A-Rod's Newest Celebrity Crush: Mr. Tom Brady

Read the post at SPORTSbyBROOKS

A-Rod Declares The Yankees Dead

On Sunday afternoon the Yankees lost to the lowly Seattle Mariners, and it dropped them to fourth place in the AL East with only a few weeks left to go in the season. This basically assures the Yankees that they will not be playing any baseball come October.

Of course, the real reason the Yankees have fallen to fourth place is the surging Toronto Blue Jays. The Jays have won their last 8 games...

Continue reading at FanHouse

Instant Replay Used, World Keeps Spinning

There are quite a few people out there who will tell you that the only reason MLB finally decided to implement the use of replay in it's games this season is because there were a few bad calls in New York. Had their been a rash of missed calls in a couple of Royals games, nobody would have cared, and it never would have happened.

While there's probably some truth behind those feelings...

Continue reading at FanHouse

A-Rod Wants to Be Famous

On the surface, everything about Alex Rodriguez's life looks wonderful. He's one of the best players in baseball and is a real threat to break Barry Bonds' hallowed career mark of 762 home runs. He also plays for baseball's most hallowed team, the New York Yankees.

Oh, and he's a gazillionaire. There's just one problem for Alex: He just isn't famous enough. I mean, when was the last time you heard anything about A-Rod? Nobody talks about the guy, which is a shame...

Continue reading at FanHouse

The A-Rod/Madonna Saga Has Reached Sex Tape Status

I know how you FanHouse readers must feel right now, you're almost through your work day and you haven't gotten your latest A-Rod/Madonna update. It's frustrating, I know, as you're not quite sure how you're supposed to get through the day without hearing the latest crazy rumors.

Well, I'm sure you've heard the adage be careful what you wish for, because we do have an update for you. There was only one more step this story could have taken that could trump all the insanity that's already happened, and now it's here. Yep, that's right, apparently there's a sex tape....

Continue reading, if you dare, at FanHouse

C-Rod Thinks A-Rod Has Been Tapping Things That Aren't Strippers As Well

While most of us will be donning our A-Rod jerseys or Madonna masks tonight at the Airhogs game, the real life Alex Rodriguez is still going through the divorce process with his soon to be former wife Cynthia Rodriguez right now. As we're all incredibly aware, Cynthia is leaving A-Rod because of his repeated infidelity, which quite possibly includes sleeping with Madonna.

Cynthia isn't coming off completely clean here, either, as she's been accused of cheating on Alex with Lenny Kravitz. It's all pretty much insane, really, and it probably couldn't get much more ridiculous than it already is. Well, unless it turns out that Alex is an alien from the planet Quaron-4 and has been sent to this planet to break Barry Bonds' home run record and bring back all our planets muscular blondes...

Continue reading at FanHouse

How the Tabloids Saved New York

With all the Alex Rodriguez and Madonna nonsense going on, it's brought up a lot of debate as to whether or not a player's personal life is something that should be covered with such zeal. Personally, I'm more on the side that says somebody's family life should be exactly that, and unless they're breaking the law or endangering others, it really shouldn't be any of our business. I don't care whether your A-Rod or Rasho Nesterovic, your home life should be just that.

Still, I understand the coverage of the story. I mean, it's baseball's best/highest paid player reportedly having an affair with an aging pop icon as his wife leaves him for another rock star. It sounds like an epically bad movie of the week...

Continue reading at FanHouse

A-Rod Won't 'Change His Spots'

Throughout the history of mankind, people have looked to others to help them figure out how to get by and survive their lives. In some cultures, people turn to their elders for advice since they have a lot more experience, and have seen many different situations and how they've played out. In other places, people just do a whole bunch of hallucinogenic drugs hoping to have a vision that will solve whatever problem they're dealing with at the time.

In American culture, we have strippers. Yes, much like the oracles of ancient Greece, we Americans prefer our advice to come from naked women who are probably just really, really high. That's why Cynthia Rodriguez should talk to one of her soon to be ex-husband's former ladies if she ever thinks of forgiving Alex...

Continue reading at FanHouse

A-Rod Is Not Cheating on His Wife, Just Wants a Cool Red Bracelet

UPDATE: Or maybe he is cheating on her.

