High Five

A quick tour of the interweb while rooting for Hugo the Hornet to knee Robert Horry in the nuts on Monday to be nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize

1. If you know the Cubs, you have to watch this video. A fan imitates batting stances of past and present Cubbies. Hilarious. [Fanhouse]
2. Glad to see I'm not the only person who thought what Robert Horry did to David West last night was despicable. Almost as infuriating, the announcers belabored defense of Horry's foul play. [Page 3]
3. Given the valuable lesson we've learned today about Lance Briggs and baby mamas, shouldn't this Purdue player get an award instead of a court date? [The Wizard of Odds]
4. Jim Edmonds isn't, of course, the first Cards/Cubs crossover. Here are the top seven. Bite me, Ernie Broglio. [JoeSportsFan.com]
5. For Kyle Farnsworth, nothin' says lovin' like somethin' from the oven. [The Dugout]

High Five

A quick look around the interweb while buying that Carlos Quentin jersey

1. Kyle Farnsworth doesn't just kick lifeless pedestrians in the crotch. He also bakes the best peanut butter cookies! [Deadspin]
2. In what is quite possibly the most shocking news I've ever heard, Charles Barkley owes a casino money. [FanIQ]
3. Jay Mariotti is sulking again. [Jay the Joke]
4. This is why I never liked my mom coming to my Little League games. [With Leather]
5. More support for Cedric. [The Postmen]
   

High Five

A quick look around the interweb while preparing to boo Jim Edmonds

1. Erin Andrews says something, but to be honest, I don't know what she said. All I hear when she speaks is a choir of angels singing. [Deadspin]
2. I suggest Hedo Turkoglu hires some bodyguards. [With Leather]
3. Do you hate your ears? Well, I've found a great way for you to punish them. [Walkoff Walk]
4. The ten best baseball fights, non-Major League edition. [on 205th]
5. Kornheiser has been talking about this for weeks on PTI, but I guess it's become official now. [FanHouse]
   

High Five

A quick look around the interweb while waiting to be named the new head coach of the Bulls

1. Charles Haley is a great guy. [Deadspin]
2. In KG's defense, it would probably help if the Celtics actually ran some plays for him in the second half. [Waiting for Next Year]
3. A girl in Texas wins the state title all by herself. [With Leather]
4. Tony Romo's rendition of "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" proves to be rather costly. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
5. Much like the Bulls, the Suns are no closer to finding their next coach. [FanHouse]
   

High Five

A quick look around the interweb while thanking your ACL for being so manly

1. Dee Mirich is back, and she's better crazier than ever. [Deadspin]
2. Sarge Matthews on lap dances and fatties. [Awful Announcing]
3. Every 16-year old boy's worst nightmare. [With Leather]
4. I'm not sure I'd let my kid wear this jersey, but in his parent's defense, he's a boy. Now had he been a 13-year old girl.... [Zoner Sports]
5. What are the odds Chipper Jones hits .400 this year? [Vegas Watch]
   

High Five

A quick tour of the interweb while waiting for UPS to deliver my Ozzie Guillen blow-up doll

1. Some more support for Cedric Benson by an Austin native. [Sports on My Mind]
2. Then again, Cedric looked like he was having too much damned fun. There's a law in Texas against that, right? (For black men, anyway.) [Mister Irrelevant]
3. A map of The United Countries of Baseball. White Sox fans must feel a lot like the Israelis do. [With Leather]
4. Postman E has a powerful man crush on Chris Paul. [We Are the Postmen]
5. Happy Mother's Day to all you sports moms! [The 2 Man Advantage]

High Five

A quick look around the interweb while violating space heaters

1. For you Bulls fans a little too young to know what you're getting in Chuck Swirsky, here's some information for you. [Food Court Lunch]
2. So, has the National League finally overtaken the American League? [UmpBump]
3. With Kobe finally getting his first MVP award, who are the ten best players in the history of The Association to never win one? [The Love of Sports]
4. Eagles cheerleaders love posing in bikinis and saving the planet. [With Leather]
5. LeBron James: Following in Scottie Pippen's footsteps. [FanHouse]
   

