Charlie Weis Gives Michigan Some Extra Motivation

Considering the fact that Notre Dame football is coming off one of its worst seasons in school history, that Charlie Weis would have spent a lot of his offseason eating some humble pie (opposed to the regular kind of pies Charlie undoubtedly loves). For the most part, he has been. He brought in John Tenuta to help turn the defense around, and he's finally going to give up play-calling duties on offense and focus on the entire team and his players instead.

All smart moves. Still, Charlie has been getting the wrong kind of attention lately for things he's been saying on the banquet circuit, including some unfortunate remarks about other schools and the players they recruit.

His latest quote to garner attention has to do with rival Michigan, as can be seen in this video, in which Charlie says "To hell with Michigan."

Considering the Irish have lost to the Wolverines by a combined score of 85-21, I can understand where the frustration comes from. Though I'm not sure it's incredibly wise of Weis to give the Wolverines any locker room chalkboard material. I can guarantee you that Rich Rodriguez has been at a Kinko's in Ann Arbor all morning printing up signs featuring the quote to paste all over the locker room.

At the same time, if you are going to rip into Michigan, now is probably the time to do it. Considering that the Wolverines are probably going to have a down year as they lost their most of their key players from last season, and have to adjust to an entire new coaching staff and playbook, the Irish actually have a solid chance of beating them this season.

An Interview With Charlie Weis

Anybody who reads this site regularly knows that my feelings towards Charlie Weis have started to sour quite a bit this season. That tends to be what happens when my favorite college football team loses nine games for the first time in school history.

It's not just the losing though. If I was able to stand by the Bulls during those 15-win seasons, I can stand by Notre Dame if I have to. The problem I now have with Weis is that while his cocky attitude is palatable while the team is winning, he needs to tone it down while the team is losing. I mean, your team is getting embarrassed week in and week out, what the hell do you have to be so confident about? Besides that 10-year contract, I mean.

Still, Charlie must not be aware of any of these feelings of mine, because he agreed to sit down and do an interview with me yesterday.

This is that interview.

Foul Balls: Hello, Coach Weis. Thanks for taking the time to talk with us today.

Weis: It's my pleasure, but I have to tell you I don't have much time.

FB: It's ok, we'll take what we can get. So let's start with the obvious question, what the hell has happened this season?

CW: I don't know.

FB: You don't know? Aren't you supposed to have a feel for this kind of thing being the head coach?

CW: Yeah, but like I said after last week's game, I'm teaching these kids what it takes to win football games, they just aren't learning it.

FB: So you're not a bad coach, you just have stupid players?

CW: Yeah, you could say that.

FB: You are one smug son of a bitch, do you know that?

CW: I wouldn't say I'm smug.

(Weis then yawns and prominently displays his Super Bowl rings in my face)

FB: It was pretty nice of Tom Brady to buy that for you. So, moving on, players on Air Force said that the problem is not that your team lacks the talent, but that they have no confidence. What do you have to say to that?

CW: I'd say it's pretty accurate. These guys aren't as confident in themselves as they should be. I don't know why, I mean, I'm their coach. They should have all the confidence in the world because I'm a genius.

FB: I have a theory as to why they lack confidence.

CW: Let's hear it.

FB: Could it be that you're just so overconfident and large, that you kind of work like the sun?

(Baffled look)

FB: What I mean is, due to your girth you have a stronger gravitational pull, and you are sucking up all of your players confidence. Leaving them without any, and making you the ginormous douchebag that you are.

CW: Did you just call me a douchebag?

FB: Yeah.

CW: Well, that isn't very nice.

FB: Well neither is being a douchebag, but it hasn't stopped you from being a douchebag, douchebag.

CW: I don't have to sit here and take this. I'm Charlie Weis! I'm leaving.

FB: Later, Coach Douche.

