Asshole Of The Week: Joe Mauer
Welcome to Asshole Of The Week, where every Friday your trusty Foul Balls editor picks out the one person from the previous seven days who makes him think, "Man, what an asshole." It could be anybody from an athlete, an owner, someone in the media, or just anybody who happens to catch my ire.
This week's winner of the Asshole Of The Week wasn't as easy for me to figure out as it has been in the first three week's of its conception. There wasn't that one person who really stood out to me this week.
For a while I thought about giving it to PETA for their reactions to Eight Belles dying at last week's Kentucky Derby. The only problem with that was then I'd have to pretend I really cared about horse racing, and I don't.
I also thought about giving it to Carol Slezak, but really, Panger is far more qualified to handle that situation than I am.
There was even some thought as to giving it to both Jay Mariotti and Rick Telander for their columns about Cedric Benson, and how the team should just cut him now immediately, even though the entire story hadn't surfaced yet. Just because he's not that good at football doesn't mean we should deny him a chance to prove his innocence first.
I decided against it though because I've given the Sun-Times enough grief this week, and really, giving Jay Mariotti an AOTW would be redundant. He's already the Asshole Of Every Day.
So, after much deliberating, in the end I had to go ahead and give it to Twins catcher Joe Mauer. After all, it was Mauer who broke up Gavin Floyd's second no-hit bid of the season with a one-out double in the 9th inning. Of course, there's a problem with giving Mauer the AOTW as well.
By all accounts, Joe Mauer is a nice guy and I've never read or heard a story saying otherwise. Plus, you can't really blame him for hitting that double. It is his job after all, and I don't think there are many players in baseball who want to be on a team that gets no-hit.
Still, it ruined my night. And I deserved that night too.
I've spent the last few years being tortured by sports teams in Chicago. As has been chronicled here at Foul Balls during the time, ever since the Bears lost Super Bowl XLI things have gone to shit around here. The Bears suck, the Bulls suck, the Sox sucked last season, and even though the Blackhawks improved, they still didn't make the playoffs. The only team that's had any success is the Cubs, and for obvious reasons, that doesn't exactly thrill me. Though even if it did, they still got swept right out of the playoffs.
When it hasn't been the teams themselves sucking, it's been off the field crap. Tank Johnson, Lance Briggs' car ride and contract situation, Brian Urlacher's family life and now his contract situation.
Ben Wallace's bad attitude, and Chris Duhon's partying.
Ozzie's mouth (actually, that's entertaining, but hearing the moaning about it gets annoying).
Sam Zell.
Even Benny the Bull is getting in on the act, if not spearheading it, with his reign of terror upon Chicagoland.
Everything in this city has just had a negative undertone when it comes to sports. So when I have an opportunity to take joy in something like a no-hitter, I don't take it for granted. It's the type of moment that helps a fan get through trying times like these, much like Mark Buehrle's no-hitter last season, or a Devin Hester touchdown return.
You took that moment away from me on Tuesday night, Mauer, and I don't appreciate it. And what did you accomplish by doing so? You still lost the game, but I lost happiness. You were going to lose anyway, why did you feel the need to rob that from me and other White Sox fans?
You're a sick and evil man, Joe Mauer, and you should be ashamed of yourself, but you aren't. No, when I look into your eyes, I don't see remorse. I see nothing. A cold, dark heart that has no feelings for anything but singles the other way and neatly trimmed sideburns.
Look into the eyes of a soulless manAnd that, Joe Mauer, is why you're the Asshole Of The Week.
