Asshole Of The Week: Joe Mauer

Welcome to Asshole Of The Week, where every Friday your trusty Foul Balls editor picks out the one person from the previous seven days who makes him think, "Man, what an asshole." It could be anybody from an athlete, an owner, someone in the media, or just anybody who happens to catch my ire.

This week's winner of the Asshole Of The Week wasn't as easy for me to figure out as it has been in the first three week's of its conception. There wasn't that one person who really stood out to me this week.

For a while I thought about giving it to PETA for their reactions to Eight Belles dying at last week's Kentucky Derby. The only problem with that was then I'd have to pretend I really cared about horse racing, and I don't.

I also thought about giving it to Carol Slezak, but really, Panger is far more qualified to handle that situation than I am.

There was even some thought as to giving it to both Jay Mariotti and Rick Telander for their columns about Cedric Benson, and how the team should just cut him now immediately, even though the entire story hadn't surfaced yet. Just because he's not that good at football doesn't mean we should deny him a chance to prove his innocence first.

I decided against it though because I've given the Sun-Times enough grief this week, and really, giving Jay Mariotti an AOTW would be redundant. He's already the Asshole Of Every Day.

So, after much deliberating, in the end I had to go ahead and give it to Twins catcher Joe Mauer. After all, it was Mauer who broke up Gavin Floyd's second no-hit bid of the season with a one-out double in the 9th inning. Of course, there's a problem with giving Mauer the AOTW as well.

By all accounts, Joe Mauer is a nice guy and I've never read or heard a story saying otherwise. Plus, you can't really blame him for hitting that double. It is his job after all, and I don't think there are many players in baseball who want to be on a team that gets no-hit.

Still, it ruined my night. And I deserved that night too.

I've spent the last few years being tortured by sports teams in Chicago. As has been chronicled here at Foul Balls during the time, ever since the Bears lost Super Bowl XLI things have gone to shit around here. The Bears suck, the Bulls suck, the Sox sucked last season, and even though the Blackhawks improved, they still didn't make the playoffs. The only team that's had any success is the Cubs, and for obvious reasons, that doesn't exactly thrill me. Though even if it did, they still got swept right out of the playoffs.

When it hasn't been the teams themselves sucking, it's been off the field crap. Tank Johnson, Lance Briggs' car ride and contract situation, Brian Urlacher's family life and now his contract situation.

Ben Wallace's bad attitude, and Chris Duhon's partying.

Ozzie's mouth (actually, that's entertaining, but hearing the moaning about it gets annoying).

Sam Zell.

Even Benny the Bull is getting in on the act, if not spearheading it, with his reign of terror upon Chicagoland.

Everything in this city has just had a negative undertone when it comes to sports. So when I have an opportunity to take joy in something like a no-hitter, I don't take it for granted. It's the type of moment that helps a fan get through trying times like these, much like Mark Buehrle's no-hitter last season, or a Devin Hester touchdown return.

You took that moment away from me on Tuesday night, Mauer, and I don't appreciate it. And what did you accomplish by doing so? You still lost the game, but I lost happiness. You were going to lose anyway, why did you feel the need to rob that from me and other White Sox fans?

You're a sick and evil man, Joe Mauer, and you should be ashamed of yourself, but you aren't. No, when I look into your eyes, I don't see remorse. I see nothing. A cold, dark heart that has no feelings for anything but singles the other way and neatly trimmed sideburns.

Look into the eyes of a soulless man

And that, Joe Mauer, is why you're the Asshole Of The Week.

Morning Wood

Chicago White Sox 7 Minnesota Twins 1

Poor Gavin Floyd. First it was Edgar Renteria breaking up a Floyd no-hitter after 7.1 innings on April 12, and last night it was Joe Mauer doubling into the left-center gap to break up Gavin's no-hit bit after 8.1 innings last night. Try as he might, Nick Swisher just couldn't get there. "I wasn't really looking at the ball and then I turned back and I saw Swish and Carlos coming after it. Swish made a great effort -- you know, Superman." Let's look at the bright side though, the way the White Sox had been playing the last two weeks, I wouldn't have been surprised if Gavin did throw a no-hitter, and the Sox lost anyway. Thankfully the offense returned, for one night at least, as the Sox put more points on the board last night than they did during four games in Toronto. So I guess that means blow-up dolls take 48 hours to have an effect.

