Cedric Benson Should Have Had Ricky Williams On The Boat

The latest person to come out and criticize Cedric Benson for whatever happened on Lake Travis is Hall of Fame running back, and fellow Texas Grad, Earl Campbell. Speaking at a private golf event in Texas yesterday, Campbell said that Benson should take more responsibility for his actions and decisions.

"I think at some point you have to stand up and take responsibility and realize that you not only represent Cedric Benson and the Chicago Bears and your family," Campbell told the newspaper. "It's bigger than that. You represent the university family. You as a man should have some pride in what you do."

Yeah, who cares if you embarrass your family, but you can't embarrass your old school! Dear Lord, the scandal! More important than anything Campbell said, were the words of another former Texas running back who was also present at the same golf event: Ricky Williams.

Had Ricky been there, things would have been a lot different.

"I think if I had come down, things might have worked out a little bit differently," Williams said. "I find I have a calming influence on people I'm around. As a high-level athlete, it's just something that's ingrained in me. I always think that if I'm there, things would be different. I can't say how."

Yes, Ricky, you do have a very calming influence on the people around you, but it's got nothing to do with being a "high-level" athlete. No, it's that pound of weed and four-foot bong you take with you everywhere you go.

Another Witness Comes Forward to Back Cedric Benson

There's a new witness coming out in support of Cedric Benson's claims that it was the LCRA officers who were abusive of Benson, and not the other way around as they would have us believe.

The witness is Toby Patch, and though he wasn't on Cedric's boat, he was at the nearby Emerald Point Marina.

"As they were taking him up the dock, they stopped, he said, 'I am fine, I can continue walking,' and they put their legs behind his knees and knocked him over his knees and started hog-carrying him," Patch told KXAN-TV in Austin.

Near the parking area, Patch says the treatment of Benson worsened.

"They ended up--I don't know why--but laid him on his back, I heard him say, 'Please don't pepper spray me, please don't pepper spray me,'" Patch said. "It was uncalled for, it was ludicrous, no point for it."

Patch is the second witness to come forward backing up Benson's claims that he was mistreated, following in the footsteps of boat passenger Elizabeth Cartwright earlier this week. So it's starting to look like my initial feelings as to what happened here were right.

Still, even if Cedric is vindicated and has the charges dropped, he's still going to suffer for the incident. His next court date is May 19th, which also happens to be the day the Bears start OTA's. Cedric can't really afford to miss many practices seeing as how he's fighting to keep his job.

Passenger on Benson's Boat: 'I've Never Heard or Seen Cedric That Scared'

Ever since the story first broke about Cedric Benson's arrest last weekend in Austin, Texas, Benson has maintained that the story the police are telling wasn't the way things actually went down. Cedric's maintained that he wasn't drunk, he didn't resist the officers, and that the only people who were out of line that day were the police.

The problem is that nobody had been supporting his claims. Until now, anyway. A friend of Cedric that was on the phone has come out and said that Benson's tale of the story was a lot closer to the truth than anything the police are saying.

A female passenger on Cedric Benson's boat Saturday night in Austin, Texas, was concerned enough about his safety after police took him into custody to phone her parents and urge them to call 911, the Tribune has learned.

"I called my dad and told him, 'Call 911, my black friend is getting beaten up by police on Lake Travis,' " said Elizabeth Cartwright, 22, a friend of Benson's from the University of Texas. "It's more what I heard than what I saw. I have never heard or seen Cedric that scared."

See, now if you need further proof that the cops in this incident were doing nothing but punishing Cedric for "boating while black", you need look no further than Benson's friend. She's his friend, and she's racist too!

I guess telling her dad that her friend was getting beat up by police just wouldn't suffice, she had to throw in the "my black friend." Don't you remember him, father? That charming negro boy I was telling you about!

Anyway, she says she's willing to testify on Cedric's behalf once this gets to court, and that her white boyfriend has dozens of photos to support her and Benson's story.

Cedric Benson Had A Tough Week

As I'm sure you've all heard by now, Bears running back Cedric Benson got into a bit of trouble over the weekend, when he was arrested for boating while intoxicated. While I try to remember a time when I was on a boat where either I, or the person driving the boat, didn't have a beer in their hand, here are some of the particulars for you to go over.

Lower Colorado River Authority police arrested the Bears running back, who played at the University of Texas in Austin, on Lake Travis during a random safety inspection. An LCRA spokesman said Benson, who failed a sobriety "float test" (an abbreviated version of a field sobriety test) on his 37-foot yacht, argued over taking a follow-up test on land and refused to put on a life jacket. LCRA officers said they attempted to arrest Benson at that time but that he refused to cooperate and was pepper-sprayed. He was booked at 11:24 p.m. Saturday at the Travis County Jail and was out early Sunday morning on $14,500 bond.

