clemens.

"Pettitte is certainly going to tell the truth and if he tells the truth everything will be fine," Emery said.

"There are a number of conversations where Pettitte and Brian talked about Clemens' use. I think there is everything to believe Pettitte is not a liar."

If I'm Andy Pettite, I'd be expecting a phone call this morning.

The Single Greatest Moment Of My Life - You know, during the few years that I've been blogging at Foul Balls, and now at FanHouse, I've had a few highs in my career.

There was the time my post on Ron Santo was featured in the Chicago Sun-Times.

There was the time Foul Balls was mentioned in the New York Times.

There was the time when I was mentioned by name on ESPN.com

None of those moments can even hold a candle to this one.

As someone who's loved The Dugout so much, for so very long, this is the greatest honor of my lifetime.

Well, until Leitch lets me write the White Sox preview on Deadspin in March. But still, it's pretty fucking awesome.

Long Live The Republic of New Fornellia!

The Big Ten Network Is Starting To Cave

I don't feel like talking about last night's Ohio State loss and what it means for the Big Ten here today, but if you're really interested in what I have to say about it, I'll probably be writing something over at FanHouse on the subject later.

I will say that last night's Buckeye's loss is a huge blow for the perception of Big Ten football across the country.

Another huge blow for the Big Ten's perception as a conference this season has been directly related to the fact that most people can't see the Big Ten, at least not in Chicago. That's because the Big Ten Network and Comcast have been at war since the summer about how much cable customers should pay for BTN and yadda yadda blah blah blah.

If you're a sports fan in this town, you already know the story. You can't turn on the radio for more than 15 minutes without hearing an ad from one side of the debate telling you what assholes the other guys are being.

Well, after the football season ended, the talk kind of died down a bit. Now though, we've reached the Big Ten's conference schedule in basketball, and guess what, people would like to be able to watch it.

And it also seems the BTN is finally starting to relent on it's demands, and may actually show up on Comcast sometime in our lifetimes.

Big Ten Network President Mark Silverman said Monday he was "cautiously optimistic" an agreement could be reached with Comcast, the largest cable distributor in the area. The parties began having "productive conversations" in December, Silverman said.

"We're cautiously optimistic because we've addressed what we were told were their concerns," Silverman said. "We've been consistent all along. We want to get a deal done. We're looking forward to hearing from them, hopefully shortly."

Comcast spokesman Richard Ruggiero confirmed that discussions were ongoing. "We have continued the dialogue," he said. "We've said all along we're trying to work out an agreement that makes sense for all of our customers."

There is a different tone to what both sides are saying now as compared to what it was before. The key there is Silverman saying the BTN is addressing Comcast's concerns, which means they may finally be relenting on their insistence that customers pay $1.10 a month for the network.

The BTN also realizes that if they don't work out a deal with Comcast now, the cable company has no reason to even consider negotiating with them again until the summer before football season starts again.

Hopefully the two sides will get something hammered out soon, because I have to tell you, it's really hard for me to cover both football and basketball in the Big Ten for FanHouse when I can't see 75% of the games being played.

Don't get me wrong, I can get by on my good looks and charm for another 5 years, but I wouldn't mind actually knowing what I'm talking about as well.

Foul Balls

Joe Gibbs Is Retiring....Again - After honoring the memory of Sean Taylor with their 21-point loss to the Seahawks this last weekend, the Redskins will be saying goodbye to their head coach Joe Gibbs yet again.

Joe will be announcing his retirement later this afternoon.

After the toughest season of his Hall of Fame career, one that tested his leadership like never before, Joe Gibbs is stepping down.

He retired as coach and team president of the Washington Redskins on Tuesday, three days after a playoff loss ended an inspirational late-season run that followed the death of safety Sean Taylor.

Gibbs will remain as a special adviser to owner Dan Snyder and was to discuss his retirement at an afternoon news conference at Redskins Park.

Gibbs was never able to recapture the magic formula that he used in his first time around with the Redskins, but he did manage to get them to the playoffs twice. He even won a playoff game.

