High Five

A superspeedy tour of the interweb while watching the Bears game and popping Prilosec

1. A.J. is the White Sox catcher for at least two more years. Sweet! [FanHouse]
2. Some Big Ten Ouch. [With Leather]
3. A blog whose time has come... and gone. [Kill Bill Wirtz]
4. An unauthorized biography of Favre? [The Big Lead]
5. A taste of LeBron on SNL last night. [Deadspin]

Grin and Bear It

Whatever happens today, there's nothing like spray paint and 34DD's to put the game in perspective.

thanks to New City Chicago

Hey, Goodell: BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

A proposal to put radio receivers in the offensive players' helmets to offset crowd noise has been floating around for years in the NFL, rejected each time.

But thanks to NFL Ayatolla Roger Goodell, Commissioner of Morals and Good Behavior, it's back!

According to CBS analyst Charlie Casserly today on Inside the NFL, the proposal is on the agenda for NFL discussion this week.

And this time, it may just happen.

That's cuz Goodell has been itching for this change since his first day on the job; he brought it up in his very first news conference after succeeding Paul Tagliabue.

“That’s what our game is about: our athletes and coaches playing at the highest possible level and being able to execute their game plans. To some extent right now, I think we are hindering that a little bit, because they come into an opposing stadium and they are not able to put the full offense in, they are not able to run plays in, they are not able to change the plays at the line of scrimmage.”

Um... no shit. That's the whole point, isn't it? Fans pay ridiculous amounts of money to see the game in person for that very reason.

It's called home field advantage.

And as for fixing the problem, I believe the teams already have. Ever heard of the silent count, Roger? Have one of your sycophants explain it to you.

Commissioner, instead of micromanaging the NFL into irrelevance, try silencing yourself.

Now that would be good for the game.

Morning Wood - It's Going To the Wire

New York Mets 13 Florida Marlins 0

John Maine threw a no-hitter for 7 2/3 innings, helping the Mets snap a five-game losing streak and keeping their chances alive in the NL East race. "We weren't going to lose today," said Maine. Uh, as opposed to all last week, when you were going to lose, John? God, I hate meaningless cliches.... no, wait, I hate the Mets! Every Cubs fan worth his or her salt should. Fornelli told me, "it's been thirty years, get over it." Yeah? Tell that to the IRA and the English!!! They haven't gotten over it! What? They have? Well, fuck them too!

Washington Nationals 4 Philadelphia Phillies 2

Swift move, Philly, lose your NL East lead to a Nationals rookie pitcher. That makes today decision day for the Mets and the Phillies, and both are going "old school" to get the job done. It's on the aging shoulders of Phillies 44-year-old starter Jamie Moyer and the Mets' 41-year-old Tom Glavine to secure a postseason berth in their finales against the Nationals and Marlins. So, let's see, who am I for? The Mets or the team with wife-beating players and racist fans.... go, Phillies!

Chicago Cubs 4 Cincinnati Reds 0

The Cubs should play with a hangover for the whole post season.

Chicago White Sox 4 Detroit Tigers 3

Juan Uribe hit a ninth inning walk-off RBI single to end the White Sox's penultimate game of the season. I want to take this last opportunity to give some advice to you, Juan: don't go back home to Venezuela this year, okay? Get a nice place in Florida and stay there. Trust me on this one.

Elsewhere...

AL

• Toronto 5 Tampa 3
• Los Angeles 3 Oakland 2
• Kansas City 4 Cleveland 3
• New York 11 Baltimore 10
• Seattle 5 Texas 1
• Boston 6 Minnesota 4

NL

• Houston 3 Atlanta 2
• Milwaukee 4 San Diego 3
• St. Louis 7 Pittsburgh 3
• Los Angeles 6 San Francisco 5

High Five

A quick look around the interweb while wondering if Notre Dame will win a single game this season

1. Haven't had your fill of Cubs related material today? Well here's some more! [ESPN]
2. If you were an alderman, you'd already have playoff tickets. [The Postmen]
3. If Boise State is ever going to attract big time recruits, they're really going to need to upgrade their facilities. [Wizard of Odds]
4. Agent Zero wants to save Bonds' home run ball. [Larry Brown Sports]
5. Phil Jackson's hip may force him to retire. [True Hoop]
   

So Who Are The Cubs Going To Play?

Now that everything has been made official, and the Cubs are going to the playoffs, we can all turn our attention to who they'll be playing in the first round.

First, let's look at the Cubs record against the other possible playoff teams this season.

• Diamondbacks: 2-4
  
• Padres: 3-5
  
• Phillies: 3-4
  
• Mets: 2-5

As you can see, the Cubs have a losing record against all of them.

If the playoffs started today, the Cubs would be in Arizona preparing for the Diamondbacks. Of their three possible opponents, Arizona is probably the best chance the Cubs have to advance to the NLCS. They're young and don't have much playoff experience, and though they do have Brandon Webb, nobody else in their starting rotation really scares you.

If the Cubs had to face the Padres in the first round, they'd be dealing with the prospect of going against likely Cy Young winner Jake Peavy twice, and Chris Young once. I don't think the Cubs would beat Peavy in either game, so that means they'd have to win the other three. Not exactly an easy task when you consider Greg Maddux will be starting one of those games as well.

Then there's the Phillies who I don't think anybody wants to play right now. Aside from the Colorado Rockies, the Phillies are the hottest team in the National League right now. They could end up responsible for one of the greatest late season collapses of all time, as they've now passed the New York Mets to take a one game lead in the NL East.

If you haven't been paying attention, two and a half weeks ago on September 12th, the Phillies were seven games behind the Mets in the NL East. You don't hear about teams blowing seven game leads in a month, let alone two and a half weeks.

I don't fear the Phillies pitching at all, especially the bullpen, but with the momentum they've built up the last few weeks, it wouldn't be surprising to see them coast all the way to the World Series.

So right now, things are set up perfectly for the Cubs. Of all the teams in the postseason, both AL and NL, Arizona is the only team I'd consider the Cubs a favorite against.

Let's hope there aren't any big changes over these last two days of the season.

Today at FanHouse

Where I did my best to make sure all Michigan fans hate me.