Now without being there, this is how I picture the whole thing went down.

River Authority Cop #1: Man, where in life did we mess up bad enough to become River Authority cops?

River Authority Cop #2: I don't know, hoss. I don't know.

RAC #1: Not a day goes by where I don't think about killing maself.

RAC#2: Me too.

RAC#1: Want to end it all right here? Together?

RAC#2: You know what? Fuck it. Let's do..

RAC#1: Wait a second, what's that? It's a boat! Let's go mess with them, and then kill ourselves.

RAC #2: Sounds like a plan to me!

(the River Authority cops then go over to Cedric Benson's boat, and climb on board)

RAC#1: Be careful man, there's black people on this boat.

RAC#2: Way ahead of you, hoss. Already got ma pepper spray ready.

RAC#1: Good. Juss let me do all the talkin.

(Cedric Benson then approaches the cops, takes two steps and falls down, but then gets back up)

Cedric Benson: Damn waves! There a problem here officer?

RAC#1: You drunk, boy?

Benson: Drunk? Oh hell no.

RAC#1: Then why you fall down back there?

Benson: Oh, I'm never able to take more than two or three steps without falling down or gettin hurt. It's a condition I have called "major suckitis."

RAC#1: You sure you ain't drunk?

Benson: Pretty damn sure.

RAC#1: He's a cussin at us! And resisting arrest! SPRAY HIM, DAMMIT, SPRAY HIM!!

(RAC#2 then sprays Benson in the eyes for 25 minutes)

Benson: Aaaaaah!!

Then the cops dragged the blind bastard off the boat and arrested him.

For the most part, Benson agrees with my version of the story.

"There was no resistance on my part," Benson told the Tribune on Sunday night. "Was I drunk? No."

Benson said there was alcohol on his boat but that he was not intoxicated and the boat was stationary when police arrived. He said he fully cooperated with officers and that this was the sixth time he had been questioned by lake police in the year that he has owned the boat.

"They gave me a field sobriety test, told me to say my ABCs and told me to count from 1 to 4 up and down," Benson said of Saturday's incident. "I'm thinking, I passed all the tests, did everything right. Then the officer told me we needed to go to land to take more tests. I politely asked him why we needed to go to land to take more tests when I took every test. Then he sprayed me with mace, on his boat.

"I'm not handcuffed. I'm not under arrest. I'm not threatening him. I'm not pushing him. I'm not touching him. And he sprays me right in my eye."

Benson said by that time, he was far removed from the family and friends left on his boat, a group that included his mother.

"Nobody saw what he did to me," Benson said. "I started screaming for my mother to come. That's when they put me under arrest. And the officer threw a life jacket over my head.

"Once we got to land, the Travis County police grabbed me and kicked my feet from under me. So I landed on my back while I was handcuffed. They held me down and held the water hose over my face. I couldn't breathe, I'm choking, I'm begging the cops, 'Please stop. Please stop.' Then they picked me up and dragged me backward toward their car. And I'm still being polite, asking them, 'Sir, could you please allow me to walk like a man to your cop car?' They just kept dragging me on."

Okay, so it's not exactly the same, but whatever. Sports blogs aren't known for their accuracy in reporting, ain't that right, Buzz?

No matter what actually happened, this was just the crowning jewel on what was a craptastic week for Cedric. It all started on Sunday when the Bears drafted Matt Forte in the 2nd round of the draft, effectively making it official that Benson is a bust, and there's also a chance he won't have a job once the season starts. Now this. I'd almost feel bad for him, you know, if he didn't suck so bad.

Feel That Bass

Mexican Riot Cop Owned By Drum - Watch more free videos

I don't pay any damn attention to soccer, so I have no idea why this fan is so angry, but I'm incredibly happy that he is. Now, I don't condone violence against the police, be they American or Mexican, but I don't not condone violence against the police when it's this entertaining.

(Via With Leather)

This Took Longer Than I Thought

With the absurdity of the whole Roger Clemens/Mindy McCready story breaking yesterday, you knew it was only a matter of time before the internets blew up with parody videos mocking the entire thing, and now I'd like to present you with the first one I've found.

It's from Ryan Parker, and it's sung to the tune of the incredibly poignant McCready song "Guys Do It All The Time." (kinda sorta NSFW depending on how your job views anatomical charts)

See the video at FanHouse

How About That Roger Clemens?

Obviously, the craziest story to hit yesterday was the news that Roger Clemens had been having a relationship with country singer Mindy McCready for 15 years. A relationship that started when McCready was 15 years old and Clemens was 28.

That's pretty disgusting.

Oh, and incredibly illegal.

What was weird though was that Clemens still hasn't come out with a statement about the whole thing, while he came out swinging as soon as his name was dropped in the Mitchell Report. Was this because he was just hoping that by not giving the story any attention it would go away, or was it because after seeing what has happened to him after fighting the steroid allegations, he thinks it's best to just keep his mouth shut?

