Have Bears Tickets to Sell?

People will do just about anything for Bears tickets in this city. All one has to do is look at Craigs List to see what kind of offers are out there.

Luckily for you, we've done it for you. Some of the best offers?

• Free Botox or Lipo for tickets!
• Regular old cosmetic surgery.
• Wanna trade your tickets for some Beanie Babies? Of course you do!
• Cuz Bears fans love spending Monday-Saturday at the spa.
• This guy is willing to be your Beer Bitch. And he'll buy.
• A Mexican vacation is yours for some tickets.
• This guy is a damn liar!!!
• Plane tickets. You know, that you can use to fly to Miami.

So if you're looking to sell your tickets, those are eight very solid options. Happy Trading everybody!

Bear Down, Chicago Bears

Well, we're in a lot better mood this morning than we were at any point last week. That's what happens when your favorite team in the world wins its first playoff game since you were 13 years old.

It never really hit us how long it had been since the Bears won a playoff game until we started looking at it that way. The last half of our life had been completely devoid of a Bears playoff win until yesterday.

That's a long ass time, and it felt gooooood.

It feels so good in fact, that we're just gonna do nothing today but revel in it. We know the problems that the New Orleans Saints pose for our Bears next week, but we don't wanna start worrying about that quite yet. Today we're going to pretend we're 13 again, and share in the endless optimism that comes with youth.

The best thing in the world that could have happened for the Bears yesterday, happened. We can't stress enough just how nervous we were all weekend, especially in the last few hours leading up until gametime.

It's only natural for a Chicagoan. The fact is, unless Michael Jordan is playing for your team, if you root for a Chicago team you're almost always preparing for disappointment.

So when the Bears marched down the field on their very first drive yesterday, and took a 7-0 lead, it was like the 2-ton monkey with halitosis and explosive diarrhea was lifted from our back. It's not like we thought the game was over at that point (though a few plays into Seattle's first drive, if Peanut Tillman hadn't dropped that interception in which he had an easy touchdown, we would have), but after seeing every minute of every Bears game this season, you can always tell how Rex is going to play by that first drive.

We got nervous again after the Seahawks tied he game at the start of the second quarter, but then the Sex Cannon put his arm around us and told us not to worry. He said, "F--k it. I'm throwing downfield." And he did. On the Bears very first play from scrimmage afterward, Rexstasy found Bernard Berrian deep for a 68-yard touchdown pass.

We'd forgotten just how beautiful a Grossman throw can look when he's not forcing it into double coverage.

Rexy was far from perfect yesterday. He did fumble when sacked by Julian Peterson (TUCK THE BALL OR THROW IT AWAY!) and it did set the Seahawks up to tie the game, but he responded by leading the Bears on a two-minute drive to give them a 21-14 lead going into the half. His interception wasn't the typical horrible-throw interception we've come to expect from him. Yes, it was a little behind Moose, but it was still a ball he should have caught.

On the other side of the ball, the defense was nothing like the defense the Bears had before Tommie Harris and Mike Brown were hurt. When it really mattered though, late in the game, the Seahawks couldn't drive on them. Lance Briggs made two huge stops on Shaun Alexander in the backfield. The first, on a third and one, and finally on a huuuuge 4th and 1 late in the fourth quarter. Alex Brown sacked Hasselbeck for a big loss on a third and one, and Tank Johnson sacked him again in overtime to get the ball back to the Bears. He fought back the urge to fire a semi-automatic rifle into the air afterwards.

''We just kept fighting, and even though we were tired, our crowd gave us a great energy, becoming almost our 12th man out there. We fed off them and we fed off each other. We knew we were going to win the game if we just stuck to our guns. But it's kind of nerve-racking, you know what I mean?''

-Tank Johnson

The biggest play of the game though came late in the fourth quarter. After the Bears and Lance Briggs stopped Alexander on that fourth and one, the offense got the ball back. On third down Rex took a three step drop and fired a pass to his right. The Seahawks Rocky Bernard got his hand up, and deflected the ball straight into the air.

As that ball hovered over his head in the air, the entire season flashed before our eyes. Bernard was going to catch that deflection, the Seahawks were going to have the ball at the 25, and we were going to have to wait yet another year for a playoff win.

But then Thomas Jones ran over, leapt into the air, and swatted the ball out of Bernard's hands, saving the season. It was then that we knew.

Whether the game went to overtime or not, at that point we knew the Bears would win.

The throw of the day wasn't Grossman's bomb to Berrian either. It was the 30 yard pass Grossman threw to Rashied Davis on third and ten in overtime. That was a big time throw. That was the kind of throw that a quarterback needs to make in the playoffs, and Rex answered all the doubters.

"After I got up, I screamed. It was probably the biggest catch I made in my life."

-Rashied Davis

A few plays later, Robbie Gould nailed (Get it!? 16 months ago he was working construction, hammering nails! We're too funny sometimes.) a 49 yard field goal and the hex had been lifted.

It felt great.

"We win one game and we're in the Super Bowl, two wins away from having a ring on my finger for the rest of my life."

-Rex Grossman

We know it's not over yet, but we're going to try to hold on to this joy for just one more day.

