Jesus is My Goalie

In Europe, soccer is religion. That's not good news if you're the Vatican. So what's a religion like Catholicism to do? How can they get the people to turn back to Christ?

Don't worry, the Vatican has the answer. They know what must be done.

They'll start their own soccer club!

Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone, the Pope's No2 and an avid football fan, said: "I don't exclude the possibility that the Vatican could field a football team at the level of the most famous professional clubs."

Bertone insists the huge number of Brazilian religious students at the Vatican could be drafted in to create a divine side, which would play in yellow and white.

There are a few problems, though.

First, where would the team play? Vatican City isn't exactly a large place. In fact it's about the size of five football pitches. (Pitch is what they call a field in Europe. Crazy bastards.)

Also, how would the team be recognized? Would it be a domestic team, or a international team?

Either way, the UEFA is open to the idea:

"The Vatican is a sovereign state recognised by the United Nations and we would have no problem in accepting it as a member."

The biggest problem could be, after games against the Vatican, who would opposing players thank for giving them strength afterwards?

They can't thank Jesus, he's clearly on the opposing team. Nobody wants to touch Allah right now, and Buddha doesn't exactly look like the soccer playing type. There's Ganesha, but Ganesha is an elephant, and we aren't sure that elephants are the most athletic. Not to mention that Ganesha has four arms which could cause problems seeing how you can only use your feet.

This could get interesting.

(UPDATE:In a turn of events that is sure to shock and awe all of us, it turns out that the Vatican was lying. The church?! Lying!? My God, now we have seen it all!!)