I can't really be sure, though Roger's lawyer, Rusty Hardin, did come out and say that all of this Clemens/McCready stuff was crap. More specifically, he said this.

"There's no question in my mind that this is a really filthy smear campaign orchestrated by [Brian] McNamee's lawyers clearly intended to do anything they can to ruin Roger's reputation. ... I'll let Roger speak for himself on the matter, but it is clear that the Daily News throughout this entire episode has been the house mouthpiece for McNamee's lawyers, and this is just one more example."

Looks like Rusty should have checked with Roger before saying this because McCready had her say yesterday as well, and she admits it's all true.

"I cannot refute anything in the story," a tearful but resolute McCready told the Daily News, which broke the story at midnight Sunday.

[...] "Yes, I have known Roger Clemens for a long time," McCready said, reading from a prepared statement. "He's a kind and caring man. He's also a legendary athlete. The central topic in the debate, however, regards his professional life, not his personal life.

"There are legal matters working their way through the system that have nothing to do with me. From my point of view, that is where the focus should remain."

Now you're probably thinking that Clemens having a relationship with a 15-year old girl is far worse than whether or not he stuck a needle in his ass, and you're 100% correct, if he did. If you read the New York Daily News article carefully, though, you'll see an important part that states Roger's relationship with McCready didn't become a sexual one until after she moved to Nashville.

McCready was 18 when she moved to Nashville.

That's not illegal.

It doesn't change the fact that Roger is kind of a scumbag, targeting girls at the age of 15 and then being "friends" with them until it's legal to sleep with them, but he's not a statutory rapist.

It's still pretty disgusting, though. Of course, the only man who could ever truly get to the bottom of this entire story would be Jerry Springer.

Dontrelle Willis' DUI Downgraded

While the first two starts for Dontrelle Willis in a Detroit Tigers jersey have been far below expectations for the man who just signed a 3-year $29 million extension with the Tigers this spring, and he's currently on the shelf with a hyper-extended knee, the lefty did get some good news in recent days.

Remember when Dontrelle was busted for a DUI back in 2006? Well, he finally had his day in court...

Continue reading at FanHouse

Stanley Pringle Using the Al Bundy Defense

Remember last week when I told you about Penn State basketball player Stanley Pringle and his mastubatory habits? Of course you do. How could you forget? Well, Stanley is fighting back and proclaiming his innocence.

In his words, Stanley wasn't masturbating in that library, he was just relaxin, man.

Responding to recent charges leveled against him, Nittany Lion basketball player Stanley Pringle told police he was touching his penis but was not masturbating in the Pattee Library stacks last Thursday.

Pringle told police he has "a bad habit of putting his hand down his pants," and demonstrated for the officer by placing his hand down the front of his sweatpants, according to the complaint.

"Why would I need to masturbate?" he told police. "This is how I chill, ma'am."

Of course, Stanley's version of the story differs quite a bit from the victim's who says that Pringle asked her if she wanted to buy some hand lotion to support the basketball team, and then a few minutes later she heard a "smacking sound, like Pringle's hand was smacking against the skin of his body."

She also says she never turned around to see if Pringle was actually masturbating because she was afraid too. As though seeing a guy with a hand down his pants is the leading cause of death in America. She also says she heard Pringle moaning, and that she could see a shadow of his hand moving back and forth.

I got to tell you, the more I hear about this story, the less I think Pringle was actually masturbating. To me it's looking more and more like Pringle was only messing around with the girl, because why would he ask her if she wanted to buy some lotion to support the team first? That had to be a joke, and then if Pringle was really masturbating I don't think he'd be moaning to garner attention.

Still, I guess we'll never really know until somebody checks out the book Pringle was reading at the time and finds that pages 88-103 are all stuck together.

Cheerleaders Will Jack You Up

It's been over a week since Victoria Lindsay was beaten by her fellow cheerleaders for "talking trash" on MySpace, and the she still has no hearing or vision in her left ear and eye while she recovers from her concussion.

And as teenagers are wont to do, the girls who beat her still have no real grasp of what they've done.

Following their arrests the girls joked in a holding cell. One asked if she would be able to make it to cheerleading practice the next day, while several others joked that they wouldn't be making it back to the beach anytime soon, he said.

"They seemed to have absolutely no remorse at all," [Sheriff Grady]Judd said. "They were just going to beat her. And beat her they did."

Thankfully, cheerleaders aren't just ridiculously violent, they're also incredibly stupid so they thought it would be a good idea to videotape the beating so they could get famous on YouTube. While they're laughing now, we'll see how funny they find it when the sheriff's office recommends that the State's Attorney charge the girls with felony kidnapping, felony battery, and false imprisonment.

