I Have A Lot Of Nothing To Say

I don't have much to say about yesterday's congressional hearings about whether or not Brian McNamee ever stuck some needles in Roger Clemens' ass. The truth is, I didn't watch a single second of the hearings.

From all the "highlights" I did see and hear throughout the day though, I'd have to say Clemens came out of all the proceedings looking the worst. It's as though he was under the impression that the louder you talk the more innocent you are, and he never seemed to really answer any questions.

So since I didn't really watch it, everybody else is talking about it, and there are no other real big stories in sports to talk about right now, I'm just going to hit a whole bunch of different topics today. It is Valentine's Day after all, so think of today's post as a heart-shaped box full of all different sorts of chocolates.

Foul Balls

Devean George Is Doing Dallas a Favor - I already wrote about the Mavs/Nets trade that didn't happen yesterday thanks to Devean George in The Basketball Diaries this morning, but I didn't say why I thought that George was doing the Mavs a favor.

Did you see all the people the Mavericks were going to send to the Nets for Jason Kidd? Devin Harris, Jerry Stackhouse, DeSagana Diop, Devean George, Maurice Ager, $3 million, two first-round draft picks, a couple of Cowboys cheerleaders, a cowboy hat, 15 head of cattle, and the first born of every family in Dallas.

All for a soon to be 35-year old point guard who isn't going to get the Mavericks to the NBA Finals anyway. If Jason Kidd couldn't lead the Nets to a better record in the Eastern Conference with Richard Jefferson and Vince Carter at his side, what in the hell is he going to do in the Western Conference with Dirk Nowitzki and Josh Howard?

Don't get me wrong, I think Jason Kidd is one of the greatest point guards in the history of the game, but he's not the answer in Dallas. At least not at that cost. Devin Harris is never going to be Jason Kidd, but at 24 he still has all the potential to become one of the top point guards in the NBA for years to come. Kidd has a season or two left in him.

Then there's the fact that the Mavs would have sent two future first round picks to the Nets as well, thereby assuring that in a few years when Kidd does retire, the Mavs will be left with nothing but an aging Dirk Nowitzki and no draft picks to bring in new talent.

Dallas isn't going to get through the Western Conference this season, with or without Kidd, but by not making the trade they give themselves a better chance of getting back to the NBA Finals in the next few years.

Ryan Dempster Is Confident - Ryan Dempster has always been the "class clown" of the Chicago Cubs clubhouse. He's also the team's only ninja. I'm not sure whether Dempster was joking around with the media yesterday, but he made a rather bold statement about what he expects the Cubs to do this season.

"I think we're going to win the World Series, I really do," Dempster told reporters as pitchers and catchers reported to camp. "I wouldn't show up here and have worked as hard as I did, and everyone worked as hard as they did, to not believe that. I think it's funny when people make predictions or they say things and people are like, 'Oh, how can you say that?'

"You believe it. You really do. Enough of all the … curse this, the curse that, the goat, the black cat, or the 100 years [without a championship]. … Whatever it is, we're a better team than we were last year. And last year we made it to the playoffs, and it was a battle to make it, to have a rough April and be 10 [games] down and kind of grind our way to first place. I just feel like our chances are better."

I admire Ryan's confidence, though I'm not sure I can really support what he's saying. Will the Cubs get to the playoffs again this season? Probably, I mean their division was horrible last season and it's only gotten worse this season, so it's damn near impossible for the Cubs to not win the division just by showing up to the park everyday.

Will they win the World Series though? Well, they'd have to win a playoff game first, but if the Colorado Rockies can get to the World Series, I see no reason why the Cubs can't get there. There's no way in hell they'd win a 7-game series against the Red Sox, Angels, Tigers, or Indians, but they can get there.

I Hope Terrelle Pryor Doesn't See This - With the nation's top football recruit, quarterback Terrelle Pryor, still undecided about where he's going to go to school, there's still a lot of recruiting being done by the three teams apparently left on his list: Michigan, Ohio State, and Penn State.

Obviously, I want Pryor to go to Penn State because I'm a Nittany Lions fan, and Michigan and Ohio State suck.

The recruiting isn't just being done by the schools themselves though, as fans have taken to posting YouTube videos on the internet trying to convince Pryor to attend their school.

I'm just praying Pryor hasn't seen the following video because, if he has, I don't think he's going to go to Penn State.