• Assorted Facts About Michigan - Earlier today my FanHouse colleague, and unabashed Notre Dame hater, Brian Cook, published a post with assorted facts about Notre Dame. Seeing as how I'm a Notre Dame fan, nothing he told me was news to me. I know we suck this year. I know we haven't won a bowl game since I was 13 years old. I'm a fan, I watch the damn team instead of focusing all my time watching the teams I hate. It's an odd approach to supporting your team, I know, but it's just the way I is. Still, I couldn't sit idly by and let Cook get away with it, so without further ado, here are some random facts about Michigan.
• Barry Bonds In Minnesota? - The odds of this actually happening are pretty remote, and quite frankly, it would be stupid of the Twins to do it anyway. Yes, they probably could use some help scoring more runs next season, especially with the likely departure of Torii Hunter, but I'm not sure Bonds is the right answer.
• Beware the Lawyers of Penn State - You see, the loss basically assured that Penn State will not be appearing in a BCS bowl game this January. There's no way that the Big Ten will get two bids considering how weak the conference has been this season, and the Nittany Lions aren't going to win the Big Ten outright. So that means the school is missing out on one heckuva pay day, and what do you do when you need to get money in a hurry? You threaten to sue the hell out of some grade schoolers of course!

The Big Ten Network Reaches Chicago

If you're like me, you plan on watching a lot of college football today. Of course, after a while I'm going to need another game to watch, because Purdue should have a 30 point lead on my Irish any second now. I would like to switch over to the Illinois/Penn State game, but of course, I can't.

Because I don't have Big Ten Network. I have Comcast.

There is good news for me though, as the BTN has made some inroads into the city of Chicago, and it's going to put pressure on Comcast to work out a deal sooner or later.

BTN officials announced late Friday that they had come to terms with RCN Cable, which serves areas such as the Gold Coast, Lincoln Park, Lakeview, Streeterville, Hyde Park and Rogers Park.

The deal should apply pressure to Midwest cable giant Comcast because Chicago-area customers no longer have to select a satellite provider—namely DirecTV or the DISH Network—to get the network.

"This is a testament to the fact that deals can get done," BTN Vice President Elizabeth Conlisk said.

"If 140 companies can figure out ways to get a deal done, why can't Comcast, Time Warner and Charter?"

You know, you would think with all the times I've lost my television or internet for no reason-occasionally for days at a time-Comcast would figure they owe me a favor. Well, I'm calling in that favor, but unfortunately all I get is some guy named Sanji telling me his name is Clint and that I can't have the channel.

The Big Ten Network is now available in over 30 million homes, and not a single one of them is mine.

Morning Wood - Division Champs

Chicago Cubs 6 Cincinnati Reds 0

Congratulations, Cubs fans. The Cubs are your 2007 NL Central Division champions, and you're all going to the playoffs. It was a painful night for me at the bar. It's not that I'm all that upset about the Cubs making the playoffs, it's the fact they kept playing "Go Cubs Go" over and over again in the bar and everybody kept singing along to it. Except me. I kinda just sat there and drank my beer with a constipated look on my face.

Chicago White Sox 5 Detroit Tigers 2

Perhaps more importantly than the Cubs winning the division last night, the White Sox clinched fourth place in the AL Central. It isn't much, I know, but at least I don't have to spend my winter being told the Sox finished in last place.

Elsewhere...

AL

• Orioles 10 Yankees 9
• Red Sox 5 Twins 2
• Blue Jays 5 DRays 4
• Indians 5 Royals 3
• Angels 2 A's 0
• Mariners 6 Rangers 4

NL

• Phillies 6 Nationals 0
• Cardinals 6 Pirates 1
• Marlins 7 Mets 4
• Padres 6 Brewers 3
• Braves 7 Astros 2
• DBacks 4 Rockies 2
• Dodgers 8 Giants 3

High Five

A quick peek at the interweb while fighting off waves of nausea thinking about tonight's Cubs and Brewers games

1. The Cubs are hot where it counts! [Ladies...]


2. Gilbert Arenas chats with Will Leitch. [Deadspin]


3. First, she shaved her head, then she started hitting parked cars.... but Britney's new sports-themed look has just gone too far. [dlisted]


4. Forget muskrat love.... now it's the Badgers' turn. [With Leather]


5. If you're a Cubs fan right now, you're looking for any statistical port in a storm. Then you remember the fucking goat. [Goatriders of the Apocalypse]

The New Guy, the Bears and "Office Space"

Foul Balls would like to introduce a new, occasional contributor to our humble blog. His name is alorakid. Say hi and give him some FB love as he finds his way around the place - ED

Good afternoon, Foulballzers.

Interestingly, and perhaps appropriately enough, Mr. Fornelli has allowed me, a lifelong, diehard Cub fan, to take the wheel for a post or two just as the Cubs (no thanks to themselves) are inches away from clinching a playoff spot. However, he did make sure to get his Morning Wood up before I had the chance to do so, which, I’m willing to assume, was only for the purpose of robbing me of the joy of declaring that the magic number is now 2… so instead, a few words about the only other Chicago team currently playing meaningful games... the Bears.

A slow morning around the ever-dull workplace today has got me thinking that the Bears' new starting quarterback, Old Man Griese, looks a lot like Bill Lumbergh from Office Space. I’m really hoping he either does something on the field, or says something in the post game interviews, that allows us to play with that likeness a bit more. Like, say, scrambling for a fumble like it’s a red Swingline, or, um, taking Sunday off while counting on the rest of the team to show up. Yeah, I’m betting on the latter.

And while on the theme, Rex Grossman now will be playing the role of Milton Waddams, banished to the second string for now, left to mumble and grumble inaudibly, well aware that a dark, cockroach-infested basement-dwelling existence can't be far off.

I’ve been a Grossman supporter for a long time (what do you expect, I was a Baker supporter until about May 2006), and I’d love nothing more than to see him come back and burn the place down (“the place” being Lambeau Field, the NFC, the Superbowl…) in a blaze of glory, but it’s just not gonna happen this time.

And finally, as the Bears defense continues their collective post-accident Tom Smykowski impression, Professional Hero Brian Urlacher (despite the lack of personality and cape), says nothing you wouldn’t expect to hear.

“It’s a physical game and you’re going to have guys get hurt. You’ve got to have guys step up and play when guys go down. You’ve got to get through these injuries and keep playing hard.”

Thanks Brian, we’ll leave the spectacular defense to you, and the sound bites to Tommie Harris and Peanut Tillman.

What Pep Hamilton Meant to Say

Since the season started, new Bears quarterbacks coach Pep Hamilton has been pretty much silent.

He's picked now - the same week his protege Rex Grossman gets sacked in the right way - to open up a bit with this nugget of wisdom about correcting the abysmal Bears' offense:

"Decision-making and execution on game day is … it's just being smart with the ball and not exposing the football. Correcting the problem is looking at the film and not making the same mistakes again."