High Five

A quick look around the interweb while dying your beard pink

1. Cubs fans and White Sox fans: Fighting over Domino's since 1912. [Trading Markets]
2. Vikings defensive lineman Darrion Scott picks up the pace in the race for Father of the Year. [The Sports Point]
3. God I hate Peta. [Deadspin]
4. Jason Whitlock can't wait for the day that bloggers start tearing each other to shreds. [FanHouse]
5. See, this is why you should only stick bats up a blow-up doll's ass. [With Leather]
   

High Five

A quick look around the interweb while shoving a bat up Juan Uribe's ass

1. Rashard Mendenhall gets a quick introduction into the life of a rich athlete. [Chicago Sun-Times]
2. That damn kid finally took his Favre jersey off. [Deadspin]
3. How come more people haven't called out Leitch for this whole race thing? [FanHouse]
4. When politics and football collide. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
5. If you were a big fan of Wayne Larrivee and Tom Dore on Bulls broadcasts, well, I have some bad news for you. [Chicago Sports]
   

High Five

A quick look around the interweb while keeping Tim Tebow away from your junk

1. How to turn disturbing anti-meth ads into awesome. [The Great Barstoolio]
2. Another example of how Deadspin is killing journalism and writing. [Deadspin]
3. So Yankees and Red Sox fans have finally resorted to murder, which is nice. [With Leather]
4. Inside joke alert: I'm sure this new MLB promotion and post title holds a lot more significance for our very own Panger. [Babes Love Baseball]
5. His first assignment will be to hit Chris Berman over the head with a chair, so I approve of this hiring. [Awful Announcing]
   

High Five

A quick look around the interweb while finally finishing what has been one of the longest weeks of my life

1. I can only assume it was my Asshole Of The Week post that helped him see the light. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]
2. White People: Terribly Un-Coordinated Since The Dawn of Man. [The Sports Hernia]
3. Who wants to help me get a Foul Balls Bowl? [Deadspin]
4. A shocking new study shows that white people from Utah like other white people. More details to come. [With Leather]
5. The Kentucky Derby is this weekend, and though I don't much care for horse racing, I do enjoy dirty words and double entendres. With that in mind, here's a list of the greatest names in Derby history. [FanIQ]
   

High Five

A quick look around the interweb while apologizing for the second straight short day. While I'm feeling considerably better today, I've been completely out of the loop on things the last few days, and I'm in the process of getting caught up. Expect a full day of hack writing tomorrow.

1. Will's final take on the whole Buzz Bissinger thing, which I haven't actually watched yet, but plan on doing sometime today. It's part of that whole catching up thing I was telling you about. [Deadspin]
2. My favorite part of when basketball teams get knocked out of the playoffs is when TNT does the "Gone Fishin'" segment. I also think this would help soften the blow for a lot of those players whose season has ended. [With Leather]
3. Damn that screen! [Awful Announcing]
4. Goooooooo Raiders! [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
5. Joe Cowley likes getting beat up apparently. [Chicago Sun-Times]
   

High Five

A quick tour of the interweb while reporting that this Foul Ball-less day is due to Fornelli being a touch under the weather. Sources tell me he sustained some injuries while fighting a grizzly bear. (Fornelli Vs. Wild, look for it on the Discovery Channel next season.) He's gonna be fine but decided not to write today cuz he can't think too clearly. And that's different, how...?