Baseball's Three Ring Circus

Spring training is just getting started, and I plan to start rolling out Foul Balls' very own baseball previews next week, but spring training and my previews aren't the big story in baseball right now. The big story is the one I've been doing everything in my power to avoid talking about, but I've now realized that it's going to be impossible.

Roger Clemens is going to be in front of Congress tomorrow morning playing He Said/He Said with Brian McNamee.

So far the story has taken on O.J. Simpson trial proportions as McNamee busted out needles he said that Clemens used, and even went as far as saying he injected Clemens' wife with HGH for a Sports Illustrated photo shoot.

I'm pretty sure before Roger sits down tomorrow morning, there will be a story released saying that McNamee also injected Roger's kids and dog with HGH, and that McNamee has crudely drawn pictures he made with a box of Crayolas to prove it.

Roger will then counter attack by releasing a YouTube video in which he'll use sock puppets to recreate a scene in which McNamee molests a 10-year old boy.

The whole thing has turned into a circus, and though I'm hopeful that the circus will end tomorrow, I'm not stupid enough to think that will actually be the case. This story won't be going anywhere, the names may change, but the song will remain the same.

Unfortunately, the hearings lost some juice yesterday when it was revealed that Andy Pettite would no longer be testifying in Washington on Wednesday.

New York Yankees pitcher Andy Pettitte, former Mets trainer Kirk Radomski, and former Yankee and Twins player Chuck Knoblauch will not testify before a congressional committee Wednesday in Washington D.C.

The only people now scheduled to testify on Wednesday are pitcher Roger Clemens, former Clemens trainer Brian McNamee and Charlie Scheeler of former Senate majority leader George Mitchell's staff.

"Mr. Knoblauch and Mr. Pettitte answered all the Committee's questions and their testimony at the hearing is not needed," committee chairman Henry Waxman and ranking Republican Tom Davis said in a statement. "Mr. Clemens and Mr. McNamee have also cooperated with the Committee in its investigation."

Now at first this would appear to be good news for Roger. After all, part of McNamee's testimony involves conversations he had with both Pettite and Clemens about HGH. It's not good for Roger though, because the reason Pettite didn't want to testify tomorrow was because he's afraid he's going to get one of his good friends in trouble.

So basically, Andy knows his testimony is going to be pretty damning for Roger. Unfortunately for Roger, they wouldn't let Pettite back out of testifying if they didn't already have enough information from him, and word is that Pettite's affidavit is more supportive of McNamee than it is Clemens.

Andy Pettitte's affidavit helps to support Brian McNamee's version of events that the former trainer gave Roger Clemens steroids and HGH, Rep. Tom Davis told Newsday.

Although Pettitte won't testify at Wednesday's hearings, the left-hander's affidavit will be presented to Clemens at the hearing and will be part of the public record, the newspaper reported.

Davis, R-Va., told Newsday that Clemens says in his affidavit that both Pettitte and McNamee are mistaken in their statements.

As if all this wasn't enough, John Rocker made news yesterday by coming out and saying he failed a drug test back in 2000, and Bud Selig knew all about it and chose to ignore it.

Former major league pitcher John Rocker said Monday that baseball commissioner Bud Selig knew he failed a drug test in 2000 and that doctors for the "league" and the "players association" advised him and several Texas Rangers teammates on how to effectively use steroids.

Rocker, no stranger to controversy, made those comments on Atlanta radio station Rock 100.5.

Later Monday, he told Atlanta sports talk radio station 680 The Fan that "between 40 to 50 percent of baseball players are on steroids" and "in 2000 Bud Selig knew John Rocker was taking the juice."

Then during the same interview, just for fun, Rocker went and said this.

"Bud Selig is a clown, and should do the entire world a favor and kill himself."

And to think, Will Leitch didn't even have to get Rocker drunk first before he started spouting off about all this.

While I don't subscribe to the notion that Bud should kill himself, I do agree with Rocker's assessment that Selig is a clown. Rocker's a clown too, as are Clemens and McNamee.

They're all clowns, even the morons in Congress that think baseball is somehow a government issue.

The circus is in town, ladies and gentlemen. Try not to step in any of the elephant shit.



