The Rise of Purple Jesus

Yesterday's Bears game was just a swift kick in the nuts. It was painful. The way the Bears defense played, the way the Bears came back, and then the way it ended, nothing but pain.

Adrian Peterson is a monster. A terrifying monster, one that when I think about the fact the Bears have to face him twice a season from here on out, gives me nightmares. Remember that great feeling you had on the day Barry Sanders retired?

Remember how relieved you were that you'd never have to see Sanders making the Bears look bad again? Well, meet the new Barry Sanders. Except this one is a lot bigger and a little faster.

The manchild known as Purple Jesus destroyed the Bears on Sunday. The Purple Messiah rushed for 221 yards on 20 carries, and had three touchdowns. If you're not that great at math, that means Peterson averaged 11 yards a carry. The average no doubt being helped by the three touchdown runs of 35, 67, and 73 yards.

Despite all of that, the Bears were able to make a comeback late. Peterson's third touchdown put Minnesota up 31-17 with just over four minutes left, but the Bears battled back. Minnesota's defense relaxed on the next Bears drive, and Brian Griese moved the team downfield before finding Muhsin Muhammed for a 33-yard touchdown.

Then, after a failed onside kick, the Bears held the Vikings offense to a three and out and forced them to punt the ball back. On the second play of the drive, Griese found Devin Hester streaking past Dwight Smith on the sideline, and made a perfect throw that resulted in a 81-yard touchdown to tie the game.

Because, even though Adrian Peterson is Purple Jesus, Devin Hester is God.

Of course, Purple Jesus wasn't done there. On the ensuing kickoff, Peterson returned the kick into Chicago territory to set up Ryan Longwell's game winning field goal as time expired.

So now the Bears are 2-4, and with Green Bay's win, now sit three games behind the Pack and in last place of the NFC North. It's really not fair either. Now that Brian Griese has taken over as quarterback, and the offense actually looks like an offense, the defense is horrible.

Do you realize the Bears are giving up 134.2 yards a game on the ground? That's good enough for 26th in the NFL. Overall, the defense is giving up 361.3 yards per game, which places them 27th in the NFL.

Where the hell did the defense go?

I'm hoping that this week in practice, Lovie Smith emphasizes only one thing. Tackling. Because the Bears don't seem to know how. Smith and the Bears coaches have stressed creating turnovers so much, by coaching players to go for the ball, that it seems they've all forgotten how to tackle.

The most symbolic play of this phenomenon came on Purple Jesus' 35-yard touchdown run in the fourth quarter. Danieal Manning had Peterson on the sidelines at about the ten yard line, all he had to do was push Peterson and he was out of bounds. What did Manning do?

He tried to strip the ball.

Peterson shrugged him off and continued toward the end zone.

Every single player on the Bears defense should feel embarrassed right now. It seems they've all bought into their hype. Apparently this season they feel they've already proven they're a great defense, so there's no need to actually try. I mean, opponents will crumble with fear at the mere sight of them.

There are only two guys on the defense right now who don't suck right now: Charles Tillman and Lance Briggs. Briggs is playing so well that I'm seriously hoping the Bears reconsider that long term deal for him.

Urlacher isn't running to the ball like we're used to seeing him do.

Tommie Harris isn't getting into the backfield.

Brandon McGowan is horrible at safety.

And don't even get me started on Adam Archuleta. I warned you about that a long time ago.

This team is in a lot of trouble, and it's not going to get any easier with a trip to Philadelphia coming up. Last week I thought this team had figured it out, and now I'm not sure they'll win another game.

Monster of the Midway

• Devin Hester - Seriously, is anybody else ever going to step up and win this award besides Devin? He did it again on Sunday, an 89-yard punt return for a touchdown, and his first career touchdown reception. Why don't the Bears just do that on every play? Send Hester streaking down the sidelines. There isn't a single defensive back in the NFL that's going to be able to stay with him for more than 25 yards. I love you, Devin. I mean, I'm not gay or anything, but I want to have Devin's babies. I want to be held in his arms as he tells me everything's going to be okay. I'll believe him too.

Dumbass of the Day

• Brandon McGowan - You can pick a Bears defender, as long as they aren't named Briggs, and they'd deserve this award today. I'm going to give it to Brandon McGowan though for showing all the agility of a statue as he watched Adrian Peterson run by him time after time. JUST DIVE AT HIS LEGS FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! He can't run without legs! Is this that difficult?!

