Spread Em: NFL Week 9

It's that time of the week again. The time when I feel the need to prove to you all once again, that nobody, and I mean nobody, is as good as I am at picking losers. Every Friday here at Foul Balls I will pick a winner in every NFL game that weekend, and I will be wrong the majority of the time. Let's get to this week's picks.

Before I get to the picks this week, I have a little rant I want to go on. I know it's not cool to talk about your fantasy football team, well, unless your Bill Simmons, but I don't think I'm talking about my team as much as I am everybody's.

You see, there are six teams on a bye this week in the NFL. There were six teams on the bye a couple of weeks ago as well.

As somebody who plays fantasy football, let me just say that whoever decided to implement the six team bye weeks is an asshole. An asshole who obviously does not play fantasy football. The byes don't effect me as much this week, but there are teams in my leagues who have half their rosters on the bye this week. It's ridiculous.

Just go back to four teams on a bye each week. So what if it means an extra week with byes, it's not like it's going to ruin the game or anything. The six team bye week is unneccesary, and stupid. Kind of like playing an NFL game in London or something.

Okay, onto the picks.

Early Games

Bears (-5) vs. Lions - The Lions are a big surprise this season as they sit at 4-2, and already have a win under their belts against the Bears this season. In fact, that was Brian Griese's first start after he took over for Rex. The Bears had that game before allowing an NFL record 34 points in the fourth quarter, and they left with a loss. This week though will be a lot different. Detroit's defense actually seems to show up when they play at home, on the road it's an entirely different story. After leading them on a 97-yard drive to win the game last weekend, I think the Bears have more confidence in Brian Griese right now than they've had in any quarterback since those hallowed Erik Kramer days. I think the Bears win this one rather comfortably. Not a blowout, but the game's never really in doubt either.

Rams (+3) vs. Browns - This is the state of the NFC and the St. Louis Rams right now. The Rams are so injury addled that the Cleveland Browns are favored on the road. That's right, that's not a typo: THE CLEVELAND BROWNS ARE FAVORED BY THREE POINTS ON THE ROAD. The Browns!! I totally understand it, but that doesn't mean I get it. Does that make sense? Anyway, I can't allow myself to give up points with Cleveland on the road, no matter how bad St. Louis has been.

Panthers vs. Colts (-7) - Vinny Testaverde leaving the shuffleboard courts for the NFL was a really nice story, but this week the 85-year old quarterback is going against the Colts. Everybody still realizes how good Peyton Manning and the offense are, but have you noticed the defense? I'm not just talking about Bob Sanders either, the entire Indianapolis defense has improved this season. They also are one of the hardest hitting defenses in the league this year, which is not something I was expecting. Everyone's talking about the Patriots right now, and it seems we're ignoring the fact the defending champs are undefeated as well. I can't wait until November 4th.

Dolphins (+10) vs. Giants - The NFL will be playing outside North America for the first time in history on Sunday afternoon. Well, it will be evening in London, which is where this game is being played. I'm not a big fan of the NFL playing games in Europe, but whatever, I don't really care that much. If the game was played here in the states, I'd take the Giants, but since it's in England I'm going the other way. Who knows how the flight across the ocean will affect these guys.

Titans (-7.5) vs. Raiders - Vince Young should play on Sunday, and the Titans are at home, so this seems to be an easy pick. (If VY doesn't play, I'm switching to Oakland.) Though to be fair, the Raiders still aren't winning many games, but they're playing a lot better this season under Lane Kiffin than they did Art Shell. If they can find a real receiving threat, and fill a couple of other holes, the Raiders might be a playoff team next season.

Vikings (+1) vs. Eagles - I am making this pick based on the fact I have faith Brad Childress will wake up and give the ball to Adrian Peterson at least 25 times. The Vikings have two good running backs, and one horrible quarterback. So run the ball. Run it all day. If you're worried about wearing Purple Jesus down, take him off of kick return duty. The Eagles are going to be reeling from the way they lost last week, and the fact that it probably ended their season. They're primed to get run over, and the Messiah is the one to do it.

Bengals vs. Steelers (-4) - The Bengals won last week, but it was only because of the weekly Chad Pennington back-breaking interception. They're still the same Bengals. All offense, no defense. The Steelers defense is good enough to stop the Bengals, and their offense will torch Cincinnati's secondary. I think the Steelers win big.

Late Games

Jets vs. Bills (+3) - You shouldn't actually be betting on this game, but if you must, go with Buffalo. The Jets will be playing with a new starting quarterback, and the Bills are probably going to pound the ball with Marshawn Lynch against the Jets porous run defense. Besides, all Buffalo does is play close games, so it's the safest bet here.

Chargers (Pick) vs. Texans - Seeing as how there's no guarantee Qualcomm Stadium won't be burning to the ground come Sunday afternoon, there's no line available on this game. So I'm just going to pick the Chargers to win.

Buccaneers (-4) vs. Jaguars - Did you see Quinn Gray play on Monday night after David Garrard got knocked out of the game? He's horrible. Seriously, Rex Grossman was sitting at home watching and saying to himself, "Holy shit, this guy blows." Tampa is going to stuff the box all day and limit Fred Taylor and Maurice Jones-Drew. When Garrard went out on Monday night, he took Jacksonville's season with him. Possibly along with Jack Del Rio's job, as he's now going to have to answer for cutting Byron Leftwich. Even though Leftwich is also hurt in Atlanta, and would have just gotten hurt in Jacksonville because he has broomsticks for legs.

49ers vs. Saints (-3) - I wouldn't bet on this game if I were you either. The Saints have improved the last few weeks, and their win in Seattle a few weeks ago proved they can win on the road. The Niners meanwhile will get Alex Smith back this week, but I think it's going to take him a game before he gets comfortable again. I just don't trust the Niners offense to put enough points on the board.

Patriots (-17) vs. Redskins - Do I even need to explain myself here? All the Patriots do is destroy people, and make 17 point spreads look small. The Redskins have a good defense, but they can't stop New England. Their best attack, as would be the rest of the NFL's, would be to take Tom Brady out. It's the only chance anyone not named Indianapolis has to beat the Patriots this season. At some point, you know somebody's going to try to. Especially if the Pats keep running up the score to get back at people for talking shit about the whole Patriotgate fiasco.

Primetime Game

Broncos (-3) vs. Packers - I don't know if this is the right pick, I just know it's what I want to be the right pick. If the Bears are going to have a legit shot at winning the NFC North, not only do they need to beat Detroit this week, but they're going to need Green Bay to start losing. The Broncos can't stop the run, but fortunately, the Packers don't run the ball.

Last Week: 6-6-2

Overall: 48-47-6

All spreads courtesy of Bodog