It's Time To Tug At Those Heart Strings

I noticed myself doing something the last two days, and it's going to stop. After the NFC and AFC championship games on Sunday, I went and complained about how we were now entering the two-week period where the Super Bowl was going to be needlessly over-hyped until the point that by the time the game comes around, no matter how good it is, it'll be anti-climactic.

Then I went out and wrote about the damn game for two straight days. Sure, the only reason I did it was because there was nothing going on locally worth writing about, but it didn't make it right. So I promise I'm not even going to mention football for the rest of the week.

Unless Pacman Jones goes to a strip club.

The problem with this is there still isn't anything going on around Chicago right now. We've reached the dead zone of the yearly sports schedule, where basketball is only at the halfway point, and the hot stove action in baseball is starting to cool down.

So it's times like these where you have to find those tiny little human interest stories to fill the gap. Luckily for me, Will Leitch found this one for me yesterday at Deadspin, so I didn't even have to do that.

The Cubs had their annual Cubs Convention this past weekend, where fans from all over the country come together to suck off of the collective teat of all things Cub, and talk about how "This is the year!!"

The White Sox are holding their annual SoxFest this weekend, and the atmosphere there is slightly different. It's not so much "I love you" as it is "What the hell are you guys going to do this year to not suck?"

As with all of these things, teams like to trot out their new additions and sacrifice them to the fans as early as possible. After all, they didn't play for the team last year, so it's kind of hard for fans to be pissed off at them for anything.

That will be the case for Nick Swisher, as he makes his first appearance at a White Sox fan fest, and when he gets there, he'll be meeting somebody he hasn't seen in a while.

His kindergarten teacher.

When Brenda Harvey meets Nick Swisher for the first time in more than 20 years soon, the first thing the Crown Point resident will do is see how much Swisher the motivated little boy remains in Swisher the grown man.

"Does his career measure up to the dream he had a kindergartner? Is this how he envisioned it?" Harvey said of some of the first questions she'll ask Swisher.

Harvey had an early scouting report on Swisher, now 27, as his young kindergarten teacher in Worthington, Ohio. At the time, Swisher said he wanted to be a big leaguer just like his father, former Cubs catcher Steve Swisher.

"I remember thinking, 'Poor little boy. He doesn't know the slim odds of becoming a professional baseball player,'" Harvey said. "I'm so glad he proved me wrong!"

It makes me wonder, too. Does my life measure up to what I dreamt when I was a kindergartner? The simple answer is no. No it doesn't.

I haven't been to the moon, I can't fly, I don't have rocket launchers connected to my forearms, and I'm yet to lead the White Sox to their fifth straight World Series title after hitting 100 home runs and winning 32 games as a pitcher, all the while leading the Bears with 2,500 rushing yards and 300 tackles.

Maybe I set the bar too high.

Foul Balls

You Don't Fuck Jesus, Jesus Fucks You - Or at least the people who follow him do. I didn't cover it much here, but a few weeks ago there was a roast of ESPN Radio's Mike and Mike. I didn't see any of it, other than a quick Jeffrey Ross bit, but I heard all about what went on there.

Including ESPN's Dana Jacobsen getting incredibly drunk, and saying some things she probably shouldn't have said. Things like "Fuck Notre Dame" and "Fuck Touchdown Jesus" and of course, "Fuck Jesus." The statements were directed at Charlie Weis, but it's hard to to say "Fuck Jesus" without pissing off a lot of people, and Dana has pissed off a lot of people.

The Catholic League, which is kinda like the Justice League I imagine, would like an apology. From Awful Announcing:

A Catholic advocacy group charges the sports TV network ESPN has failed to respond properly to a graphic rant by anchorwoman Dana Jacobson in which she "attacked Jesus Christ."

Catholic League president Bill Donohue said he pressed ESPN on the issue and received an e-mail with an unsatisfactory statement by Jacobson.

The statement said, in part, "My remarks about Notre Dame were foolish and insensitive. I respect all religions and did not mean anything derogatory by my poorly chosen words." Donohue contended the response "fails on several counts".

"It is obvious, then, that neither Jacobson nor ESPN is dealing with this matter in a professional way," Donohue declared. "To put this issue behind them, ESPN must deal with this issue quickly, publicly and fairly, something it has yet to do. After all, most Christians are yet unaware of this event, but once they learn of it, they are sure to demand accountability."

And by accountability, they mean they'd like to crucify here.

I was raised Catholic, but personally I don't care what Jacobsen said. I've said a lot of stupid things in my life, especially when I'm drunk. Things like "Of course I love you," or "I think peeing off of this roof onto Green Street is a perfectly good idea."

ESPN has suspended Jacobsen for a week for her remarks, which seems a bit much. Twenty Hail Mary's and a couple of Our Father's would probably suffice.

From The Trade Rumors That Better Not Be True Dept. - Are the Bulls about to wave the white flag? There are rumors coming out of New Jersey that the Bulls and Nets are talking trade.

Iannazzone says Chicago and NJ are discussing a trade which would put Andres Nocioni and Thabo Sefolosha in Nets threads, in exchange for Marcus Williams and a triptych of smallish expiring contracts.

Seriously, if this happens, I will not be pleased. Nocioni is the only guy on the team that actually comes to play every night, and is developing into one of our key scorers, and Thabo is finally becoming the player the Bulls thought he'd be when they drafted him last year.

Now they're going to up and trade both of them? Personally I think this is more wishful thinking on New Jersey's part, but given the way this Bulls season has gone, there will probably be a press conference announcing it tomorrow.

I'd also like to bet that triptych was on Ziller's word of the day calendar this morning.

Something To Kill Time At Work - I really can't explain how awesome this is, you kind of just have to watch the video.