FOX Killed the Bears

If you're still angry about the Bears loss to San Diego, and the loss of Mike Brown, well then I've got some news that will only serve to piss you off even more. The turning point in the game was obviously the muffed punt that bounced off of Brandon McGowan, and resulted in the Chargers taking the lead.

It wasn't McGowan's fault. It wasn't even the punters fault for making a bad kick. Nope. Turns out it was FOX's fault.

According to Mike Scifres, his short third-quarter punt that set up the Chargers' go-ahead touchdown might have glanced off a wire on which a TV camera hovers above the field. The punt hit an unsuspecting Chicago blocker (Brandon McGowan) and was recovered by the Chargers' Matt Wilhelm at the Bears' 29-yard line.

Scifres said he wasn't sure if the punt hit the wire, but a Chargers official watching the game from the field confirmed it did. Nate Kaeding's first kickoff of the day also hit the wire.

“The rotation the ball had when it left my foot – when it came down it was spinning the other way,” Scifres said. “So I don't know if it hit the cable or what, but either way it came out good for us. It was one of those freak things.”

Wow. What a craptastic way to lose a football game.

Ever since the television networks started using those cameras above the field, I wondered how they could avoid being hit by a football. Yeah, they're pretty high up there, but a lot of kicks and punts get up there as well.

Now we find out it happened not once, but twice during the Bears game. Sure, the angle the camera provides is pretty sweet, but it's not worth losing a game for.

Even When You Stop LT, You Can't Stop LT

Just a couple of quick thoughts while the Bears' loss is still fresh in my mind.

If you had told me that the Bears' defense would hold LaDainian Tomlinson to 25 yards on 17 carries, I would have taken that deal in a heartbeat. Of course, he still threw for a touchdown, and scored another one.

Even though the Bears stopped him, he still beat them.

It didn't help that the Bears committed four turnovers, and amazingly enough, none of them were Rex's fault. Sure he threw an interception, but it was Bernard Berrian quitting on the route, not Grossman's throw, that resulted in the pick.

Everything was going fine until a bad punt took a fucked-up hop and hit Brandon McGowan on the shoulder. San Diego recovered the ball, and quickly turned a 3-0 deficit into a 7-3 lead. All the momentum shifted on that play, and the Bears never had a chance afterwards.

Obviously, like any of you who watched the game, I'm worried about the running game. Cedric Benson only got 42 yards on 19 carries, but he also fumbled the ball away. Adrian Peterson had a nice 5.4 yards per carry, but it was his fumble that put the final nail in the Bears coffin.

Whether the Bears running game isn't that good or the Chargers defense is (and I'm leaning towards San Diego's defense), the Bears are going to have to do a lot better job next week against the Chiefs.

Monster of the Midway

• Tommie Harris - Since we didn't get to see much of him in the preseason, there were a lot of questions going into the game about Tommie's health, but I think he proved he's fine on Sunday. It was the same Tommie Harris we saw firing off the ball last season before he went down, and it showed in the Bears' overall defensive performance. Harris was so quick off the ball, that the refs didn't seem to notice he was offside on the play where he literally stole the snap from the center.

Dumbass of the Day

• Brandon McGowan - It's really not fair to give this to Brandon, I mean, it's not his fault the shanked punt hit him. It did though, and it was from that point on that the Bears lost control of this game. Other consideration went to Bernard Berrian for quitting on the Grossman pick that could of put the Bears up 10-0 at halftime, and to Nathan Vasher for a late hit on Philip Rivers that kept a Chargers drive alive.

Other Thoughts

• I'll admit the Nike commercial with Shawne Merriman and Steven Jackson is nicely done, but what kind of message is it that Merriman's in it? Yes, he's a great player, but he's also a known cheater. The guy was suspended last season for steroids, and we repay him with a national endorsement deal?
• Is Devin Hester scared to get hit now after suffering that injury in the preseason? I don't think he called for as many fair catches all last season as he did on Sunday.
• Anybody else notice the standings in the NFC North? Packers, Lions, and Vikings all won, leaving the Bears alone in last place.
• Mike Brown left the game in the fourth quarter with a sprained knee. He almost made it through an entire game without getting hurt! Way to go, Mike. UPDATE: It appears Mike may be out for the season. Faaaaaantastic.