Mike Vick Knows Nothing About Disposing of Bodies

Listen, when you kill somebody or something illegally, there's a lot more to the process of just killing them. After you kill them, you have to dispose of the body. You just don't want to leave any evidence behind.

Take it from me, I've killed hundreds of people and nobody's caught me yet. Sure, the cops have grown suspicious, but I just use my charm and wit to convince them that the dead hooker on the floor behind me is just sleeping. I tell them that "she had a looooooong night" and we exchange high fives.

Mike Vick really could have studied me for a while, or else he might not be in the situation he currently finds himself in.

A search warrant issued, but not served, on the property owned by Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick sought to unearth the remains of "approximately 30 dogs buried in various locations on the property."

W.R. Brinkman, a Surry County, Va., investigator and a member of the Virginia Dogfighting Task Force, requested approval to search the property. The warrant stated "reliable sources of information reveal" the presence of the dog remains and, on May 22, Brinkman "was informed that on or about April 23, 2007, that seven pit bulls were destroyed and buried in shallow graves on the property."

Come on, Mike. Did they teach you anything at Virginia Tech?

You don't bury the bodies on the property. You fill them with cement and throw them in a lake. You burn them. You sell them to your local Chinese food restaurant.

But you don't bury them in shallow graves on your own property. That's just dumb.

What are we teaching our kids these days?