The last couple of days there have been all sorts of rumors about what's going on between Alex Rodriguez and Madonna, as A-Rod has been spotted at the Worn Material Girl's apartment in recent nights. Considering that Madonna is rumored to be getting divorced from her husband (where am I and when did I start writing for TMZ?), and A-Rod has been seen about town with other "ladies" before, people just started putting two and two together and assume the two are getting it on.

I'm not sure what to believe myself, but I should remind you that there have been times in history when a man and a woman can just be friends and not sleep together...

Continue reading at FanHouse

On Deck: Who Needs A-Rod?

Any minute now, Hank Steinbrenner is going to be on a New York radio station demanding that Brian Cashman trade Alex Rodriguez as soon as possible, because "that overpaid bastard has been holding us back! Anybody that would keep him on their team is an idiot! Joba Chamberlain should be playing third! Now bow down before me and kiss the rings, bitches."

Then when Brian Cashman says that Alex is a great player, and that there's no way the Yankees will trade him, Hank will have him shot in Times Square while hundreds of teenagers who were just there hoping to catch a glimpse of Miley Cyrus in the TRL studios or something will scream in horror. It's going to be pretty awesome....

Continue reading at FanHouse

Canseco Cornered in Bookstore Bathroom

Or at least that's one side of the story, it depends on who you ask. According to the USA Today and Florida Today, Jose Canseco was surprised at a bookstore signing yesterday when MLB investigators showed up to his book signing looking to talk to him. They did too, supposedly in the bathroom. According to the New York Times, the meeting took place in the bookstore's green room.

Wherever the meeting took place, the important part is that it did in fact take place...

Continue reading at FanHouse

Jose Canseco Has an 'Ace in the Hole'

Ever since a blogger got his hands on a copy of Jose Canseco's newest tome, Vindicated, and wrote about the accusations Canseco makes against Alex Rodriguez and his possible steroid use, A-Rod has been keeping rather quiet about the whole thing. Despite the repeated questions he's getting on the subject, all anybody is able to get out of Rodriguez is generally a "no comment."

Not exactly a shock when you consider that A-Rod spends four hours a day in front of the mirror practicing his answers to any questions he may receive....

Continue reading at FanHouse

I'm Rooting For Minnesota Tonight

Monday mornings are usually reserved for Bears recaps, but since they don't play until tonight, I guess I'll have to write a "preview" of tonight's game. Here's my preview.

The Bears offense will struggle all night while the Bears defense gets carved up by Adrian Peterson and Chester Taylor again.

Which, to be completely honest, would be 100% fine with me. There are a couple of reasons that tonight I'll be openly rooting against the Bears. I know. It's heresy, but it's true.

Okay, so I worded that a bit wrong. I'm not going to be rooting against the Bears but I won't be all that upset if Minnesota destroys them tonight. The Bears have nothing left to play for. They can't make the playoffs, so they may as well lose their last three games to get themselves a better draft pick. God knows they need it.

The second reason is purely selfish. (WARNING:FANTASY FOOTBALL DISCUSSION AHEAD)

You see, for most of you who play fantasy football this week marked the first round of the playoffs. I'm no different from you. Ever since 2001 my friend Bill and I have owned a team in a league, and though we made the playoffs our first two seasons, we haven't been back again until this season.

This year we finished with the best record in the league thanks to Adrian Peterson and Peyton Manning. Well, we're down 22 points right now but there's still hope. Not only do we have Adrian Peterson going tonight, but we also started Chester Taylor and we have Bernard Berrian.

So I need the Vikings running attack to shred the Bears defense again tonight. Do you realize that the prize for first place in this league is $1,800? If we lose tonight, we basically get our money back with a little profit.

So as you can see, I'm going to be pretty emotionally involved in tonight's game.

And aside from all that, there's another reason to watch tonight. Kyle Orton is back, baby! The Neckbeard has returned to lead the Bears to the promised land!

Okay, so I'm not really excited about the fact that Kyle Orton is going to be starting tonight. I'm happy that Kyle is getting a chance instead of going with Brian Griese, but I don't think we're going to see anything in Orton tonight that's going to say "We have our quarterback!"