Have fun in jail, princess. Maybe your 250-pound girlfriend can videotape the fun she has with you there, and then put that on YouTube as well!

(Via Busted Coverage)

Please Stop Masturbating To The Dewey Decimal System

Since I only care about Penn State football and not the basketball team, it would take a pretty insane story to get me to write a post here about Penn State basketball, or one of the team's players.

I'm not talking "Penn State basketball player scores 55 points" crazy, or "Joe Paterno retires to take over school's basketball program." I'm talking "masturbating in the school library" insane. (Okay, I'd cover the Paterno story.) Which is why I'm grateful for point guard Stanley Pringle and his need to shoot take a load off.

Penn State Police confirmed today that they have filed charges against Nittany Lions basketball player Stanley Pringle in an incident involving public masturbation that occurred last Thursday in Pattee Library.

Police said Pringle, the team's point guard, sat behind the victim in the stacks section of the library, attempted to start a conversation with the woman and began masturbating. Police have filed charges of public lewdness and disorderly conduct against him in connection to the incident, but Centre County District Judge Jonathan Grine, who is out of the office, was unable to sign the criminal complaint as of 2 p.m. today. Without the signed complaint, Pringle cannot be formally arrested.

Wait a second...that's a crime? That's how I met my last three girlfriends!

At least we know why Stanley's last name is Pringle now, because once it popped, he couldn't stop.

Well, the scouting reports were right, he does have excellent ball handling skills.

I can do this all day, people.

Seriously though, this just goes to show how bad Penn State's basketball team is. The damn point guard on the team has so much trouble picking up girls at the school, he has to resort to jerking off behind them in a library.

Mike Piazza Is Avenged

Last summer Eamonn (then still known to the world only as PostmanE) shared with us the story of Mike Piazza getting hit in the head by a water bottle that a fan threw at him in a game against the Angels. This did not amuse Mike at all. In fact, after the game he made it clear to the media that he was going to press charges against the "gutless" fan.

Mike wasn't lying because he did in fact press charges against the fan, and now that fan is going to spend a month in jail for what he did....

Continue reading at FanHouse

Brian McNamee Picked a Bad Time for a Nap

Hey look, Brian McNamee is in the news and it's not because he stuck any needles in somebody's ass. The former trainer and Congress All-Star was driving in New York on Thursday when he passed out behind the wheel and went head on into a city bus.

Continue reading at FanHouse

Thank God Almighty, We Are Free At Last!

He's gone!

Thank you, Jesus, he is gone!!

Let January 29th, 2008 go down as one of the greatest days in Chicago White Sox history. I feel like a Russian on the day Stalin died. Not even the 30 MPH winds, and -20 wind chill in Chicago could cool the warm feelings flooding my heart on Tuesday night.

Johan Santana is gone. Not only out of the AL Central, but out of the American League.

That's right, Cubs fans, he's your problem now.

...on Tuesday afternoon, the New York Mets agreed to a tentative deal with the Minnesota Twins for arguably the best pitcher on the planet, Johan Santana, for a package of four prospects.

Santana has a full no-trade clause and can veto the deal unless he gets a contract extension, and it's expected that the Mets and Santana will begin negotiating as soon as possible. New York and Santana have until 5 p.m. ET Friday to reach an agreement, a baseball official told The Associated Press, on condition of anonymity. Deadlines have been extended in the past, however.

If Santana agrees to a deal -- and it is thought he will seek a six-year, $150 million contract -- then he also would have to pass a physical.

Blah, blah, blah, who the hell cares? He's gone!

The Mets already knew that Santana is going to want $150 million, so I see no reason why they're going to have a problem giving it to him, and I have no doubt he's going to pass his physical.

No longer will I have to suffer watching Johan pick apart my beloved White Sox five or six times a season, and when you consider the fact the Twins also lost Torii Hunter and Carlos Silva this offseason, we might actually be able to beat them consistently.

Third place is ours, bitches!

Of course, this is a sad day for Twins fans, as it's never easy to lose a pitcher of Johan's caliber. For those poor souls who are reading this, I offer you these soothing words of the great Nelson Munce.

Foul Balls

Alonzo Spellman: Still Crazy After All These Years - Do you remember Alonzo Spellman? He's one of my favorite Chicago Bears of all time. Not for what he did on the football field, but for all the crazy shit he did off of it.

There was the time in 1998 when he barricaded himself in his publicist's house after a doctor was late for an appointment, and threatened suicide. It took Mike Singletary to convince him to go to a hospital and get himself checked out, where it was discovered Alonzo had bi-polar disorder.

Everything was fine for a while, since Alonzo was taking his medications, and he was able to play a few more years with the Cowboys and Lions. Then he retired, and figured he didn't need his medication anymore.

His assumption was wrong.

