We're Just As Good As The Vikings!

Let me start this post off by saying, I still don't think we have any chance in hell of making the playoffs. Sure, the Bears are only a game behind the Lions for the sixth spot in the NFC, but with all the other teams jockeying for position, and the overall inconsistency of this team, there's just no way it's going to happen.

With that said, WHAT A FUCKIN' GAME!

I'll never stop watching the Bears every week, even if they're 0-11. It's not the same type of courtesy I extend to the White Sox and Bulls, but then again, with the Bears I only have to deal with the pain once a week.

So since I'll be watching this team every Sunday through January, and all I ask from them is to play well and at least make things interesting.

They got it half right on Sunday.

Make no mistake, the Bears did not play well. For the 55 minutes of the game the Bears offense looked awful, though it wasn't Rex's fault. I was planning on making a joke about how Muhsin Muhammed makes $750,000 a dropped pass, but it would be pretty unfair to pick on him.

Everybody on this team drops passes; it's ridiculous. If I suited up next week, I'd probably have the second best hands on the team. (They're soft cuz I moisturize.) Moose drops them. Berrian drops them. (Though what a catch on the tying touchdown. Kudos to you, sir.) Rashied Davis drops them. And now Greg Olsen is no longer a rookie because he's dropping passes too. It's pretty pathetic to be a wide receiver in the NFL and drop passes that hit you right in the hands. I know it's bound to happen once in a while, but the Bears do it at a record-setting pace.

The defense also played like crap for the most part. On one of Denver's scoring drives, they ran the same pitch play five times, and it worked each time. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me five times? Well shit, I'm just going to go kill myself because I don't deserve to live.

But hey, I'm making it sound like we lost the damn game. Somehow, someway, the Bears were able to pull this one out thanks to Devin Hester and the offense suddenly becoming a competent unit in the final five minutes and overtime.

Speaking of Hester, I was watching the Browns-Texans game earlier in the day when CBS's Gus Johnson said the following about Cleveland returner Joshua Cribbs.

"He's the most dangerous return man in all of football!"

Really, Gus?

Last I checked before Sunday's game, Devin Hester already had 9 return touchdowns in his career, and that didn't include the one in the Super Bowl. Cribbs has four in three years. You're one of my favorite college basketball announcers during March Madness, but it's shit like that that gets you stuck calling Cleveland vs. Houston on Sundays. Try thinking before we speak next time.

Maybe Devin heard it too, and took it personally. Or maybe Devin just heard Todd Sauerbrun talking all week about how he wasn't scared of Hester and would kick to him. So, Todd? How was the view from your back the two times you saw DH run right past you to the end zone? This is why punters shouldn't talk smack. They're punters.

Either way, God bless Devin Hester because without him we lose on Sunday.

There was bad news on Sunday, however. Cedric Benson left the game on a cart in the first quarter, and returned to the sidelines later on crutches with a boot on his leg. Something tells me he's not going to be available for a few weeks.

Though at his press conference on Monday, I'm sure Lovie Smith will act as if he had no idea Benson was even hurt.

"Everybody has injuries. Cedric is just bruised up. He will be fine."

"Lovie, they had to amputate the foot this morning. His career is over."

"Everybody has amputated limbs. Cedric will be fine."

But whatever, let's just enjoy this win and the good feelings while we can. The Giants come to town next week, and if the Vikings can beat them 41-17 without Purple Jesus, we can beat them without Cedric Benson.

Monster of the Midway

• Devin Hester - I love you. If I wasn't so firmly enamored by the female form, I'd want to marry you.
  

Dumbass of the Day

• Fred Miller - Fred, you are permanently in my doghouse. You're done. You still suck, and you're going to continue to suck. I mean, I'm not even pissed at Adam Archuleta right now you suck so bad, and Archuleta is half the man my sister is. Personally, I wouldn't mind if the Bears lost out from this point on just so we'd be in position to draft Michigan's Jake Long.

The Return of The Rextasy

I awake this morning in fear. Fear that yesterday's performance against the Oakland Raiders will mean that later this afternoon in Lovie Smith's press conference, we're going to hear that terrifying sentence.

