Brian Urlacher Will Get His Way

So after spending the last few months telling everybody that he was going to skip OTAs, and that he wouldn't be attending training camp without a new contract with the Chicago Bears, Brian Urlacher reversed ship when he showed up at Halas Hall yesterday to prepare for a mandatory mini-camp that begins today.

If Brian Urlacher was going to find a resolution to his contract squabble, let alone a happy one, he wasn't going to do it away from Halas Hall.

The face of the Bears knows that much, and he took a step in that direction by reporting for the mandatory minicamp that begins today. Urlacher was at the facility Thursday, when players were required to be present for a physical, weigh-in and team meeting. Now he's expected to have the opportunity to show off how he's moving on the field with his rehabilitated back and repaired neck.

What does this mean? Well, it means Brian is going to be getting that new contract he wanted sometime very soon. After all, the negotiations have already started between him and the Bears. The two sides spent the entire off-season basically saying that they weren't going to budge, but then in the last few days the Bears came up with a one-year extension for $18 million that included $5 million guaranteed and would add $1 million to each year remaining on Brian's contract.

That was the first sign that they're willing to talk, but it was also a proposal they probably knew would get rejected. Urlacher's main beef about his contract is the fact that most of the money he's scheduled to make isn't guaranteed, so by only guaranteeing $5 of the $18 million, the Bears were pretty sure Brian would reject it.

Which he did, but the offer still served it's purpose, as Urlacher is at Halas Hall now. Now that Brian knows the team is willing to talk, he's willing to show up and show them that he's okay and deserves the new deal.

Though I didn't really agree with Brian's quest for new money, saying that he should have known when he signed a 9-year deal that it would be pretty outdated and obsolete in the NFL before its conclusion, I have to admit he's been going about it the right way.

While last year we saw Lance Briggs make threat after threat through the media, saying he wouldn't show up to camp, that he'd never be a Bear again, Urlacher's kept pretty quiet about the whole thing. Lance took shots at the team in his negotiations, while Brian hasn't had anything bad to say about the Bears as much as he's had to say about his contract and the current situation for all players in the league.

Of course, this probably has a lot to do with their agents, as Briggs is represented by Drew Rosenhaus who's almost as interested in getting money for his clients as he is in getting attention for himself.

So now that Urlacher is in camp, and both sides have shown that they're willing to bend, I can only figure it will be a matter of time before he's got a new contract, and angry Bears fans can move on and forgive him. Then everybody can go back to hating Cedric Benson.

Jerry Angelo Has a Lot of Kids

As the saga of Brian Urlacher's contract situation goes on at Halas Hall, Jerry Angelo spoke with the media yesterday about the NFL draft, but as was expected, he also had to deal with a lot of questions about Urlacher.

Angelo said that the Bears don't "negotiate through the media" and then went on to negotiate through the media. Basically, Jerry came out and said he doesn't care what Urlacher wants, he's not going to get any sweeter an offer than the one the Bears already made to him.

"You're not going to have one big happy family," Angelo said. "You who have kids and raise families understand it doesn't happen in your homes, and it certainly isn't going to happen at Halas Hall when you have 53 kids and we have to make every one of them happy. It's just not reality."

"Fifty-three people want to be treated special. How in the heck would we be able to run a business if we acquiesce to every situation from every player when they come to us? It's just not practical."

While I understand what Angelo is trying to say here, to try and say that Urlacher is just another player on the team seems a bit ridiculous. Urlacher's been the best player on the team since he was drafted in 2000 (well, maybe not the last two seasons with Lance Briggs). It's not exactly a crazy idea to give the best player on the team some special treatment, as it happens pretty often throughout the league.

Frankly, treating Urlacher the same way as the 53rd man on the roster is idiotic.

Still, I understand where Angelo is coming from here, and where the Bears are coming from as a whole. Nobody in the organization forced Urlacher to sign that 9-year deal back in 2003, though when he did, it was one of the biggest contracts in the history of the league for a defensive player.

If Brian didn't realize then that signing a 9-year deal meant that at some point the salary structure would become outdated, that's his fault. Just about any fan who follows football closely knew it would happen, so how could he not? Did he sign the thing thinking that the Bears would just bend to his will when he felt the contract wasn't valuable enough anymore?

If that's the case, Brian took a measured risk, and considering the Bears history of paying their players, it was a dumb risk to take. One he's truly paying the price for now.

Tommie Harris Would Like a Contract Too, Please

While the Chicago Tribune's David Haugh seems to be on a one-man crusade to get Brian Urlacher a new contract (Seriously, David, have you been promised a percentage?), we shouldn't forget that there are other members of the roster deserving of one as well. Obviously, it probably wouldn't be a bad thing for Devin Hester to get a contract extension seeing as he's the only scoring threat on the team. Then there's defensive tackle Tommie Harris, who may be more important to the defense than Brian Urlacher seeing as how constant double teams on Harris help keep blockers off Urlacher.

Harris and his agents, the Rosenhaus brothers, have been in talks with the Bears recently, and Tommie is somewhat optimistic a deal can be reached.

Harris was to dine with agents Drew and Jason Rosenhaus on Tuesday evening, and if the group determines the Bears' offer is close, a deal might materialize quickly.

Otherwise, negotiations could go the way they did for linebacker Lance Briggs two years ago. Rosenhaus arrived to close a deal, and the sides got close before negotiations broke off. Briggs wound up skipping the voluntary offseason program in 2006 and begrudgingly played with the franchise tag last year.

''I want a fair deal,'' said Harris, a three-time Pro Bowl defensive tackle. ''I'm not asking for anything ridiculous. [The franchise tag] is not even a figment of my imagination. We're in 2008, and I really don't go that far. I'm optimistic.''

A big reason why Harris would like to get a deal done now is because at the age of 25, signing a four-year deal now would mean he'd get another contract before the age of 30. In the NFL, where money isn't guaranteed, it's important to get as much as you can when you can. Still, if I were Tommie I don't think I'd be ignoring the fact that the Bears may slap the franchise tag on me.