On July 23rd, 2002 Spellman was on a flight from Cincinnati to Philadelphia when he lost it. He started screaming that the plane was going to crash, and then started yelling at other passengers and even threatened to kill members of the flight crew. The plane had to make an emergency landing, and afterwards Alonzo was sentenced to 18 months in a federal prison for what he'd done.

Then Alonzo was quiet for awhile, until now, that is.

Former Bears defensive lineman Alonzo Spellman was arrested Tuesday after Tulsa police fired pepper-spray pellets into his car following a 20-minute chase.

Spellman was booked into the Tulsa County Jail on complaints of eluding, assault with a deadly weapon on a police officer, resisting arrest and driving without a license, jail records show. His bond was set at $10,700 and Spellman remained jailed Tuesday evening.

The chase began at 12:23 p.m. after officers responded to a disturbance at a convenience store in midtown Tulsa, police spokesman Leland Ashley said. When officers arrived, Spellman got into a green Chrysler Pacifica and drove away, Ashley said.

"He took us on a little pursuit," Ashley said. "We had to use stop sticks that took out three of his tires."

After the vehicle stopped, the 36-year-old Spellman refused to get out of the car for about 20 minutes until officers fired "pepper bullets" through the windows.

Oh, Alonzo. How I've missed you.

How's Rocket Going To Get Out Of This One? - While I've never been a fan of Roger Clemens, I have to admit, I've admired his fervor in defending himself ever since he was named in the Mitchell Report.

First there was the denial, then there was the taped conversation with Brian McNamee, followed by the 60 Minutes interview, and finally we had the "War and Peace"-esque statistical report Clemens released to prove steroids had nothing to do with his success late in his career.

It's going to be interesting to see how Rocket tries to get out of this one, as his friend, and fellow Mitchell Reporter, Andy Pettite is willing to testify that he and Clemens talked about HGH on a number of occasions.

"Based on what we know, there was a situation where Andy was speaking to Roger in Brian's presence, then Andy came over to Brian and essentially said, 'Why didn't you tell me about this stuff?' He referred to HGH," [Brian McNamee's lawyer Earl] Ward said. "Brian discouraged him and then several months later, when he [Pettitte] got injured, he came back and asked Brian about it, and that's when Brian injected him. We believe that based on the fact that Andy came to Brian and asked him about HGH, it was Roger who told Andy about HGH and that's why he asked Brian about it."

Richard Emery, another lawyer for McNamee, said his client and Pettitte also discussed steroids use by Clemens.

"Pettitte is certainly going to tell the truth and if he tells the truth everything will be fine," Emery said.

"There are a number of conversations where Pettitte and Brian talked about Clemens' use. I think there is everything to believe Pettitte is not a liar."

If I'm Andy Pettite, I'd be expecting a phone call this morning.

The Single Greatest Moment Of My Life - You know, during the few years that I've been blogging at Foul Balls, and now at FanHouse, I've had a few highs in my career.

There was the time my post on Ron Santo was featured in the Chicago Sun-Times.

There was the time Foul Balls was mentioned in the New York Times.

There was the time when I was mentioned by name on ESPN.com

None of those moments can even hold a candle to this one.

As someone who's loved The Dugout so much, for so very long, this is the greatest honor of my lifetime.

Well, until Leitch lets me write the White Sox preview on Deadspin in March. But still, it's pretty fucking awesome.

Long Live The Republic of New Fornellia!

Commit To The Controversy

So the Blackhawks are starting to work their way back into the public consciousness of Chicago sports fans. That's great. Really, I mean it. As I've often said here in the past, I have nothing against hockey and I used to enjoy it a bit. It was just that Bill Wirtz caused me to abandon the Blackhawks, and the strike caused me to abandon the sport all together.

Apparently I wasn't the only one who left for these reasons because now that Dollar Bill is dead, people are showing up to the United Center again, and people are actually talking about the team again. Seriously, you hear about the Blackhawks on sports radio in this city again. For the last five years or so, the only time you heard about the Blackhawks was if somebody was making fun of them.

Still, being back in the public consciousness also leads to problems. When nobody pays any attention to you, you can do whatever the hell you want and not worry about the consequences. When they are paying attention to you, you can get yourself in trouble from time to time.

Which is what seems to be happening at the moment. Remember last week when coach Denis Savard ripped into his team after a 1-0 loss, and told them they had to "commit to the Indian?"

Well, as you'd expect in this politically correct world we now live in, the phrase has rubbed some people the wrong way. Take the Chicago Sun-Times' Carol Slezak for instance.

The phrase has struck a chord with Hawks fans, many of whom would like to adopt it as the team's slogan. President John McDonough has been inundated with e-mails suggesting ways the Hawks can market the phrase, and you already can buy ''Commit to the Indian'' T-shirts online. Clearly Hawks fans are rediscovering their passion for the team, and that's great. But not everyone is happy about the way they've latched onto Savard's poor choice of words.

