First Pitch: What's With These Good Bad Teams?

I know we're only a week into the season, but there are some weird things going on in the standings around baseball. It seems that nobody told all the teams that are supposed to suck this year that they suck.

In the AL East the Toronto Blue Jays are in first place at 6-2 after beating the Twins last night (high five, Jays), while the Baltimore Orioles are in second at 5-2 after taking down the Rangers. Meanwhile the three teams that are supposed to fight for the division -- Boston, New York, and Tampa -- are at the bottom of the division.

In the AL Central the Royals are tied for first with the White Sox, who rule, and out in the AL West the Mariners, who went 61-101 last season and don't have Ichiro, are 5-2 and leading the pack.

Then there are the San Diego Padres who helped spoil the opening of the Mets new digs, Citi Field, with a win on Monday night to improve to 6-2.

What the hell is going on here?

Welcome Back, B.J. Upton

The Rays had their home opener at the convention center masquerading as a baseball stadium known as Tropicana Field on Monday, and along with raising the banner for their American League championship last season, they also welcomed back centerfielder B.J. Upton. Upton had to miss the first week of the season while he finished rehabbing his surgically repaired left shoulder.

Boss Jr. didn't miss a beat in his return.

Upton was 1-for-3 in his return but walked twice and stole two bases. Still, his most impressive feat was the Willie Mays style catch he made on a deep fly ball by Xavier Nady in the second inning. I could describe it for you, but really you need to see it, which you can here.

Aside from Upton's heroics, the Rays spent the rest of the night just abusing the Yankees. Things got so bad during Tampa's 15-5 victory that the Yankees had to use our old friend Nick Swisher as a pitcher in the eighth inning.

Swish used his charm and personality to baffle Rays hitters for an innings, allowing only one hit and striking out Gabe Kapler, which has to be extremely embarrassing. Not as embarrassing as having to use Nick Swisher as a pitcher when you spent $243.5 million on CC Sabathia and A.J. Burnett during the offseason, but embarassing nonetheless.

Orlando Hudson Goes Cycling

What do Dodger second baseman and Lance Armstrong have in common? They both only have one testacle.

No, wait, while I haven't checked Orlando still has both his nuts so that can't be it. I'm sure Alysa Milano will get confirmation on this sooner rather than later. It turns out that what the two men have in common is they both like to go cycling.

Lance does it on a bike in France in between steroid injections, and Orlando does his on a diamond. In between steroid injections.

Hudson hit for the cycle on Monday in his first four at bats, finishing it up with a triple in the sixth inning.

"Dodger fans can't expect this every day," said O-Dog. "The cycle is very hard. First of all, getting a hit is hard."

Yeah, not against the Giants pitching staff it isn't. The Dodgers won 11-1 and had 15 hits on the afternoon.

Manny's A Comedian

On Monday I wrote about Manny Ramirez's wishes to finish his career where it started in Cleveland over at FanHouse, and how he was hoping Jim Thome would join him there. Now, considering that Ramirez just signed a two-year $45 contract with the Dodgers and they were celebrating their home opener, you would think that this would be the last thing Manny would say.

Then again, this is Manny, and he operates on an entirely different level from us human folk.

As you'd expect, Manny's comments are causing quite an uproar in Los Angeles (okay that's a lie, nobody in Los Angeles actually cares about sports) but he wants everyone to calm down. Turns out Manny was only joking.

"I was joking," said the dreadlocked one. "I was talking to Jim Thome in spring training and saying wouldn't it be sweet to be together again one day in Cleveland."

Yeah, because hanging out in Cleveland can only be described as sweet. Manny's fucking hilarious.

Zack Greinke Is Good

When I was at the White Sox game last Wednesday night, I was a bit frustrated by the fact that Gavin Floyd was having a fantastic game, yet the Sox were losing because Zack Greinke was matching him pitch for pitch. In fact, he was actually out pitching Gavin.

Well, I don't feel nearly as bad anymore because Greinke kept on dealing on Monday night when the Royals took on the Cleveland Indians. Zack threw five scoreless innings against the Tribe to run his streak to 25 consecutive frames without allowing an opponent to cross home plate, a streak that dates back to last season.

It's because of Greinke and a couple of other Royals starters in Gil Meche and Kyle Davies that I think the Royals have a real shot at contending in the AL Central this season.

It's A Look

Something tells me that Cardinals backup catcher Jason Larue is a big fan of Kenny Powers and HBO's Eastbound and Down.

Today's Game Of The Century

If you can only watch one game today that doesn't involve either the White Sox or Cubs, may I suggest that you tune into the Braves and Marlins tonight? Both teams are 5-1 on the season and tied for first place in the NL East, so they each have a chance to make Mets and Phillies fans hate their teams even more this summer.

Today's Poll