When you look at the contracts teams have given to defensive tackles lately, the Raiders for instance gave Tommy Kelly $50.5 million over 7 years, and he only played in 7 games last season. He's a good player, but he's no Tommie Harris. Then there are the deals Shaun Rogers just got from the Browns (6 years, $42 million), and the one Cory Redding got from the Lions before last season (7 years, $49 million).

That's a lot of money being given to defensive tackles who I don't consider to be as good as Harris.

So when you consider how much it will probably cost to sign Harris to a long-term deal, and then consider that Tommie has had his share of injuries in his first few years as a Chicago Bear, it might make more sense to franchise Harris and see what happens.

The team currently has about $16 million in cap space, but the Bears are also believed to be talking to Hester, Urlacher, and even Robbie Gould about extensions as well. If Tommie's demands aren't ridiculous, then by all means, give him the deal. If he's looking for something like $55-$60 million with $25 to $30 million of it guaranteed, I'd say slap the franchise tag on him and make sure he can get through an entire season healthy.

Then, if he does that, give him anything he wants.

Brian Urlacher Voluntarily Decides To Not Go To Voluntary Workouts

Football season is still about four months away, but teams around the league have already begun their voluntary off-season workout programs. Now, they're called voluntary, and teams can't punish their players for missing them, but for the most part you're expected to show up.

A few years ago Thomas Jones and Lance Briggs skipped the workouts, and Lovie Smith took away their starting jobs. Last season it was Briggs again who skipped the workouts as a protest to his being franchised by the team, and wanting a long-term contract. Well, this year Lance finally has his money, and he's showing up to the workouts. Still, there's another Bears linebacker who's not going to be able to make it.

Brian Urlacher.

Brian Urlacher told the Tribune on Sunday he plans to skip the first day of workouts, slated to begin Monday, and left open the strong possibility that he will bypass the Bears' entire voluntary off-season program, which includes organized team activities (OTAs).

The face of the Bears franchise informed the team of his intentions to remain in Arizona rather than attend the program at Halas Hall.

Brian did miss a few workouts last season, but it had nothing to do with his contract as much as it had to do with taking parenting classes and going to court. This year, it's the contract.

Though Brian has gone about it in a much quieter way than Lance Briggs did last season, he wants a contract extension and his agent has been in constant contact with the Bears the last few weeks. Urlacher, of course, signed an extension with the Bears back in 2002 that at the time was the biggest contract in team history: Nine years, $56.65 million.

The problem is that Brian's contract is outdated now in 2008. He'll only be making $3.95 million this season, and while that's a lot of money to you and me, in the world of NFL linebackers it's pretty average these days.

This could turn out to be quite problematic for the Bears though, because I'm not sure signing Brian to an extension now is the right thing to do. He did just have neck surgery in the off-season, and I'm not sure committing a bunch of money to a soon-to-be 30 year old linebacker coming off of neck surgery is the wisest financial decision. Whether he likes it or not, he's still under contract with the team until 2011. Frankly, Brian should have known how outdated this deal would have become when he signed it, and maybe signed a 5-year deal instead which would have allowed him to test the free agent market and really strike it rich.

Are The Bears Going To Get Started Anytime Soon?

Free agency in the NFL started on Friday, and over the weekend there was a ton of player movement throughout the league.

Well, not here.

The Bears re-signed Lance Briggs, and at less money than they paid him last season, which is absolutely awesome.

I did not want to lose Lance Briggs, especially with Brian Urlacher's back problems. He's too big a part of the defense to just assume you can plug anybody else in there, and things will be fine.

Still, like a lot of teams, the Bears have a ton of cap space this offseason and I was hoping to see them use it somewhere else than just re-signing their own players. If you're going to let Bernard Berrian leave to sign a ridiculously over-priced contract with the Vikings, fine, but you better use that money somewhere else.

Like, say, on the offensive line where Alan Faneca would have looked really good. Instead, Faneca signed a deal with the Jets. Okay, well how about Cowboys left tackle, and my former high school teammate, Flozell Adams? Oh, he re-signed with the Cowboys.

Don't get me wrong, what bothers me is not that we didn't get them. Faneca never got to Chicago before the Jets blew him away with an offer, so I can't blame the Bears for that, and as far as I know Flozell never talked to anybody besides Dallas.

It's that I haven't heard that the Bears aren't talking about signing anybody who isn't already on the roster. For a team that finished 7-9 last season, and has a ton of needs at different positions, is sitting still during free agency really the smartest thing to do?

I know that Jerry Angelo doesn't want to fall in the trap that a lot of teams are right now, mistaking tons of cap room now for cap room in the future (seriously, let's see how the Vikings feel about that Berrian contract in a few years), but at the same time there's something to be said about taking a shot at winning now.

This Bears team as currently constructed is nowhere near good enough to get back to, much less win, a Super Bowl. Not even in the NFC. Within the Bears' own division the Vikings have already gotten better, and there are rumors Randy Moss is considering going to Green Bay to play with Brett Favre.

Of course, there are also rumors that Randy Moss and Daunte Culpepper are going to reunite in Minnesota. So who knows what we can actually believe.

While a lot of the big name (and I use that term loosely this offseason) free agents have already signed, there are still a lot of quality players available who can help this Bears team. Javon Walker would be a nice addition to the offense, but there are a lot of teams interested in him, so he'll probably cost way too much.

But while teams focus on trying to get Javon, why don't the Bears contact Bryant Johnson or D.J. Hackett? Sure, neither are Pro Bowl type of players, but they're both better options than what the team currently has, and no matter which mediocre quarterback wins the job, he'll need somebody to throw the ball to.

Just do something. If for no other reason than to make me think you're trying to win next season.