Still, there were too many instances during his return that showed the NFL game may have passed Joe by during all those years he spent on NASCAR infields, and getting out is probably the best thing for him and his legacy.

As for who will replace Gibbs in Washington, my money is on defensive coordinator Gregg (The second G is for victory.) Williams or Tom Cruise.

Blah Blah Roger Clemens Blah Blah - Ok, so I have no idea what to make of the phone call that Roger Clemens played at a press conference yesterday between himself and Brian McNamee.

Nobody says anything in the call, and nobody denies anything either. All I know is that Roger is fighting this thing more than any other player I've ever seen before, which in a way makes me wonder if he just might be telling the truth. I doubt it, but I can't be sure.

Which in reality, is probably all Clemens wants out of the entire thing. All I do know is that the back and forth between Clemens and McNamee is incredibly entertaining. I feel like I'm in high school again watching two girls talking shit to each other in the hallway for five minutes before finally getting down to business.

I don't know when it's going to happen, but sooner than later the hair pulling will begin, and the linoleum will be covered in extensions and blood.

At Least One Good Reason LSU Won - I already posted this video over at FanHouse, but I enjoyed it so much I'm going to post it here as well.

I'm partially concerned about this kid's future seeing as how he's being raised by people who give him bottles of beer and take him to parties, but at the same time, the kid's a natural born entertainer. He's working the crowd at an 8th grade level.



Let's hope his life takes a different path than that of another Louisiana born and bred entertainer who got their start at a young age.

Can Ohio State Redeem Itself?

Last year at this time the Buckeyes were embarrassed by the Florida Gators in the BCS Title game for all the world to see. The way they were manhandled by the Gators physically, and burned athletically did nothing but add fuel to the fire that the Big Ten just can't compete with college football's top conferences like the SEC.

So here we are again a year later, with the Buckeyes prepared to try again for a national championship, against yet another SEC opponent, the LSU Tigers.

Can the Buckeyes redeem themselves and the Big Ten tonight? With Michigan's victory over Florida in the Capital One Bowl, a Buckeyes win would be a nice cap to a bowl season that's been pretty unkind to the Big Ten.

I really have no idea if the Buckeyes can pull this one out or not, but there are more than a few reasons to think they can.

I can start off by reminding you that in the history of the BCS and the title game, the underdog has won every year. According to Bodog, the Buckeyes are currently four point underdogs.

Then there's the fact that this has been a college football season in which we should expect the unexpected. The Appalachian States of the world are beating Michigan, and the Stanfords upset the USCs. So Ohio State beating LSU couldn't be that big of a shocker, could it?

The most important reason why the Buckeyes could come away with a victory tonight is also the most basic of reasons: LSU isn't that good. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying the Tigers suck or anything, but they have lost two games this season. It's not like they're unbeatable, and this LSU team is not as good as last year's Florida team.

When you break these two teams down by position, you actually find that the Buckeyes are very evenly matched with LSU, and even have an advantage in some areas.

Where this game will be settled though is where all big games are settled, in the trenches.

The key to tonight's game will be the Ohio State offensive line going against Glenn Dorsey and the LSU defensive line. If Ohio State can control the line of scrimmage when they have the ball, they will win this game. If Dorsey and the boys control it, the Buckeyes have no chance.

I'm not going to go too in depth here because I have other things I want to get to today, and frankly it's hard to figure out how each team is going to respond tonight after having such long layoffs.

I will make a prediction though, and it shouldn't come as a surprise to anybody that I'm siding with the Big Ten yet again.

Ohio State 24 LSU 20

Foul Balls

The Illini Still Suck - They did it again. The Illini lost their third straight home game on Sunday afternoon, this time to the Penn State Nittany Lions. I knew that the Illini weren't going to be the same team we've all grown accustomed to seeing this season, but I had no idea things were going to get this bad.

Three straight home losses?

It used to take this team three years to lose three games at Assembly Hall, and they sure as hell weren't losing any games to Penn State. (Or Miami of Ohio and Tennessee State for that matter.) Considering their next two games are on the road against Indiana and Michigan State it's pretty clear that this team is going to start out it's conference schedule 0-4, and at this point the NIT is a pipe dream, let alone the NCAA's.