Chicago Cubs 3 Cincinnati Reds 0

Gavin Floyd wasn't the only Chicago pitcher to have a strong night. While Carlos Zambrano gave up three more hits than Floyd, he gave up one less run, as he shutout the Reds for 8 innings and helped the Cubs break out of a little slump as well. "Every team passes through some slumps," Zambrano said. "That's normal. We're doing the right things, but we've kind of slowed down. We need to put everything together." Kerry Wood celebrated the 10-year anniversary of his 20 strikeout performance by actually converting a save for once.

AL

• Red Sox 5 Tigers 0
• Indians 5 Yankees 3
• Rays 5 Blue Jays 4
• Angels 5 Royals 3
• A's 4 Orioles 2
• Rangers 10 Mariners 1

NL

• Braves 5 Padres 3
• Pirates 12 Giants 6
• Marlins 3 Brewers 0
• Astros 6 Nats 5
• Cardinals 6 Rockies 5
• DBacks 6 Phillies 4
• Dodgers 5 Mets 4

You Think Gavin Floyd Is Looking Over His Shoulder Yet?

So far after one game for both the White Sox and Cubs, most of the talk has been about how the Sox were able to battle back from an early deficit and show some life, and about Kerry Wood's 9th inning implosion on Monday. Nevermind the fact that so far each team has only played 0.6% of the season, fans and talking heads alike are already making changes to each team.

I'm trying to avoid such trivial pursuits. Or excuse me, I was trying.

Damn the day off yesterday, it left my mind to wonder what if all day as I tried to analyze what I saw from my White Sox on Monday. The one thing that stood out to me more than anything from the team's opening salvo?

Not Jim Thome's two home runs. Not Mark Buehrle's hideous seven-run 2nd inning. Not even the horrible call at home plate or Hawk Harrelson's incessant ranting about the interference call at second base on Orlando Cabrera.

Nope, all I could think about was Nick Masset's performance, and what it could possibly mean for the future. Of course, I do all this knowing that one game means absolutely nothing, yet I can't keep that sense of April optimism from creeping into my weak willed brain.

After having a horrible spring, which consisted of a 6.61 ERA and 12 runs and 23 hits allowed in 16.1 innings of work, Masset still "earned" the 25th spot on the roster. In actuality he didn't earn it at all, but instead got the spot over Ehren Wasserman (who pitched very well through the spring) because he had no options left, so the Sox had to risk losing Masset if they wanted to send him down to the minors.

So instead Nick was given the long man out of the bullpen role, and on the very first day of the season he showed what he's capable of: 4.1IP, 2 hits, 4 strikeouts, and no walks. It was easily the best performance of any pitcher on either team.

Now I'm hoping that it wasn't a fluke, and that Masset can maintain his success. Why? Because I hate Gavin Floyd, that's why. I would love nothing more at this point then to see Masset continue to mow through opposing lineups, have Floyd struggle in the 5th spot of the rotation, and have Masset replace him. Then the team can send Floyd back to Charlotte, where he belongs, and call up Wasserman to take Masset's spot in the bullpen.

Like I've said though, it's only been one game, but a man can hope.

Javy Vazquez Will Start on Opening Day

In what is a bit of a surprising announcement, especially considering the season doesn't start for another three weeks, Ozzie Guillen came out on Wednesday and announced that Javier Vazquez would be getting the Opening Day start over Mark Buehrle.

"It's a great honor to pitch Opening Day," he said after Guillen revealed the recent plans.

"If they tell me Opening Day, that's a great honor. If they tell me the second game, that's great. Fifth game, that's great too. I just want to pitch."

I have to admit, I'm a little surprised by this. Mark Buehrle hasn't exactly been getting knocked around this spring, and he's always been the guy who starts on Opening Day, with the exception of last season. Jose Contreras got the honor last year, and got destroyed by the Indians.

