Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Tank Johnson Likes Junk Food

Apparently when you're a 300 pound defensive tackle, grits, bologna sandwiches, and chicken legs just aren't enough to keep you going.

That's what the daily food schedule was for Tank Johnson while he spent time at Cook County Jail, but that wasn't all Tank ate while in there.

No, he ran up a $700 food bill on junk food during his two months. The Chicago Sun-Times was even able to get an itemized list of everything he bought while in there.

Tank loves the beef jerky, but he's also a man with a unique, wide-ranging taste in food.

So what did he eat while in there?
  • Beef Sticks-162
  • Honey Buns-40
  • Summer Sausage-35
  • Potato Chips-35
  • Cups of coffee-22
  • Fruit Punch-10
  • Tuna fish sandwiches-10
  • Jalapeno Cheese spread-9
  • Tortillas-9
  • Refried Beans-6
  • Cookies-6
That's just some of what he ate. He also ordered some Reese's Peanut Butter cups, Butterfingers, Jolly Ranchers, Swiss Rolls, and pickles.

In other words, prison is a lot like college. Except there's no beer, and instead of picking up drunk college girls you shower with men.
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9 comments:

  1. He was eating beef sticks? It's possible someone might misconstrue what that means. It's nice to know the inmates are allowed cheese spread, however.
    ReplyDelete
  2. you're*

    You probably shouldn't run a blog until you become aware of the differences between your and you're.
    ReplyDelete
  3. You know what, Anon. You're right. I should immediately quit blogging and instead dedicate my life to reading other people's blogs and then point out common grammatical mistakes in the comment section anonymously so that I can feel good about myself.

    Thanks for changing my life.
    ReplyDelete
  4. You know what, Anon. You're right. I should immediately quit blogging and instead dedicate my life to reading other people's blogs and then point out common grammatical mistakes in the comment section anonymously so that I can feel good about myself.

    Thanks for changing my life.

    OWNED
    ReplyDelete
  5. How is it that he can "order" food while he's in jail anyways??

    Is he incarcerated, or staying at the Hilton?
    ReplyDelete
  6. yeah, couple honey buns and some jerky would sure make cook county prison seem like the hilton. lets send him to guantanamo.
    ReplyDelete
  7. f*cking grammar nazis... get a life and go rub one out on your mint condition 1990 word processor.
    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous said...

    How is it that he can "order" food while he's in jail anyways??

    Is he incarcerated, or staying at the Hilton?

    LOLWITS. except not really. more like LOLIMARETARDANDFAILTORESEARCHSHITBEFOREIPOST.

    anyhow, dumbass, at CCC(ive had the misfortune of visiting it a few times) and most other correctional facilities, theres a neat thing known as a commissary. its like a convienence store, with really marked up prices. tank johnson just happens to have more bread than anyone else there thats not a disciple. hence, he can buy a lot of shit.
    ReplyDelete
  9. is it possible that this list of junk food just happens to be the only sort of crap that's available in the vending machines at the jail he was at?
    ReplyDelete

Try to play nice with each other, or else I will remove your comment.

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