Other Sports Scandals That Require Immediate Congressional Intervention

Some naysayers out there have their man panties in a twist about Congress spending its time on steroids and Spygate. These nabobs of negativism would have Congress focus on matters like pharmaceutical company price gouging, repeated White House lies about the Iraq war, the nation’s crumbling infrastructure, a looming recession...

What. Ever.

Me, I’m in favor of Congress devoting all its time and attention to sports issues. Cuz what’s more important, unregulated energy trading markets that allowed Exxon to register a record-breaking $41 billion profit last year or Patriots home movies of Bob Sutton sneaking the Ninja Star to Omare Lowe?

Exactly.

In fact, I think Congress should be delving more deeply into the serious national issues that trouble every true American (and by true American, I mean sports fan), to wit:

Giselle Bunchen. Bitch promised to run through the streets of New City naked if her boy toy lost the Big Game. Now she’s reneging? If there’s anything that pisses off elected officials, it’s people who make promises they don’t keep. This calls for an investigation! Does Giselle have a current visa? Does this “Victoria" have some other secrets? I say, haul her in before the Committee on Homeland Security, put her under oath, and demand some answers. And make her wear the Santa suit.


Hot Russian female tennis players. What's the story here? I mean, how did it happen that suddenly every comely "-ic" and "-ova" are top contenders on the tennis circuit? This is a troubling turn of events, as it severely reduces the pool of Russian brides available for American men, not to mention affecting the quality of strippers at Scores. But there is a deeper, darker secret lurking here and Maria Sharapova holds the key. Maria is from Chernobyl. You know, "worst nuclear power plant accident in history" Chernobyl? Maria calls herself a survivor of the deadly event. Here's the problem with that: Chernobyl occurred on April 26, 1986, a year before she was born. Extensive research (I've watched X-Men, X2 and X-Men: The Last Stand) leads me to an inescapable conclusion: Maria is a mutant. This means she and her other ex-Iron Curtain mutant cronies have a totally unfair advantage over our American women tennis players who - as Lindsay Davenport (left) so tragically demonstrates - use nothing to enhance their play, much less appearance. I'm not sure which Senate committee handles superhuman beings, but thinking it's probably Foreign Relations, so I call on you, Senator Biden, to subpoena Sharapova's shapely mutant ass. And make her wear Giselle's Santa suit.

IndyCar Crisis. Seriously, how many more crashes have to occur before Congress wakes up and takes the necessary action to stop these unsafe drivers? I don't know about you, but I blame Danica Patrick. (Did you see the Detroit Grand Prix? Buddy Rice running out of gas.... yeah, sure.) Senator Innoye, Chairman of the Transportation Committee, you know what to do. Make her wear the Santa suit and her helmet.

SwamiGate. C'mon, Chris Berman must be breaking some FCC law, right? For God's sake, you guys on the Select Committee on Intelligence can dig up actionable dirt on him if you just make a little effort. A syringe, a crushed Miller Lite can, a leather stain...anything. And please, please, please, make him wear that Santa suit.

Foul Balls

Urlacher Has Neck Surgery - Well, it appears Brian Urlacher had a good reason for his less-than-stellar season.

Urlacher recently had neck surgery to correct a problem detected during a routine postseason physical, sources confirmed Thursday night.

Surgeons performed a procedure on Urlacher's lower neck region to address something believed to be affecting the cervical curve of the spine, according to a person familiar with the surgery. Urlacher was said to be experiencing soreness before the surgery

While no one is going on the record, sources at Halas Hall claim the surgery wasn't serious - comparing it to "typical postseason medical maintenance." According to them, Urlacher will be back before training camp opens.

Speaking from personal experience, I can state unequivocably that there is no such thing as "routine" neck surgery. Not to mention the guy's thirty - which makes him "sixty" in football years. Sorry, but this can't be good news for the Bears.

Regardless, here's wishing Urlacher a speedy - and full - recovery.

U-G-L-I-N-I - I didn't get a chance to see last night's game against Indiana but from all accounts, it was not Chester Frazier or the Illini fans' finest hour.

As the Hoosiers stretched before the game, [Illinois] students chanted, "Traitor! Traitor" and then "Liar! Liar!"

Moments later, the Hoosiers headed back to the locker room to a chorus of boos.The "Liar" chant commenced again just before the game, along with an obscene one from students in the Assembly Hall's upper reaches.

When Chester Frazier met Gordon at midcourt to shake hands during introductions, he delivered a hard chest-bump that knocked Gordon back a step and seemed to stun him.

It was such a brutal hit, the TV analysts suggested Frazier receive a technical.

According to Jay Marriotti, the Frazier push and the crowd's threatening behavior made Gordon's father, there for the game, "grateful he'd hired a security guard for his son."

A security guard for a kid playing a college basketball game? All because he changed his mind about going to Illinois? Maybe I'm just getting soft in my old age but since when did American sports fans go Euro?

Will Leitch is Far From the Maddening Crowd

So, I came home last night to find my very own copy of God Save the Fan by Deadspin’s Will Leitch.

Of course, I eagerly tore into it (it was that or watch Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader? which, sadly, I already know the answer to) and I must say, it's a great read. Basically Deadspin in long form with a heavier environmental footprint - and unlike Deadspin, you can drop food on it while you're reading!

All in all, a big thumb's up. Go buy it. Now. And while you're at it, stock up on a few for your friends and family.

But...

I have one nit to pick with Will and his book: his entire premise.

Will's central theme is that "we the sports fans" are being left out of the mainstream sports media equation and that it's time we wrested power back from the evil ESPN overlords and took control of the stories that really matter to the fans.

Never mind that the first example Will used as proof of media bias and ineptitude was the lack of national coverage of Michael Vick's herpes (cuz when I think of problems with football coverage, my mind immediately races to genital cold sores). I'm talking about the bigger issue Will presents, as he states in his introduction:

"It's natural that [the sports media] would be threatened by fan empowerment; after all, we're the ones who pay for all this. If we all realized that, hey, we don't need to listen to these idiots on television screaming at us... they'd be out of a job. But it's vital for sports fans to realize that we don't need them, that we can choose what we want now. We just have to take charge and realize our power. Hopefully, this book will help with that."