Foul Balls

Return of the Ninja - In what will probably be the only thing you ever see me write about the Arena Football League, at least here at Foul Balls, we take a trip back in time. As of right now the kicker for the Chicago Bears is Robbie Gould, and he's done a pretty acceptable job in the two years he's been here.

Sure, he can't be counted on from over 45 yards, but get him any closer and he's straight cash, homey. I like Gould, but in truth, he'll never be my favorite kicker to wear a Bears uniform. To find the Bears kicker that currently holds that title, you'll have to go a ways back. Back to a kicker out of Michigan State who had an odd way of contorting himself like a corkscrew before kicking his field goals and extra points.

He moved with the stealth and speed of a ninja, and that's why my friends and I dubbed him as The Ninja. You knew him as Paul Edinger. After Edinger was released by the Bears in 2004, he signed on with the Vikings in 2005.

He's never been heard from since, at least, until now. That's right Arena Football fans, The Ninja has come back home to Chicago.

Paul Edinger--you remember him, he of the corkscrew windup before becoming one of the most accurate kickers in Bears history--has signed a deal to join the Rush of the Arena Football League.

Edinger, drafted in the 6th round out of Michigan State in 2000, kicked for the Bears from 2000-2004. He last kicked in the NFL for Minnesota in 2005 and has been out of the NFL since.

This is truly a great day for crime-fighting, superhero kickers everywhere.

Yet Another Berman Video - This time Chris talks about his former Monday Night Football colleague, Al Michaels.

Must warn you though, some naughty language is involved. After all, it is Chris Berman.

A Trade That Makes No Sense

So apparently Shaquille O'Neal is on the verge of being traded to the Phoenix Suns for Shawn Marion and Marcus Banks. The deal has been agreed to by both sides in principle, but Shaq has to pass a physical first, and the deal could be finalized by the end of today.

This is the type of trade that doesn't happen very often. First off, it involves two stars in Marion and Shaq. Then there's the fact that it was completely unexpected, and nobody saw it coming. Finally, and this is the weirdest part of this deal, it's a bad trade for both teams and it's probably worse for Phoenix.

Let's forget about the fact that it was only a few weeks ago that we were all told that O'Neal would be out for the year with a hip problem. I mean, it's amazing how quickly NBA veterans can heal when they're about to go from a horrible team to a team that has a chance to get to the NBA Finals.

The insane part of this deal is, at 35 years old Shaq is already slowing down, and he was never moving that fast to begin with. Speed isn't generally a trait for 7-foot, 300 pound men. So how in the hell is Shaq going to play in Phoenix's system?

This is a team that lives to run all game. Shaq is a player that prefers to plod his way down the court, set up on the blocks, and go to work.

The deal doesn't really work for Miami, either. Sure, they'll be getting O'Neal and the $40 million left on his contract off their books, and they're getting a great player in Marion, but does he fit in Pat Riley's system?

Marion is the type of player that flourished in Phoenix's high-octane offense. Will he be as valuable playing Pat Riley's half-court offense, where defense is priority? I'm hoping that with both Marion and Dwyane Wade the Heat realize they're going to have to pick up the pace a bit.

Still, the biggest reason the Suns traded Marion was because he was tired of being in Phoenix where he's always felt he was unappreciated. He wanted to get out the shadow of Amare Stoudemire, and to a lesser extent, Steve Nash.

Why is Marion going to feel any different in Miami? Dwyane Wade is already the man there, and if Dwyane was the man while Shaq was in town, Marion isn't going to change that.

Miami though has less to lose because the team wasn't going anywhere this year anyway, and they probably weren't going to be that much better next year if they didn't make a change. The Suns on the other hand, are taking a pretty big risk here.

It could pay off huge because maybe Shaq will be magically healed now that he's out from under Riley and playing on a good team. Maybe combined with Amare Stoudemire, the Suns will then run through San Antonio and Los Angeles and finally get to the NBA Finals.

I highly doubt it though.

Foul Balls

Mr. Clemens Goes To Congress - I'm not going to get into how idiotic I find it that Congress feels the need to waste it's time talking to baseball players about whether or not they stuck a few needles in their ass ten years ago. Sure, there are more important things Congress could be doing, like finding out if the Patriots cheated or not, but hey, I don't vote so I shouldn't tell them what to do.

Anyway, Clemens told Congress the same thing he's been saying to us for weeks now. He hasn't done anything.