Count Podlasek -- executive director of the American Indian Center at 1630 W. Wilson on the North Side -- among the unhappy.

''For a fan base to use that statement as its motto is terrible,'' he said. ''What are they teaching the kids? These old symbols perpetuate the belief that American Indians are a thing of the past and that natives don't exist.''

Hey, it's Chief Illiniwek all over again!

I'm not going to get into a big debate about whether or not teams should have an Indian as it's mascot, but I will say that it doesn't bother me in the slightest. What I don't get is how the Blackhawks using an indian head logo is going to "perpetuate the belief that American Indians are a thing of the past and that natives don't exist."

Really?

I'm willing to bet that if the Blackhawks weren't named the Blackhawks that the majority of children in this city would grow up never knowing what in the hell a Blackhawk was, let alone whether or not they ever existed.

Now some people might say that I don't know what it's like since I'm not a native American, and I can't possibly know what it feels like to see my heritage exploited. These same people ignore the fact that as an Italian, I've spent my entire life seeing Italians in movies portrayed as nothing but members of the mob.

When I meet somebody and they hear my last name, I'm inevitably going to get the "Are you in the mafia?"

Does this bother me? No. Just like it doesn't bother any of my Irish friends that Notre Dame calls it's sports team the Fighting Irish, perpetuating the stereotype that all Irish people do is drink and fight. (Actually, that's not a stereotype. That's 100% true except they also eat a lot of corned beef and hash in between the two.)

The truth is that sports teams are just entertainment sources for people, they're not the moral compass of our society. Anybody who thinks otherwise isn't somebody you should be listening to.

Foul Balls

Bustin' Caps At Kams - I wrote about this at FanHouse last night, but I'm going to write about it here as well because I can. Yesterday it was announced that the Illini had suspended freshman linebacker Erique Robertson indefinitely for violating team rules.

That's all we got at first, but then later in the day Robertson appeared in court, and we all found out exactly what he'd done.

University of Illinois football player Erique Robertson has pleaded not guilty to felony charges for allegedly firing a gun at a Champaign bar.

The 19-year-old freshman is charged with reckless discharge of a firearm and two counts of aggravated unlawful use of weapons. Both are felonies.

Champaign police spokeswoman Rene Dunn said Robertson was arrested about 1:45 a.m. Sunday in front of Ellusions, a local bar. No one was injured.

I have no idea why Robertson brought the gun to the bar, and no idea why he fired the thing. What I want to know is where the hell is Ellusions? It sure as hell wasn't there when I lived in Champaign, and I don't remember seeing it anytime I've visited since then. Is it a townie bar?

No, wait, it can't be a townie bar. They wouldn't let a 19-year old into a townie bar, and everybody has a gun.

Any U. of I. students want to fill me in in the comments?

Gilbert Gives Leitch Two Thumbs Up - I got my copy of Leitch's "God Save the Fan" last Thursday, and I was finished reading it by Saturday. I don't tell you this to impress you with my reading skills (admittedly it goes over great with the ladies) I only say it so when I tell you it's a good book, you know I've actually read the whole thing.

But hey, if you don't want to take my word for it, take Gilbert Arenas'. From Gil's blog,

Have you seen the new book that came out, God Save the Fan? Will Leitch came out with the book. Thank you Will Leitch! Got to give a shout out to Will Leitch and Deadspin for coming out with the book God Save the Fan. I’m just going to tell you guys to go get the book, because I’m in Chapter 2. I mean, the title might be a little hard for some of you to read, especially since me and LeBron James are best friends. It’s about me and LeBron and it’s somewhere along the lines of “Why Gilbert is Better for the Game than LeBron” … it’s somewhere along those lines. I don’t want Cleveland fans to get mad at me, I didn’t write the book, I just read it. It’s kind of funny because me and him have been best friends over the five years since he’s been in this league. I was just grateful being mentioned with him. When I’m done playing and after all is said and done and he’s compared in Jordan likeness, I’m going to show my kids the book and be like, “Look at this here. Y’all see this, kids? Told you I was somebody. Y’all thought I was playing.” LeBron and I are really friends though, the whole free throw thing in the playoffs was just trash talking.

I know what you're thinking, and I'm shocked as well. I had no idea athletes could read either. Kinda makes me want to watch what I say around here.

Michael Wilbon Had A Heart Attack - When I sat down to watch Pardon The Interruption yesterday, like I do every day, I was pissed when I saw that Michael Wilbon wasn't on the show. Instead he was replaced by J.A. Adande, and I told myself "At least it's not Dan Le Batard."

Tony Kornheiser explained Wilbon's absence saying he was under the weather and had some minor chest pains. Turns out, Willy Buns had a heart attack.