I don't mean to be harsh here, Pep (may I call you Pep?) cuz I know you're just spouting some Bull Durhamisms for the media... but that's it? That's all you got?

Admit it, Pepster, it's been a long, tortured road from your arrival at the Bears in May. Remember back then? You were filled with hope and enthusiasm about your young charge, Rex Grossman. Remember when you couldn't stop gushing about him to media?

“He’s without a doubt a fearless student of the game and a competitive guy. He had a stretch of games where he was exceptional and he had enough wherewithal and poise to take his team to the big game...He’s been to the mountaintop and now he wants to conquer the top of the mountain. He has an inner drive about him that I think is important to be able to lead an organization back to that mountaintop. He’s a guy that’s driven to get back to the top.”

Now today, three mangled, brutally bad weeks into the NFL season, you're left with, Hold onto to the ball and don't make mistakes.

It's okay, Peppy. You're not the first. Rex has seduced many before you with his "courage and commitment." He did it to Lovie Smith, a pretty damned smart guy who inexplicably kept Rex in last year after some of the worst QB'ing ever.

So don't blame yourself. You were doomed. See, Rex is the NFL version of the mythological sirens who lured sailors to their death on the rocky shore.

"Oh, Pep, I just need some direction to be the quarterback you know I can be! Come a little closer..."

C'mon, Pep, we all know what you wanted to say to the media this week. You need to get it off your chest, so let's say it for you:

Do you know how many hours I worked with that moron to try to keep him from fucking up? Do you have the slightest idea how many times I had to bite my tongue and say, "Good try, Rex," instead of "What the FUCK was that?" I said he was fearless? Jesus, I meant to say he's a friggin' moron. Seriously, this dude can't hold on to his balls and not make mistakes. I mean, they wanted me to "hone" his skills? Great, after this maybe I can get a job being George Bush's grammar coach or Charlie Weiss' diet guru. Just keep that loser away from me or I swear I'll strangle him with my bare hands. I need a drink.

The truth shall set you free. Hope it makes you feel a little better, Pep.

Morning Wood - Losing Your Way To The Top

Florida Marlins 6 Chicago Cubs 4

Some things never change. The Marlins own the Cubs, and Steve Trachsel sucks. Put the two together, and what do you get? Another Cubs loss, and a Marlins sweep. Trachsel lasted only 4.1 innings and allowed five runs in his first start in two weeks. The way he's pitched since coming to the Cubs, let's up it's his last. So the Cubs were swept by the Marlins, but luckily...

San Diego Padres 9 Milwaukee Brewers 5

...the Brewers suck just as bad as the Cubs, and they lost to the Brewers on Thursday night. That means the magic number now sits at two as the Cubs get ready to play the final three games of the regular season.

Chicago White Sox 10 Kansas City Royals 0

You don't take fourth place from the White Sox! The White Sox take fourth place away from you!

Elsewhere...

AL

• Orioles 8 Blue Jays 5
• Twins 5 Red Sox 4
• Yankees 3 DRays 1
• Mariners 4 Indians 2

NL

• DBacks 8 Pirates 0
• Phillies 6 Braves 4
• Astros 4 Reds 3
• Cardinals 3 Mets 0
• Rockies 10 Dodgers 4

High Five

A quick look around the interweb while waiting for the season premiere of The Office

1. It's not Thursday until you read the Jamboroo. [Deadspin]
2. Roy Williams may talk a lot, but he won't spend a lot. [With Leather]
3. Will God be there for Jon Kitna on Sunday? [CBS Sports]
4. The five greatest mustaches in basketball history. [The Blowtorch]
5. I really don't think Chad Henne was the problem. [We Suck at Sports]
   

O.J.'s Eleven

Spread Em: College Football Week 5

During the college football season I'll be taking a look at each game on the Big Ten schedule, along with Notre Dame and any other national matchups of my choosing. I will then do my best to pretend I have any inkling what I'm doing, as I pick which team will cover the spread and why. So let's just get to the losses!


Iowa (-11) vs. Indiana - I had a lot higher expectations for the Hoosiers this season, but after seeing how they performed at home against Illinois, they're still the same old Hoosiers. I don't like Iowa that much either, but they're the better of these two options.

Northwestern vs. Michigan (-17) - I think Ohio State put up 28 points on the Wildcats in 15 seconds last week, and Michigan looks more and more like Michigan every week. The Wolverines roll in Evanston.

Illinois vs. #22 Penn State (-3) - Anthony Morelli may struggle against the Big Ten elite, but the Illini aren't elite by any means.

#25 Purdue vs. Notre Dame (+22.5) - I don't care how bad they are, my heart will not allow me to pick against Notre Dame when they're getting 22.5 points. Though I have no confidence in this pick. Curtis Painter is probably going to pick ND's secondary apart.

#11 Wisconsin (-7.5) vs. Michigan State - The Spartans have played well so far, but Wisconsin is by far the toughest test they've had to face this season. I think reality sets in a bit this weekend.

Minnesota vs. #7 Ohio State (-24.5) - The more things change, the more they stay the same. Ohio State is still the Big Ten's best team, and they'll continue to prove it this weekend.

#15 South Florida vs. #5 West Virginia (-7) - The Bulls got the Mountaineers last season, but I think WVU gets their revenge on Friday night.

#9 Oregon vs. #6 Cal (+6) - I expect a high scoring, closely played game here. Whoever has the ball last will win.

Washington (+21) vs. #2 USC - I'll gladly take Washington at home with 21 points, even if they are playing USC.

Last Week: 5-4

Overall: 26-19

Spreads are courtesy of Bodog, and Rankings are from the Blogpoll.

Today at FanHouse

Where I let the bitter fly.

• Vlad Is Feeling Better - The Angels have already wrapped up the AL West, and are now trying to finish the season with baseball's best record and give themselves homefield advantage in the postseason. Still, there are other things on the agenda the team would like to get accomplished before the playoffs, one of which is getting Vladimir Guerrero healthy again. Guerrero has been limited to the designated hitter role lately thanks to a sore triceps in his throwing arm. Vlad's numbers are much better when he's playing right field, and going off of what Vlad says about his arm, it may not be much longer until he's able to return to the outfield.
• Is Anthony Morelli's Job Secure? - Since he became the starter last season, Morelli is 0-4 in games against Big Ten powers Michigan, Ohio State, and Wisconsin. He's yet to throw his first touchdown pass against any of them. So the question becomes, if Morelli struggles on Saturday against the Illini in Champaign, will Joe Paterno pull him for Daryll Clark or Pat Devlin? I don't know if it means anything, but Morelli is usually made available to the local media in weekly conference calls. Morelli hasn't been available the last few days.