Huey Long lives! Let the people decide! We can choose what we want! No longer do we need bombastic talking heads and agenda-laden sportswriters telling us what the story is! We can do it ourselves!

There's only one problem with that: Will doesn't believe it himself.

Deadspin is the Pakistan of sports blogs: democracy as appearance, not reality.

You see, Deadspin controls who is allowed to comment on their blog. You need to be granted a "backstage pass" before you can leave any bon mots on the site. So, like a gated community or a hot college frat, prospective D'spinners have to jump through the appropriate verbal hoops to get permission to be heard. And good luck if you write something stupid cuz Deadspin is now even using rejected commenters tryouts as fodder for some of their stories.

Don't misunderstand. I think exclusion is a good thing. God knows, in a country where 15 million sports fans cheer for a team solely because they like the color of the uniforms, it's smart to be a little careful about who you let in. If you want to see what pure democracy looks like, try this - not pretty.

But let's face it: Deadspin and its commenters are about as representative of the US sports fan base as this lass.

It's kinda hard for me to buy the whole premise Will is selling when his actions prove he knows that the majority of fans are as stupid, short-sighted and boring as any ESPN talking head.

(Witty, funny brilliant) pot, meet kettle.

Foul Balls

Savvy Observations - Well, it only took fifty games and a piss-poor 23-23-4 record, but after his teams' dismal outing against the Columbus Blue Jackets last night (the friggin' Columbus Blue Jackets?) Blackhawks coach Denis Savard finally let it rip, reaming out his players in the press conference that followed:

"This is a divisional game, we're fighting for our lives here, we want to get into the playoffs, we had a nice crowd and this is what they give us? I think they forgot last summer or two summers ago or three summers ago what we gave them (contracts). We committed to them. They were very happy when they signed it. Well, commit to us, commit to the jersey, commit to the people here. They don't want to commit to the Indian, let's go upstairs and get them out of here."

You heard him, boys. Best commit to the Indian or the Indian will [insert funny but undoubtedly racist one-liner here].

Why Condoms Are Good - Chicago Bears' Brian Urlacher finally gets to spend time with the result of his one-night stand: his two-year-old son.

After a day of meetings on Thursday, a Will County judge dismissed all pending litigation between the Bears linebacker and infamous star-fu**ker Tyna Robertson, after the two agreed on a new court order requiring Urlacher to drive their son back and forth to spend time with each of his parents.

"It was a great day in court," Urlacher said in a phone interview Thursday evening. "I achieved what I wanted to achieve, and that was to see my son more. That was the goal from the beginning. All she wanted was money and fame."

It's good to see that a sports star can be just like us. You know, go out and get shitfaced, get in the wrong chick's pants and and have to pay the price for the rest of his life. Except for the part about him living in a $5 million dollar lakefront villa instead of a cramped Schaumburg studio apartment that reeks of garlic from the neighbors next door, we're all just the same!

I-L-L! WHY GOD WHY!?

Okay, so I'd spent the last few weeks trying to convince myself that the Illini had a realistic shot at beating USC. I was doing a good job of it too, because the closer it got to gametime, the more I actually started to believe it.

Then about 5 minutes into the game, I realized that it just wasn't going to happen.

Let's be honest here, at the moment USC is probably the best team in the country. Before the season started everyone had them as the #1 team in the land, including myself, but thanks to a bunch of injuries the Trojans never fulfilled their expectations. The Trojans team the Illini lost to yesterday was the healthy version, and in case you couldn't tell, they're pretty good.

Also, if yesterday was the first time all season you watched the Illini, I promise you they aren't really that bad. I swear. There was absolutely no question about it, though, the Illini were completely outmanned and outclassed against USC.

As if the talent disparity wasn't enough, Illinois couldn't catch a break either.

Knock the hell out of a Trojan receiver and jar the ball loose? It only floats ten yards down field into the arms of Joe McKnight.

USC snaps the ball over their punter's head? He just picks it up and gets off a 45 yard punt anyway.

John David Booty overthrows Joe McKnight on a bubble screen? The ball just rolls and then bounces up into McKnight's arms and he scampers down the sideline for 65 yards.

Then when the Illini did move the ball down the field they would just shoot themselves in the foot with a turnover.

Still, despite the ass kicking the Illini received on Tuesday, there are still some positives that can be taken from this game. Now that Illinois has faced a great program like USC, they know how they stack up against the country's best. The problem with that though is it's now pretty apparent that Juice Williams may not be a very good quarterback.

Though it's hard to pin the blame all on Juice, as an offensive line that had been spectacular all season looked confused and hopeless against USC's front seven.

Obviously the star of the game for Illinois was the Big Ten Offensive Player of the Year, Rashard Mendenhall. Unfortunately, Rashard's huge day (17 carries, 155 yards, 1 touchdown) all but assures he's going to skip out on his senior season and enter the NFL draft where he'll be a first round pick. (Definitely still available at #14 where a certain team who needs help at running back will be.) I'm pretty scared as to what the loss of Mendenhall may do to an Illinois team that took such a huge step forward this season.

It's no secret that Rashard was the key to Illinois' offense all year, but the Rose Bowl only drove the point home emphatically. Mendenhall makes everybody else on that offense better because he's so good, and because he commands so much attention.

Without Rashard around next season, do you think defenses will live in fear of Juice?

But I don't want to dwell on the negative that comes from an embarrassing loss. This was still a very successful season for the Illini, one in which they exceeded everybody's expectations, including their own. They laid the groundwork for what hopefully will be a continuing trend of improvement in Champaign.

Of course, I thought the same thing after Illinois got to the Sugar Bowl in 2002, and the five years between then and yesterday's Rose Bowl weren't exactly much fun to watch.