The star pitcher gave a sworn deposition for about five hours to congressional lawyers behind closed doors Tuesday, addressing his former personal trainer's allegations. And this time, Clemens was under oath.

''I just want to thank the committee, the staff that I just met with. They were very courteous,'' the seven-time Cy Young Award winner said, wearing a pinstriped gray suit instead of a pinstriped New York Yankees uniform. ''It was great to be able to tell them what I've been saying all along -- that I've never used steroids or growth hormone.''

See what Roger did there? He admitted he's done HGH in his denial. He said he hasn't done steroids or growth hormone. No where did he say he's never done human growth hormone.

Thought you'd get away with it, didn't you Clemens?

Meanwhile, In CrazyLand - As a sports fan that generally considers himself pretty educated and knowledgeable about the world outside of a sporting event, I can fully admit there are some sports fans out there that are complete idiots.

A lot of them live in Green Bay, but not all of them. They also have their fair share up in New England (Okay, we have some here too.) where I'd like to introduce you to the following moron. His name is Victor Thompson, and he's heartbroken.

If Victor Thompson had hair covering his Patriots-emblazoned skull, he admits he probably would have been pulling it out Sunday evening as New England went down to defeat in Super Bowl XLII.

For the New York Giants, the 17-14 win was the realization of one of the biggest upsets in NFL history.

But the man who tattooed his head like Patriots quarterback Tom Brady's helmet is definitely in the dumps.

"The minute the Giants got that (last second) touchdown I knew it was done ... it killed me," said Thompson.

Thompson, 39, of Laconia has gained both local and national attention for a stunt that saw him getting the Patriots logo tattooed on both sides of his shaved head and Brady's number 12 on the back along with the American flag.

Now I don't think I need to explain to you, the intelligent reader, just how stupid what Thompson has done is. What makes this "story" for me though is this. Emphasis is mine.

He noted that he still has plans to get New England's other championship Super Bowl years tattooed on his head.

Thompson said the trophy will have to wait.

"Maybe next year. As Brady said (after the game) ... we will be back."

Until then Thompson has tentative plans to get his entire head tattooed silver like the real helmet and he is still working on getting Brady himself to sign his skull with a tattoo gun to make it official.

Even Britney Spears thinks this guy is nuts.

Da Coach Talked to Da Congress

Mike Ditka spent his Tuesday afternoon talking to Congress about the same thing he's been railing on for a while now.

The way the NFL treats its former players.

Ditka spoke, or yelled, for about five minutes and wasn't really shy about his feelings towards the current situation. I say feelings because he didn't really seem to come armed with facts.

Those in the small room of the Rayburn Building hoping to hear fire-and-brimstone from "Da Coach" were not disappointed: Ditka delivered. Even a couple of legislators could be seen suppressing smiles as Ditka, talking demonstrably with his hands, used a tone that implied the sense of urgency he brought with him to the nation's capital.

"If you make people fill out enough forms, if you discourage them enough, make them jump through enough hoops, they're going to say, 'I don't need this,' " the former Bears player and coach said, his voice rising. "This is ridiculous. They're frustrated. These are proud people. … The people today are not the makers of the game, they're the keepers of the game."

Ditka stopped to look down at his five-page script on the table. Three seconds of silence passed before he regrouped.

"Why are we in front of Congress?" he continued. "We feel something's wrong and it can be fixed. Why can't this be taken care of? That's all we're asking."

Later, during a question period, Rep. Tom Feeney (R-Fla.) asked Ditka about his claim that there were 300 retired players seeking disability benefits but unable to get them. Acknowledging he might not have been correct on his estimate, Ditka quickly changed the subject and broke into a rant about the system.

"The responsibility has to go back to the league and the owners," Ditka said. "Come on, you … it's a bunch of red tape and bureaucracy."

Noting Ditka's fire, Feeney closed his remarks by saying, "I don't want to quarrel with coach Ditka."

To which Sanchez added, smiling, "I wouldn't recommend it."

So, in other words nobody really took him seriously. It's kind of the crux about having Ditka be the show pony in this debate. We've all grown to see Da Coach as more of a fictional character than an actual person with thoughts and feelings.

As a result, nothing he says is really going to make an impact. Which when you think about it, really is a shame. Despite who's saying it, the fact is, the NFL does screw a lot of its former players.