No, because Kyle is going to have to play behind the same offensive line that couldn't block for Grossman or Griese. He's going to have to hand the ball off to the same running backs that can't find any room to run behind this offensive line, and he's going to be throwing to the same receivers who have been dropping passes from quarterbacks all season.

Nothing is going to change tonight, except we'll all have more chances to compare Orton's neck to a vagina and spit out quotes from Knocked Up.

As far as what we'll see from the defense, I'm excited by the fact that Nathan Vasher is probably going to play tonight. I think his absence since the Cowboys game has been a huge loss for the Bears all season. It's meant more playing time for guys like Adam Archuleta and Danieal Manning, which is never good for anybody.

Granted, I don't think Vasher is going to come out in his first game back and shut down whoever he's covering, but his return will make things easier on the entire secondary and even the linebackers.

Of course, our secondary probably isn't going to have to cover many receivers tonight the way the Vikings run the football, but at least Vasher is a better tackler than our other corners.

That's another problem the Bears will face in tonight's matchup. When the Vikings won in Soldier Field earlier this season, they did it despite their quarterback Tarvares Jackson. The Vikings looked magnificent every time they handed the ball to Peterson, but when they asked Jackson to drop back and pass, it was comical.

He danced around for a few seconds before overthrowing his target by ten feet.

That's not going to be the case tonight as Jackson has started to mold himself into a real quarterback the last month. He's starting to develop a rapport with another youngster in Sidney Rice that makes me think this Vikings team isn't just hot right now, but that they may be legit for years to come.

So with that in mind, I'm calling this one for the Vikings tonight. 31-14.

Foul Balls

Michigan Has It's Man - Michigan has made itself another enemy. They were already hated by the state of Ohio, and now I'm pretty sure they're hated by the state of West Virginia as well. Not only did the school steal away John Beilein to be the head coach of their basketball team from WVU, but now they've decided to take away their football coach as well.

Rich Rodriguez is the new head football coach at the University of Michigan.

Michigan has hired West Virginia's Rich Rodriguez as its next football coach following a search that featured two other top prospects deciding to stay put.

"I am thrilled to have Rich Rodriguez as Michigan's new coach," athletic director Bill Martin wrote in an e-mail to The Associated Press on Sunday. "Rich brings an exciting brand of football to Michigan Stadium. We welcome the entire Rodriguez family to Ann Arbor."

Rodriguez you may remember was nearly announced as Alabama's new head coach last winter before he changed his mind at the last minute and returned to West Virginia. Apparently this season he didn't love Morgantown nearly as much.

Now I'm not sure how long it's going to take for Rodriguez to implement the spread offense he used at West Virginia, but I do know it's going to take me some time to adjust to seeing Michigan run it.

After being turned down by Les Miles for the job, and interviewing guys like Brady Hoke, I don't think there's a better coach in the country that Michigan could have found to replace Lloyd Carr.

A-Rod Isn't Talking To Scott Boras - Alex Rodriguez was interviewed by Katie Couric last night on 60 Minutes, and though they talked about a lot of different things, the comments I found the most interesting were Rodriguez's comments on his agent, Scott Boras.

The Yankees third baseman is extremely upset with the way Boras handled the initial decision to opt out of his contract with the Bombers. (...) When asked by Katie Couric to describe his relationship with Boras, who has advised A-Rod since he was 18, Rodriguez took a long pause, before Couric pressed him for an answer.

"The whole situation saddens me a little bit," Rodriguez said. "There hasn't been much back-and-forth talking."

When asked if he is speaking to Boras, Rodriguez said, "Not right now." He then was asked if that could change and he said, "We'll see."

So let me get this straight. When Boras was doing everything in his power to keep A-Rod's name in the spotlight all postseason, and then got Alex another huge deal, he was totally cool with it. Now that A-Rod has the contract and all the money, he no longer needs sports most hated agent. So he's dumping him and trying to pin all the negative PR on Boras.

Well played, sir. Well played.

The Dolphins Won! - Although I'm actually upset by it because I wanted them to go 0-16, I guess I'll take a second here to congratulate the Miami Dolphins. They beat the Ravens in overtime yesterday, 22-16, to get their first win of the season.