Foul Balls

Lloyd Carr Should Have Retired Every Year - After four straight years of Michigan getting it's ass kicked in a bowl game, the Wolverines came out and surprised a lot of people by beating Florida in the Capital One Bowl.

Of course, the motivation came from the fact that it would be Lloyd Carr's last game as head coach in Ann Arbor before Rich Rodriguez takes over the program next week.

"It's extremely meaningful on a personal level," Carr said. "But the reason it's meaningful is because I can be in that locker room with the guys that did it. Our coaches put together a great game plan, our players executed. Of course, we were big so-called underdogs.

"To come up with that kind of effort and to find a way to win means that we have some memories that we're all going to be able to celebrate for years to come."

It's not very often you'll find me rooting for Michigan, or being grateful to Big Blue, but I'd like to thank them for yesterday's performance. With the way Illinois got pasted in the Rose Bowl, Indiana got worked by Oklahoma State, Wisconsin losing to Tennessee, and the fact that Ohio State will probably get killed by LSU, somebody in the Big Ten had to step up this bowl season.

So, thanks. I guess.

Brian Urlacher's Back Is Fine - The last few weeks of the season for the Bears were frustrating for me to watch. Over their final two games they looked like the team that went to the Super Bowl last season, and I couldn't help but wonder where the hell they'd been all season.

It held especially true for Brian Urlacher. In December Brian played like the #54 we're all used to seeing, racking up sacks, making interceptions, and just flying all over the field from sideline to sideline. If nothing else, it made me optimistic that his back troubles were finally starting to heal, and that maybe in 2008 Brian will get back to his old form.

Well, I can't predict the future, but Brian wants everyone to know his back will be fine.

"My back got blown way out of proportion," Urlacher said Monday before leaving Halas Hall. "It's fine. I won't need any surgery.

"If you look at the way I played the last few weeks, obviously it got a little bit better as the season went on. Early on, I didn't make as many plays as I should have. It didn't have anything to do with my back. I just didn't play well. That's all there is to it."

Of course, even though his back may be better next season, there's no telling how the absence of Lance Briggs will affect Brian's play.

New Quarterback, Same Craptastic Team

There are only two more weeks of this left, right?

I just want to start this recap of last night's Bears loss off with an apology to anybody who watched the game last night. I'm sorry you had to see that. It isn't fair that you gave up three hours of your life to watch this team play last night.

I think the entire performance can be summed up by one moment in the second quarter. After a 12 man in the huddle penalty was called against the Bears, which was the latest in a string of presnap penalties for the Bears offense, ESPN's Mike Tirico couldn't keep it in any longer.

"This offense is awful! Awful!"

Yes, that's right. The play-by-play guy whom generally loves everybody couldn't contain his disdain for having to watch the Bears play. Now this may bother some Bears fans, or just fans in general as a play-by-play guy isn't really supposed to editorialize, but really, what did Tirico say that you didn't already know?

The Vikings did everything in their power to get the Bears a win last night, but the Bears just suck that bad. Minnesota kept turning the ball over to the Bears deep within their own territory, but the Bears never capitalized.

Urlacher had the interception in the first quarter that he returned to the Viking 15-yard line. The Bears went no where for three plays, and then kicked a field goal. The Bears would capitalize on a turnover in the second half, scoring a touchdown one play after Nathan Vasher got a gift interception from Tarvaris Jackson.

Of course, they'd blow that lead because that's the other thing this Bears team has done well all season.

If there were any positives to take out of last night's game, it was the play of Brian Urlacher and Nathan Vasher. In his first game in ten weeks, Vasher was responsible for Urlacher's interception when he knocked the ball out of the receiver's hands with his helmet. Vasher would then get his own interception later. Urlacher had his best individual game of the season, picking up that interception, recovering a fumble, and picking up two sacks. Sure, he may not have been blocked on one of those sacks, but it still counts.

There are only two games left to go, and the Bears are now officially eliminated from the playoffs. So the Curse of The Super Bowl Loser lives on yet again here in Chicago. If nothing else, maybe they'll beat the Packers again next week. That'll salvage the season!

Monster of the Midway

• Brian Urlacher - As previously stated, Urlacher had a very good game last night. Though the fact it wasn't until the Bears 14 game of the season that I named him Monster of the Midway goes a long way in explaining why this season has gone so wrong.

Dumbass of the Day

• Offensive Line - You're still old, and you still suck!!

Foul Balls

Speaking of Urlacher - Remember a year or so ago when Brian Urlacher was on the front page of the Chicago Sun-Times because of the baby he had with Tyna Robertson? Then that story was followed up by some nasty text messages Urlacher had been sending her?

Well they went to court and got things settled, but just because things between Robertson and Urlacher are cool, doesn't mean everything in Robertson's life is okay. In fact, she may need to give Brian a call and see if he's got any cash laying around he can loan her.

A woman who accused Michael Flatley of sexual assault has been ordered to pay him more than $11 million for making false allegations to extort money from him, according to documents obtained Monday.

Superior Court Judge Michael L. Stern found that real estate agent Tyna Marie Robertson had defamed and intentionally inflicted emotional distress upon Flatley, 49, who appeared in "Riverdance," "Lord of the Dance," "Feet of Flames" and "Celtic Tiger."

Robertson had alleged Flatley raped her in a Las Vegas hotel in 2002 and threatened to sue unless he agreed to pay a "seven figures" settlement, according to court papers.

I can't help but think that despite the loss last night, and the terrible season in general, Brian Urlacher woke up with a smile on his face this morning upon hearing this news.

Somebody Finally Shut Up Dickie V - If you tune into college basketball on ESPN this winter, you may notice things are a little quieter this season. There's no crazy old man screaming at you about diaper dandies, or PTPers. You won't know that awesome is spelled with a capital "A."

That's because Dick Vitale has finally been silenced!!

The unthinkable is about to happen: college basketball without Dick Vitale.