See, this is why I don't do many interviews. Sooner or later I always end up calling the person I'm talking to a douchebag. Even if they aren't. It's a sickness.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go come up with some defense tactics for the inevitable onslaught of barrages from Notre Dame haters after we lose to Duke on Saturday.

Foul Balls

Smoke, Ricky, Smoke - In a victory for pothead athletes everywhere, Ricky Williams has been reinstated by the NFL.

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell has decided to reinstate Miami Dolphins running back Ricky Williams after a suspension that lasted 18 months because of Williams' violation of the league's substance abuse policy, sources told ESPN.

The Dolphins haven't decided whether or not they're going to welcome Ricky back, and they have two weeks to make a decision. I don't see why they wouldn't because, well, look at them. They're horrible.

If they decide to let him go, maybe the Bears can sign him. Then maybe Ricky can start smoking up with Cedric Benson, and Cedric can get suspended. Everybody wins!

More Bad News For The Colts - The Colts have now lost two games in a row, but really, they didn't have that much to worry about before. Yeah they lost to New England at home, but they didn't have Marvin Harrison and only lost by four.

Then they followed that loss up with Sunday night's loss to San Diego. Well, they played that game without Harrison, Dallas Clark, or Anthony Gonzalez. They also lost players like Dwight Freeney during the game, and even though Peyton Manning threw six interceptions, they still only lost by two points.

So even in the bad, there was good. Today though the Colts learned that it may be all bad, as some sources say Dwight Freeney may miss the entire season.

Though more tests have to be completed for the team to make a final determination, a source said Tuesday that Freeney might have suffered a Lisfranc injury in Sunday's loss to the San Diego Chargers. If additional tests verify the initial diagnosis of the midfoot injury, the source said Freeney will need season-ending surgery.

Players who have suffered Lisfranc injuries, even those not needing surgical repair, have needed months to rehabilitate.

If you don't know what a Lisfranc injury is, don't worry. Aside from being a blogger and sex machine, I'm also a doctor. A Lisfranc injury is basically a fracture and dislocation of the joints in the midfoot, where a cluster of small bones forms an arch on top of the foot between the ankle and the toes.

So it's like the bridge between his little piggies and heel has snapped in half.

Damn You, Charlie Weis

I may have already said a little bit about the Irish's loss to Navy last Saturday in yesterday's post, but that doesn't mean I'm finished talking about it. The one thing I didn't mention yesterday was how incredibly pissed off I am at Charlie Weis right now.

Last week at FanHouse, I wrote a post about the world ending because Notre Dame was actually favored last weekend. At the end of the post, I wrote this:

All of which makes me wonder if this isn't the year that Notre Dame finally loses to Navy. You would think that the Irish should win this game on talent alone, and also for the fact that they had an extra week to prepare after having last Saturday off, but I remind you: Notre Dame really, really sucks this year.

If the Irish do somehow manage to find a way to blow this one, I'm thinking Charlie Weis needs to be fired on Sunday.

So do I still think Weis needs to be fired?

Well when I wrote that, I don't think I actually believed Notre Dame could lose on Saturday. I thought if there was ever a chance for it, this year was probably Navy's best chance, but I still never fully believed it would happen.

But it did.

And yes, as of Saturday evening I have completely removed myself from the Charlie Weis fan club. Not that I was ever really an avid member. While certain contributors around here hate the man, I've kind of always been on the fence.

I'm off it now, and in fact I'm rounding up some pitchforks and kerosene.

I don't want rid of Weis solely for the fact that this team is 1-8. I'm a Notre Dame fan, but I'm not the type of blind homer that there are so many of when it comes to this school. I didn't expect this team to be very good this season. Did I think they'd be 1-8 and lose to Navy? No, but I wasn't looking for much more than five wins this season.

So I'm not mad at Weis for this team's performance. They did lose a lot of talent from last year's team, and the Irish aren't the type of program these days that just reloads. They aren't Ohio State, where Jim Tressel's program is so well run and mind numbingly consistent, that we're somehow surprised when the Buckeyes start every season 10-0.