I can understand why Guillen would give it to Vazquez, though. Javy has pitched very well so far this spring, so he's earned the right, plus it should be a reward for what he did last season. Vazquez was the best starter the White Sox had last season.

What scares me though, is the other bit of information Ozzie dropped about his starting rotation yesterday. Gavin Floyd is moving from the 5th spot to the 3rd spot in the rotation.

Guillen said Floyd's effort has sold him on moving him up from the fifth spot, with left-hander Danks tentatively scheduled to slide to the fifth spot.

"Gavin Floyd has the stuff to be the No. 2 pitcher," Guillen said. "Hopefully not too far away he can be a No. 1. But he has good enough stuff to be one of those guys."

I wonder if Ozzie and I are watching the same Gavin Floyd.

There are other reasons for the move besides Gavin's performance this spring, with the biggest one being Guillen doesn't want Buehrle and John Danks pitching on consecutive days since they're essentially the same guy.

Still, having Floyd as our third starter doesn't exactly inspire a lot of confidence in me about this upcoming season.

Mike Vick Gets 23 Months

Yesterday was a pretty good Sunday all things considered. Since there was no Bears game, I could just enjoy watching football without all the hassle of really needing to care. Sure, there's my fantasy football team, but the Swamp Nutz had already wrapped up the division going into the final week of our regular season.

It was a wonderful day.

I wonder how Mike Vick's Sunday was? I hope it was good, because I'm pretty sure his Monday has sucked pretty bad so far.

Michael Vick was sentenced to 23 months in prison Monday for his role in a dogfighting conspiracy that involved gambling and killing pit bulls.

The suspended Atlanta Falcons quarterback could have been sentenced up to five years by U.S. District Judge Henry E. Hudson. Vick, who turned himself in Nov. 19 in anticipation of his sentence, was wearing a black-and-white striped prison suit.

After Vick apologized to the court and his family, Hudson told him: "You need to apologize to the millions of young people who looked up to you."

"Yes, sir,' Vick answered.

Vick acknowledged he used "poor judgment" and added, "I'm willing to deal with the consequences and accept responsibility for my actions."

That's a long time to spend in prison, for anybody, let alone Mike Vick. It's hard to know if he's going to be able to make a comeback to the NFL after spending two years in jail. As of now, Vick won't be out of prison until October 2009. If he's a good little inmate, he can get out three months earlier in July 2009.

So even if Vick gets out early, he'll still be nearly three years removed from the football field. Most people will have forgotten about Vick by then, so somebody's going to take a chance on him. Whether or not he'll ever even be a shell of what he was before the arrest will remain to be seen, but I don't think he'll ever be a starter in the NFL again.

On the bright side, Vick could have been sentenced up to five years. Still, the 23 month sentence is the longest of the three sentences handed out in this case so far. The two friends who snitched on Vick, Purnell Peace and Quanis Phillips, each received 18 and 21 months respectively. The third co-defendant, Tony Taylor, won't be sentenced until Friday.

What I'm wondering is, who will be the next athlete to go to jail? I mean, the way things are going in the world of sports right now, it's inevitable that it's going to happen again. Just look at all the big stories taking place off the field.

It all started with Pacman Jones, who gave way to the Bengals and Tank Johnson. Then the Vick story broke, and a few weeks ago Sean Taylor was killed by somebody who broke into his house.

It's not just the NFL either. Barry Bonds is probably the favorite to be the next athlete to do some prison time. Those federal indictments are hard to get away from.

The NBA is getting involved as well, as Indiana Pacers guard Jamaal Tinsley was involved in a shooting incident over the weekend as well. It's at least the third time Tinsley has gotten into serious trouble with the law over the last year and a half.

It's a pretty disturbing trend in sports right now. Mike Vick is just the posterboy.

Foul Balls

The Colts and Patriots Have Changed Places - I've noticed something over the last few weeks, and with each passing Sunday I become more convinced that my suspiscions are true. Both the Patriots and Colts had an easy time of it on Sunday, with blowout wins of the Steelers and Patriots.

But have you noticed that the Patriots and Colts have switched places?