"Rex Grossman is our quarterback."

It's going to happen.

It only seemed appropriate that on Rex's first play in relief of Griese, he fumbled the snap. The odd thing was, that when they showed the replay, you saw Rex laughing about it. It's probably his greatest strength, and his weakness.

The mistakes he makes do not bother him. And that's what you want from your quarterback. If he makes a mistake, you want him to forget about it and move on. At the same time though, you want him to learn from each mistake and eliminate them.

Not only does Rex not care about making mistakes, but I don't think he cares about fixing them either.

But I don't want this whole post to be about Rex. Yes, he came in for Griese and played well. Yes, he threw the game winning touchdown to Bernard Berrian, but nothing that happened yesterday was any different from what we've seen before.

We already know Rex can throw the deep ball. It's the only throw he can make on a semi-consistent basis. If you take away that one pass though, here are Rex's numbers: 6/13 for 83 yards.

He still throws more incompletions than he does completions, and he still has trouble avoiding a pass rush.

Nothing has changed, folks.

I know the Bears won yesterday, but I actually feel worse about the team now than I did before yesterday's victory. Not just because it marked the return of Rex Grossman, but because of how bad the team looked as a whole.

Coming off of a bye week, in a game against a bad team, that's the best we could do? For the first 56 minutes of that game, the Bears looked like total crap. Well, okay, the defense played pretty well.

They held the Raiders to only 195 total yards, and three points. So I guess we really can't get on them all that much.

The offense though, yeah, they still suck. With two weeks to prepare a gameplan you would think Ron Turner might come up with something new. Instead, we got the same old crap.

Considering that the Raiders were without their two starting cornerbacks in this game, why did the Bears wait until the 4th quarter to take advantage of it? Did you see how badly Berrian beat Chris Carr on that touchdown? He could have done that all day.

Cedric Benson still sucks. He rushed for 76 yards on 29 carries, for a whopping 2.6 yards per carry. That's actually worse than his 3.1 average coming into the game, and 3.1 yards per carry is horrible. He continues to dance around in the backfield for five minutes before picking a hole.

His longest run of the day was nine yards.

I know that Benson isn't alone here, as this offensive line can't knock anybody off of the line anymore. Still, Benson needs to be more decisive. Find the hole, hit the hole. It might close up and go nowhere, but I'd rather see a two yard gain than a two yard loss.

His best run of the day was the touchdown run that capped the game off. Cedric took the handoff, and just kept running. He plowed straight ahead into the line and burst through into the endzone. No dancing. No indecision. Just plowing ahead. It's what he needs to do every time.

So, yes, the Bears got a win yesterday, but it was a win they were supposed to get. The Raiders are one of the few teams in this league that I can actually say I know the Bears are better than. Still, they're only 4-5, and the Packers are 8-1 after shutting out the Vikings 34-0 yesterday.

We're not going to win the division. We're not going to make the playoffs. So if those types of thoughts are creeping into your head this morning, punch yourself in the face. In order for the Bears to make the playoffs, they'd have to go 6-1 to have a realistic shot. They aren't going to do that, and you know it.

Monster of the Midway

• The Defense - What? You thought I'd give it to Rex? Yesterday's game was probably the best effort by the defense we've seen all season. They held the Raiders to 195 total yards, forced three turnovers, and they got off the field on third down. The Raiders were only able to convert on three of their 15 third downs. They also sacked Josh McCown four times, three of which were by Adewale Ogunleye. Trumaine McBride also played his best game ever since he took over for Nathan Vasher five games ago. If the defense can actually carry this performance over into Seattle next week, and keep playing like this for the rest of the season, only then will the Bears have any chance of making the playoffs.

Dumbass of the Day

• Cedric Benson - Seriously, 2.6 yards per carry!?

Say Goodbye To The Playoffs

Well the Bears can say goodbye to the playoffs after losing to the Lions 16-7 on Sunday at Soldier Field. There will be no defense of their NFC championship. There will be no division championship.

There won't be anything but eight more games of frustration having to watch this team. The only thing the Bears do consistently is play inconsistently. One week the offense and defense look like they're finally coming around, and then the next week they look like they did yesterday.