That's where Weis is supposed to get the Irish, but after watching Saturday's game, I don't think Weis is the man to do it. Maybe the man can recruit, to be honest I don't know. He gets the talent in, but nothing he's done has proven to me he knows how to turn that into a winning football team.

In other words, Weis is what Ron Zook was supposed to be.

I just don't think Weis is a head football coach. The final straw happened on Saturday evening.

With the game tied in late in regulation, the Irish faced a 4th and 8 from the Navy 25-yard line. They were set up for a 41-yard field goal that would have won the game.

What did Charlie do?

He went for it. He passed up a field goal attempt that would have won the game.

His logic afterwards was that he wasn't sure his kicker, Brandon Walker, could make the kick. I can't blame him for that opinion seeing as how Walker is 1/4 from beyond 40 yards this season.

The problem is that the Irish had nothing to lose. If Walker did miss the field goal, do you know what would have happened? The game would have gone to overtime, which it ended up doing after Evan Sharpley was sacked on the fourth down play.

Charlie's "genius" got the best of him I guess. It's just another decision in what's an ever growing list of things Weis has done that I can only speculate are products of his own arrogance.

Whether it's the way he looks at players who are leaving his program for other schools, or just his all around demeanor, Weis thinks he's untouchable. He's bought into his own hype.

Just read this quote from him after the loss when asked about his job security.

"I'm going to be here for a long time," Weis said. "I'm going to be judged by what happens when I leave, so let's see where I am when I walk out the door."

This is all the school's fault mind you, they're the ones who gave Weis the ten year contract before he'd ever done anything. Now we're all going to have to pay for it.

The more I see Weis coach this team, the more I realize he's an excellent coordinator but not much of a head coach. And to be honest, can we be sure how great of an offensive coordinator Weis is? Was he ever considered an offensive genius before Tom Brady came along in New England?

Nope.

Has Tom Brady struggled since Weis left?

Well the Patriots are 9-0 and Brady has 35 touchdowns and 4 interceptions this season as he's on pace to shatter Peyton Manning's single season touchdown mark. So no, he's not really struggling without Charlie.

So unless Weis can figure out a way to get Tom Brady four more years of college eligibility, and line him up under center, I think it's time the Irish moved on. Let Weis finish the year so his legacy can be a 2-10 record (I'm holding out hope we can beat Duke).

Unfortunately, it won't happen. Yes, Bob Davie and Ty Willingham were fired with similar records to Weis, but there's one big difference between Weis and those two. He's an alum. If Gerry Faust got five years, who knows what they'll give Charlie.

Of course, Faust never finished a season with only two wins.

Foul Balls

NBC Isn't Interested In The Bears - The Bears have already played on NBC's Sunday Night Football twice this season, and though they were scheduled for three games, NBC has decided they've seen enough of the Bears this season. So they've kindly bumped the Bears from the schedule.

NBC and the NFL decided against placing the Bears-Seattle game on prime time on Sunday, Nov. 18. Instead, it will air on WFLD-Ch. 32 at 3:15 p.m.

NBC selected the New England-Buffalo game for that Sunday night. An opportunity to air the 9-0 Patriots was a no-brainer for the network.

Thank you, NBC. Thank you for not spreading our shame across the country for one night. Don't worry though, Bears fans. We'll have another opportunity to embarass ourselves on Monday Night Football against Adrian Peterson and the Vikings in December.

Will Joe Crede Replace A-Rod? - The GM meetings got under way in Orlando yesterday, and though trades aren't generally made until the winter meetings, a lot of the ground work for those deals is done. One of those trades involves the White Sox sending Joe Crede to the Yankees for Johnny Damon.

Ken Williams, entering his eighth year as the White Sox's GM, came to Florida believing he might be able to make a significant trade early in the winter. If he does anything quickly, it could be to trade Joe Crede to the Yankees for Damon. That rumor came out of New York and was not knocked down Monday.