Michael Wilbon acclaimed longtime columnist at the Washington Post and Pardon the Interruption (PTI) co-host suffered a minor heart attack this morning. It was reported that at 3 a.m. he complained of chest pains to his wife who took him to the hospital. Doctors found minor blockage in his heart and performed an angioplasty, which successfully removed the blockage.

Though he is weary he is expected to be back at his home in Scottsdale, Arizona tomorrow.

Get better, Wilbon. And lay off those sticky buns.

Mike Vick Gets 23 Months

Yesterday was a pretty good Sunday all things considered. Since there was no Bears game, I could just enjoy watching football without all the hassle of really needing to care. Sure, there's my fantasy football team, but the Swamp Nutz had already wrapped up the division going into the final week of our regular season.

It was a wonderful day.

I wonder how Mike Vick's Sunday was? I hope it was good, because I'm pretty sure his Monday has sucked pretty bad so far.

Michael Vick was sentenced to 23 months in prison Monday for his role in a dogfighting conspiracy that involved gambling and killing pit bulls.

The suspended Atlanta Falcons quarterback could have been sentenced up to five years by U.S. District Judge Henry E. Hudson. Vick, who turned himself in Nov. 19 in anticipation of his sentence, was wearing a black-and-white striped prison suit.

After Vick apologized to the court and his family, Hudson told him: "You need to apologize to the millions of young people who looked up to you."

"Yes, sir,' Vick answered.

Vick acknowledged he used "poor judgment" and added, "I'm willing to deal with the consequences and accept responsibility for my actions."

That's a long time to spend in prison, for anybody, let alone Mike Vick. It's hard to know if he's going to be able to make a comeback to the NFL after spending two years in jail. As of now, Vick won't be out of prison until October 2009. If he's a good little inmate, he can get out three months earlier in July 2009.

So even if Vick gets out early, he'll still be nearly three years removed from the football field. Most people will have forgotten about Vick by then, so somebody's going to take a chance on him. Whether or not he'll ever even be a shell of what he was before the arrest will remain to be seen, but I don't think he'll ever be a starter in the NFL again.

On the bright side, Vick could have been sentenced up to five years. Still, the 23 month sentence is the longest of the three sentences handed out in this case so far. The two friends who snitched on Vick, Purnell Peace and Quanis Phillips, each received 18 and 21 months respectively. The third co-defendant, Tony Taylor, won't be sentenced until Friday.

What I'm wondering is, who will be the next athlete to go to jail? I mean, the way things are going in the world of sports right now, it's inevitable that it's going to happen again. Just look at all the big stories taking place off the field.

It all started with Pacman Jones, who gave way to the Bengals and Tank Johnson. Then the Vick story broke, and a few weeks ago Sean Taylor was killed by somebody who broke into his house.

It's not just the NFL either. Barry Bonds is probably the favorite to be the next athlete to do some prison time. Those federal indictments are hard to get away from.

The NBA is getting involved as well, as Indiana Pacers guard Jamaal Tinsley was involved in a shooting incident over the weekend as well. It's at least the third time Tinsley has gotten into serious trouble with the law over the last year and a half.

It's a pretty disturbing trend in sports right now. Mike Vick is just the posterboy.

Foul Balls

The Colts and Patriots Have Changed Places - I've noticed something over the last few weeks, and with each passing Sunday I become more convinced that my suspiscions are true. Both the Patriots and Colts had an easy time of it on Sunday, with blowout wins of the Steelers and Patriots.

But have you noticed that the Patriots and Colts have switched places?

Remember a few years ago, back in 2003 and 2004 when the Colts were lighting up the scoreboard every week and had us all wondering if they could go undefeated? Obviously, they never did. No instead they would run into the Patriots in the playoffs, the same Patriots team that had spent the season flying a bit under the radar thanks to injuries.

They were still winning, but they didn't get as much attention as the record breaking Colts.

Then the Colts won the Super Bowl last season, I don't remember who they beat, and the two teams switched roles. Now it's the Patriots who are setting offensive records, and the Colts are a team dealing with injuries, but a team that seems to be finally hitting it's stride late in the season.

At this point you shouldn't be surprised if the Colts go into Foxboro for the AFC Championship game and put an end to the Patriots dreams of an undefeated season. I know I won't be.

Kenny's Not Inspiring Much Confidence In Me - My biggest concern about the White Sox going into the 2008 season is not the offense. I know the team hasn't made too many changes to it's lineup, save for Orlando Cabrera, but I really don't think we're going to have a repeat performance of 2007 at the plate.

There's just too much talent in the lineup.

No, the thing that scares the hell out of me is a starting rotation that not only still includes Jose Contreras, and has lost Jon Garland, but it also features John Danks and Gavin Floyd.