Clemens Fires Back - I already went over my feelings on Roger Clemens on Friday, and I didn't even see the 60 Minutes interview, so I've nothing new to add to the subject. (If I wanted to watch the interview, I could go here.)

Still, one of the big things I've always maintained when a player claims their innocence when it comes to steroids is "If you're so innocent, why don't you sue those bastards for defamation and defend yourself?"

Well, guess what Roger's doing!

Roger Clemens beat Brian McNamee to court, filing a defamation suit against the former trainer who claimed to have injected him with performance-enhancing drugs. McNamee's attorney, Earl Ward, told ESPN's T.J. Quinn on Monday that McNamee is determined to file a counter lawsuit against Clemens. Ward said he spoke to McNamee on Monday morning and Clemens' statements in Sunday's "60 Minutes" interview are "a total lie."

No countersuit has been filed yet.

Clemens filed the suit Sunday night in Harris County District Court in Texas, listing 15 alleged statements McNamee made to the baseball drug investigator George Mitchell. Clemens claimed the statements were "untrue and defamatory."

Of course, this does absolutely nothing to make me think Clemens is innocent in this matter, but at least he's really trying to appear as though he is.

Roger Clemens Thinks You're An Idiot

Ever since Roger Clemens' name was mentioned in the Mitchell Report, he's gone out of his way to say that everything his former trainer, Brian McNamee, said about him is a lie. He even went and put a video up on YouTube to deny the allegations.

See?

Of course, I never believed any of it. I've been saying for years that Clemens was on steroids because there's just no way a pitcher can actually get better once he hits his 40's. It's not possible. If it were, it wouldn't have taken over 100 years of baseball for it to happen.

As I'm sure you're aware, Roger did an interview with his good buddy, and Yankees fan, Mike Wallace that will air this Sunday on 60 Minutes. The interview has caused quite a fuss because Brian McNamee's lawyers have come out and said that if Clemens denies the allegations in the Mitchell report, and says that McNamee was lying, they're going to sue his steroid injected ass.

Now I've no doubt that when the interview airs on Sunday, Clemens will say that McNamee is lying, but we'll have to wait and see. What we no longer have to wait for though is Roger recycling the same bullshit excuse baseball players who've been caught have been using for a while now.

Stop me if you've heard this one before.

When asked by Wallace if McNamee had ever injected him with any drugs, Clemens responds: "Lidocaine and B-12. It’s for my joints, and B-12 I still take today."

Clemens calls the accusation "ridiculous" and says he "never" used any banned substances.

"Swear?" asks Wallace.

"[I] swear," says Clemens.

Well, I believe him!

While I'll give Roger credit for busting out the Lidocaine, I don't recall anyone using that yet, how dumb does he have to be to pull out the B-12 reference? Hasn't he paid any attention to this whole steroids scandal?

You may remember Rafael Palmeiro a few years ago in Congress telling everybody he never used steroids, only to get busted for it later. What did Palmeiro say about the allegations at the time?

He claimed he didn't knowingly take any steroids, but that he thought he had been taking some other substance. What was it again?

Oh yeah! It was B-12.

It's also the same excuse other players have used when their names surfaced in steroid allegations, like another Oriole, Miguel Tejada.

How fucking dumb do baseball players think we are? They either expect us to believe that they're letting doctors and trainers inject them with unknown substances, not caring how it may affect their careers and multi-million dollar paychecks, or that they're having vitamins injected into their ass when they can just as easily buy them at a local drug store.

Why can't they just do what Andy Pettite did? Admit you made a mistake, apologize, and move on. That's all I want. I don't have a problem with Clemens for using steroids, just like I don't have a problem with Barry Bonds using them.

What I have a problem with is being lied to repeatedly. You can put a plate full of bullshit in front of me if you want to, but don't expect me to eat it.

Well, unless it will help me be a better blogger. If that's the case, sign me up!