I'm not sure how I feel about this deal. Of course I don't want Joe Crede to be traded, he is my favorite player after all, but it would help the Sox clear the current logjam at third. Josh Fields proved he has the bat to be an everyday player, and with time his defense will improve.

I don't think he'll ever be Crede with the glove, but he'll be good enough. What I'm not sure about is Johnny Damon. On the surface Damon answers the centerfield question, and the lead-off question, plus he'd be cheaper than Torii Hunter. The problem is that Damon had his lowest average since 2001, hitting .270 this season. His power numbers also dropped dramatically, going from 24 in 2006 to only 12 this season.

There's also the fact that a lot of Damon's game is based on his speed, and players don't get faster after they turn 34, which Johnny just did yesterday.

The Revolution Will Be Televised - The Blackhawks announced seven home dates that will be televised this season. Here they are:

November 11, 6:00 p.m. vs. Detroit
November 30, 7:30 p.m. vs. Phoenix
December 9, 6:00 p.m. vs. Calgary
December 26, 7:30 p.m. vs. Nashville
January 6, 6:00 p.m. vs. Detroit
March 7, 7:30 p.m. vs. San Jose
March 23, 2:00 p.m. vs. St. Louis

Clear your schedules now!

Seriously though, this is a great move by the Hawks. A long overdue move, but a great one none the less. It may only be seven games this season, but it paves the way for the Hawks to televise all their games next season. Which could only help the team become relevant again.

Rocky Wirtz may save the family name after all.

We Do Love Our Quarterback Controversy

A few weeks ago when Lovie Smith stood at a podium and announced that "Brian Griese is our quarterback" most people probably thought that it would mark the end of any quarterback controversy in the city of Chicago. They were wrong. This is Chicago, where the quarterback with the clipboard in his hand is always better than the one with the ball in his.

So while Brian Griese isn't going to be losing his job anytime soon, in the college ranks we have a couple of local controversies.

We'll start first with the one that's just an emotional reaction, should the Illini bench Juice Williams in favor of Eddie McGee? My answer here is no.

The only reason anybody's talking about change for the Illini is because they lost this weekend, and they looked bad doing it. That said, the loss wasn't Juice Williams' fault. Kirk Ferentz coached that Iowa defense all week preparing them for the option attack of Illinois, and they did a fantastic job of stopping an offense that had looked unstoppable before then.

Give the Hawkeyes credit, they came up with a game plan, and then they executed it flawlessly.

When you look at Juice's numbers on the season, they aren't particularly impressive. He's only completed 55.5% of his passes for 716 yards. That's 102.2 yards passing a game, but considering how often Illinois throws the ball, that's not really a bad number. Williams also has five touchdowns to match his five interceptions.

So, no, Juice Williams is not now, nor will he probably ever be, the type of quarterback who's going to win a game with his arm. That doesn't mean the Illini need to make a change.

Eddie McGee is basically just a Juice clone, except he's taller. His best asset is his legs, not his arm. Though when watching McGee play, I get the impression he has a more accurate arm, but the numbers don't back it up. Juice has completed 55.5% of his passes, but McGee's only completed 52.4% of his. He's also thrown three interceptions compared to just one touchdown pass.

In other words, McGee is a very good backup to have because if Juice gets hurt-which tends to happen with Juice-the team doesn't really lose anything when McGee comes in. At the same time, they don't get better either. So if the team doesn't get any better with McGee in the game, there's no need for Ron Zook (who just got an extension) to make a change.

No, where the change needs to be made is in South Bend. I've written about this at FanHouse already, but Evan Sharpley needs to be named the starter at Notre Dame. I have nothing against Jimmy Clausen. I don't think he sucks, I don't think he's going to be a huge recruiting bust for Charlie Weis, I just don't think he's ready to be the quarterback now.

The surgery he had in the offseason is obviously still affecting Clausen's arm. When Clausen is in the game Notre Dame's offense is limited to intermediate routes and passes out to the flat. In other words, nothing that could cause Clausen to hurt his arm.

