The Mark Buehrle Deal: The Untold Story

The printer ink's dry on the Buehrle deal and life is back to normal at US Cellular. (You know, Mark pitches a nearly flawless game, the Sox offense screws it up.)

It's hard to believe that only a week ago, fans were biting their fingernails, waiting to hear the worst, that their beloved ace pitcher would be leaving the Windy City.

Well, you needn't have worried.

See, while everyone focused on Kenny Williams, uber-agent Jeff Berry, the players' union, no-deal clauses, etcetera, no one seemed to notice the Sox had a secret weapon right in Buehlre's own camp:
His wife Jamie, eight-months pregnant with their first child.

Can you imagine the hormonally-charged exchanges going on in that household during those negotiations?

"Okay, honey, let me get this straight. We just painted his room and put the furniture in and he's due in less than a month and now you're telling me that because of a couple million we don't even need, we have to pick up and move it all to Boston. Are all our friends and family moving with us too, huh, Mark? And what I am supposed to do, get a new obstetrician? Maybe we should just fly my old one to Massachusetts? Or, I know, you can just leave me here... alone... to have our ...baby... boy... by... mysel -
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!"

(Kenny, you rascal, you factored this in all along, didn't you?)

So, next time you're about to let a crying infant wreck your meal at the local Applebees, just smile at the mewling tyke and remember: one of his kind probably kept your favorite White Sox pitcher here in Chicago.