A Trip In The Jay Mariotti Time Machine

You didn't honestly think Jay Mariotti wasn't going to return from his vacation at the Chicago Sun-Times to get his digs in on the White Sox after the whole blow-up doll incident, did you? You'd have to be a fool to think that Jay wouldn't use such a prime opportunity to rip on those whom he loves ripping the most.

The team with no class almost spun a no-hitter. Filthy as the White Sox and their manager have been, Gavin Floyd somehow was filthier and nastier Tuesday night on the South Side. After Hawk Harrelson jinxed the young man by babbling, ``Call your family, call your friends, Gavin Floyd is three outs from a no-hitter,'' well, you'll never guess what happened.

It took him only three sentences before he was able to blame Hawk Harrelson for blowing Floyd's no-hitter, I think that's a personal Mariotti record. That little vacation treated him well, as it's obvious he's fired up, but are you really blaming an announcer for jinxing a no-hitter, Jay? Are you also afraid to step on cracks in the sidewalk for fear of breaking your mother's back?

Also, aren't you the same guy who ripped the Cubs apart for the way they reacted to Steve Stone in the radio booth a few years ago? Can you give us a quick set of guidelines on in which situations broadcasters actually affect the games, because it would help out a lot.

It's just as well. Ozzie Guillen didn't deserve to be bailed out by a classy, polite kid with hair combed across his forehead, low on his brow. It isn't news, of course, that Guillen is the clown doofus of sports, a disgrace to a city, a franchise, intelligent humanity and those of us who must chronicle his arrested-adolescent b.s. to the point of ad nauseum. I'm just wondering how he's still employed. If this was bad standup comedy, I'd understand why a trashy nightclub might hire him to humor drunks for $5.50 an hour.

Just take out the words "Ozzie Guillen" and replace them with "Jay Mariotti" and you'll have a basic feel as to how most Chicago sports fans feel about you, Jay.

The Sox can crow all they want about their World Series title, how they beat the Cubs to the holy grail. At least the Cubs still own their dignity as a Chicago institution, as opposed to Guillen, who belongs in one. Thanks to the Blizzard of Oz and his rogue enablers, chairman Jerry Reinsdorf and general manager Ken Williams, the Sox have taken the low road so often the last three years that people associate them more with their manager's stunts, slurs and ill behavior than the big trophy itself. The Three Stooges complain often about the Cubs and why they rule the town, relegating the Sox to second-team, inferior-story status even after their glorious 2005 run. The social phenomenon isn't hard to explain.

The Cubs are easy to like.

The Sox are easy to loathe.

Okay, time to bust out the Jay Mariotti Time Machine. Today we'll travel back in time an entire two and half weeks, all the way to April 20th 2008.

On that day, Jay had this to say about the Cubs.

The problem with the Friendly Confines is that they've become relentlessly unfriendly and increasingly obnoxious and stupid. Fueled by alcohol, ego, 100 years of institutional futility and a blind belief that an entire universe revolves around their expensive butt space on the north side of Chicago, in the state of Illinois, in what is supposed to be the clear-thinking heartland of America, a lot of Cubs fans seem to think they're bigger than the players, the manager and the games.

But lately -- and brace yourselves -- Wrigley has traded places with what suddenly is a kinder, more sedate ballpark.

In the name of William Ligue, would you believe U.S. Cellular Field has become saner than Cubdom?

As we move back forward in time, a full day to April 21st, 2008, we had Mariotti say this about the White Sox.

I'm not sure how this is possible, but several days have passed since Ozzie Guillen torched an umpire or infuriated a country. More impressively, we've gone entire weeks without Ken Williams complaining about a mysterious anti-White Sox bias or threatening to sue Jose Canseco. Which is precisely what I like about the Sox right now.

There's no noise pollution or contrived testosterone in the air, just a b.s.-free commitment to focus, surprisingly good pitching and winning.

So in a span of 48 hours, the Cubs had become everything that was wrong with society and the Sox were a model of efficiency. Now, as we come back to present time, the Cubs are easy to love and the Sox are easy to loathe.

Could Mariotti have flip-flopped on an issue? It can't be so!

It's amazing how a losing streak can change one's point of view on everything. Also, Jay, as for blaming Ozzie, Kenny, and Reinsdorf for the Cubs being more popular than the Sox in this town, it's probably important to remind you that that was the case long before any of those three had anything to do with the organization. Of course, you didn't get here until 1991, so you wouldn't know that.

Yeah, it actually had a lot more to do with the Cubs having their own television network in WGN that contributed to their popularity. God knows it wasn't the winning (sorry, had to), and if anything else, Ozzie has made the Sox more popular because everything he does now becomes a national story.

As for which team is more popular all around, who the hell really cares? What the hell are any of us really bragging about anyway? One trophy in 200 combined years? Oh boy!