His signature voice is going to be silenced until February. Doctors have found lesions on his left vocal cord that need to be surgically removed. In a letter on ESPN.com, the veteran analyst said he has been having "a very difficult time with discomfort in my throat."

Vitale, 68, said the goal is to return to action in early February.

"Personally, I want to apologize to all of the fans and all of the beautiful people at ESPN," he said.

Oh, Dick. There's no need to apologize, buddy! Take all the time in the world. Hell, maybe this is a sign from God. Lesions on your vocal cords? It's pretty obvious he doesn't want you talking anymore. It's going to be tough, I know, but we'll get through it together.

There's Only One Way To Stop The Patriots or Colts

I don't mean to add to the hype surrounding this weekend's game between the undefeated Patriots and undefeated Colts this weekend, but let's be honest, it really is the only game this regular season that matters. They're the only two teams in the NFL that are playing for the Vince Lombardi Trophy.

The other 30 teams in the NFL are just jockeying for draft position.

If you've watched either team play this season, it should be obvious to you. Nobody can touch either of them. The Patriots are beating teams by an average score of 41-16. The 331 points they've scored in their first eight games is more points than Atlanta Falcons, San Francisco 49ers, and St. Louis Rams have scored combined. Hell, they've almost outscored their entire division.

The Colts on the other hand, are undefeated as well, but they're only averaging a meager 32 points per game. Which helps explain why even though they're the defending champs, and haven't lost a game this season, they're currently 6 point underdogs at home against New England next week.

The Patriots and Bill Belichick have also taken a lot of heat around the league for "running up the score." On Sunday against the Redskins, the Patriots had a 38-0 lead at the end of three quarters, but that didn't stop them from throwing deep in the fourth quarter and trying to put more points on the board. It didn't stop them from going for it on fourth down either. They'd end the game winning by a score of 52-7.

As you'd expect, a couple of Redskins took exception to it. After the game Joe Gibbs said he didn't have a problem with what the Patriots did, but after the game ended he barely looked at Belichick as they shook hands, and Gibbs got the hell out of there.

Personally, I don't think it's possible to run up the score in the NFL. If it's a college game, and it's Michigan playing Appalachian State LSU playing Eastern Michigan and still trying to put points on the board in the fourth quarter even though they have a 72-0 lead, that's running up the score.

In the NFL though, it can't happen. These guys are all professionals. If you want a team to stop putting points on the board, stop them. That's all you can do.

Still, I completely understand why it's pissing teams off, and I wonder if Bill Belichick is really thinking this through. I mentioned it in last week's Spread Em, that the only way other teams have a chance to beat the Patriots is to take out Tom Brady. Everybody knows this, but these aren't the days of Butkus and Nitschke, nobody is going to try and kill Brady on purpose.

At least, they weren't going to try. The more the Patriots dominate their opponents, and embarrass them, the more likely it is to happen. At some point, somebody is going to snap and dive right at Tom Brady's knees.

They'll take the 15-yard penalty, and they'll take the fine, because in the end it's worth it. Without Tom Brady playing quarterback, the Patriots are just an average NFL team.

The same could be said about the Colts and Peyton Manning, but nobody hates the Colts enough to try and do it.

The question becomes, would it be acceptable to intentionally try and take out Brady?

In my opinion, hell yes it would. I'm not the only one that feels this way either. Michael Wilbon of the Washington Post and Pardon the Interruption agrees. He was asked about it in an online chat yesterday, and he admitted as much.

Tom Brady's Knee: I can understand Bill Belichick's desire to crush every team in the NFL, but why keep your franchise QB in there to do it? One cheap shot helmet to the knee and it's goodbye Super Bowl unless Cassell suddenly gets good.

Michael Wilbon: You're absolutely right. And if I was on the opposing team, I'd hit Tom Brady with everything I had as late as I could and take the penalty and join the fight that would surely follow. Football is a violent game and there's got to be somebody out there sharpening his fans for the Patriots Golden Boy in the 4th quarter one of these weeks.

I just want to make one thing clear though, I don't mean dive at his knees. Wilbon also made that clear later in the chat as well. I don't think that teams should take cheap shots at Brady and intentionally try and injure him, I just mean they need to do everything in their power to knock him out.

Think of the 85 Bears for a second. What was that defense's main objective? They weren't shy about telling you that their goal was to take out the quarterback. Knock his ass out, and when they bring in the backup, knock his ass out too.

This is what current NFL defenses need to do.

If you're a defensive lineman, and you have a shot to hit Brady right now, you have to put everything you have behind it, and lay him out. Drive him into the ground with your weight on top of him. Maybe you'll get lucky and dislocate his shoulder.

The one flaw with this theory though, is that you have to get to Tom Brady first. Have you seen his numbers this season? They're absolutely mind-boggling. Look at this line.

• Passing yards - 2,431
• Completion Per. - 74.2% (74.2%!)
• Passing TD's - 30
• Rushing TD's - 2
• Interceptions - 2
• Rating - 136.2

That's absolutely insane. The man is responsible for 32 touchdowns, and he's only thrown two interceptions. Do you know why his numbers are so amazing?

Because he isn't getting touched.

That's the flaw of the "Kill Tom Brady" strategy. Nobody can get to him. The Patriots offensive line is just wiping out defensive lines and linebackers. It seems that everytime Brady drops back into the pocket, he has about a minute and a half to find somebody open.

So that means every opportunity is crucial. If you have a shot to hit Tom Brady, even if it's late, you have to take it at this point. If you have a shot to hit Peyton Manning, you have to take it.

It's the only way anybody in the NFL has a chance to beat either of these two teams. If they don't do it, the rest of this NFL season will serve absolutely no purpose except for gambling reasons and fantasy football.

Though there are plenty of people who will tell you that's all the NFL is for in the first place.