Not That I'd Want To Jinx Anything

Hey everybody, check out these Cubs division champs t-shirts! You should get over to MLB.com and buy 100 of them right now.

There's no way the Cubs can blow a two game lead with four games left to play! By wearing these shirts, you will only show everybody else how confident you are in this team.

Yeah, I've tried all season to support this team, and say I'm okay with them winning while the Sox lose, but you know what? Turns out I've been lying! The closer we get to the end of the season, the less I want the Cubs to make the playoffs. Before any of you Cubs fans go attacking me in the comments though, realize that I already know why I feel this way.

You can tell me I'm jealous, and somewhere inside me, you're probably right. I'm sure there's a part of me that's jealous of the Cubs success this season, but that's not the real reason I don't want them to win anymore.

No, that would be because I'm bitter as hell. The White Sox suck. The Bears look like they're gonna suck. Notre Dame sucks. Every team that I have left to root for at the moment sucks.

Except the Cubs, and that's annoying.

Brian Urlacher Cares Not For Roy Williams

The Bears are playing the Lions this Sunday in Detroit, and as always seems to happen when the Bears and Lions meet, Roy Williams talks a lot of crap.

He did it last year, and he's doing it again this year.

''Everybody fears the Bears for some odd reason,'' Williams said last week on WDFN-AM in Detroit after the Lions' 2-0 start. ''Everybody talks about ... how good their defense is. I respect them, but I just don't see what's so good about the Bears.''

Now some people might take offense to this, but I don't. After all, Williams is always saying stuff like that about the Bears, yet the Lions haven't beaten the Bears in over two years.

Still, that doesn't mean that the Bears aren't listening to what Roy is saying. Brian Urlacher finds it all to be quite amusing. He's still making fun of Williams for the comments he made last year about how close the Lions were to scoring 40 points every game.

''Last year, let me see,'' he responded playfully when asked how close the Lions came to those 40 points. ''The first game they had six, which was pretty close to 40. If you add the seven [against the Bears] to that, it's 13. I'm sure by Game 5 or 6 they had it.''

So do Urlacher and the rest of the Bears talk shit to Williams during the game?

''I know I've had a chance to tackle him a couple of times,'' he said. ''But I don't know, to tell you the truth. So much crap gets said during the course of a game and during a week that I don't remember half the crap that gets said. Probably three-quarters of it I don't remember.''

Of course, there is a big difference between this season and the last few years. That difference is I'm actually expecting the Lions to beat the Bears on Sunday. Blasphemy, I know, but I can't help but see it.

Considering that half the Bears defense will be on the sidelines, including our two starting corners, and it's easy to figure out what the Lions are going to do. Mike Martz will have the offense come out in 3 and 4 receiver sets all day to attack a young inexperienced Bears secondary.

I'm guessing if the Bears want to win this game they're going to have to score at least 24 points, and nothing I've seen from this offense so far this season makes me think they'll be able to do it this week. Even against a bad Lions defense. The Cowboys defense sucks too, yet we only managed to put ten on them.

Morning Wood - Standing Still

Florida Marlins 7 Chicago Cubs 4

The Marlins beat the Cubs for the 9th straight time as the Cubs failed to put more distance between them and the Brewers. Jason Marquis lasted only five innings and allowed five runs to lose for the first time since August 26th. "Maybe we're pressing a little bit," said Mark DeRosa, who committed a throwing error in the Marlins' three-run second inning. "I'd like to think we're not playing tight, but maybe there are some circumstances where we are. We have to realize we're still in first place."

St. Louis Cardinals 7 Milwaukee Brewers 3

As weird as it may sound to say that the Cubs were in the clubhouse after their loss and rooting for the Cardinals as they watched this game, it's exactly what happened. Luckily Albert Pujols and the Cardinals were able to avoid a three game sweep by the Brewers. With his home run, Pujols once again reached the 30 home run and 100 RBI mark. The seventh straight season he's done so, becoming the first player in baseball history to do so in his first seven seasons.

Chicago White Sox 3 Kansas City Royals 0

Fourth place is ours, bitches!

Elsewhere...

AL

• Rangers 16 Angels 2
• Red Sox 11 Athletics 6
• Blue Jays 8 Orioles 5
• Tigers 9 Twins 4
• Indians 12 Mariners 4
• Yankees 12 DRays 4
• Mariners 3 Indians 2

NL

• Phillies 5 Braves 2
• Pirates 5 DBacks 1
• Astros 7 Reds 6
• Nationals 9 Mets 6
• Rockies 2 Dodgers 0
• Padres 11 Giants 3

High Five

A quick look around the interweb while wondering which Bear gets injured next

1. America has spoken. #756 will be branded. [Vote756.com]
2. Gee, I sure hope I'm not jinxing anything by linking to this post. [Deadspin]
3. Hot chicks pretending to box. [Our Book of Scrap]
4. Mike Winters has been suspended for calling Milton Bradley a piece of naughty word. [FanHouse]
5. Tom Brady's baby looks like a baby. [Girls Gone Sports]
   

Get Ready For The Shock of Your Lifetime

You're never going to believe this, but a certain NFL quarterback that's currently suspended and about to go to jail for dog-fighting tested positive for marijuana.

I know. Shocking.

Mike Vick has tested positive for marijuana.

A urine sample submitted by Michael Vick has tested positive for marijuana, and as a result he'll have tighter restrictions on his freedom.

The test was taken on Sept. 13. Because of the positive test, federal court probation officer Patricia Locket-Ross, who is assigned to Vick, asked Judge Henry Hudson to place special conditions on Vick's release, which include refraining from use or unlawful possession of a narcotic drug or other controlled substance.

Also, Vick must submit to any method of testing at any time.

I'm sure nobody saw this coming, I mean, it's not like Vick and marijuana have been linked before.

In other shocking news today, Rex Grossman still sucks, and I'm gorgeous.

(Thanks to Kissing Suzy Kolber for the photo. Which of course they took from The Onion.)

Leave Rex Grossman Alone!

If you're on the internet a lot, odds are you've seen the "Leave Britney alone!" video that was posted on YouTube a few weeks ago.

Well, much like Britney, Rex Grossman also has his supporters. The type of supporter that's man enough to put on a blond wig and eye black, and isn't afraid to cry on camera!

Today at FanHouse

Where we're dealing with our own injuries. PostmanE sprained his right pinkie finger, and Matt Watson could be out for weeks with carpal tunnel.