Missed tackles, dropped passes, turnovers, anything that can hurt the team, the Bears find a way to do it.

The Lions managed 365 yards of offense against the Bears yesterday, and did a great job of keeping the ball away from Devin Hester. Kevin Jones, in only his second game of the season, rushed for 105 yards and a touchdown on 23 carries.

Cedric Benson meanwhile could only manage 50 yards on 13 carries. That's a whopping 3.8 yards per carry, which isn't exactly good, but I'm guessing it's probably one of Benson's better averages this season.

Brian Griese threw for 208 yards and a touchdown, but the four interceptions he threw didn't help much. What made it worse was that three of the four interceptions came in the end zone.

That's three touchdowns the Lions took away. Those touchdowns probably would have made a difference, but at the same time, who's to say the Lions wouldn't have answered each of those touchdowns with ones of their own?

To make things worse, it appears that Brian Urlacher has a serious problem with his back right now.

In an exclusive interview with FOX Sports, Urlacher finally revealed he's been fighting through a back injury that's caused pain and problems.

"It's a problem that started all the way back in camp," Urlacher said. "We've done x-rays, bone scans, MRI's, cat scans and this week I flew to Pittsburgh and met with a specialist. He confirmed what the team told me, that they think it's an arthritis type of thing. The thing that's so frustrating is there is no clear-cut solution to give me relief. I just have to deal with the pain."

So now Urlacher has an arthritic back. Fantastic. I'm no doctor, but the last time I checked, I'm pretty sure arthritis isn't one of those injuries that goes away after a few weeks. This is going to effect Urlacher for the rest of his career.

We may start to see a serious decline in his play over the rest of this season, and into next as well. All of which means I hope the Bears are seriously reconsidering their stance on what they want to do with Lance Briggs. It's already become pretty obvious this season that he is the best player on the defense right now, so losing him is already a scary possibility. Now that we know of Urlacher's back, it's terrifying.

If there's any good news to report today, it's that the Bears don't have to play next Sunday. So that means we won't have to watch them.

Monster of the Midway

• Lance Briggs - I wanted to give this to Hester again. After all, the one time he was able to return a punt, he returned it 39 yards and set the Bears up for the only touchdown they scored yesterday. But I'm going to give it to Briggs, because he was the only person on defense yesterday who didn't do something to piss me off. He didn't over pursue on any plays. He didn't miss any tackles that I noticed. He just made plays, which is what he always does, so he gets the award today.

Dumbass of the Day

• Brian Griese - It's only fair that Griese be here even though yesterday's game wasn't completely his fault. But if you took Griese's stats and credited them to Rex Grossman, we'd be all over him. You can't throw four interceptions and expect to win a game, especially when three of them come in the end zone.
  

The Bears Save Their Season

Though if they lose next week against Detroit, they'll be on the verge of losing it again.

At the moment though, I don't care about that. I'm just happy the Bears were able to pull off a victory on Sunday in Philadelphia. In what was an incredibly boring game to watch, in which both teams spent all their time trading field goals, the fourth quarter finally brought some excitement.

The Eagles finally got into the end zone with five minutes left to take a 16-12 lead. The Bears then had a chance to answer, but the offense stalled and was forced to punt. At this point, I figured Brian Westbrook was going to run out the clock on the Bears defense, but the Bears shocked the hell out of me and actually forced Philly to punt the ball back with under two minutes left.

Of course that punt buried the Bears at their own three-yard line. So Brian Griese came on the field and had to drive an offense that hadn't reached the end zone all day 97 yards with no timeouts and under two minutes left.

Oh, and the radio in Griese's helmet went out and he had no contact at all with the sidelines. So Griese had to call his own plays on the final drive, and 11 plays into it he found Muhsin Muhammed in the back of the end zone with nine seconds left for a Bears victory.

"I felt really good calling my own plays in that situation," Griese said. "Before I got out into a 2-minute drill, I kind of look at our play sheet and get in my mind a plan of what we want to do. So I felt comfortable in that situation."