Foul Balls

Brian Urlacher has a blog - Brian Urlacher and I have a lot in common. We're both athletic freaks, and we're both big time celebrities in Chicago. But there's another thing we have in common right now as Urlacher has started his own blog. You may have noticed that Urlacher has been pretty short with the Chicago media lately, limiting himself to one word answers, and kinda just being a dick. So he's started this new blog as a way to communicate with his fans, and answer questions from Fox Sports' Jay Glazer.

You’re at home against a terrible road team and you didn’t just lose, they walked through your defense. Is this as low as it gets for you?

This has been one of the most frustrating times of my career. The feeling after a loss like yesterday is terrible. It’s an awful feeling. You know going in that you have a great game plan but we don’t execute it. The coaches had a great plan for us, we just messed it up. We’re so inconsistent on both sides of the ball. Defensively? One day we stop the run, the next game we don’t but we do stop the pass. The next time out we’ll stop the run again but we can’t stop the pass.

I've no idea whether or not he's going to start posting YouTube videos of people getting hit in the nuts. Until then, he'll never be a real blogger.

Boras and A-Rod Are Douchebags - Scott Boras and Alex Rodriguez are taking a lot of heat right now for the timing of A-Rod's announcement he was opting out of his contract with the Yankees. They had ten days after the end of the World Series to decide what to do, and they chose to make the announcement during the middle of game 4 on Sunday night.

You see, they wanted to upstage the sports biggest showcase. Because, in case you weren't aware of it, they are more important than the game. As you'd expect, MLB is slightly upset by it.

"We were very disappointed that Scott Boras would try to upstage our premier baseball event of the season with his announcement," Bob DuPuy, baseball's chief operating officer, said Monday in an e-mail to The Associated Press.

"There was no reason to make an announcement last night other than to try to put his selfish interests and that of one individual player above the overall good of the game," DuPuy said. "Last night and today belong to the Boston Red Sox, who should be celebrated for their achievement, and to the Colorado Rockies, who made such an unbelievable run to the World Series."

I'm not sure I understand all the uproar though. Haven't we always known that Boras and Rodriguez are douchebags? Is this a shock to most people? Personally, the only way I'd have been surprised is if Rodriguez didn't find a way to steal the spotlight away from the World Series.

Oh, and Cubs fans? He's not coming here, so don't fool yourselves.

Say Goodbye To The Playoffs

Well the Bears can say goodbye to the playoffs after losing to the Lions 16-7 on Sunday at Soldier Field. There will be no defense of their NFC championship. There will be no division championship.

There won't be anything but eight more games of frustration having to watch this team. The only thing the Bears do consistently is play inconsistently. One week the offense and defense look like they're finally coming around, and then the next week they look like they did yesterday.

Missed tackles, dropped passes, turnovers, anything that can hurt the team, the Bears find a way to do it.

The Lions managed 365 yards of offense against the Bears yesterday, and did a great job of keeping the ball away from Devin Hester. Kevin Jones, in only his second game of the season, rushed for 105 yards and a touchdown on 23 carries.

Cedric Benson meanwhile could only manage 50 yards on 13 carries. That's a whopping 3.8 yards per carry, which isn't exactly good, but I'm guessing it's probably one of Benson's better averages this season.

Brian Griese threw for 208 yards and a touchdown, but the four interceptions he threw didn't help much. What made it worse was that three of the four interceptions came in the end zone.

That's three touchdowns the Lions took away. Those touchdowns probably would have made a difference, but at the same time, who's to say the Lions wouldn't have answered each of those touchdowns with ones of their own?

To make things worse, it appears that Brian Urlacher has a serious problem with his back right now.

In an exclusive interview with FOX Sports, Urlacher finally revealed he's been fighting through a back injury that's caused pain and problems.

"It's a problem that started all the way back in camp," Urlacher said. "We've done x-rays, bone scans, MRI's, cat scans and this week I flew to Pittsburgh and met with a specialist. He confirmed what the team told me, that they think it's an arthritis type of thing. The thing that's so frustrating is there is no clear-cut solution to give me relief. I just have to deal with the pain."

So now Urlacher has an arthritic back. Fantastic. I'm no doctor, but the last time I checked, I'm pretty sure arthritis isn't one of those injuries that goes away after a few weeks. This is going to effect Urlacher for the rest of his career.

We may start to see a serious decline in his play over the rest of this season, and into next as well. All of which means I hope the Bears are seriously reconsidering their stance on what they want to do with Lance Briggs. It's already become pretty obvious this season that he is the best player on the defense right now, so losing him is already a scary possibility. Now that we know of Urlacher's back, it's terrifying.

If there's any good news to report today, it's that the Bears don't have to play next Sunday. So that means we won't have to watch them.

Monster of the Midway

• Lance Briggs - I wanted to give this to Hester again. After all, the one time he was able to return a punt, he returned it 39 yards and set the Bears up for the only touchdown they scored yesterday. But I'm going to give it to Briggs, because he was the only person on defense yesterday who didn't do something to piss me off. He didn't over pursue on any plays. He didn't miss any tackles that I noticed. He just made plays, which is what he always does, so he gets the award today.

Dumbass of the Day

• Brian Griese - It's only fair that Griese be here even though yesterday's game wasn't completely his fault. But if you took Griese's stats and credited them to Rex Grossman, we'd be all over him. You can't throw four interceptions and expect to win a game, especially when three of them come in the end zone.
  

The Rise of Purple Jesus

Yesterday's Bears game was just a swift kick in the nuts. It was painful. The way the Bears defense played, the way the Bears came back, and then the way it ended, nothing but pain.

Adrian Peterson is a monster. A terrifying monster, one that when I think about the fact the Bears have to face him twice a season from here on out, gives me nightmares. Remember that great feeling you had on the day Barry Sanders retired?

Remember how relieved you were that you'd never have to see Sanders making the Bears look bad again? Well, meet the new Barry Sanders. Except this one is a lot bigger and a little faster.