Whenever Sharpley's come in, he's provided an immediate spark for the Irish offense. He nearly led the Irish to a comeback victory at Purdue, and the only offensive touchdown the Irish scored last Saturday against Boston College came when Sharpley replaced Clausen.

Charlie Weis said earlier this week that he would make his decision today, and as of the moment, he still hasn't announced his decision.

He's considering Sharpley, but he says he wants to see Sharpley perform better in practice before giving him the starting job.

"If he wants to move past Jimmy, which I know he does, it's got to be an every day thing, it can't just be a game day thing," he said.

I understand what Weis is saying here, it is important that Sharpley plays well in practice. Where I disagree is why it's necessary this late in the season. Yes, if this was still spring ball, and Sharpley was being outperformed by Clausen in practice, then naming Sharpley starter would be idiotic.

But the Irish are seven games into their season right now, and they're 1-6. In those seven games the team has played better when Sharpley was taking the snaps. Last I checked, it's the performances in games that players and teams get credit for, not practice.

I've spent a lot of time wondering how I really feel about Charlie Weis. I wanted to make sure that my feelings were based more on what I thought of him as a coach than how the team has been performing so far. This issue is making me question Charlie's ability to actually run a football team.

If Charlie Weis can't see that Sharpley is his teams only chance to beat USC this weekend, and it's an incredibly remote chance, then why should I ever believe he's going to lead this team back where it belongs?

What Weis needs to realize that benching Clausen isn't admitting failure, either as a coach or a recruiter. It just means that your freshman quarterback isn't ready yet, something that happens everywhere, and he would be better served on the sidelines letting his arm heal while learning the offense better.

Benching Clausen would do less to hurt his confidence than throwing him out there every week to be eaten alive ever will.

Let's just hope Charlie can see past his pride, and make the right decision.

UPDATE: Charlie made the right decision.

Notre Dame Keeps Messing With Demetrius Jones

As if the Irish haven't done enough to Demetrius Jones already...

First, after telling Jones he was the starter, now Charlie Weis is saying Jimmy Clausen would have been the starter all along had he been healthy. This came as a shock to Jones and was the biggest reason he left Notre Dame for Northern Illinois last weekend.

Well, now the Irish have answered back. Jones can go to Northern Illinois if he wants to. But he'll have to pay his own way.

Demetrius Jones will have to pay his own way to Northern Illinois this year.

The former Notre Dame quarterback will not be released from his scholarship, the school decided Tuesday.

“We don’t believe that Demetrius’ departure was handled appropriately,” Notre Dame athletics director Kevin White said.

What the hell?

It's obvious that the team doesn't want him, and he doesn't want to be there, so just let the kid go already.

I know it's not exactly cool to just walk out on your team when the season's already started, but I don't think it's Jones' fault. Had Weis been honest with him about Clausen, Jones probably would have transferred before the season started. Now the school is responding to its own mistake by acting like a third-grader.

I haven't turned on Weis or his ability to coach this team just yet, at least not to the degree Panger's gone, but with every day that passes comes a new story like this that really makes me wonder how naive I'm being.

Demetrius Jones Doesn't Like Charlie Weis Either

When Demetrius Jones left Notre Dame for Northern Illinois over the weekend, it came as a surprise, but it wasn't exactly shocking either. After all, it's become rather obvious that Jimmy Clausen is Charlie Weis' quarterback.

When Jones struggled against Georgia Tech, he was pulled. When Evan Sharpley struggled against Georgia Tech, he was pulled. When Clausen struggled against Georgia Tech, he got the starting job and hasn't been pulled yet.

Weis even said as much after the game when he told the media that Clausen would have been his starter all along had he not undergone surgery on his elbow.

That's something Jones didn't appreciate hearing, and it was the final straw as it caused him to leave.