• Bob Geren Isn't Going Anywhere - The Oakland Athletics haven't had a successful season this year, but with all the injuries they've suffered over the last six months, let's just all be happy that nobody died. I know teams don't like to use injury as an excuse, but I think it's safe to say that if the Athletics want to, nobody will get on their case. The Athletics realize this, and they wanted to let Bob Geren know that he doesn't need to worry about his job in the foreseeable future, so Billy Beane picked up his option and Geren will now be in Oakland through 2009.
• Johan Santana To The Dodgers? - At this point most of us are aware of Johan Santana's position in Minnesota with the Twins. He's a free agent at the end of next season, and based on things Johan's said this year and the amount of money he's going to get offered, it's pretty obvious that Santana will not be wearing a Twins uniform in 2009. The question becomes though, where will Santana play in 2008? There's a very strong possibility that the Twins may try and trade him this offseason to get something in return, instead of just letting their best pitcher walk away with nothing to show for it. One of those possible trade partners is the Los Angeles Dodgers.
• Bonds Will Not Be A White Sox Next Season - It's not like the team officially said it or anything, I'm just hoping that if I write it in a headline, it will come true. Since Barry Bonds will not be returning to San Francisco next season, and he's not going to retire when he's so close to 3,000 hits, the question is where will he play next season. I think the only sensible option for Bonds would be to go to the American League where he can DH and play a lot more than he currently does in the National League. So where will he play? If you ask Ozzie Guillen, it won't be in Chicago.
• Miguel Batista Will Take Your Order - Miguel Batista knows that he's not going to be able to play baseball forever, so it makes sense that he would work on his other skills so that when the time comes to retire, he'll be ready to move onto life in the real world. One day in the Mariners clubhouse, Adrian Beltre called across the room to Batista to bring him a drink. Miguel happily obliged, grabbing Beltre's drink and bringing it to him. It was then that Beltre handed Batista a dollar bill as a tip. It was then that Batista knew what he had to do with his life.

Bill Wirtz Is Dead

The Blackhawks are in the middle of their preseason schedule right now, and as they get ready to start another season, it will be the first Blackhawks season since 1966 that Bill Wirtz wasn't running things.

Wirtz died earlier today at the age of 77.

In an announcement on the team Web site, the Blackhawks said Wirtz died at Evanston Hospital after battling cancer.

The family, led by Arthur Wirtz, purchased the Chicago Blackhawks in 1954. In 1966, William Wirtz became team president.

Wirtz was chairman of the Board of Governors of the National Hockey League for 18 years and helped negotiate the merger of the NHL and the World Hockey Association in the late 1970's.

Now I am most definitely an asshole at times, but I'm not going to make fun of Bill Wirtz. The man has a wife, children, and grandchildren who aren't happy to see him go. I didn't like Wirtz, I don't think any Blackhawks fan did, but I'm going to show him more respect than he ever showed me.

Still, that doesn't mean I'm heartbroken here.

Honestly, this could be the best news for Blackhawks fans that they've had in a long time. I've no idea who is going to take the team over, but whoever it is, maybe they'll realize that showing Blackhawks games on television in Chicago will actually help get people to the United Center. Not keep them away.

The thing Bill Wirtz never understood as time went on was that with so many options for sports fans these days, if they couldn't see the product, they didn't even know the product existed.

The Blackhawks haven't mattered in this city in a long time, which is sad because they used to be huge, but now the team has a chance to try and get our attention back. Winning would be nice, but then again, this is Chicago. We'd been rooting for the Cubs, Bears, and White Sox for years without getting a title. We like losers too, just as long as the losers make us feel as though they like us back.

I hope whoever takes over the Blackhawks now realizes this, because somewhere, deep inside me, I miss hockey.

So, Now What?

Just as I was getting ready for work yesterday, NFL Network reported that Brian Griese would be starting for Rex Grossman on Sunday. So I quickly began typing up a post here on Foul Balls, when a storm ran through town and knocked my power out.

I'm hoping that wasn't some sort of sign.

Either way, it's official now. Rex Grossman has been benched, and a city rejoices. Jay Mariotti got his first erection in 15 years when he heard the news. Bears fans who have long been calling for Griese, along with the media, have all gotten what they wanted.

The question now is, will it even matter?

I was one of the millions who called for Griese to start after Sunday night's loss to the Cowboys, and now that I've gotten what I asked for, I don't actually feel any better about the Bears. I know that Griese isn't a great quarterback, so it's not like I'm expecting him to lead the Bears on a 13-game win streak before marching back to the Super Bowl.

I just want a guy who can throw for around 200 yards, and limit turnovers. I'm hoping Griese is that guy.

Like I said a minute ago though, will it even matter?

With all the injuries to the Bears defense, I don't think it matters who plays quarterback this Sunday at Detroit. I get the feeling he'll have to lead the Bears to at least 30 points if we're going to win.

Tommie Harris is out. So that means our run defense is going to suffer. That's fine though, because all the Lions do is throw the ball anyway.

Of course, come Sunday the Bears will be without both of their starting cornerbacks, Nathan Vasher (thanks to a partially torn groin) and Charles Tillman. Adam Archuleta felt left out of the injury party, so he went and broke his right hand to fit in.

That means every single starter from Week 1 in the secondary is now injured.

Oh, and let's not forget that Lance Briggs may miss the game on Sunday as well. So the Bears will be missing five starters on defense this week.

Maybe Rex can play safety?

Morning Wood - Fish Fried

Florida Marlins 4 Chicago Cubs 2

You mean the Cubs can lose? Dontrelle Willis dominated the team that traded him to Florida for 8 innings, allowing only three hits, as the Marlins beat the Cubs 4-2 on Tuesday night. The Marlins used a couple of bloop hits, a sac fly, and a two-run double in the second inning to score all four of their runs off of Ted Lilly, and Willis took over from there. "That's why we had a three-game lead when we came," Piniella said. "Now we squandered a piece of it. You can't win every day. You want to, but it just doesn't happen."

Kansas City Royals 9 Chicago White Sox 5

The White Sox had been playing a lot better lately, but last night they gave us all a reminder of what this season has been like. They scored five runs in the 1st inning to take a 5-1 lead, and then sat on their ass the rest of the night as the Royals kept playing. Oh well. Only five games to go.

Elsewhere...

