Celebrate, Bitches

Seeing as how it's America's 231st birthday and all, Panger and I are taking the day off to celebrate. Since we don't want to leave you with absolutely nothing to help you pass the time, we present to you this video that we feel captures the true spirit of today.

Fuck and Yes. That was life changing, wasn't it? Do you want to go invade some countries now or what?

I'd be remiss though if I didn't link you to some stories that I probably would have gotten around to today if I actually planned on being here. So just read them, put some commas in odd places, and throw in a few retarded jokes and it'll be just like I wrote it!

• I've no idea what's gotten into Javier Vazquez these last few weeks, but I hope it doesn't leave.
• I do know what's gotten into Carlos Zambrano: donuts, coffee, and punching things to death. Including the Nationals.
• Funny, yes, but it would make more sense if the Brewers weren't, you know, in first place.
• The first first round pick of this season's NFL draft has finally signed, and whattya know, it's Greg Olson.
• Everybody loves the iPhone!
• The worst All-Stars ever.
• In a way I'm completely responsible for all of this. I was the one who informed Mr. Leitch of the StopMikeLupica post in the first place. By the way, no matter what Will tells you, he will link you for beer. I bought one for him at the Pants Party, and what do you know, I was linked the following Monday.
• Way to go, Carlton!

That's it, kids. Now go out there and celebrate, but before you do, remember what you're celebrating. "The fact that a bunch of slave-owning, aristocratic, white males didn't want to pay their taxes."