The craziest part of this Bears victory? Devin Hester didn't score a touchdown, and they still won. The Eagles never even gave Hester a chance to return a kick or punt, though Hester did catch a 21-yard pass on the final drive that was the final play before the Muhammed touchdown.

I hope teams around the NFL take notice of what happened yesterday. When teams kick to Devin Hester the Bears are 2-4. When teams don't kick to Devin Hester, the Bears are 1-0.

That's right, Bears opponents. Kicking to Devin Hester is the best way to beat the Bears. You should do it every time.

Just because the Bears won though, it doesn't mean they played very well. Aside from the Muhammed touchdown, the Bears continued to struggle in the red zone under Griese. In the first half the Bears had to settle for a field goal after a pass to Devin Hester was broken up by Sheldon Brown, and they had to do the same in the third quarter when Brown broke up a pass to Greg Olsen.

Last week against the Vikings the Bears didn't have any red zone touchdowns either.

So it's obviously becoming a problem for the Bears, the onus of which can be placed on Cedric Benson. Griese prefers to work the middle of the field and look to his checkdowns when he passes, and that gets increasingly difficult in the red zone where the defense has less ground to cover.

But that's a problem I'll worry about next week. Let's try and focus on some of the other positives right now.

Like the fact the Bears defense didn't give up 35 points this week. Congrats, boys! I actually saw some hitting and wrapping going on out there. What a novel concept. The Bears did give up yards on Sunday, but it was the good old cliche of bend but don't break. When the Eagles got to the red zone, the Bears didn't let them into the end zone.

There's still a ton of room to improve on defense, but at least it looks like they're playing better, and guys like Nathan Vasher are getting healthier. If they can continue to hold on until they're healthy, we might see the Bears defense we've grown accustomed to yet again.

More important than anything, the Bears are still alive for a playoff berth in the wide open NFC.

A loss on Sunday, and the Bears would have been 2-5, and the season would effectively be over. Now at 3-4 they still are a disappointment, but at least their a disappointment with a pulse. Of course, I've thought all this before when the Bears came back in Green Bay to hand the Packers their first loss of the season, and the Bears followed that up with the loss to Minnesota last weekend.

They can't do the same against the Lions at home next week. The best way to get to the playoffs is to win within your own division, and right now the Bears are 1-2 against the NFC North. They have three division games left on the schedule, two of which are at Soldier Field, and it's important that the Bears win all three of those games.

Still, I'll start worrying about that later. For now I'm just going to enjoy Sunday's win and hope that this team has finally figured it out.

Monster of the Midway

• Brian Griese - I thought about giving this to Robbie Gould, but then I remembered he's a kicker and kickers should never win anything. So I'm going to give it to Griese instead. He is never going to blow you away with his play, but damn it, he got the job done when it counted on Sunday. Do you think Rex Grossman could have led the Bears on that game-winning drive? Without any communication from the sidelines? Griese is by no means perfect, but Lovie Smith's decision to finally hand over the reigns to him may turn out to be this season's saving grace.

Dumbass of the Day

• Adam Archuleta - Archuleta didn't do anything on Sunday to win this award, but neither did any of the other Bears. There were no turnovers, no amazingly stupid plays, nobody wanted this award. So I'm just giving it to Archuleta because I hate Archuleta.

The Rise of Purple Jesus

Yesterday's Bears game was just a swift kick in the nuts. It was painful. The way the Bears defense played, the way the Bears came back, and then the way it ended, nothing but pain.

Adrian Peterson is a monster. A terrifying monster, one that when I think about the fact the Bears have to face him twice a season from here on out, gives me nightmares. Remember that great feeling you had on the day Barry Sanders retired?

Remember how relieved you were that you'd never have to see Sanders making the Bears look bad again? Well, meet the new Barry Sanders. Except this one is a lot bigger and a little faster.

The manchild known as Purple Jesus destroyed the Bears on Sunday. The Purple Messiah rushed for 221 yards on 20 carries, and had three touchdowns. If you're not that great at math, that means Peterson averaged 11 yards a carry. The average no doubt being helped by the three touchdown runs of 35, 67, and 73 yards.

