The Chicago Sun-Times Wants Cubs Fans To Cry

Okay, I'm not going to pile on the Cubs and piss off all of you Cubs fans out there. I mean, I'm sure you all feel pretty crappy enough this morning after staying up late to watch your team lose, and then having to go to work this morning.

But I want you to know something. Things could be a lot worse right now.

Jay Mariotti could be calling you.

Can't stay awake for the night owl games? Let Jay Mariotti and the Sun-Times help. Sign up for our Cubs recap wakeup service below and get the first word from Jay first thing in the morning - right to your phone! It's the best way in town to find out how your late-night heroes finished in the wee hours.

Yes, that's right, Jay Mariotti could call you, Chicago, and tell you how the Cubs and Lou Piniella fucked up the night before. Isn't that awesome?

I mean, the Chicago Sun-Times just keeps rewarding us with more Mariotti, and I have no idea what we have done to deserve such an honor. Are his four columns a week not enough for you? Well, don't worry, the paper has already started publishing about five Mariotti columns online every day! (Just don't call it a blog!)

Now we get to hear his sexy voice first thing in the morning!? This is the greatest birthday EVER!!!

Maybe next week, the Sun-Times can start running a promotion to have Britney Spears babysit your kids.