While You Were Drinking

NFL playoffs edition, cuz as far as we're concerned, nothing else happened

• Bears 27 Seahawks 24 - Halfway Decent Rex showed up to play yesterday! We knew that this game wasn't going to be anywhere near as easy as Vegas and its 8.5 point spread implied it would be. The Bears defense was pretty damn mediocre for the first two and a half quarters, but over the last quarter and a half they stepped it up. Six times, the Seahawks had a 3rd and 1 or a 4th and 1. Six times, the Bears defense stopped them. Obviously, this isn't the last you'll be reading about this game here today.
• Colts 15 Ravens 9 - Wow. What. A. Barnburner. Thankfully, this was the first game of the weekend, cuz it sucked. Four hours and eight field goals later, the Colts emerged victorious in Baltimore. Seriously, if somebody told you that Peyton Manning would throw for 438 yards, one touchdown, and five interceptions in the Colts first two playoff games there's no way in hell you have them playing in the AFC Championship. But thanks to a defense that's surrendered only 17 points in those two games, they will be.
• Saints 27 Eagles 24 - If you were to ask us which team is playing the best football right now, and is the favorite to win it all, we wouldn't even hesitate. It's the Saints. The only problem they have right now is their defense, cuz they give up almost as many yards as they gain.
• Patriots 24 Chargers 21- What!? A Marty Schottenheimer coached team gave up a lead late in the fourth quarter in a playoff game!? Tom Brady led a game winning drive in a playoff game!? Whooda thunk it? Way to challenge that obvious fumble by Marlon McRee, Marty. That timeout you lost definitely wouldn't have come in handy as your team made that potential game-tying drive late.
• Which conference is better? - Listen, we know the AFC is a better overall conference than the NFC, but if you watched the games this weekend are you still that sure? We've maintained all year that the NFC is not as bad as everyone seems to think it is. For further proof, let's just look at the numbers of all eight quarterbacks this weekend by conference. The four AFC QBs combined to have a 52.0 rating (74/142 853yds 2TD 8INT). The NFC QBs had an 82.2 rating (74/133 960 yds 4TD 2INT). In each AFC game there were more turnovers than the NFC teams had combined this weekend. The Colts/Ravens game had 6 turnovers, the Pats/Bolts game had 7, and the NFC had 4 combined. We realize this is only one weekend, but who would have thought that of the four quarterbacks still alive, Brees and Grossman would be playing the best? Of course, after Brees and Rexstacy throw five picks apiece next week, none of this will be relevant. Our only point is that while a few weeks ago, we were pretty sure the NFC teams were only playing for a Super Bowl berth, now we're confident that the Saints or Bears can beat either team remaining in the AFC.

"You Are Getting Sleepy..."

a quick roundup of yesterday's nfl playoff games

Indianapolis Colts 15, Baltimore Ravens 6
That was the best nap I've had in weeks. Although I had this weird dream. It's kinda hazy but there was this guy who looks just like Bryant Gumbel, except he was younger and actually doing a competent sportscast, and the Baltimore Ravens were there but not doing much and the Colts too and Peyton Manning was there, doing pretty much nothing at all but a little more than Steve McNair who did exactly zip and Adam Vinatieri scored field goal after field goal and Purple People were crying and suddenly I became a tunnel and a train's approaching.... Well, you know the rest. At least if you're my shrink, you do.

New Orleans Saints 27, Philadelphia Eagles 24
"No, sweet Lord, not again." When it was already the second quarter and there were just two New Orleans field goals on the board, it seemed the only prudent choice involved copious quantities of Cuervo. But I'd hardly cut the lemon and licked the salt off my hand when Donte Stallworth decided to actually do something interesting. Everyone else quickly followed suit. Brian Westbrook was brilliant for the Eagles - 116 yards and two TD - but thanks to the artistry of Deuce - 143 yards rushing and 2 TD - some ballet by Bush, and a souped-up Superdome, the Saints powered their way past the Eagles and into the NFC Championship game. New Orleans, take off the paper bags, put on your beads and prepare for an invasion of reporters returning to the 9th Ward this week pretending to care.

Just Cuz We Hate the Cowboys

Ya, we're pretty sure all of you have seen this by now, if not 1,000 times. But maybe, just maybe, you haven't. So we feel the need to post it here.

If you don't know the situation, the Cowboys were trailing Seattle 21-20 late on Saturday. They then marched all the way downfield, and were set up for a 20-yard field goal that would have given them the lead with a minute left.

Oops, wrong video. Post traumatic stress disorder does crazy things to people. Here's the actual video.

Panger has been watching it nonstop while laughing hysterically for 34 hours now. We really do feel sorry for Tony Romo though, no matter how strong our dislike for the Cowboys is. Judging by the way he was during the post game press conference, we hope Jerry Jones made sure that they took away his shoe laces before he went home.

Bobble Head

yesterdays' wild-card games

Seattle Seahawks 21, Dallas Cowboys 20

How hard is to to believe that only a month ago, Tony Romo being touted as the Second Coming?

Trailing by one point at the end of the fourth quarter, a 25-yard run by Julius Jones put the Cowboys into range for what should have been an easy Martin Gramatica field goal from 19 yards out.