They then celebrated like they'd just won the Super Bowl and World War II at the same time.

Some people have taken offense to it, but I mean, c'mon. They're the Dolphins. They're harmless. Let them have their fun.

Let's Get This Started Already

The Bulls will start their season tonight in New Jersey against the Nets and Chicago needs them right now. Baseball's done, and the Bears suck, so a couple of Bulls victories would be fantastic right about now.

There are a couple of problems with that though. Anybody who's paid attention to this team the last few years knows they're notoriously slow starters. To make matters worse, they're starting the season tonight in New Jersey, where they haven't won since 2001. That's eleven straight losses. You know who the Bulls leading scorer was that night?

A.J. Guyton.

Who?

Exactly.

To be completely honest with you though, tonight's game isn't about the result. It's only the first game of the season, and though a repeat performance of the Bulls annihilation of the Heat last year on opening night would be nice, I'm more interested in just seeing the team play.

Joakim Noah won't be playing thanks to his sprained ankle, and there's a chance Ben Wallace might have to sit out as well. Still I'll be looking for other signs. How is Luol Deng improved this season? Has Ben Gordon decided to play defense? Will Tyrus Thomas evolve from freakish athlete to basketball player? Is Chris Duhon really still on the team?

Obviously these questions won't all be answered in one night, but we'll at least have a better idea of what to expect.

I'm still not sure that this team is good enough to win the Eastern Conference. Not with an improved Boston team, along with old stalwarts like the Pistons and Heat. They still need a big man that can score, and I'm pretty sure Joe Smith isn't the answer. He's just a younger version of P.J. Brown.

If the Bulls are going to get to the NBA Finals this season without a big man, it's going to have to be up to Luol Deng. Deng will have to take that next step towards superstardom if this team is going to have a legitimate shot. Ben Gordon is a nice spark plug once in a while, but he cannot be counted on to lead the team every night.

Now whether or not he's going to be able to do it as rumors of a Kobe Bryant trade swirl around the United Center, I'm not sure. It's not the first time Lu is going to have to play while dealing with trade rumors though, because I'm pretty sure he's been traded in the media 596 times in his short career.

Now we all know how I feel on the subject of the Kobe trade, so I won't get that deep into it again. I'll just maintain my position that if the Bulls can complete the deal without giving up Luol Deng, they'd be stupid as hell not to do it.

I know all the Kobe rumors are probably starting to get annoying, but the simple fact is that until the Lakers come out and say they're not trading him, or that he's been traded, this talk is going to follow the Bulls all season. They're one of the few teams that can trade for him, and they're one of the few teams Kobe wants to play for.

That's the other reason I can't wait for tonight's game. Once the Bulls start playing games I'll actually have something to write about involving the Bulls that has nothing to do with Kobe. It may not seem like it with all the times I bring him up, but I'm tired of writing about Kobe too. I need this season to start.

Foul Balls

White Sox Make Moves - The Darin Erstad Era has come to an end on the south side, as the White Sox have declined to pick up the option on his contract. It was either buy him out for $250,000 or pay him $3.5 million to play next season.

I think they made the right choice.

I liked the signing of Erstad last season because it was a low risk high reward type of signing. He was relatively cheap, and if he could have managed to stay healthy, he would have been a valuable member of the team. Unfortunately, he couldn't stay healthy. Erstad only played in 87 games last season and hit .247.

The Sox also declined their option on veteran lefty Mike Myers. Mike Myers being cut on Halloween. Oh the irony!

Mike Cameron Suspended - Continuing with the White Sox for a second, most of the talk involving the Sox and centerfield has the team going after Torii Hunter or Aaron Rowand. A darkhorse though was current Padres centerfielder, and former Sox, Mike Cameron. Well, I don't think the Sox will be going after him now.

He's been suspended 25 games for testing positive for stimulants.

"The one thing I wanted to make sure was explained is, no steroids," Cameron told AM 1090, the Padres' flagship radio station. "I never took nothing like that before in my life. That would be 50 games, and that would affect me a whole lot more."

