Tuesdays with Carlos: We Win Again

We here at Foul Balls are delighted to introduce you to a new weekly feature called Tuesdays With Carlos. Tuesdays With Carlos features Cubs starting pitcher Carlos Zambrano, who will share with you his thoughts and feelings on all sorts of topics. He's also willing to answer any of your questions, so should you have any, send them to TuesdaysWithCarlos@yahoo.com.

Now, here's Carlos.

Hello, Foul Balls! Carlos is back and ready to share with all of you. I just got home from game, we beat the Giants 3-2 and have now won four straight. Aramis had the game winning hit, but he thought he hit home run when it was just a double. I made fun of him in dugout after. I was calling him Sammy Sosa because he do a little hop after hitting it.

Oh well, both runs scored so Carlos no care. As long as the Cubs win.

I'm pretty tired today. Carlos didn't have to pitch, but he had a long day of answering questions about his contract. I say on radio this morning [Edit. Note: On the Mike North Show] that I am 90% sure I will be in Chicago next year. I say before, and I say again, I want to stay here. If Cubs want me to stay too then I will be here.

That's really all I want to say about it now.

We make a trade today, getting Jason Kendall from Oakland for Rob Bowen and minor leaguer. I know Rob was only here for a little while, but I will miss him. He was a very good man.

I remember one time I had shown up to field with a donut from Dunkin Donuts, it was my favorite kind. Chocolate frosting and color sprinkles. Oh man, they so good. Well, I put it down in my locker and ran to trainers room because I forgot my chocolate milk in there. When I came back to my locker I sat down and realize I sat down on my chocolate sprinkles donut.

I was so sad.

My donut was gone, and I couldn't go get another one. So Carlos stand up and wipe the sprinkles and chocolate from my butt, and then I started to cry. Was very sad. I wanted that donut a lot.

Well after Carlos was crying for a little while, Rob Bowen came over. He put his arm around me and he say, "What's wrong, Carlos?"

"I sat on my donut. It's ruined!"

I say back to him. Then he say that that's too bad, he know how much I like donut. Then he say, "Don't worry, Carlos. I will be right back."

A minute later he came back and said,

"I couldn't find you a donut, but I got you a Snickers bar."

So I punch him in the face. Carlos no want a stupid Snickers bar! What the hell Carlos do with that? Carlos want a CHOCOLATE DONUT WITH COLOR SPRINKLES. It's totally different from Snickers bar.

But as Rob lay on the floor clutching his face, Carlos realize. Rob was just trying to be nice guy and help Carlos out. So I felt very bad.

I pick Rob up off floor and gave him a big old Carlos hug. Carlos tell him he sorry, and then he cut Snickers bar in half and share it with Rob Bowen. Just like that we were friends again.

That's the kind of guy Rob Bowen is, and Carlos will miss him.

As for Jason Kendall, I don't know him too much. I know he hard guy to get out, and he plays lots of games. That's good for us. Hopefully I will get a chance to share donuts with him tomorrow and we can talk so he ready for his first game catching me.

It should be fun.

Also, I plan on punching Barry Bonds to death, so be on look out for that.

Until Next Week,
Big Z

Carlos' Mailbag

1. Carlos, How do you feel about Mark Cuban buying the Cubs? Mark in Arlington Heights

Hello, Mark! Carlos would be very happy if Mark Cuban buy the Cubs. He is a very good owner, and he want to win. Just like Carlos do. Carlos is also a basketball fan, I go to many Bulls games, so I am aware of what Cuban do. If Mark Cuban buys the Cubs, 100% I will be back next year. So let's hope he do.

2. Carlos, Last week you said you like to watch Pirate Master. What do you think of the crew voting Joe Don off the ship? Clare in Batavia

Hello, Clare! Oh man, that was so stupid of them to do!! Joe Don is the only guy who can get rid of Captain Azmyth. [Edit. Note: I don't think that's spelled right, but I have no idea how to spell it either!] Now it will be just Louie and the girls, and Louie is stupido. He also very weak. I don't like to say mean things about girls, but those girls are dumb. They just cost themselves the game by getting rid of Joe Don. Now the Captain and his officers will just pick them all off one by one. Just stupid! Carlos no sure he even want to watch anymore. If Carlos was on ship, he would do things differently. Carlos no need mutiny, he punch stupid captain to death.