"When I heard Jimmy was No. 1 all the way through spring and that the only thing keeping him out of the lineup was his surgery, well, that's not what I was led to believe going into the summer," Jones said in a South Bend Tribune story published Monday. "I thought I was getting a chance because coach Weis believed in me. Then I didn't know what to believe anymore."

However it all came about, Jones going to Northern Illinois is the smart move for him. He wasn't going to play at Notre Dame again barring a rash of injuries, and at Northern he can probably grab the starting job next season.

Not to mention the Huskies offensive line can actually get in somebody's way once in a while.

Is Charlie Weis Just The Wizard of Oz In A Fat Suit?

Because Fornelli was at his sister's wedding yesterday afternoon, I felt compelled to do something I rarely ever do, watch an Irish football game from start to finish.

Here's what I came away with:

1. Demetrius Jones knew what he was doing getting the hell out of Notre Dame.
2. Charlie Weis is incompetent.

Watching the game just took my breath away. Mangled plays that high school players would know better than to try. Snaps sailing over the head of the quarterback. So many fumbles, baubles and missed tackles that when one of the announcers mentioned Weis' passion is special needs kids, I began to wonder if he hadn't loaded the offensive line with them.

This is the post-Brady Quinn era team he puts together?

I can hear Weis' defenders: "But he's had to replace all the key offensive positions."

So what? He's been at Notre Dame for three years. Three years to recruit and train in anticipation of this very season. Three years to create a team in his own image and he puts together an offensive line a Pop Warner team could pick apart?

Oh my God, maybe he has created a team in his own image.

I don't care how many players you lose, this is a top program; your kids should be able to execute the basics. And spectators should be able to witness a whisper of potential, a moment where you sit back and say, "Okay, I see why Weis recruited him."

For me, anyway, there wasn't one of those moments to be had.

But beyond yesterday's joke of a game, two things bother me even more.

First, the way Weis handled the whole quarterback situation. What he did to Demetrius Jones was unfathomable, pulling his starting quarterback out of the first game of the season before the end of the first half.

Think about it. You've had seven months - an entire off-season - to put your team and strategy together and in the span of less than 30 minutes, you change your mind. I mean, I'm more decisive about what dress I'm wearing to a party than Weis is about the lynch pin of his offense?

(And while we're talking about Jones, let's consider the kind of relationship Weis must have fostered with his young charge that in just three weeks he went from starting quarterback at Notre Dame to a student at a Northern Illinois. What the hell is that about? What coach worth his salt would let a situation devolve to that point?)

Second, in an ESPN article today with the incredible title, "Notre Dame Decides to Start Season Over," Weis is quoted as saying:

"We are going back to our first day of installation of training camp. That's what we're putting in [Sunday], just as if it were the first day of training camp. And everything is even steven, like it's the first day out there and everything's up for grabs."

Earth to Coach Weis: this isn't a Sunday morning golf game. You don't get a mulligan here. It's too friggin' late to go back to the first day of training camp. And besides, given what we've seen over the last three weeks, your training camp must have sucked. Why on earth would you do it again?

No wonder this guy is so bad at losing weight. He probably starts every morning with egg whites, then by the end of the day he's inhaling cartons of Twinkies washed down with a few dozen Yoo Hoo's, then he wakes up the next morning chirping, "Hey, it's a new day! Pass the egg whites!"

Seriously, someone tell me why this guy is so revered.

Cuz he coordinated the Patriots offense under Bill Belichick? Belichick hasn't exactly suffered with Weis' departure. (All he had to do was buy a new camera.)

Because he helped Tom Brady develop as quarterback? Taking credit for Tom Brady's development is like Eileen Ford taking credit for making Giselle Bundchen pretty.

For the sake of all the Irish fans out there, I sure hope I'm wrong, but I don't think Charlie Weis is anywhere close to being the genius you all think he is.

In fact, I'm guessing that within a couple years, he'll be packing his bags and disappearing into the night, muttering, "Pay no attention to the man behind the very big curtain."