So just to be clear, Mike's not on the roids, he's just snorting Adderall in the clubhouse.

Curt Schilling To The Cubs? - Curt Schilling basically released a list of 13 teams he'd be willing to pitch for next season, and the Cubs were one of those teams. The White Sox were not.

I actually think the Cubs should make a run at Schilling. They could definetely use another starter, and I think a trip to the National League would only help Schilling. Not to mention his postseason numbers speak for themselves, and that could come in handy for the Cubs next season. They might win a playoff game before getting eliminated!

Choose Your Own Rodventure - Many times over at the MLB FanHouse, some of our best ideas come from stupid conversations we have with each other through our Google Group.

This is the greatest thing we've ever accomplished from one of our stupid conversations. One day PostmanE said something about those "Choose Your Own Adventure Books" from grade school, and it's morphed into Choose Your Own Rodventure.

That's right, YOU get to be Alex Rodriguez and decide where you're going to play this season. There are endless options, so if you've got time to kill at work today, I highly recommend playing along.

There's Only One Way To Stop The Patriots or Colts

I don't mean to add to the hype surrounding this weekend's game between the undefeated Patriots and undefeated Colts this weekend, but let's be honest, it really is the only game this regular season that matters. They're the only two teams in the NFL that are playing for the Vince Lombardi Trophy.

The other 30 teams in the NFL are just jockeying for draft position.

If you've watched either team play this season, it should be obvious to you. Nobody can touch either of them. The Patriots are beating teams by an average score of 41-16. The 331 points they've scored in their first eight games is more points than Atlanta Falcons, San Francisco 49ers, and St. Louis Rams have scored combined. Hell, they've almost outscored their entire division.

The Colts on the other hand, are undefeated as well, but they're only averaging a meager 32 points per game. Which helps explain why even though they're the defending champs, and haven't lost a game this season, they're currently 6 point underdogs at home against New England next week.

The Patriots and Bill Belichick have also taken a lot of heat around the league for "running up the score." On Sunday against the Redskins, the Patriots had a 38-0 lead at the end of three quarters, but that didn't stop them from throwing deep in the fourth quarter and trying to put more points on the board. It didn't stop them from going for it on fourth down either. They'd end the game winning by a score of 52-7.

As you'd expect, a couple of Redskins took exception to it. After the game Joe Gibbs said he didn't have a problem with what the Patriots did, but after the game ended he barely looked at Belichick as they shook hands, and Gibbs got the hell out of there.

Personally, I don't think it's possible to run up the score in the NFL. If it's a college game, and it's Michigan playing Appalachian State LSU playing Eastern Michigan and still trying to put points on the board in the fourth quarter even though they have a 72-0 lead, that's running up the score.

In the NFL though, it can't happen. These guys are all professionals. If you want a team to stop putting points on the board, stop them. That's all you can do.

Still, I completely understand why it's pissing teams off, and I wonder if Bill Belichick is really thinking this through. I mentioned it in last week's Spread Em, that the only way other teams have a chance to beat the Patriots is to take out Tom Brady. Everybody knows this, but these aren't the days of Butkus and Nitschke, nobody is going to try and kill Brady on purpose.

At least, they weren't going to try. The more the Patriots dominate their opponents, and embarrass them, the more likely it is to happen. At some point, somebody is going to snap and dive right at Tom Brady's knees.

They'll take the 15-yard penalty, and they'll take the fine, because in the end it's worth it. Without Tom Brady playing quarterback, the Patriots are just an average NFL team.

The same could be said about the Colts and Peyton Manning, but nobody hates the Colts enough to try and do it.

The question becomes, would it be acceptable to intentionally try and take out Brady?

In my opinion, hell yes it would. I'm not the only one that feels this way either. Michael Wilbon of the Washington Post and Pardon the Interruption agrees. He was asked about it in an online chat yesterday, and he admitted as much.

Tom Brady's Knee: I can understand Bill Belichick's desire to crush every team in the NFL, but why keep your franchise QB in there to do it? One cheap shot helmet to the knee and it's goodbye Super Bowl unless Cassell suddenly gets good.