AL

• Blue Jays 11 Orioles 4
• Red Sox 7 A's 3
• Tigers 8 Twins 0
• DRays 7 Yankees 6
• Rangers 3 Angels 1
• Indians 4 Mariners 3

NL

• Braves 10 Phillies 6
• Pirates 6 DBacks 5
• Astros 8 Reds 5
• Nationals 10 Mets 9
• Brewers 9 Cardinals 1
• Rockies 9 Dodgers 7
• Padres 6 Giants 4

High Five

A quick look around the interweb while wondering how long until the crowd at Soldier Field starts chanting "Orton, Orton"

1. If we want to bench Rex Grossman, we'll have to experience the Rextacy first. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
2. Devin Hester may be superhuman, but he still puts gas in his car just like the rest of us. [The Postmen]
3. The counter to the Griese argument. [Signal To Noise]
4. Rookie hazing is tearing this country apart and it needs to stop!! [100% Injury Rate]
5. If you join the Chicago Bulls, I wouldn't pick the #2 if I were you. [The Blowtorch]
   

Dee Brown Is Going To Turkey

Aside from the Chicago Bulls, the Utah Jazz had become my favorite team in the NBA. Not because of my well-documented love affair for Mormons, but because former Illini Deron Williams and Dee Brown play there.
But while Deron has been the All-Star point guard for the Jazz, Dee has spent most of his time on the bench behind Derek Fisher. So when Derek Fisher signed elsewhere this summer I thought it would mean more time for Dee.

Then the Jazz signed Ronnie Price and Jason Hart to back up Williams.

So now Dee will be taking his game to Turkey.

Second-year player Dee Brown will spend next season in Turkey.

Brown decided over the weekend to accept an offer from Turkish club Galatasaray rather than try to make the Utah Jazz roster in training camp, agent Henry Thomas said Monday.

"At this point, he realizes that this is where it is for him," Thomas said.

Dee, of course, is hoping that his play in Turkey will earn him a spot on an NBA roster again next season. I hope it does, because I don't think Comcast offers a Turkish basketball channel. They should though, they can put it on the same tier as the Big Ten Network.

Mike Vick Indicted By State of Virginia

You know, just in case the federal counts weren't enough.

Today a Virginia grand jury charged Vick with one count of killing dogs, and another count of promoting dog fights. Both of the charges are felonies, so I think at this point Vick is facing around 1,459 years.

In Virginia, dog fighting and animal cruelty are felonies that can carry prison sentences of up to five years for each count. Vick and his co-defendants have admitted, in sworn court documents, to killing six to eight pit bulls, so it would seem to be fairly easy for the prosecutor to convict them of crimes that could result in lengthy prison sentences.

Vick is going to get around a year to 18 months in federal prison already, and to be honest I don't know if the state sentencing would be tacked on to it, or just included. I'm not a criminal, so I just don't know.

The only thing I do know is that I'm totally going to buy Rex Grossman a couple of pit bulls. The ones with bees in their mouths, and when they open up their mouths they shoot bees at you.

Today at FanHouse

Where we don't have to pick up prostitutes, the prostitutes come to us.

• Here's Some Good News For Notre Dame Fans - I mean, it can't get much more embarrassing than it already is right now, right? Please? Just tell me it can't. You don't have to actually believe it yourself, just convince me. Anything? No? Fine. Well then, since 2007 is basically over for the Irish, I can't help but look to the future of the program. Thankfully, according to recruiting guru Tom Lemming, there is some light at the end of the tunnel.
• Todd Jones Wants To Stay In Detroit - The Tigers haven't been eliminated from the post season yet, but chances are they'll be sitting at home watching this October. One more win by the Yankees or loss by the Tigers will make it official. So it's hard to blame the players for looking to next year, specifically closer Todd Jones. Jones is a free agent at the end of the season, and he made it clear after Detroit's 2-0 loss to the Twins on Monday night that he wants to stay in Detroit, and he's not going to try and screw the organization out of any extra years.
• Antonio Hentman Loves Football, Prostitutes - The latest player to get in trouble with a prostitute is Ohio State freshman quarterback, Antonio Henton. Henton was arrested last night in Columbus for soliciting a prostitute that was really an undercover cop. Henton was in court this morning and plead not guilty. His bail was set at $2,500. Why Henton is pleading not guilty I have no clue. Dude, you told an undercover cop you'd give her $20 for sex. How the hell are you going to spin that one? As a result of all this, Henton has been suspended indefinitely by the Buckeyes.
• Darin Erstad Can't See The Future - Now that this nightmare of a season is less than a week away from ending for the White Sox, most of the questions surrounding the team revolve around who's going to be back next season. One of the many players on the White Sox roster who aren't sure where they'll be next season is Darin Erstad. Erstad signed a one-year deal with the Sox before this season, and it includes an option on 2008. If the Sox choose to pick up the option, Erstad will make $3.5 million next season. If not, they can buy him out for $225,000. So what are the White Sox going to do? Darin Erstad doesn't know, and he doesn't really care either.

Foul Balls College Football Rankings - Week 4

Rank	Team	Delta
1	Southern Cal	--
2	LSU	--
3	West Virginia	1
4	Oklahoma	1
5	Florida	2
6	Ohio State	1
7	Texas	1
8	California	--
9	Wisconsin	2
10	Oregon	3
11	Rutgers	1
12	Boston College	2
13	Kentucky	3
14	Clemson	3
15	South Carolina	5
16	Georgia	6
17	Virginia Tech	2
18	Missouri	5
19	Penn State	10
20	Arizona State	6
21	Hawaii	--
22	Cincinnati	4
23	Alabama	8
24	Michigan State	--
25	Purdue	1

Dropped Out: Louisville (#18), Texas A&M (#20), Nebraska (#25).

Well, there's my ballot in the Blogpoll after week four of the college season. I'm going to break it down a little differently this week though.

Top Five

• USC and LSU stay the same, and I really do consider them both to be 1a and 1b right now. Until either team does something to prove otherwise, they'll be staying in those spots.
• I moved West Virginia and Oklahoma back above Florida because they did exactly what they were supposed to do against a weaker opponent while Florida struggled a bit with Ole Miss.

The Middle

• Ohio State has taken over the title of "Best Team in the Big Ten" though I'm not really sure what that means right now.
  
• I'm not really sure which of the teams from 10-14 is truly the best between them, but from what I've seen I've been more impressed with Oregon. Though looking at it now, I probably should have put Rutgers below both BC and Clemson.
• Penn State dropped further than anybody else because Anthony Morelli didn't inspire much confidence against Michigan on Saturday.

