You Fahckin' Mawrawn!

I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I've never blown a chance at a foul ball in my life, as many people have. I just happen to believe that once you hit a certain age, it's no longer cool to wear your glove to the game, and it's hard to catch a screaming line drive with your bare hands.

So while I make fun of people who blow their shot, I do so knowing that I probably would have done the same damn thing.

This guy, on the other hand, he should just be ashamed of himself.

Oh, that's a wicked kick to the pissah.

(From FanHouse via SPORTSbyBROOKS)

Barry Bonds Is Not To Blame

Hey, you, Mr./Ms. Sportswriter, that copy you've had ready for weeks? You know, the hand-wringing, tongue-wagging, pseudo-thoughtful treatise on the sorry state of American sports with Barry Bonds starring as the steroid-soaked villain?

Get it proofread, cuz it's almost time to run it!

Barry Bonds hit his 750th career home run, pulling him within five of tying Hank Aaron's record.

The 42-year-old Bonds led off the eighth inning with a solo shot off D-backs starter Livan Hernandez to tie the game at 3. Watching the ball sail over the wall in right-center, he lowered his head and began his trot. The main center-field scoreboard immediately featured a road sign reading "Bonds 750" in the middle and "Road to History" on either side.

You know, I'm really dreading all the crap that's going to come along with this record by Bonds.

And no, not cuz of Bonds.

Because of the sanctimonious members of the news and sports media who are preparing to turn this into a mindless, mean-spirited feeding frenzy.

People who probably haven't watched more than five innings of baseball in a lifetime will furrow brows and offer sincere pronouncements about Bond's "crime."

They won't acknowledge the man's singular greatness as a player. (No matter how much you hate him, that is a fact.)

"But he cheated!" they'll cluck.

They won't give a moment's thought to the scores of baseball icons who've gotten away with the very same thing - some in the Hall of Fame right now - who are thinking, "Phew, better him than me."

Or the thousands of players - many, many HOFers - who routinely enhanced their game taking greenies. (And don't tell me that greenies had no effect on performance and power and numbers because they did.)

Or the MLB that sat back and pretended for two decades that none of this was a problem because they wanted the flashy, fan-friendly home runs.

Or Bud Selig today, whose refusal to do anything - either directly accuse Bonds or celebrate the record - is simply shameful.

Or their own laziness as reporters, taking the simplistic route from day one, letting others spoon feed them the HGH and steroid stories, doing no real reporting on their own.

Or the fans, who race like wildebeests to the next scandal, more interested in the destruction, rather than celebration, of an athlete. Fans who demand perpetual excitement and action like fickle five-year-olds, then morph into arbiters of morality when they get bored and/or feel guilty.

The fact is, Bonds has been separated from the herd and ostracized for two reasons only:

1. It's easy.
2. Everyone hates him. (He's not real likable, that's for sure.)

So, while all the news and sports shows run a continuous anti-Barry loop out to the masses, I'll be thinking something else.

America, you, the MLB, and the media created Barry Bonds.

You wanted this.

And now you turn on him.

Because Soccer Is Just Awesome!

Ok, so I don't think soccer is awesome, but that goal was. The best part of the whole thing? Paul Robinson, the goalie for Tottenham who scored (but you already knew that!) and Ben Foster, the goalie who got scored on, are both competing to be the goalie on England's national team.

Edge Robinson.

Hall of Shame: Barry Bonds, You're No Hank Aaron

"Death threats," just what Barry Bonds must have been praying for:

"[Barry] Bonds told San Francisco's KGO Radio that he is receiving death threats before he renews his chase of Hank Aaron's career home run record... [Said Bonds,] 'I'm mostly gun-shy of what can happen. Once this is all over and done, whether I get lucky enough to do it or not, I'll be able to release just a little bit of the anxiety and fear of what can happen. You don't want anything to happen to yourself. You don't want anything to happen to your family.'

"On Wednesday, Bonds refused to elaborate on his earlier comments."

Of course he refused to elaborate. Why say another thing when with two little words, he hopes to catapult himself from perpetrator to victim.

Even more repellant, he's using these "threats" to attach himself to the great Hank Aaron, a man with unimpeachable character, whose record Bonds seeks to surpass:

"If I don't keep a level head, how's the next person going to handle it? If Hank didn't keep his head clear, how was I going to deal with it? If someone doesn't deal with it the right way, it sets up a very bad ending for anybody else who comes along and tries to do this."