Despite all of that, the Bears were able to make a comeback late. Peterson's third touchdown put Minnesota up 31-17 with just over four minutes left, but the Bears battled back. Minnesota's defense relaxed on the next Bears drive, and Brian Griese moved the team downfield before finding Muhsin Muhammed for a 33-yard touchdown.

Then, after a failed onside kick, the Bears held the Vikings offense to a three and out and forced them to punt the ball back. On the second play of the drive, Griese found Devin Hester streaking past Dwight Smith on the sideline, and made a perfect throw that resulted in a 81-yard touchdown to tie the game.

Because, even though Adrian Peterson is Purple Jesus, Devin Hester is God.

Of course, Purple Jesus wasn't done there. On the ensuing kickoff, Peterson returned the kick into Chicago territory to set up Ryan Longwell's game winning field goal as time expired.

So now the Bears are 2-4, and with Green Bay's win, now sit three games behind the Pack and in last place of the NFC North. It's really not fair either. Now that Brian Griese has taken over as quarterback, and the offense actually looks like an offense, the defense is horrible.

Do you realize the Bears are giving up 134.2 yards a game on the ground? That's good enough for 26th in the NFL. Overall, the defense is giving up 361.3 yards per game, which places them 27th in the NFL.

Where the hell did the defense go?

I'm hoping that this week in practice, Lovie Smith emphasizes only one thing. Tackling. Because the Bears don't seem to know how. Smith and the Bears coaches have stressed creating turnovers so much, by coaching players to go for the ball, that it seems they've all forgotten how to tackle.

The most symbolic play of this phenomenon came on Purple Jesus' 35-yard touchdown run in the fourth quarter. Danieal Manning had Peterson on the sidelines at about the ten yard line, all he had to do was push Peterson and he was out of bounds. What did Manning do?

He tried to strip the ball.

Peterson shrugged him off and continued toward the end zone.

Every single player on the Bears defense should feel embarrassed right now. It seems they've all bought into their hype. Apparently this season they feel they've already proven they're a great defense, so there's no need to actually try. I mean, opponents will crumble with fear at the mere sight of them.

There are only two guys on the defense right now who don't suck right now: Charles Tillman and Lance Briggs. Briggs is playing so well that I'm seriously hoping the Bears reconsider that long term deal for him.

Urlacher isn't running to the ball like we're used to seeing him do.

Tommie Harris isn't getting into the backfield.

Brandon McGowan is horrible at safety.

And don't even get me started on Adam Archuleta. I warned you about that a long time ago.

This team is in a lot of trouble, and it's not going to get any easier with a trip to Philadelphia coming up. Last week I thought this team had figured it out, and now I'm not sure they'll win another game.

Monster of the Midway

• Devin Hester - Seriously, is anybody else ever going to step up and win this award besides Devin? He did it again on Sunday, an 89-yard punt return for a touchdown, and his first career touchdown reception. Why don't the Bears just do that on every play? Send Hester streaking down the sidelines. There isn't a single defensive back in the NFL that's going to be able to stay with him for more than 25 yards. I love you, Devin. I mean, I'm not gay or anything, but I want to have Devin's babies. I want to be held in his arms as he tells me everything's going to be okay. I'll believe him too.

Dumbass of the Day

• Brandon McGowan - You can pick a Bears defender, as long as they aren't named Briggs, and they'd deserve this award today. I'm going to give it to Brandon McGowan though for showing all the agility of a statue as he watched Adrian Peterson run by him time after time. JUST DIVE AT HIS LEGS FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! He can't run without legs! Is this that difficult?!

The Bears Aren't Dead Yet

I have to admit, I thought I was going to be writing the Bears' eulogy this morning. But apparently, they just don't want to die yet, and I'm fine with it. If they want to go out and win again next week, I won't mind that either.

Last night in Green Bay the Bears didn't play great football but they came out on top in the end, and that's all that matters. Brian Griese looked a lot more comfortable in his second game under center and, aside from the one interception he threw, he did the job the Bears need him to do.

He managed the game, and when it mattered, he made a couple of great throws to Greg Olson and Desmond Clark for touchdowns.