Michael Wilbon: You're absolutely right. And if I was on the opposing team, I'd hit Tom Brady with everything I had as late as I could and take the penalty and join the fight that would surely follow. Football is a violent game and there's got to be somebody out there sharpening his fans for the Patriots Golden Boy in the 4th quarter one of these weeks.

I just want to make one thing clear though, I don't mean dive at his knees. Wilbon also made that clear later in the chat as well. I don't think that teams should take cheap shots at Brady and intentionally try and injure him, I just mean they need to do everything in their power to knock him out.

Think of the 85 Bears for a second. What was that defense's main objective? They weren't shy about telling you that their goal was to take out the quarterback. Knock his ass out, and when they bring in the backup, knock his ass out too.

This is what current NFL defenses need to do.

If you're a defensive lineman, and you have a shot to hit Brady right now, you have to put everything you have behind it, and lay him out. Drive him into the ground with your weight on top of him. Maybe you'll get lucky and dislocate his shoulder.

The one flaw with this theory though, is that you have to get to Tom Brady first. Have you seen his numbers this season? They're absolutely mind-boggling. Look at this line.

• Passing yards - 2,431
• Completion Per. - 74.2% (74.2%!)
• Passing TD's - 30
• Rushing TD's - 2
• Interceptions - 2
• Rating - 136.2

That's absolutely insane. The man is responsible for 32 touchdowns, and he's only thrown two interceptions. Do you know why his numbers are so amazing?

Because he isn't getting touched.

That's the flaw of the "Kill Tom Brady" strategy. Nobody can get to him. The Patriots offensive line is just wiping out defensive lines and linebackers. It seems that everytime Brady drops back into the pocket, he has about a minute and a half to find somebody open.

So that means every opportunity is crucial. If you have a shot to hit Tom Brady, even if it's late, you have to take it at this point. If you have a shot to hit Peyton Manning, you have to take it.

It's the only way anybody in the NFL has a chance to beat either of these two teams. If they don't do it, the rest of this NFL season will serve absolutely no purpose except for gambling reasons and fantasy football.

Though there are plenty of people who will tell you that's all the NFL is for in the first place.

Foul Balls

Brian Urlacher has a blog - Brian Urlacher and I have a lot in common. We're both athletic freaks, and we're both big time celebrities in Chicago. But there's another thing we have in common right now as Urlacher has started his own blog. You may have noticed that Urlacher has been pretty short with the Chicago media lately, limiting himself to one word answers, and kinda just being a dick. So he's started this new blog as a way to communicate with his fans, and answer questions from Fox Sports' Jay Glazer.

You’re at home against a terrible road team and you didn’t just lose, they walked through your defense. Is this as low as it gets for you?

This has been one of the most frustrating times of my career. The feeling after a loss like yesterday is terrible. It’s an awful feeling. You know going in that you have a great game plan but we don’t execute it. The coaches had a great plan for us, we just messed it up. We’re so inconsistent on both sides of the ball. Defensively? One day we stop the run, the next game we don’t but we do stop the pass. The next time out we’ll stop the run again but we can’t stop the pass.

I've no idea whether or not he's going to start posting YouTube videos of people getting hit in the nuts. Until then, he'll never be a real blogger.

Boras and A-Rod Are Douchebags - Scott Boras and Alex Rodriguez are taking a lot of heat right now for the timing of A-Rod's announcement he was opting out of his contract with the Yankees. They had ten days after the end of the World Series to decide what to do, and they chose to make the announcement during the middle of game 4 on Sunday night.

You see, they wanted to upstage the sports biggest showcase. Because, in case you weren't aware of it, they are more important than the game. As you'd expect, MLB is slightly upset by it.

"We were very disappointed that Scott Boras would try to upstage our premier baseball event of the season with his announcement," Bob DuPuy, baseball's chief operating officer, said Monday in an e-mail to The Associated Press.

"There was no reason to make an announcement last night other than to try to put his selfish interests and that of one individual player above the overall good of the game," DuPuy said. "Last night and today belong to the Boston Red Sox, who should be celebrated for their achievement, and to the Colorado Rockies, who made such an unbelievable run to the World Series."