The manchild known as Purple Jesus destroyed the Bears on Sunday. The Purple Messiah rushed for 221 yards on 20 carries, and had three touchdowns. If you're not that great at math, that means Peterson averaged 11 yards a carry. The average no doubt being helped by the three touchdown runs of 35, 67, and 73 yards.

Despite all of that, the Bears were able to make a comeback late. Peterson's third touchdown put Minnesota up 31-17 with just over four minutes left, but the Bears battled back. Minnesota's defense relaxed on the next Bears drive, and Brian Griese moved the team downfield before finding Muhsin Muhammed for a 33-yard touchdown.

Then, after a failed onside kick, the Bears held the Vikings offense to a three and out and forced them to punt the ball back. On the second play of the drive, Griese found Devin Hester streaking past Dwight Smith on the sideline, and made a perfect throw that resulted in a 81-yard touchdown to tie the game.

Because, even though Adrian Peterson is Purple Jesus, Devin Hester is God.

Of course, Purple Jesus wasn't done there. On the ensuing kickoff, Peterson returned the kick into Chicago territory to set up Ryan Longwell's game winning field goal as time expired.

So now the Bears are 2-4, and with Green Bay's win, now sit three games behind the Pack and in last place of the NFC North. It's really not fair either. Now that Brian Griese has taken over as quarterback, and the offense actually looks like an offense, the defense is horrible.

Do you realize the Bears are giving up 134.2 yards a game on the ground? That's good enough for 26th in the NFL. Overall, the defense is giving up 361.3 yards per game, which places them 27th in the NFL.

Where the hell did the defense go?

I'm hoping that this week in practice, Lovie Smith emphasizes only one thing. Tackling. Because the Bears don't seem to know how. Smith and the Bears coaches have stressed creating turnovers so much, by coaching players to go for the ball, that it seems they've all forgotten how to tackle.

The most symbolic play of this phenomenon came on Purple Jesus' 35-yard touchdown run in the fourth quarter. Danieal Manning had Peterson on the sidelines at about the ten yard line, all he had to do was push Peterson and he was out of bounds. What did Manning do?

He tried to strip the ball.

Peterson shrugged him off and continued toward the end zone.

Every single player on the Bears defense should feel embarrassed right now. It seems they've all bought into their hype. Apparently this season they feel they've already proven they're a great defense, so there's no need to actually try. I mean, opponents will crumble with fear at the mere sight of them.

There are only two guys on the defense right now who don't suck right now: Charles Tillman and Lance Briggs. Briggs is playing so well that I'm seriously hoping the Bears reconsider that long term deal for him.

Urlacher isn't running to the ball like we're used to seeing him do.

Tommie Harris isn't getting into the backfield.

Brandon McGowan is horrible at safety.

And don't even get me started on Adam Archuleta. I warned you about that a long time ago.

This team is in a lot of trouble, and it's not going to get any easier with a trip to Philadelphia coming up. Last week I thought this team had figured it out, and now I'm not sure they'll win another game.

Monster of the Midway

• Devin Hester - Seriously, is anybody else ever going to step up and win this award besides Devin? He did it again on Sunday, an 89-yard punt return for a touchdown, and his first career touchdown reception. Why don't the Bears just do that on every play? Send Hester streaking down the sidelines. There isn't a single defensive back in the NFL that's going to be able to stay with him for more than 25 yards. I love you, Devin. I mean, I'm not gay or anything, but I want to have Devin's babies. I want to be held in his arms as he tells me everything's going to be okay. I'll believe him too.

Dumbass of the Day

• Brandon McGowan - You can pick a Bears defender, as long as they aren't named Briggs, and they'd deserve this award today. I'm going to give it to Brandon McGowan though for showing all the agility of a statue as he watched Adrian Peterson run by him time after time. JUST DIVE AT HIS LEGS FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! He can't run without legs! Is this that difficult?!

Grin and Bear It

Whatever happens today, there's nothing like spray paint and 34DD's to put the game in perspective.

thanks to New City Chicago

Brian Urlacher Cares Not For Roy Williams

The Bears are playing the Lions this Sunday in Detroit, and as always seems to happen when the Bears and Lions meet, Roy Williams talks a lot of crap.

He did it last year, and he's doing it again this year.

''Everybody fears the Bears for some odd reason,'' Williams said last week on WDFN-AM in Detroit after the Lions' 2-0 start. ''Everybody talks about ... how good their defense is. I respect them, but I just don't see what's so good about the Bears.''

Now some people might take offense to this, but I don't. After all, Williams is always saying stuff like that about the Bears, yet the Lions haven't beaten the Bears in over two years.

Still, that doesn't mean that the Bears aren't listening to what Roy is saying. Brian Urlacher finds it all to be quite amusing. He's still making fun of Williams for the comments he made last year about how close the Lions were to scoring 40 points every game.

''Last year, let me see,'' he responded playfully when asked how close the Lions came to those 40 points. ''The first game they had six, which was pretty close to 40. If you add the seven [against the Bears] to that, it's 13. I'm sure by Game 5 or 6 they had it.''

So do Urlacher and the rest of the Bears talk shit to Williams during the game?

''I know I've had a chance to tackle him a couple of times,'' he said. ''But I don't know, to tell you the truth. So much crap gets said during the course of a game and during a week that I don't remember half the crap that gets said. Probably three-quarters of it I don't remember.''

Of course, there is a big difference between this season and the last few years. That difference is I'm actually expecting the Lions to beat the Bears on Sunday. Blasphemy, I know, but I can't help but see it.

Considering that half the Bears defense will be on the sidelines, including our two starting corners, and it's easy to figure out what the Lions are going to do. Mike Martz will have the offense come out in 3 and 4 receiver sets all day to attack a young inexperienced Bears secondary.

I'm guessing if the Bears want to win this game they're going to have to score at least 24 points, and nothing I've seen from this offense so far this season makes me think they'll be able to do it this week. Even against a bad Lions defense. The Cowboys defense sucks too, yet we only managed to put ten on them.