The one to Clark proved to be the game winner, and probably the best play call Ron Turner has made all season. I fully expected Cedric Benson to get the ball on that third and two, plow into the line for four feet, then fall down and hope Robbie Gould could make the field goal.

The Packers expected the same thing as they bit on the play action and allowed Clark to get free behind the defense where Griese found him for the game-winning score.

Of course, what helped the Bears more than anything last night was the Packers. They committed five turnovers, and 12 penalties, many coming at horrible times. Everytime the Packers stopped the Bears on a third down, it seemed they were flagged and gave the Bears a first down.

I'll take a win any way we can get it, but I wasn't very pleased with the run defense in the first half. The Packers came into the game as the worst running team in the NFL, but that didn't stop Deshawn Wynn from gashing the Bears for 8 yards a clip to start the game. I'm not sure what Lovie Smith said to the team at halftime, but from all accounts it was by far the most emotional and loud he'd ever been at the half, and it worked.

The defense came out in the second half and did a good job of limiting the Packers to only three second half points.

As for what this win means for the rest of the Bears season, I don't know. Yes, it saved the season for now, but it isn't like we're Super Bowl-bound all of a sudden. After the game ended last night, Silvio texted me with a simple question I'm asking myself this morning.

"So now what? Do we get excited about the Bears?"

Well, the Sox and Cubs are done and the Bulls don't start for another month. So at this point, yeah, what the hell else do we have to get excited about?

Looking at the Bears schedule, there isn't a team on there we can't beat. But at the same time each of those teams are just as capable of beating the Bears. So at this point I think we can be excited about yesterday's win, but if the Bears come out and lose next week against Minnesota, it's all for naught.

Monster of the Midway

• Charles Tillman - I was thinking of giving this to Cedric Benson and his amazing 2.4 yards per carry, but I'm going to have to go with Peanut on this one. I didn't even know that Tillman was going to play last night, but thank God he did. His two strips of James Jones on consecutive Packer possessions are what won this game for the Bears. Or at least, allowed the Bears to win. Without those two plays the Bears probably would have been down 21-0 in the second quarter, and they wouldn't have come back from that.

Dumbass of the Day

• Cedric Benson - Seriously, 2.4 yards per carry? I know not all of the blame can go to Cedric here, as the offensive line wasn't giving him much room to work with, but the Bears aren't going to win many more games with that kind of performance on the ground. Brian Griese isn't going to win games through the air, so Cedric needs to step up. I can't say for sure that Thomas Jones would be performing that much better than Benson right now, but at the moment, that trade looks like a mistake.
  

Orton! Orton!

No, I'm not really calling for Orton to be the new starting quarterback.

If I learned anything yesterday, it's that it really doesn't matter who the quarterback is with this team. There are a lot of other problems as well.

Don't get me wrong, Grossman still had to be benched, and he needs to stay there.

What stood out to me though on Sunday was the offensive line of the Chicago Bears. The fact that they suck.

What was once one of the better lines in the NFL has gotten old and slow, and really just can't do the job anymore. When they're not getting beat off the ball, they're missing assignments or just plain failing to block. I would ask how in the hell the coaching staff and Jerry Angelo didn't see this coming, but I think they did and just didn't know what to do about it.

They have to know. Just look at the Bears gameplan. When was the last time you saw a pulling guard on a Bear run play? You don't know, do you? That's because the Bears lineman don't do it, they just can't get there.

It doesn't end there. Think of all the screen passes the Bears have tried to throw this year. They've all been middle screens, the toughest ones to complete.

Why have they been middle screens instead of to the flats?

Because the line can't get out to the flat in time to set up their blocks or allow the quarterback to even get the throw off.

This is why I don't see this season getting any better for the Bears. The offense is not going to improve unless the offensive line does, and I don't see it happening with the five guys the Bears have there now.

When you combine bad offensive line play with quarterbacks who commit too many turnovers, a running back that can't hold onto the ball or make his own hole, and receiver who drop passes constantly, you get what you saw yesterday. A bad football team making another bad football team seem a lot better than they actually are.