I'm not sure I understand all the uproar though. Haven't we always known that Boras and Rodriguez are douchebags? Is this a shock to most people? Personally, the only way I'd have been surprised is if Rodriguez didn't find a way to steal the spotlight away from the World Series.

Oh, and Cubs fans? He's not coming here, so don't fool yourselves.

Morning Wood - Seven Five Five

San Francisco Uh Huh San Diego Whatever

Cue up the theme music for The Natural. Now play it backwards.

New York Yankees 16 Kansas City 8

Alex Rodriguez became the youngest player in MLB history to hit 500 career homers. As if to say, "Enjoy the record while you have it, Barry."

Chicago Cubs 6 New York Mets 2

Mets starter John Maine imploded but it was Ryan Theriot's heart and hustle that brought in the first of six Cubs runs, all with two outs in the third inning. With the victory, the Cubs remain one game behind first-place Milwaukee. Cubs Manager Lou Piniella's thoughts about the battle for first sounded more like Lou Dobbs: "I liken this to the stock market. You get a nice spike up in price, and then you get a little consolidation period before another spike, and that's what we have to do here. We just have to consolidate the right way and wait for another hot streak." So, are the Brewers the housing market?

Chicago White Sox 7 Detroit Tigers 5

Guys, you were supposed to be doing this in May not August. Still, it warmed the heart to see the names Jim Thome and A.J. Pierzynski on the board with home runs and watch the White Sox take their third straight from the Tigers. Felt good for A.J., too, who hadn't tagged one out since May 20th. "I'm sure happy that I got it. It's been a long time. I told some of my teammates tonight that my only goal was to hit a homer." Next goal for A.J.: get through a week without saying "monster truck rally."

Elsewhere...

AL

• Toronto 9 Texas 5
• Tampa 9 Baltimore 2
• Minnesota 3 Cleveland 2
• Boston 4 Seattle 3
• Oakland 2 Los Angeles 1

NL

• Cincinnati 9 Pittsburgh 8
• Atlanta 6 Colorado 4
• Florida 6 Houston 5
• Milwaukee 6 Philadelphia 5
• Washington 12 St. Louis 1
• Arizona 8 Los Angeles 7

Women Are Distracted By Shiny Objects

For eons men have tried to figure out the complex ways of the female mind. It hasn't worked, but not for the reasons you think. We're just thinking too much. When it comes down to it, women are incredibly easy to figure out. In reality, they have the same mental capacity of most stoners.

If you do something bad, all you have to do to get your woman off your case is throw some shiny objects in front of her. She'll be way too distracted to notice those four college girls climbing out your bedroom window.

Alex Rodriguez is smart enough to know this.

The public ridicule came hours after the Yankees $252 million man made nice with his wife, Cynthia - spending $6,000 on diamond necklaces for her.

"This is what I like," she told him in the Persona gift shop in the lobby of the Ritz-Carlton hotel in Boston.

"Go ahead, get them," the stripper-loving slugger urged her, according to a witness.

As the couple browsed, the New York newspapers, with headlines about the ballplayer's ties to a Scores dancer, were in full view.

They giggled as they looked at the front page of the Daily News, which bore a photo of them, and Cynthia cracked, "At least it's a cute picture of us."

You see that? A-Rod's wife goes immediately from being super pissed off to cracking jokes about cute pictures. All because A-Rod put some shiny diamonds in front of her.

It's like the one time a girlfriend of mine got mad at me cuz she showed up at a bar where I was at and busted me talking to another girl. Of course, the girl was a friend of mine and it was just a friendly conversation, but she didn't know any better. So when she came over looking to cause a scene, I used my brilliant brain to come up with an idea.

I reached down into pocket in search of my shiniest quarter. Once I found it, I held it up in front of my girlfriend's face. She was distracted long enough to keep quiet and then I threw the quarter and said,

"Go get it, girl. Go get it!"

She took off across the bar after that quarter, eager to examine its shiny goodness. Only, I never threw the quarter. You see, besides being distracted by shiny things, girls are just plain dumb too.

(Via Sports By Brooks)

Morning Wood - Suhwheat, Alex!

