Are You Ready For The Mitchell Report?

In just a few hours we'll have all the answers.

Soon we will know the names of all the baseball players we already kinda knew were on steroids. Only now, it'll be official.

Still, for those of you who think that the report is going to be filled with nothing but a bunch of nobodys, think again. Apparently there are some big name players included in the report. (Emphasis is mine.)

The Mitchell Report exposes a "serious drug culture within baseball, from top to bottom," fingers MVPs and All-Stars and calls for beefed-up testing by an outside agency to clean up the game, The Associated Press learned Wednesday.

The report by former Senate Majority Leader George Mitchell will include names of 60 to 80 players linked to performance-enhancing substances and plenty more information that exposes "deep problems" afflicting the sport, one of two sources with knowledge of the findings told the AP. Both sources said the report would not address amphetamines.

The two sources were familiar with discussions that led to the final draft but did not want to be identified because it was confidential until its scheduled release on Thursday. They said the full report, which they had not read, totaled 304 pages plus exhibits.

One person familiar with the final version would only speak anonymously but described it as "a very thorough treatment of the subject" and said some aspects were surprising. He said the report assigns blame to both the commissioner's office and the players' union.

MLB's "not going to love it, the union's not going to love it," he said.

Here's the thing though. MLB may not like it, and the union may have a problem with the report, but you know what? I don't care.

I don't mean I don't care if it bothers MLB and the union, I mean

I. Don't. Care.

I don't give a shit about steroids anymore. At least, not in the past. We already know there was a huge steroids boom in the late 90's and beginning of this century, so really this report isn't going to tell us anything we didn't already know.

Yeah, there will probably be more than a few surprising names, but really, so what? How can we be surprised by anybody whose name shows up in the report? Let's just accept the fact that for a while steroids took over the game, and try to move on from it.

That's my problem with this entire investigation by George Mitchell. MLB spent a bunch of money so Mitchell could spend the last 20 months digging up dirt on players who weren't doing anything illegal at the time.

Starting on January 1st you won't be allowed to smoke in public places in the city of Chicago. Is Mayor Daley gonna spend a few million dollars to find the names of everybody who used to smoke in bars? No, there's no point.

Much like this report.

Wouldn't baseball's time and money have been better served if they spent the last 20 months trying to figure out a more stringent testing program? How about trying to develop a test for HGH?

Now I understand the fact that if we forget our past we're doomed to make the same mistakes, so in that sense this report is a good thing. At least now MLB will have a better idea of how steroids became so prevalent in the game in the first place.

The problem with that though is that there's no way on Earth that MLB can keep any of it's players from using steroids. They can keep them out of locker rooms, but they can't follow the players to their homes or gyms.

So baseball's time would be better spent if they tried to figure out ways to keep steroids OUT of the game, not worrying about how they got in and who used them.

Foul Balls

And The Newest Free Agent To Ignore The White Sox Is....... - ....fan favorite Aaron Rowand! That's right, not even Aaron Rowand wants to play for the White Sox. The same Aaron Rowand who was a god damn folk hero amongst Sox fans. The same Aaron Rowand who kept yelling "No way! No way!" before jumping up and down for joy while watching Scott Podsednik's walk-off home run in game 2 of the 2005 World Series. The same Aaron Rowand who was a huge part of the World Series team.

The same Aaron Rowand who's jersey currently hangs in my closet.

Not even he's dumb enough to think that this White Sox team has any chance in hell of getting back to the World Series. He'd rather go to San Francisco.

Aaron Rowand agreed to a $60 million, five-year contract with the San Francisco Giants today, giving the club the starting center fielder it sought this winter.

So just in case you haven't been keeping track, here's a quick recap of all those major moves Kenny Williams was going to make, and where that player ended up.

• Torii Hunter - Angels
• Miguel Cabrera - Tigers
• Kosuke Fukudome - Cubs
• Aaron Rowand - Giants

But we got Carlos Quentin!!! I'm ordering my jersey now!!

You Thought I Was Done With Kenny, Didn't You? - Well, you were wrong! As someone who considers themselves pretty internets savvy, I had an idea. I should buy www.FireKennyWilliams.com. Actually, no, I never thought about doing that. I wish I had though. because thanks to the folks at Home Run Derby, I now know I couldn't buy it even if I wanted to. It's already been bought. The best part is, guess who bought it?

Major League Baseball.

Well, FireKennyWilliams.com has indeed been registered. Someone with some foresight did it back on April 13, 2007.
The owner, however, might surprise you.

The owner of FireKennyWilliams.com is …

MLB Advanced Media, LP
Don’t believe me? Have a look, courtesy of Who-Is …

It's the first smart thing MLB has done in like ten years.

Piss Off, Prior - The day has finally arrived! Mark Prior is no longer a member of the Chicago Cubs. That's right, the team declined to offer him arbitration before last night's deadline, and now he's free to become somebody elses DL babysitter.

Prior leaves Chicago with a career record of 42-29 and a 3.51 earned-run average, numbers that normally would have earned him a lucrative multi-year contract on par with Jason Marquis' three-year, $21 million deal. Instead, he's off to an uncertain future, perhaps in his hometown of San Diego, with a rehabbing right shoulder and plenty of incentive to prove the Cubs gave up on him too soon.

Good riddance you over-hyped, mentally handicapped pussy. Try not to tear your rotator cuff while closing the door.

Oh, and $20 says he ends up in Cincinnati with Dusty Baker who's still stupid enough to think Prior will ever become anything.