Remember a few years ago, back in 2003 and 2004 when the Colts were lighting up the scoreboard every week and had us all wondering if they could go undefeated? Obviously, they never did. No instead they would run into the Patriots in the playoffs, the same Patriots team that had spent the season flying a bit under the radar thanks to injuries.

They were still winning, but they didn't get as much attention as the record breaking Colts.

Then the Colts won the Super Bowl last season, I don't remember who they beat, and the two teams switched roles. Now it's the Patriots who are setting offensive records, and the Colts are a team dealing with injuries, but a team that seems to be finally hitting it's stride late in the season.

At this point you shouldn't be surprised if the Colts go into Foxboro for the AFC Championship game and put an end to the Patriots dreams of an undefeated season. I know I won't be.

Kenny's Not Inspiring Much Confidence In Me - My biggest concern about the White Sox going into the 2008 season is not the offense. I know the team hasn't made too many changes to it's lineup, save for Orlando Cabrera, but I really don't think we're going to have a repeat performance of 2007 at the plate.

There's just too much talent in the lineup.

No, the thing that scares the hell out of me is a starting rotation that not only still includes Jose Contreras, and has lost Jon Garland, but it also features John Danks and Gavin Floyd.

Neither of which make me feel safe. Kenny on the other hand, he's pretty sure these two are future Hall-of-Famers.

"These are guys everyone would want and most people in the industry view ultimately as top-of-the-rotation guys," Williams said last week at the winter meetings in Nashville. "Our pitching is not going to be a problem this year. We'll be just fine in that area."

Obviously, Kenny has been experimenting with drugs lately. I want to know who these people in the industry that think Gavin Floyd will be a top of the rotation guy are. They should immediately be fired, because it's obvious they know nothing about baseball.

I only say it about Floyd because even though I don't have the same expectations Kenny does, John Danks could develop into a solid #3 starter eventually if not this season.

Will The Fifth Starter Please Stand Up

Before yesterday I really wanted the White Sox to just go ahead and name John Danks their fifth starter. He'd been having a great spring, and quite frankly, Gavin Floyd just scares the crap out of me.

I can't explain it, but when I see him on a mound I break out into a cold sweat and hide under a blanket.

Then Danks had to go and get rocked against the Padres yesterday, while Floyd did a solid job of relieving him. Danks gave up 6 runs on 9 hits in 3 2/3 innings, including two home runs.

''The second inning wasn't bad. I gave up a 900-foot home run [to Adrian Gonzalez]. Other than that, a couple ground-ball singles. You can't do anything about that. I was trying to make them put it on the ground. But the fourth inning was frustrating. I went out there trying to make them put it in play, but you can't leave the ball up like I was throwing it. You let a big-league hitter take a look at a ball mid-thigh high, he's going to do something with it.''

Floyd then came in and pitched well, allowing only one run and three hits in 4 1/3 innings.

Don Cooper re-iterated that this battle will not be settled anytime soon.

''That's what we said all along. Nobody is making any rush judgments -- we don't have to.''

Here's what I've noticed, and it's kind of scary.

When Floyd starts, he does horribly, and then Danks comes in and pitches very well.

When Danks starts, he does horribly, and then Floyd comes in and pitches very well.

In other words, both of the guys battling for the fifth spot seem to work better coming out of the bullpen.

Ozzie seems to think that Sunday's poor performance by Danks was more a product of the environment than an indication of his ability as a starter.

''[Danks] had just had one bad inning. Today, it was exactly an Arizona baseball game. You can't judge people because today the wind was blowing out and the ball was carrying a lot. But the one thing about this kid, I love him because he throws a lot of strikes. He attacks the strike zone. The runs they scored against him doesn't decide it. Today was a tough day to pitch.''

If you're going to judge how Ozzie really feels by what he says, I think it's safe to say that Danks will end up getting the job. About Danks, he says, "I love him because he throws strikes." About Floyd, he says, "If this kid throws the ball over the plate, he can be real effective." IF the kid throws the ball over the plate.

There's still two weeks to go in this battle, but I think Danks is going to take the spot. At least I'm hoping he is.

Maybe the Sox can trade for Wade Miller?