Unimportant Sports Presents: Speedminton!!!!

In the spirit of Wide World of Sports, once a week, Foul Balls will bring you up close and personal with a sporting event that matters to millions of people, just not us Americans... also known as "Unimportant Sports!"

What sport combines tennis, badminton, racquetball and squash, can be played on the roof, beach, park or in a dark room, lets you paint your face like an Aboriginal tribesman, has reggae and ska music playing on the PA during tournaments and, most important, gives you the chance to drive your shuttlecock into a famous fantasy sportswoman?

Oh, yes, friends, you know the answer: Speedminton!

Speed badminton was invented by a German named Bill Brandes, who wanted to create an outdoor version of badminton.

The game of speed badminton -- which has a small but hardy cult following in Europe and is now making its way into the U.S. -- offers up a super-fast sport sans net. Known as Speedminton, the game uses a shorter, springier racquet and bouncier birdie than badminton, and can be played on almost any large, flat space, even in the pitch black, a variation that's dubbed "blackminton" in Germany.

Here's a little video that gives you a taste.



Did you make it through to the last minute? Then you got to see the "here, smoke this" version of the sport, Blackminton.

"It's more festive than Speedminton, because it's done at night under black lighting," says Régis D'Andrea, 34, who is starting a club in the city of Colmar, in northeast France. "The makeup reflects the black light, and you see only the equipment and the makeup."

There are groups playing all over France, especially in the country's southwest. People paint elaborate designs on their bodies, often sleek lines or colourful "tattoos." Some create painted masks to look menacing. Others try to highlight their physique. (Still others, depending on who's invited, will sketch on their bare torsos things slightly less family-friendly.)

The birdie is outfitted with a small, phosphorescent tube, so it looks like freakish, hurtling firefly.

Blackminton is ideal, D'Andrea says, "to unwind and let off steam." Usually, there's pumping, loud music to accompany play, typically electronic, house or reggae music, "anything with big sounds and a strong beat," he says.

The first-ever tournament is being played this very weekend in New Orleans.

But wait, there's more. You know who's hawking this new sport?

Maria Sharapova.


Yeah, that Maria Sharapova. Here's her doing an ad for Speedminton.



Which means, Speedminton is more than a sport. It actually provides mere mortals opportunities once only dreamed of.

Say you find yourself this week ambling down Church Road next to the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club. Your Speedminton bag is flung carelessly over one shoulder, you're fingering your flourescent shuttle cock... when suddenly you hear a voice.

"Wow! You play Speedminton?"

You turn and see this.

"Yes, yes I do," you reply confidently.

"Mmmmm, you're my kind of man. Come watch me play Wimbledon and then we'll sneak off and screw each other for a week or until you get bored with me, whichever comes first."

And to think, all cuz you read Foul Balls.

No need to thank me. I'm just doing my job.

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