The Jimmy Clausen Era Begins

You know what the best part about taking this last weekend off was?

I didn't have to write anything about Notre Dame's loss on Saturday.

I knew the Irish were going to struggle this season, but a 33-3 loss wasn't what I was expecting. Did I think Demetrius Jones would tear things up? No, that's why I thought Sharpley should have been the starter. Neither did well on Saturday, but Sharpley inspired more confidence than Demetrius.

Then Jimmy Clausen came in. He looked much better than either Sharpley or Jones, but didn't really put any points on the board either. Also, he was facing a Georgia Tech team that had taken it's starting defense out, and essentially had called off the dogs.

As I was watching, I thought to myself, "Shit. Now Clausen is going to start next week."

It's not that I don't think Clausen is good enough to become a good quarterback at Notre Dame. It's just I don't think he's ready yet. So having him start his first college game in Happy Valley against a Penn State team that played well in their opener could be asking for trouble.

Unfortunately, Charlie Weis doesn't care what I think.

Freshman Jimmy Clausen, who went into the season opener as Notre Dame’s No. 3 quarterback after offseason arm surgery, will start Saturday against Penn State.

Coach Charlie Weis opened his Tuesday news conference by announcing his decision but did not immediately elaborate on the reason for his choice.

So it appears the Clausen Era has begun in South Bend. Who knows, maybe I'm wrong and Clausen will come out and throw for 350 yards and four touchdowns.

It wouldn't really surprise me, I mean Clausen is talented. The problem is ND's offensive line. They looked like a Pop Warner team trying to block Georgia Tech's blitz schemes. You don't think the Nittany Lions are going to see what Tech did and work it into their gameplan this week?

This is going to be a long season.

The Irish Can't Keep A Secret

Some loose-lipped Notre Dame blogger has wrecked head coach Charlie Weis' Big Surprise and let the cat of the bag (which is a good thing, cuz that kinda behavior these days could get you federal jail time).

According to several Notre Dame sources, Demetrius Jones will QB for the Fighting Irish this Saturday against Georgia Tech.

Lots of complaining already about the sophomore's skills and lack thereof, but apparently Weis thinks he's doing something right.

What worries me about Jones comes from Jones himself in an interview last year.

Q: If you could compare your style of play to a musician or singer, who would you sound like?

Jones: I would have to say I would sound like Michael Jackson because he is a show stopper and has the most complete package of a entertainer...meaning different styles of music, dance moves, attention getting voice and collaborating with other artists to add flavor to his music.

Excuse the language, Demetrius, but... Michael FUCKING JACKSON? Your style resembles that of a pedophiliac pop has-been who bleaches his face, wears a boy burkha and whose last good song came out when you -6?

Honestly, this is cause for great concern, I must sa -

Wait, what?

Q: Who has been your biggest influence in life?

Jones: Biggest influence in my life has been God/Jesus/the Bible. It has given me a understanding about life and what my purpose is on earth.

Phew. Okay, that's more like it. Last person I remember who answered that question the same way was then-Governor George Bush. And that turned out great, right?

Go, Irish! Go, Demetrius/Michael Jackson! Go, Jesus!

Charlie Weis Is Excited

Charlie Weis won't tell us who his starting quarterback is going to be on Saturday against Georgia Tech, and he's probably in denial when he claims this isn't a rebuilding year for the Irish. But that doesn't mean he's not excited about the upcoming season.

In fact, he's more excited than ever!

"This is more exciting than the first two years for me," Weis said. "This is also more challenging.

"I think part of your job as a coach is you can't stay the same if your team has changed. You have to figure out what is going to be the best approach to get the most out of your team."

I can understand what Charlie is saying, but I don't think he'll be excited about this season for very long. I haven't made it a secret of low expectations for the Irish this season, considering how tough the front end of their schedule is, and new starters at every key position on offense.