Neither of which make me feel safe. Kenny on the other hand, he's pretty sure these two are future Hall-of-Famers.

"These are guys everyone would want and most people in the industry view ultimately as top-of-the-rotation guys," Williams said last week at the winter meetings in Nashville. "Our pitching is not going to be a problem this year. We'll be just fine in that area."

Obviously, Kenny has been experimenting with drugs lately. I want to know who these people in the industry that think Gavin Floyd will be a top of the rotation guy are. They should immediately be fired, because it's obvious they know nothing about baseball.

I only say it about Floyd because even though I don't have the same expectations Kenny does, John Danks could develop into a solid #3 starter eventually if not this season.

Get Ready For The Shock of Your Lifetime

You're never going to believe this, but a certain NFL quarterback that's currently suspended and about to go to jail for dog-fighting tested positive for marijuana.

I know. Shocking.

Mike Vick has tested positive for marijuana.

A urine sample submitted by Michael Vick has tested positive for marijuana, and as a result he'll have tighter restrictions on his freedom.

The test was taken on Sept. 13. Because of the positive test, federal court probation officer Patricia Locket-Ross, who is assigned to Vick, asked Judge Henry Hudson to place special conditions on Vick's release, which include refraining from use or unlawful possession of a narcotic drug or other controlled substance.

Also, Vick must submit to any method of testing at any time.

I'm sure nobody saw this coming, I mean, it's not like Vick and marijuana have been linked before.

In other shocking news today, Rex Grossman still sucks, and I'm gorgeous.

(Thanks to Kissing Suzy Kolber for the photo. Which of course they took from The Onion.)

Mike Vick Indicted By State of Virginia

You know, just in case the federal counts weren't enough.

Today a Virginia grand jury charged Vick with one count of killing dogs, and another count of promoting dog fights. Both of the charges are felonies, so I think at this point Vick is facing around 1,459 years.

In Virginia, dog fighting and animal cruelty are felonies that can carry prison sentences of up to five years for each count. Vick and his co-defendants have admitted, in sworn court documents, to killing six to eight pit bulls, so it would seem to be fairly easy for the prosecutor to convict them of crimes that could result in lengthy prison sentences.

Vick is going to get around a year to 18 months in federal prison already, and to be honest I don't know if the state sentencing would be tacked on to it, or just included. I'm not a criminal, so I just don't know.

The only thing I do know is that I'm totally going to buy Rex Grossman a couple of pit bulls. The ones with bees in their mouths, and when they open up their mouths they shoot bees at you.

O.J.'s Bail Set at $125,000

O.J. Simpson was back in a place most Americans link him to these days on Tuesday, a courtroom. He was rather subdued this time around as Judge Joe Bonaventure Jr. read aloud the charges against him, and then announced bail.

A judge set bail Wednesday at $125,000 for O.J. Simpson for the former football star's alleged role in the armed robbery of sports memorabilia collectors at a Las Vegas hotel. His attorney said he expected him to be released within hours and return to Florida.

As for the charges O.J. is facing this time around, they aren't as bad as double murder, but they're probably going to be harder to get out of.

• Two counts of first-degree kidnapping. Felony.
• Two counts of robbery with a deadly weapon. Felony.
• Burglary while in possession of a deadly weapon. Felony.
• Coercion with use of deadly weapon. Felony.
• Two counts of assault with a deadly weapon. Felony.
• Conspiracy to commit kidnapping. Felony.
• Conspiracy to commit robbery. Felony.
• Conspiracy to commit crime. Gross misdemeanor.

Yeah, and it's all on tape too. O.J. is going to jail.

O.J. Has Been Arrested

I told you about it here on Friday, but it became official yesterday as O.J. Simpson was arrested for allegedly robbing some guys at gunpoint. Simpson wanted some memorabilia that he claims is his back, and as any person knows, the only way to accomplish that kind of goal is with a gun.

O.J. said there were no guns, but the men he robbed say differently. Apparently the cops seem to think O.J. is lying. According to one of the collectors in the room, Bruce Fromong, Simpson and his boys came in the room like commandos.

"The door burst open, and in came, running in, almost commando-style, O.J. Simpson and some of his people, with guns drawn," Fromong said. "And O.J. at that time was saying, 'I want my stuff. I want my stuff.'

"The thing in my mind as soon as I saw him, I'm thinking, 'O.J., how can you be this dumb? You're in enough trouble."'

Personally, I'd be thinking "Thank God I'm not a white woman!" but that's just me.

There's also some audio that's allegedly of Simpson inside the hotel room that was given to TMZ.com. On the tape the man who's said to be Simpson can be heard saying,

"Think you can steal my [expletive] and sell it?"

You can hear the tape here.

As for what this means for O.J., Johnnie Cochran is dead, and he's broke now, so something tells me he's not going to be able to get out of this one.