New York Yankees 8 Cleveland Indians 6
I had a friend in college, Greg Bigwood, "Bigsie." Great guy but a primo pothead. Throughout all four years of school, his conversation consisted of the following phrases: "Grim," "Suh-wheat," "Wanna bong?" and "I can't handle it.... mentally." The reason I mention this is that Bigsie is also a rabid Yankees fan and I just know in the ninth inning of this game with two outs and Cleveland winning 6-2, he was muttering, "Grim." Then Josh Phelps hit a solo homer. 6-3. Posada singled, Johnny Damon walked, Jeter brought Posada in with a single, 6-4, Abreu brought Damon in with a single, and before you could say, "Borowski is a goat" it was 6-5 with Alex Rodiguez coming up to the plate. 2006 A-Rod would have struck out and taken a long, tearful post-game bubble bath. 2007 A-Rod tattooed that sucker for a walk-off home run. It's the first time in the history of the Yankee franchise they've come back from a deficit that large with two outs in the ninth. "Suh-wheat."

Chicago Cubs 3 Atlanta Braves 0
Is Rich Hill on the path to a Cy Young award? By the end of the season, will anyone on the North Side even remember some guy named Carlos Zambrano? Hill gave up four hits in eight scoreless innings, making that three victories in three starts this season and 16 straight scoreless innings. ''He's pitched as well as anybody in baseball,'' Cubs manager Lou Piniella said. Michael Barrett and Aramis Ramirez had solo homers.

Chicago White Sox 6 Texas Rangers 4
Honestly, Sammy, how dumb must you feel? You really didn't need steroids, now did you? Sosa hit yet another home run last night bringing him just eight shy of that 600 he covets. But the run wasn't enough to dampen the confidence of the Sox. Coming fresh off the Buerhle no-hitter, you could feel an energy and confidence out there, missing since late last season. Javier Vazquez didn't suck, giving up three runs and four hits in six-plus innings, and the bullpen held up. AJ stroked one out for his first homer of the season, putting the Sox ahead 3-1. And when the Rangers caught up, my future one-night-stand, Joe Crede hit a go-ahead single in a three-run eighth inning. Sox manager Ozzie Guillen could sense a shift in his players since the Buehrle game: "I think we were better in the dugout. I think I see more life out of there. I see more guys rooting for each other and now I think they have more confidence. I like what I see right now." So do we, Ozzie.

Meanwhile, see below for ESPN.com's headline about the Sox game. Apparently, no one told the ESPN intern that Sammy Sosa no longer plays for a Chicago team. And even if he did, wrong team. And either way, the Sox won. I can't handle it... mentally.

Elsewhere...

AL

• Boston 5 Toronto 4
• Minesota 6 Seattle 5

NL

• Milwaukee 7 Pittsburgh 5
• Philadelphia 4 Washington 2
• Los Angeles 8 Colorado 1
• San Diego 11 Arizona6
• San Franciso 6 St. Louis 2
• New York 11 Florida 3
• Houston 8 Cincinnati 6
  

A-Rod on Jeter: "You go from sleeping over at somebody's house five days a week, and now you don't sleep over."

Alex Rodriguez and Derek Jeter don't stay up late together talking about girls and getting into pillow fights anymore. The once white-hot relationship has just cooled off lately, something which A-Rod was more than happy to share with the media on Monday as the Yankees reported to spring training.

On the first day of his fourth season with the New York Yankees, Alex Rodriguez finally acknowledged his relationship with Derek Jeter has cooled.

After insisting for three years that they remained close, Rodriguez said it was "important" to him to publicly confirm what others have said since he joined the team.

"People start assuming that things are a lot worse than what they are, which they're not. But they're obviously not as great as they used to be. We were like blood brothers," Rodriguez said Monday. "You don't have to go to dinner with a guy four, five times a week to do what you're doing. It's actually much better than all you guys expect, but I just want to let the truth be known."

That's fine, but Rodriguez probably should have thought this next comment through.

"The reality is there's been a change in the relationship over 14 years and, hopefully, we can just put it behind us," Rodriguez said. "You go from sleeping over at somebody's house five days a week, and now you don't sleep over. It's just not that big of a deal."

Tim Hardaway does not approve.