David Stern Must Be Lousy In Bed

NBA Commissioner David Stern has such a bad sense of timing, flow and proportion, I wouldn't blame his wife if she's claimed to have migraines for the last few decades.

First, he stretched out the playoffs so long that it was hard to remember just who was playing. (Except for that heart-thumping prospect of a first-round, seven-game series between Cleveland and Washington.)

Then, he played Javert to the Suns' Amare Stoudamire, pulling him out of a critical playoff game against San Antonio because of a ridiculous technicality.

Now, he's doing his magic during the Finals with spaces so long between games he's turned the most rabid NBA fan into an ADD-addled discontent. (Ratings have dropped 19% from last year.)

But all this is nothing compared to his latest move of genius.

Once again in perfect harmony with his target audience, Stern has scheduled today's second game of the Finals in direct competition with the very last episode of The Sopranos.

This is for real: even members of the Cleveland Cavaliers asked to set up space in the media hospitality room for a postgame viewing.

"Could you make that happen for us?" a Cavs person asked. "'Cause we want to watch it, too."

It's so bad, there are rumors Silvio is pulling himself off of life support just long enough to whack this loser.

Take him to the woods, Sil. We won't tell.