But Romo, acting as holder, lost his grip of the ball on the snap and had to run toward the end zone before getting stopped short of the first-down marker.

End of game. And the beginning of an excruciatingly long offseason for Romo who will, no doubt, will be able to see his mistake replayed over and over again on NFL highlight reels for years to come.

And that wasn't even the weirdest play of the game. That honor would go to a fourth-quarter safety originally ruled a touchdown after Terry Glenn got stripped of the ball by Kelly Jennings on the one-yard line.

Bill Parcells was in such shock afterwards, he wasn't even surly:

"You gotta finish the game. We just didn't do it."

You could see on his face, this one cut deep.

Some analysts surmised it was so bad, it might push him to retire.

Our guess is the opposite. No coach as competitive as Parcells wants that play to be the last of his career.

Indianapolis Colts 23, Kansas City Chiefs 8

Pregame, all the "experts" predicted it would be a battle between Peyton Manning, who'd wreck havoc in the end zone, and Larry Johnson, who'd run a hole through the Indianapolis defense.

Nice guess, fellas.

Peyton Manning folded (the post-season Manning Meltdown)and made it way closer than it had to be, throwing three interceptions that kept Kansas City within striking range until late in the third quarter.

But the Colts' defense, stung by a week-long bitch slap by the media, had something to prove.

Said a jubiliant Dwight Freeney after the game:

"Doesn't matter what anybody says 'cept the eleven guys on the field."

And he reminded folks what Tony Dungy told his players a couple weeks ago when reamed for not altering a defensive roster that was giving up on average 173 yards per game: "We have the right defense. We just need to tackle better."

And that's what they did, preventing the Chiefs from making a single first down for the first forty minutes of the game.

KC quarterback Trent Green looked like he still had a concussion - or wished he did. At this moment, Ty Law is no doubt locked in the bathroom of the team plane, banging his head on the sink, mumbling "Why me?" after making two brilliant interceptions only to see them squandered by Green.

Trent Green's performance.

The best part of the game came after, during the obligatory handshake between KC head coach Herman Edwards and Dungy. They have been best friends since early in their respective careers and it showed in their genuine display of sportsmanship and - dare we say it? - affection. The two - accompanied by Bears head coach Lovie Smith - also went out to dinner the night before the game. Not sure that's a choice we would have made but it's heart-warming, nonetheless.

So now the Colts travel to Baltimore, where we're guessing they'll get shellacked, karmic payback 23 years later for "The Move."

In fact, someone oughta get the cast of Most Haunted to Bob Irsay's grave - we promise you, he'll be turning over in it when the Ravens end the Colts season.

Tommy the Dago Presents: NFL Wild Card Round

Finally, it's here. No longer do I have to pick the winner of the Browns/Texans game or the Raiders/Lions.

Nope, it's only the good teams left now.

Well, and a few NFC teams too.

But it's the playoffs and things tend to make more sense in the playoffs, so I'm planning on finishing with a record that I can be proud of.

Colts vs. Chiefs (+7)
What's the Colts' biggest weakness? Their run defense. The Chiefs' strength? Run offense. Why is the Colts' run defense so horrible? They're tiny, especially up front on the D-line at the tackle position. Why are the Chiefs' so good running the ball? Cuz of Larry Johnson and the offensive line. Particularly their center and guards. What that means is you can probably expect to see Larry Johnson running up the middle a lot on Saturday. I'm not sure that the Chiefs are going to beat Indianapolis straight up, but I do think that they'll be able to keep it close enough that they have a realistic chance. (NBC 4:30PM Est.)

Seahawks (-3) vs. Cowboys
Neither of these teams was very impressive down the stretch. In fact, the only reasons I'm taking Seattle are cuz they're at home and it's Tony Romo's first postseason start in a very difficult stadium for a road team to get a victory at. That, and Shaun Alexander seems to be full strength again; just have to look at his performance against San Diego to realize that. So, I think that Seattle's experience will get them this win. (NBC 8:00PM Est.)

Patriots vs. Jets (+8.5)
This is probably the toughest one for me to figure out. That's kinda odd considering one of the teams is the Patriots. But the facts are these: The Jets beat New England 17-14 in New England during Week 10. They lost to the Patriots at home 24-17 in Week 2. But in either game, they cover that spread. Also, the Jets went 6-2 on the road this season. So put those together that's how I settled on the Jets. What I'm trying even harder to do is block out that part of my brain that keeps screaming, "It's Tom Brady, you jackass!! In the playoffs!!!!" (CBS 1:00PM Est.)

Eagles vs. Giants (+7)
I'm kinda treating this game the same way I did the Patriots and Jets. When division rivals meet each other in the playoffs, it generally makes for a close game. It's the third time they've played each other, and they know each other's best moves. Still, I'm a little worried about Eli, and the fact that the Giants won't have Strahan. This game was a lot easier to pick before Tiki's performance last week. Now this entire game can come down to whether or not he's ready to call it a career yet. Don't know if the Giants win, but it smells like whoever does will do it with a late field goal. (FOX 4:30PM Est.)