The Bottom Five

• We welcome Arizona State to the Top 25 this week as the Pac-10 looks like they have more than just USC this season. We all knew Cal would be up near the top most of the year, but adding Oregon and ASU to the mix means that USC is going to have to fight to keep their #1 spot.
• I know Michigan State beat Notre Dame this week, but I don't think that's enough to earn moving up any spots, so they stay at #24 this week.
• I had about 5 different teams I considered for the 25th spot, but in the end I gave it to Purdue because I'm a Big Ten homer at heart.
  

Will Brian Griese Start On Sunday?

As I listened to Lovie Smith's press conference yesterday, there was one key phrase I kept waiting to hear that Smith never once said.

"Rex is our quarterback."

Instead, Lovie gave the typical coach-speak talking about how the whole team lost the game on Sunday, not one player. Which is correct, but there's one player who plays a part in every loss, and that's Rex Grossman.

When Lovie was directly asked whether or not Grossman would start on Sunday, he wouldn't give an answer.

"Will Rex Grossman start Sunday? Well, our evaluation process is going on right now," Smith said. "And if you come out to practice Wednesday, you'll have a better idea of who will be starting at all positions."

Does Lovie believe Rex gives the Bears the best chance to win?

"Has Rex been our starting quarterback? Well, yes, I'll say that," he said. "Everybody that is on the football field playing, I have confidence can help us win, or they wouldn't be out there. I'm making that statement right now too."

Lovie also implied during the press conference that he already knows what he's going to do, it's just the rest of us will have to wait until Wednesday to find out.

When the Bears play Detroit on Sunday, they're going to give up some points. The combination of the Lions; offense, along with the injuries the Bears suffered on Sunday, kind of worries me. The Lions are pass happy with Mike Martz as their quarterback, and they have talent at wide receiver in Roy Williams, Calvin Johnson, Mike Furrey, and now Shaun McDonald.

We all saw what the Cowboys did to the Bears in the second half when they abandoned the run and threw on every down.

The Lions saw it as well.

That means if the Bears are going to win on Sunday, they're going to have to score points. So far in three games, the offense has only managed two touchdowns with Grossman under center. If they score two more touchdowns on Sunday, odds are it won't be enough.

That's why Griese needs to start. Am I confident that Griese can lead the Bears to 30 points? Not really, but I'm more confident in him than I am Grossman. Hell, I'd be more confident in Moses Moreno at this point.

Morning Wood - Milwaukee Stays Alive

Milwaukee Brewers 13 St. Louis Cardinals 5

I guess the Brewers' plan to catch the Cubs involves hitting home runs and getting ejected from games. Prince Fielder hit his 48th home run, and Ned Yost got ejected for the second straight game. Whether or not Yost is just trying to fire his team up or he's crumbling under the pressure, I have no idea. The Brewers are now within three games of the Cubs, and will have to be damn near perfect to pull this off.

Toronto Blue Jays 4 New York Yankees 1

The Yankees had a chance to move within a game of the Red Sox and clinch a playoff berth, but Jesse Litsch and the Blue Jays had other ideas. Litsch started for A.J. Burnett who was a late scratch, and lasted 7.2 innings allowing five hits and no walks.

Elsewhere...

AL

• Orioles 3 Royals 2
• Twins 2 Tigers 0
• Rangers 8 Angels 7

NL

• Nationals 13 Mets 4
• Giants 9 Padres 4

High Five

A quick look around the interweb while plotting to kidnap Rex Grossman

1. This is the greatest injury of all time. [FanHouse]
2. Oh hey, whaddya know, other people hate Rex Grossman too. [Lion In Oil]
3. A new site worth checking out. [Burly Sports]
4. Don't forget about the Buckeyes. [Ghosts of Wayne Fontes]
5. The new Notre Dame Football Fantasy Camp. [The Angry T]
   

Under Lou Piniella

Let's be honest here, folks, it wasn't a question of if somebody would put together a tribute song to Lou Piniella to the tune of Rihanna's "Umbrella" but a question of when.

Well, when is now.


(via Extra Mustard)

Bears Brothers Episode 2

I shared the first episode of Bears Brothers with you last week, and even though I'm extremely pissed off at the team right now, I'll still post episode 2 for you. After all, neither of the Ayanbadejo brothers did anything to cost the Bears the game on Sunday.

At least not that I noticed. Though Brendon did recover one of Devin's fumbles.

Today at FanHouse

Where we bathe in champagne every day.

• On Deck: It's Now Or Never - If the Brewers are going to pull off a crazy last ditch effort to take the NL Central away from the Cubs, they can't afford to make any mistakes from here out. They're currently 3.5 games behind the Cubs with only seven games left to play. That means if they finish their season by winning their last seven games, the Cubs have to go 3-3 to force a playoff game. So as you can see, Milwaukee can't afford any more losses. Dave Bush gets the start for the Brewers, and he hasn't picked up a win in his last three starts. He did pitch well in his last start though, going six innings and allowing only a run against Houston, but he didn't factor into the decision. Against the Cardinals, Bush is 0-3 with a 9.00 ERA. Adam Wainwright will start for the Cardinals, whose season may be over, but maybe they'll take some solace in eliminating Milwaukee. Though, if the Cardinals lose these three games, there will be plenty of Cubs fans who think it's some kind of huge conspiracy spearheaded by the evil Tony LaRussa.
• Twins Fans Say Goodbye to Torii Hunter - The Twins beat the White Sox 7-1 on Sunday in Minnesota, but the game didn't mean anything to either team. The game was essentially a going away party for Torii Hunter as it was the Twins final home game of the season, and therefore it was very likely Hunter's last game in Minnesota as a member of the Minnesota Twins. With the Twins up 7-1 going into the bottom of the 9th inning, Hunter ran out to take his place in centerfield. That's when Ron Gardenhire sent Jason Tyner out to replace Hunter, and then things just got emotional.
• Who Owns Los Angeles? - After clinching yet another AL West title this weekend, the Angels find themselves in familiar territory. It's their third division title in the last four years and it seems as if postseason baseball is becoming a regular feature in Los Angeles. The thing is, it's never the Dodgers who are going to the postseason these days. Things are going so well right now for the Angels that some are declaring that they now own Los Angeles, including Paul Oberjuerge of the LA Daily News.

Meet Wrigley Fields

Do you want to know the only way to make the pain from last night's Bears loss feel any worse? Having to turn to the Cubs for the only good news in this city right now. It's not official yet or anything, but I'm pretty sure the Cubs are going to win the NL Central.

In fact, things are going so well right now that parents are naming their kids after the dump the team plays in.

His parents say he can go by his middle name when he’s old enough to decide.

For now, the newborn will be known by his first name: Wrigley.

And his last name: Fields.

