Benny The Bull Continues to Be a Menace to Society

Man, Benny the Bull just can't catch a break. He's either getting in trouble with the law, finding out his girlfriend is cheating on him in front of a national television audience, or he's pissing off Kevin Garnett and the Boston Celtics.

All he wants to do is pump up the hometown crowd at Bulls games, can't we give him that chance? I mean, really, what kind of harm can he do? Wait, what? Really? Oh what the...

A Naperville dentist called a flagrant foul on Chicago Bulls' mascot Benny the Bull on Monday, suing the team over a high-five gone awry.

Dr. Don Kalant Sr. alleged he was sitting near courtside on Feb. 12 when he raised his arm to get a high-five from Barry Anderson, who portrays the exuberant mascot in a bright red fuzzy costume.

But Kalant, an oral surgeon, may now wish he had settled for a fist-bump instead.

Instead of merely slapping Kalant's palm, Anderson grabbed his arm as he fell forward, hyperextending Kalant's arm and rupturing his biceps muscle, according to the lawsuit filed in Cook County Circuit Court.

"Benny's flying down the aisle, giving everybody high-fives," Kalant's attorney, Shawn Kasserman, said Monday in a telephone interview. "When he gets to Dr. Kalant, he either inadvertently trips or, as part of the shtick, trips. . . . He grabbed Kalant's arm and fell forward."

Along with seeking financial compensation for his injury and the surgery that accompanied it, Kalent also wants Benny's suit, courtside seats for all Bulls home games, and some cotton candy.

Ladies: Don't Wear Skirts to Comerica Park

I remember when I was in junior high and I was starting to notice how the girls in my class were becoming less of an annoyance and more an object of my attention. Make no mistake about it, it wasn't because anything they were saying was becoming more interesting, it was that certain parts of their bodies were becoming more interesting. Things that hadn't been there before.

I can even pinpoint the moment when it all happened...

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Isiah Thomas Is A Dirty Old Man

Today Isiah Thomas learned a valuable lesson. You can't go around and calling women who work for you bitch. It's unfair, I know. Let's face it, most women are bitches and deserve to be told so all the time.

But that's just the world we live in now, where we can't call them bitch, and we allow them to vote. It's not a perfect system, but if women don't want to be called bitch, we can't call them bitch. If we do, they won't have sex with us, and really, that's what is the most important thing here.

Anyway, where the hell was I? Oh yeah, Isiah has been found liable in the sexual harrassment case against him and MSG.

New York Knicks coach Isiah Thomas sexally harassed a top executive but does not have to pay the woman punitive damages, a jury ruled today.

The Manhattan Federal Court jury also determined that Madison Square Garden harassed Anucha Browne Sanders and owed her punitive damages for firing her when she complained of Thomas' loutish behavior.

The same jury will now decide how much MSG should cough up. Browne Sanders, 44, sought $10 million in her lawsuit.

During the three-week trial, Browne Sanders testified that Thomas, 46, called her "bitch" and "ho." The married mother of three said Thomas made unwelcome sexual advances.

To make himself feel better, Isiah then went out and immediately signed a 13-year old kid from Montana to a max contract.

She Knows How to Cup the Balls

Through the years, women have fought long and hard to get on equal footing with their male counterparts. It's been a long struggle, and a tough one at that. It's made especially tougher when you realize that most young girls have to rely on role models like Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, and of course, the classy Tara Reid.

But fear not, ladies, there is a new soldier amongst your ranks, and she's fighting the good fight.

Her name is Amy Wilkes, and she's been wronged by The Man.

Or more specifically, the Chicago White Sox.

For seven years, Amy Wilkes says she served as a loyal White Sox ball girl.

But in 2003, she and the team's other ball girls were all fired because the White Sox thought that rowdy fans were more likely to charge onto the field when girls were present, according to a lawsuit filed this week.

Wilkes claims in the suit, filed against the White Sox in federal court, that it was pure discrimination.

"Wilkes was well qualified for her work, and performed in a competent and responsible manner," the suit states.

In truth, we had been wondering what happened to the ball girls in trips to The Cell over the last few years. We had no idea why they had disappeared.

Wilkes was fired on April 15, 2003, the same day Eric Dybas stormed the field in a game against the Kansas City Royals and summarily got his ass kicked by first base umpire, and all around badass, Laz Diaz.

Honestly, we think the presence of attractive women would help keep the drunken morons from storming the field. Think about it, fellas, when a good looking woman asks you to do something, you generally do it.

Why?

Cuz deep inside you think to yourself, "If I listen, maybe she'll have sex with me."

It's sad, but oh so true. Don't deny it.

So if a girl like Amy was standing along the edges of the field and batting her big ol' eyes and asking the shirtless moron holding his tenth Miller Lite to "please sit down," as long as she flashes a smile, he'll probably do it.

We here at Foul Balls support Amy Wilkes in her case against the White Sox. We hope she wins, and we get to see hot chicks in baseball jerseys (seriously guys, is there anything hotter than a hot girl in a jersey?) at The Cell fielding ground balls. If they happen to write their phone number on one of the balls, and toss it to us, all the better!!

(We tried to find a pic of Amy online; the Sun-Times included with the article but for some reason they don't have a picture anywhere on the website. Which is gay.)