Frankly, I'd be pleased with a 7-5 season from Notre Dame. That prediction would put me on the bottom end of Blue-Gray Sky's prognostications. Jesus, fellas. I love them too, but let's be realistic. The worst any of you have them going is 8-4? It's going to be a long season at BGS.

Charlie Weis Has a Secret and He Won't Tell Til Game Day

Like a smug third grader who won't tell classmates what she's bringing to Show and Tell (wait, that was me), Notre Dame head coach Charlie Weis is staying hush-hush on who's going to be suiting up September 1st as starting quarterback.

What matters is that he knows.

"Oh, absolutely. This is no big secret in my mind. People think that you vacillate; you never vacillate. You know what you're doing. I'm not trying to sandbag anyone, but I think that going into your first game, it's important that any additional ammo that you could have to help you win that one game you should use."

But Foul Balls has learned Weis plans on making it even more suspenseful.

Sources tell us that just before kickoff, Evan Sharpley and Jimmy Clausen will come out to the fifty yard line where David Blaine will ask each to pick a card. Blaine will then instruct both prospects to check between their respective ass cheeks. Whoever finds the card he picked in there is the starting quarterback.

Though NBC would not confirm it, sources say the network will be using two "ass cams" to document the moment.

via FanHouse

Charlie Weis Doesn't Want To Hear About Rebuilding

Yesterday was the first day of practice for the Fighting Irish, and Jimmy Clausen was in uniform and throwing without his arm falling off. That's a good sign.

Of course, Weis won't let anybody know who his starting quarterback will be until about 5 minutes before the Irish kick off their season with Georgia Tech. He'll tell you that it's a strategic ploy to keep Tech from knowing who to prepare for, but it's mostly because he has absolutely no idea who his quarterback will be.

In fact, there are a lot of questions like this surrounding the Irish, but don't mention the word rebuilding around coach Weis.

...any suggestion of tempered expectations was met with mildly ill-tempered responses Monday, including Irish coach Charlie Weis' assertion that God should "strike me dead" if he dared utter the word "rebuilding."

"That's exactly what you would think coach Weis would be all about," senior safety Tom Zbikowski said. "That's why he's here. There are no rebuilding years. There's getting new guys and having the same goals we always have."

I hate to break it to coach Weis and Zbikowski, but this is going to be a rebuilding year. I don't really care what you want to call it-how about non-BCS year?-but the fact is the Irish have a tough road to hoe.

I already told you in yesterday's preview how the Irish have to replace their starting quarterback, running back, and top two receivers from last season. And all these new starters are going to have to figure each other out while playing teams like Georgia Tech, Penn State, and Michigan in the first few weeks.

It might now be an actual "rebuilding" year in South Bend, but it's going to be a long one.

Charlie Weis Hopes Bowl Game Record Doesn't Follow Him to Courtroom

Charlie Weis is suing the doctors who performed his gastric bypass surgery five years ago for malpractice.

Weis checked into Massachusetts General Hospital in 2002 under an assumed name, in hopes of keeping the procedure out of the public eye. It didn't exactly go as planned:

Embarrassed by his chronic obesity, Weis planned to undergo gastric bypass surgery and quietly return home the next day, avoiding public attention.

Instead, complications developed. Weis nearly died. And now, almost five years later, he faces the prospect of every detail of his long battle with obesity and his bypass ordeal becoming public record as he goes to trial next month in Suffolk Superior Court in his medical malpractice suit against two Mass. General physicians.

What's going to insure this case gets even more attention is one of its star witnesses, none other than the Dreamboat himself, Tom Brady.

With Patriots quarterback Tom Brady expected to appear as a star witness, the case could draw national attention as Weis tries to prove that the doctors -- Charles M. Ferguson and Richard A. Hodin -- acted negligently in leaving him so close to death that he received the Catholic sacrament of last rites.

So, all Charlie and his lawyers have to do is get a bunch of female Patriots fans on the jury, and the case is as good as won. They'll do whatever Dreamboat tells them.