Foul Balls

More on The Nick Swisher Trade - While I made it known yesterday that I was pleased with the trade the White Sox made acquiring Nick Swisher, I've read a lot of different places about how the Sox have mortgaged their entire future for this deal.

"How can you sell out your future for a career .250 hitter that strikes out all the time?"

They're partly right, because the trade has left the Sox farm system quite bare. At the same time though, this trade does not kill the White Sox' future. Nick Swisher is a part of that future.

He brings a lot of things to the table that are exactly what this team lacked last season. Yes he strikes out a lot, and has a low average. So what? He also walks over 100 times a year, works deep into counts, and had a higher OBP (.381) last year than anybody on the White Sox roster other than Jim Thome.

Oh, and then there's the fact he has power to all fields and in a place like US Cellular he's going to hit over 35 home runs a season. There's also the fact that Swisher is only 27 years old and entering the prime of his career. On top of that, he's locked up for 4 more years at an extremely affordable salary.

Listen, folks, guys like Jim Thome, Paul Konerko, and Jermaine Dye aren't getting any younger. Those dips in the numbers we saw from them last season? Expect that kind of trend to continue in 2008, maybe not as drastically as last season, but they're not going to go up.

Yes the White Sox gave up a couple of pitchers that could possibly come back to haunt them in a few years, but with Swisher they've locked up somebody who can hold a spot in the middle of their lineup for years to come.

Roger Clemens Is Zestfully Clean

I have no reason to post this video other than it makes Roger Clemens look like an idiot. That's usually enough to grab my attention.

(via Bugs & Cranks)

Roger Just Wants To Pitch

Since Roger Clemens is scheduled to start against the Mets tonight, I figured this video was appropriate today. I'd also set the odds of this scene happening in real life at about 5-1.

The only difference will be that instead of staying home on road trips, Roger will ask if he can ride a motorized cart to the mound each inning.

(Via The Postmen)

Roger Clemens Should Raise Your Children

With Roger Clemens set to make his debut as a Yankee this season against the White Sox on Monday, I figure this video is relevant.

Roger is right. Chewing tobacco is bad. I tried it once, and though it gave me an incredible buzz, I just didn't find anything about it to be all that wonderful.

Also, what are the odds that Clemens then beaned this kid in the head afterwards to really get his point across? I say they're pretty good.

(Via The Postmen. Your one stop shop for all YouTube needs.)

And the Leonard Pinth-Garnell Award Goes to... Roger Clemens

Hey, Roger, remember when you were "eighty percent sure" you weren't playing this season?

I knew you full of it then, and you didn't let me down.

During today's Yankees game against the Seattle Mariners, Roger Clemens announced he's coming back to the Yankees. Well, it was more like a pronoucement. All that was missing were court jesters, trumpets, Nubian slaves and a jousting contest.

In a move that would have William Shatner rolling his eyes,

At the end of the seventh-inning stretch, Yankees public address announcer Bob Sheppard told fans to turn their attention to the box, where Clemens was standing with a microphone. As the video scoreboard in right-center televised Clemens, the seven-time Cy Young Award winner made the announcement himself.

God, I hope he throws one pitch and dislocates his shoulder.

There's An 80% Chance Roger Clemens Is Full of It

Spring must be just around the corner.

Roger delivered his annual State of the Clemens yesterday, claiming he has only a twenty percent likelihood of playing this season.

But in the very next breath:

"The teams that are involved, I think they've got really good clubs that are together, and if somebody stubs their toe and my phone rings in May, I might have to think about it."

Roger, come sit over here. We need to talk.

Look, I don't wanna psychoanalyze you - at least, not for free - but you need to do a little soul-searching.

The Matsuzaka lovefest has gotten to you, hasn't it?

C'mon, confession is good for the soul. You're jealous and you want some attention. Have the balls to admit it!

You're way better at baseball than this silly game. It feels kinda desparate and it's getting old. When you actually make your mind up, let the world know. We promise to pay attention.

Until then, cut the "Will I or won't I?" theatrics, okay?

It only works when you're young and pretty.