Friday, March 28, 2008

Breaking News: Canseco Fingers Bud Selig!!!

You'd think Jose Canseco's latest piss-and-tell, Vindicated, coming out next week, would be the end of it.

But in a startling twist, Foul Balls has learned the former outfielder will soon be publishing yet a third book with stunning allegations about 'roids and MLB Commissioner Bud Selig!

And - in a Foul Balls exclusive - we were able to get our hands on the first draft of the new book's explosive front cover:


We reached Canseco by phone and were able to score a brief interview to discuss these disturbing new revelations.


Foul Balls: So now you're saying Bud Selig is directly linked to the 'roids scandal?

Canseco: Hell, yes. He's been sitting on this lie for years. I think the public needs to know the truth.

FB: Are you stating for the record that Bud Selig has taken steroids?

Canseco: I may not have seen Bud do the deed, but I set the whole thing up for him, just like he wanted. Hell, if you ask me, I did everything but apply the cream myself.

Foul Balls: But you didn't actually see him...

Canseco: I never saw him take anything but I did give him the name of a known supplier of steroids.

FB: Who did you introduce him to?

Canseco: Let's just say, "H."

FB: Who was "H"?

Canseco: We'll keep "H" out of it until the time is right.

FB: But why???

Canseco: The time is not right now.

FB: So, then.... (sigh).... that means a fourth book.

Canseco: Exactly.

FB: With more ballplayers?

Canseco: Don't kid yourself, there are plenty more out there for me to name. Does Kaz Matsui ring a bell?

FB: Why are you doing this, Jose? For the money?

Canseco: If I'm not getting through, let's get clear on one thing: I hate Bud Selig's guts -

Foul Balls: Point in your favor -

Canseco: So my motive, and I will make it clear and look you in the eyes -

FB: Jose, we're on the phone -

Canseco: - is to attack Major League Baseball. That's my motive. Well, that and since The Surreal Life, I don't have shit to do all day. Hey, I gotta run. Some chick wants me to autograph her tits!

Foul Balls attempted to reach Mr. Selig for comment but our calls were not returned because we didn't know our party's extension.

Ballhype: hype it up!

1 comments:

stalkingerinandrews said...

I've always known Selig had a big head, but, shit, I thought it was just ego.