The Lions are not a good team. Pay no attention to that 3-1 record of theirs. Their 56-21 loss to Philly last week is more indicative of the kind of team they have than their wins over the Bears and Vikings.

As for the Bears, they have to prepare for a huge Sunday night showdown in Green Bay. The Packers won again on Sunday, and if they beat the Bears next week to move to 5-0 and knock the Bears to 1-4, this season is over.

Monster of the Midway

• Devin Hester - I get the feeling it's going to be Devin every week from here on out. He fumbled a couple of returns again, but in his defense, at least he's trying to make something happen. After the Lions took the lead from the Bears in the fourth quarter, and Hester returned the kickoff 91 yards for a touchdown to take it back, I thought the Bears might hold on and pull it off after all. Unfortunately, Hester only returns kicks. We really need to find a way to get him the ball on offense, because he's the only weapon we have. Ditch the wide receiver screens, and line Devin up in the backfield where he can run out into the flat and make a catch. He'll do a lot better job than Cedric Benson does on the same play.

Dumbass of the Day

• Brian Griese - This award could go to the entire team, but I'm going to give it to Brian Griese. For two years fans have been begging for a chance to see him play, and when he finally gets his chance, he comes out and throws three interceptions. Two of which were in the red zone. That's 14 points the Bears lost out on in a game they lost by 10.

Cowpoked

Well, wasn't that just fantastic?

The Bears were beat in every facet of the game Sunday night, and they deserved every second of the 34-10 beatdown received at the hands of the Cowboys.

I dare you to find one facet of the game where you can say the Bears did a good job.

Go ahead, take your time.

If you said something and weren't being sarcastic, you're an idiot. Leave this site immediately and go read Mariotti's column.

The first half of the game was okay. The second half was horrible.

Couldn't move the ball. Couldn't stop Dallas. Couldn't tackle. Couldn't catch. Couldn't stop pulling groins. Couldn't catch any kickoffs or punts.

Couldn't do anything.

For a few seconds I thought I'd entered some crazy time warp and was suddenly watching last week's Notre Dame game.

Here's one thing I have to know, though. I'm pretty sure the Cowboys only ran the ball once during the second half before they'd blown the game open. So why then didn't the Bears just start dropping everybody into coverage? Isn't that what the Tampa-2 is? I know they really only use it on third downs, but when you know the offense is going to throw, every down is a third down.

It's tough to blame the defense for this one. When when you're on the field all night, you tend to get worn down.

No, this loss was a full team effort but I think the brunt of the blame has to go to the offense, and that midget in the #8. The Dallas defense was absolutely horrible in the first two weeks of the season, and we could only manage 10 points against them?

The time has come for Brian Griese to take over the starting quarterback position.

I've finally had it with Grossman.

Is Griese better than Grossman? Not exactly, but the key is he's not as bad.

I mean, seriously, what the hell do the Bears have to lose at this point? What more do they need to see from Grossman to realize that the kid is just not cut out to be a NFL quarterback? I know I defended him for a while, but I have seen the light. Rex has to go.

Still, it's not all Rex's fault. I think Silvio put it best when I asked him why we don't just pull Grossman when we were down late, and he replied,

"Yeah, and bring in receivers that run complete routes and that can catch. A running back that can pick up blitzes and doesn't fumble. Defensive backs that can tackle, and a defensive line that doesn't get faked out by the quarterback all the time."

Of course, you'll notice that even though he muffed two kicks and fumbled another, neither of us mentioned Devin Hester. He's the only offensive weapon we have, so I guess we'll just have to allow him to have a bad game from time to time.

Next Sunday's game against Detroit can't get here soon enough. I have to get this taste out of my mouth.

Monster of the Midway

• Mike Brown - Brown got hurt in the season opener, and is out for the season. So obviously he didn't play last night, and that makes him the only guy on the team who didn't fuck up somehow. Way to go, Mike!

Dumbass of the Day

• Bernard Berrian - This could easily go to Rex, but I think at this point there's no need to point out the fact he sucks. We all know. So today I'll give it to Bernard Berrian who dropped three passes, one of which probably would have been a touchdown. When you have a quarterback that sucks as bad as Grossman, you cannot afford to fuck up.

