Congratulations, You Just Passed the US Citizenship Test!

Remember Kenya's Robert Cheruiyot? The guy who did the Groucho Marx slip-on-a-banana-peel tumble at the finish line as he won last year's Chicago marathon?

He's suing the city of Chicago.

See, he got hurt. Terribly hurt. Cheruiyot explained the tragedy and what he expects from The City of Deep Pockets Big Shoulders.

"Discussions have been going on because I would like them to pay me some money as compensation ... I always have headaches following that fall."

But this brave young man won't let his crippling woes stop him!

The 28-year-old beacon of courage said he's coming back to defend his Chicago marathon title. And those other marathons? He will drag himself from his bed of pain to participate:

"I will be in New York again in November and will return to London next year. After that my target will be the Olympics."

I dunno, Robert, this "return to competition" angle seems unnecessarily risky.

And to be honest, I'm a mite disappointed with your "slip and fall" strategy. It's so.... pedestrian.

If you want to be a real success here, you have to aim higher. Spill a Caffe Misto on your face. Maybe drain out the pool at Trump Towers, then dive into it. Or wait, I know! Go to a baseball game and eat peanuts.

You're in America now, Robert. This is the big league. You can't just be a victim, you have to be the biggest and best victim.

I know you can do it, dude. Good luck. And remember, get this right, and there's no telling how far you can go in this great country.