What's conveniently missing from his comparison is the reason Aaron's head wasn't clear as he closed in on and eventually outstripped Babe Ruth's 714 home runs.

Throughout 1973-74, Aaron received frequent death threats, all racially motivated, delivered by those who didn't want to see a black man break Ruth's record. While most Americans were, of course, cheering Aaron on, intimidation by these racist goons was plentiful, real and terrifying. In a 1973 Sports Illustrated story titled, "A Tortured Road to 715," reporter William Leggett asked,

“Is this to be the year in which Aaron, at the age of thirty-nine, takes a moon walk above one of the most hallowed individual records in American sport? Or will it be remembered as the season in which Aaron, the most dignified of athletes, was besieged with hate mail and trapped by the cobwebs and goblins that lurk in baseball's attic."

It's a pretty good guess that any death threats Bonds receives aren't cuz he's a black man about to break another black man's record. And odds are these warnings aren't legitimate, more likely run-of-the-mill wacko bluster that virtually every celebrity receives these days.

Of course, that won't stop Barry Bonds and his publicists from trying to put them on a par with Hank Aaron's painful experience.

He's proven he'll do anything to gain an advantage. But affixing himself like a parasite to a baseball legend to improve his image, comparing his situation to the real dangers Aaron endured and the courage he displayed?

That's so low, I didn't think even Bonds would go there.



Bonds wants so badly to be compared to Hank Aaron, though, let's give him his wish and rewrite that 1973 SI quote about Aaron to reflect the realities of 2007:

Is this to be the year in which Barry Bonds will destroy the integrity of one of the most hallowed individual records in American sport? Will it be remembered as the season in which Hank Aaron, the most dignified of athletes, had his rightful record stolen by a syringe-toting, pill-popping narcissist who used a couple pieces of hate mail in an effort to cover up his cheating and thieving?

There ya go, Barry. Consider yourself compared.

Super Bowl XLI Gave Us a New Peyton Manning

No, I don't mean the quarterback for the Indianapolis Colts, I'm talking about the newest Peyton Manning. The one in Decatur, Illinois.

Meet the man formerly known as Scott Wiese, who made a bet with his friends last Friday night.

Wiese... had pledged to his friends that if his beloved team did not win Super Bowl XLI on Sunday, he would legally change his name to the man who led the Indiana nemesis to victory. "A bunch of friends and I were talking one night before the game, and there was a little alcohol involved," said Wiese, 26. "I made the bet, and now I've got to keep it." ...Wiese had signed a solemn pledge in front of some 200 people Friday night in Katz Piano Bar in downtown Decatur.

Wiese Manning kept his end of the bargain, and on Tuesday he entered the Macon County Courthouse to have his name legally changed to Peyton Manning. That is just the first step in the process, though. Wiese Manning The Dumbass still has to appear before a judge and explain to him why he can't go on living as Scott Wiese.

I'd say explaining to the judge that Scott Wiese was stupid enough to make such an idiotic bet would be a good start as to why he no longer wants to be Scott Wiese.

(Photo courtesy of the Herald & Review)

Just Cuz We Hate the Cowboys

Ya, we're pretty sure all of you have seen this by now, if not 1,000 times. But maybe, just maybe, you haven't. So we feel the need to post it here.

If you don't know the situation, the Cowboys were trailing Seattle 21-20 late on Saturday. They then marched all the way downfield, and were set up for a 20-yard field goal that would have given them the lead with a minute left.

Oops, wrong video. Post traumatic stress disorder does crazy things to people. Here's the actual video.

Panger has been watching it nonstop while laughing hysterically for 34 hours now. We really do feel sorry for Tony Romo though, no matter how strong our dislike for the Cowboys is. Judging by the way he was during the post game press conference, we hope Jerry Jones made sure that they took away his shoe laces before he went home.

Patrik Stefan Sucks

We don't skate. We don't even know how. We tried once when we were younger, but didn't like it. In fact, we just aren't big fans of ice, period. The only time we come in contact with frozen water is when it's in a glass surrounded by Maker's Mark.

With all that in mind, we're pretty sure we wouldn't have looked as stupid as Patrick Stefan looked last night in the Dallas Stars/Edmonton Oilers game last night.

It was late in the third period, and Dallas had a 5-4 lead. The Oilers had pulled their goalie in the last ditch effort to tie the game. Then Patrik Stefan stole the puck at the blue line and made his way towards the empty net.

Where this happened.