1. Jim Leyland's earlier career as a railroad conductor. [Deadspin]
2. You gotta watch this. On Bob Costas, it's a Main Stream Media versus Deadspin Smackdown!!! My conclusion: I think Buzz Bissinger needs a blog. [We are the Postmen]
3. Finally, a reason for you Boston-haters to like the Red Sox Nation. [Lion in Oil]
4. Attention, Cubs fans: We are doomed. [The Big Lead]
5. You see, Buzz, without blogs, sports fans would be denied access to important stories like this one. [With Leather]

High Five

A quick look around the interweb while wondering when Josh Beckett is going to give Miley Cyrus a call

1. Oh my, ESPN may finally be able to laugh at itself. [The Sports Hernia]
2. Generally, the only way to get me to link to a soccer story is if it involves transvestites. [Deadspin]
3. Royals wives are stupid bitches, or so I'm told. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]
4. In case you needed another reason to not watch Dancing with the Stars. [With Leather]
5. The Postmen argue over the greatest sports blog in the world. Actually, they don't argue at all, they love each other too much. [Ballhype]
   

High Five

A quick look around the interweb while sending Josh Howard a thank you card

1. Roger Clemens loves 15-year old girls. [NY Daily News]
2. And what else Roger was up to in the 90's. [FanHouse]
3. Joel Pineiro is a show-off. [With Leather]
4. Kenny Smith is interested in the Knicks general manager job. [Awful Announcing]
5. Mark Jackson wants to make sure the Knicks offer more money. [Chicago Sports]
   

High Five

A quick look around the interweb, grateful that "Mel Kiper Week" is almost over

1. Although I do love Mel's MySpace page. [JSF MediaSpace]
2. Bryon Scott's son wants you to know, the Hornets be for real, yo. [You Been Blinded]
3. Facebook has a new application just for college athletes! Based on the results, I'm thinking they should stick to Sparkey and Scrabulous. [Fan IQ]
4. A unique way to keep Lance Briggs around during the Bears offseason [Chicago Sun-Times]
5. ASU cheerleaders really need to work on getting matching uniforms. [TheDirty.com]

High Five

A quick look around the interweb while trying to jump your Chevy Nova

1. T.O. loves him some porn. [Deadspin]
2. Water: Killing baseball players and the game for years. [FanHouse]
3. Strip clubs in and around Dallas are preparing. [With Leather]
4. Mets reliever Joe Smith not only has a unique name, but he also hates Cubs fans. [Home Run Derby]
5. Chris Cooley's life sucks. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

Also, make sure to check out our new GROUND BREAKING live blogs at FanHouse this afternoon. Jon and Nick from The Dugout are currently doing the Phillies/Brewers game, and I'll be joining them in the future for further live-blogs. Apparently I'm funny. Who knew?

High Five

A quick look around the interweb while staying as far away from the Congo as humanly possible

1. Charles Barkley is a double threat. He speaks Spanish, too! [Awful Announcing]
2. It's nice to see that wrestling fans are getting involved in politics now. [The Postmen]
3. Who wants to golf with Bobby Knight? [Larry Brown Sports]
4. Bikinis, bowling, dude. [With Leather]
5. Lance Briggs gets confused easily. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
   

High Five

A quick look around the interweb while protecting your home from Benny the Bull

1. See, this is why the NBA on TNT is the greatest thing ever. Marv Albert doing the Soulja Boy. [Awful Announcing]
2. MDS had an interview with the only person on Around the Horn that doesn't make me want to punch things. [FanHouse]
3. Speaking of FanHouse, and this has nothing to do with sports, we officially rock now. Obviously, I'll take all the credit. [Marketing Charts]
4. Tony Romo was then admitted to a local hospital with a raging case of herpes. [Deadspin]
5. The folks in Seattle sure do love David Stern. [With Leather]
   

High Five

A quick look around the interweb while preparing to enter enemy territory for the first time this season

1. The Bulls sucking this year is all Jerry Reinsdorf's fault. [Indignant Sports]
2. George Karl is hands on with his assistant coaches. [Lion in Oil]
3. Your latest NFL player to get arrested is.....[Deadspin]
4. I suspect it was more the Suns "garbage" defense on Manu Ginobili at the end of the game, or their "garbage" play-calling on offense that cost them the game, but whatever. [The Postmen]
5. Tim McCarver just keeps on truckin', man. [Awful Announcing]