Other Thoughts

• Maybe it was the fact we were getting killed, but was I the only one pissed off by all the commercials in Spanish and the graphics? Yeah, I know we're the Osos de Chicago. I learned that shit in high school. Wow. All I know is that when I watch soccer on Telemundo or Univision they aren't giving me anything in English.
• Note to Adam Archuleta: Next time when trying to tackle somebody, try using your arms. What you want to do is wrap them around the guy you're tackling, and drag him to the ground. It's a crazy new wave theory, I know, but try it sometime. You won't be sorry.
• Another piece of gold from Silvio: the Bears need to have more sex to strengthen up those groin muscles. I'm looking at you Vasher and Briggs.
• Speaking of Briggs, when we first heard he wasn't coming back in the second half, I couldn't help but wonder if he'd gotten into another car accident at halftime.
• Finally, I'd just like to thank the Redskins for blowing their lead against the Giants, and as a result, killing my teaser bet. What kind of asshole would root for that team?
  

Devin Hester Is Still Kinda Good

Did the Chiefs not see Devin Hester last season? I don't understand why any team would kick a ball anywhere near him, but hey, I don't mind. Keep doing it.

When the Chiefs kicked to Devin the first time yesterday, they stopped him after a minimal gain.

It made them cocky.

So they kicked to him again later, and got to share the joy of watching him streak down the sideline for a 73-yard touchdown.

Before it was all said and done, the Chiefs had kicked to Hester seven times yesterday, and he totaled 172 return yards. And that doesn't even include the 95-yard kick return he had for a touchdown, on which he was never even touched, that got called back on a holding penalty.

"If there's not one returner who every time he touches the ball feels he can take it the distance, he doesn't need to be out there," Hester said. "I feel every time I get my hands on the ball it's a touchdown."

As far as the rest of the game goes, it was a typical Bears performance. The defense didn't let Kansas City breathe, and the offense did just enough to win. The biggest concern about this team, even after the win yesterday, is still the offense. Or lack of offense.

In two games, the Bears have only managed one offensive touchdown, and it was scored by a reserve offensive lineman. So now John St. Clair is our most dangerous threat.

Monster of the Midway

• Cedric Benson - Really this should go to Hester, but since I already have written about everything he did, we'll go elsewhere. I could give it to the entire defense for shutting down Larry Johnson yesterday, just one week after shutting down LaDainian Tomlinson. In two weeks the Bears have faced the top 2 running backs in the game the last few years, and they've allowed only 80 yards on 33 carries for an average of 2.4 yards per carry. I'm going to give it to Cedric Benson, though. After hearing all the talk from San Diego during the week about how he was soft and couldn't carry the load by himself, Cedric went over the 100 yard mark on Sunday afternoon. He just looked different yesterday than he did in San Diego. Whether it means San Diego's defense is just that good, or Kansas City's is just that bad, we can't be sure.

Dumbass of the Day

• Rex Grossman - Who else can I give this to but Rex? The Bears should have won this game by a lot more than 10 points, and Rex is the reason they didn't. I mean, he's had a lot worse performances than the one he had yesterday afternoon, but his two second half interceptions kept this game a lot closer than it needed to be. If there's anything positive to take from his game yesterday though, he did a lot better job of avoiding the pass rush this week than he did against San Diego.

Other Thoughts

• Chiefs linebacker Donnie Edwards is allergic to grass. That's why he's always wearing the long sleeves under his jersey regardless of the weather. But he can't cover his face, so what happens when he gets grass on his face? Does it swell up or something? How does it not happen every game?
• When his parents named him, I think he was destined to become a porn star, but somewhere along the line Dirk Johnson rebelled and said "I'm going to be a punter, not a catcher."
• How much better would the Bears offense be if they just lined Hester up at quarterback and ran a spread option?
• Muhsin Muhammed has 2 receptions for 15 yards this season. Money well spent! To be fair, he only had one ball thrown to him yesterday that I can remember. Of course, Moose dropped it.