We're Just As Good As The Vikings!

Let me start this post off by saying, I still don't think we have any chance in hell of making the playoffs. Sure, the Bears are only a game behind the Lions for the sixth spot in the NFC, but with all the other teams jockeying for position, and the overall inconsistency of this team, there's just no way it's going to happen.

With that said, WHAT A FUCKIN' GAME!

I'll never stop watching the Bears every week, even if they're 0-11. It's not the same type of courtesy I extend to the White Sox and Bulls, but then again, with the Bears I only have to deal with the pain once a week.

So since I'll be watching this team every Sunday through January, and all I ask from them is to play well and at least make things interesting.

They got it half right on Sunday.

Make no mistake, the Bears did not play well. For the 55 minutes of the game the Bears offense looked awful, though it wasn't Rex's fault. I was planning on making a joke about how Muhsin Muhammed makes $750,000 a dropped pass, but it would be pretty unfair to pick on him.

Everybody on this team drops passes; it's ridiculous. If I suited up next week, I'd probably have the second best hands on the team. (They're soft cuz I moisturize.) Moose drops them. Berrian drops them. (Though what a catch on the tying touchdown. Kudos to you, sir.) Rashied Davis drops them. And now Greg Olsen is no longer a rookie because he's dropping passes too. It's pretty pathetic to be a wide receiver in the NFL and drop passes that hit you right in the hands. I know it's bound to happen once in a while, but the Bears do it at a record-setting pace.

The defense also played like crap for the most part. On one of Denver's scoring drives, they ran the same pitch play five times, and it worked each time. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me five times? Well shit, I'm just going to go kill myself because I don't deserve to live.

But hey, I'm making it sound like we lost the damn game. Somehow, someway, the Bears were able to pull this one out thanks to Devin Hester and the offense suddenly becoming a competent unit in the final five minutes and overtime.

Speaking of Hester, I was watching the Browns-Texans game earlier in the day when CBS's Gus Johnson said the following about Cleveland returner Joshua Cribbs.

"He's the most dangerous return man in all of football!"

Really, Gus?

Last I checked before Sunday's game, Devin Hester already had 9 return touchdowns in his career, and that didn't include the one in the Super Bowl. Cribbs has four in three years. You're one of my favorite college basketball announcers during March Madness, but it's shit like that that gets you stuck calling Cleveland vs. Houston on Sundays. Try thinking before we speak next time.

Maybe Devin heard it too, and took it personally. Or maybe Devin just heard Todd Sauerbrun talking all week about how he wasn't scared of Hester and would kick to him. So, Todd? How was the view from your back the two times you saw DH run right past you to the end zone? This is why punters shouldn't talk smack. They're punters.

Either way, God bless Devin Hester because without him we lose on Sunday.

There was bad news on Sunday, however. Cedric Benson left the game on a cart in the first quarter, and returned to the sidelines later on crutches with a boot on his leg. Something tells me he's not going to be available for a few weeks.

Though at his press conference on Monday, I'm sure Lovie Smith will act as if he had no idea Benson was even hurt.

"Everybody has injuries. Cedric is just bruised up. He will be fine."

"Lovie, they had to amputate the foot this morning. His career is over."

"Everybody has amputated limbs. Cedric will be fine."

But whatever, let's just enjoy this win and the good feelings while we can. The Giants come to town next week, and if the Vikings can beat them 41-17 without Purple Jesus, we can beat them without Cedric Benson.

Monster of the Midway

• Devin Hester - I love you. If I wasn't so firmly enamored by the female form, I'd want to marry you.
  

Dumbass of the Day

• Fred Miller - Fred, you are permanently in my doghouse. You're done. You still suck, and you're going to continue to suck. I mean, I'm not even pissed at Adam Archuleta right now you suck so bad, and Archuleta is half the man my sister is. Personally, I wouldn't mind if the Bears lost out from this point on just so we'd be in position to draft Michigan's Jake Long.