His parents are Paul and Teri Fields of Michigan City, Ind. They are — no surprise — Cubs fans. They planned the name for years before their son’s birth.

Wrigley Alexander Fields was born Sept. 12 at an Indiana hospital.

Young Wrigley Fields is believed to be the first child to be given the name, and honestly, I'm quite surprised by that. It seems pretty obvious to me. All I know is I can't wait until the kid turns 13 and rebels against his parents by becoming a Sox fan.

Morning Wood - Peaking At The Right Time

Chicago Cubs 8 Pittsburgh Pirates 0

If there was ever a time to start playing well, now would be it, and the Cubs seem to know it. They've won their last four - ten of their last twelve - and have pulled ahead of Milwaukee by 3.5 games. It's not official yet, but the way the Brewers are playing, the Cubs would have to lose the rest of their games to blow it. Carlos Zambrano lasted six shutout innings before leaving in the 6th inning with a "cramp." It was one of those "cramps" that show up when you have a six-run lead and your manager doesn't see any need to overuse you. "I'm a pitcher, not a doctor," Zambrano said. "But I have to do like a month ago. I had the same thing. I took care of that and now I have to do the same thing and start drinking more Gatorade and whatever. Whatever I have to do to solve the problem."

Minnesota Twins 7 Chicago White Sox 1

The game served as nothing more than a going away party for Torii Hunter. It was the Twins' last home game of the season, and that means it was Hunter's last game played as a Twin. He'll be a free agent at the end of the year, and there's no way Minnesota will re-sign him. "There was so much love out there today," said Hunter. "Everybody was telling me, 'Good luck, God bless,' like I was retiring or something."

Elsewhere...

AL

• Indians 6 A's 2
• Tigers 7 Royals 2
• Yankees 7 Blue Jays 5
• DRays 5 Red Sox 4
• Rangers 3 Orioles 0
• Angels 7 Mariners 4

NL

• Nationals 5 Phillies 3
• Braves 7 Brewers 4
• Mets 7 Marlins 6
• Rockies 7 Padres 3
• Giants 5 Reds 4
• Dodgers 7 DBacks 1
• Cardinals 4 Astros 3

Cowpoked

Well, wasn't that just fantastic?

The Bears were beat in every facet of the game Sunday night, and they deserved every second of the 34-10 beatdown received at the hands of the Cowboys.

I dare you to find one facet of the game where you can say the Bears did a good job.

Go ahead, take your time.

If you said something and weren't being sarcastic, you're an idiot. Leave this site immediately and go read Mariotti's column.

The first half of the game was okay. The second half was horrible.

Couldn't move the ball. Couldn't stop Dallas. Couldn't tackle. Couldn't catch. Couldn't stop pulling groins. Couldn't catch any kickoffs or punts.

Couldn't do anything.

For a few seconds I thought I'd entered some crazy time warp and was suddenly watching last week's Notre Dame game.

Here's one thing I have to know, though. I'm pretty sure the Cowboys only ran the ball once during the second half before they'd blown the game open. So why then didn't the Bears just start dropping everybody into coverage? Isn't that what the Tampa-2 is? I know they really only use it on third downs, but when you know the offense is going to throw, every down is a third down.

It's tough to blame the defense for this one. When when you're on the field all night, you tend to get worn down.

No, this loss was a full team effort but I think the brunt of the blame has to go to the offense, and that midget in the #8. The Dallas defense was absolutely horrible in the first two weeks of the season, and we could only manage 10 points against them?

The time has come for Brian Griese to take over the starting quarterback position.

I've finally had it with Grossman.

Is Griese better than Grossman? Not exactly, but the key is he's not as bad.

I mean, seriously, what the hell do the Bears have to lose at this point? What more do they need to see from Grossman to realize that the kid is just not cut out to be a NFL quarterback? I know I defended him for a while, but I have seen the light. Rex has to go.

Still, it's not all Rex's fault. I think Silvio put it best when I asked him why we don't just pull Grossman when we were down late, and he replied,

"Yeah, and bring in receivers that run complete routes and that can catch. A running back that can pick up blitzes and doesn't fumble. Defensive backs that can tackle, and a defensive line that doesn't get faked out by the quarterback all the time."

Of course, you'll notice that even though he muffed two kicks and fumbled another, neither of us mentioned Devin Hester. He's the only offensive weapon we have, so I guess we'll just have to allow him to have a bad game from time to time.

Next Sunday's game against Detroit can't get here soon enough. I have to get this taste out of my mouth.

Monster of the Midway

• Mike Brown - Brown got hurt in the season opener, and is out for the season. So obviously he didn't play last night, and that makes him the only guy on the team who didn't fuck up somehow. Way to go, Mike!

Dumbass of the Day

• Bernard Berrian - This could easily go to Rex, but I think at this point there's no need to point out the fact he sucks. We all know. So today I'll give it to Bernard Berrian who dropped three passes, one of which probably would have been a touchdown. When you have a quarterback that sucks as bad as Grossman, you cannot afford to fuck up.

Other Thoughts

• Maybe it was the fact we were getting killed, but was I the only one pissed off by all the commercials in Spanish and the graphics? Yeah, I know we're the Osos de Chicago. I learned that shit in high school. Wow. All I know is that when I watch soccer on Telemundo or Univision they aren't giving me anything in English.
• Note to Adam Archuleta: Next time when trying to tackle somebody, try using your arms. What you want to do is wrap them around the guy you're tackling, and drag him to the ground. It's a crazy new wave theory, I know, but try it sometime. You won't be sorry.
• Another piece of gold from Silvio: the Bears need to have more sex to strengthen up those groin muscles. I'm looking at you Vasher and Briggs.
• Speaking of Briggs, when we first heard he wasn't coming back in the second half, I couldn't help but wonder if he'd gotten into another car accident at halftime.
• Finally, I'd just like to thank the Redskins for blowing their lead against the Giants, and as a result, killing my teaser bet. What kind of asshole would root for that team?
  

High Five

A quick peek around the interweb while offering movie viewers some advice: go see the excellent Eastern Promises but buy the large tub of popcorn, then throw away the popcorn - you'll need something to hurl into during one incredible fight scene

1. Here's a stat that will warm the hearts of all Cubs' fans. [Goatriders of the Apolcalpyse]
2. Greg Oden videoblogs about how he's holding up after surgery. [We Are The Postmen]
3. A-Rod, Chicago Cubs player-owner? [New York Post]
4. When you have kids, you probably won't think this screed from OSU's Mike Grundy is hysterical. [The Big Lead]
5. They would kick Randy Couture's ass. [With Leather]