The Brewers Want To Stick A Finger Up Your Butt

It's amazing what you can get away with when you have the best record in baseball. The Brewers are looking to flaunt their dominance over their fans now, not just their opponents. Do you want to know what it feels like to play against the Brewers? Then show up to Miller Park tonight and find out.

The National League is abuzz over the early performance of the 22-10 Milwaukee Brewers. Apparently, they’re not satisfied to kick ass, they want to be elbow deep in it. The Crew is offering free rectal exams at Miller Park on Tuesday, giving free tickets to men who let Freddie Fingers touch their anus. They need promotions to get folks to the park with the Nationals in town, but I’m not sure Dr. Feely is going to pack the house. You’d think they could at least do this on “seat cushion night.”

Luis Castillo is cowering in fear of a road trip to Milwaukee.

I've heard of a lot of crazy promotions in baseball, but I do believe this is the first time a baseball team has offered to stick a finger up my ass. Seriously, I'm flattered, but I'm just not into that.

The scariest thing about it is the press release says that the tests will be conducted by "physicians and other experts."

Other experts?

Who the hell are these other experts? And how exactly does one get accredited as an expert at sticking their finger up somebody's ass?

See, I'm not afraid to ask the tough questions.

Oh, and as a side note, going to Google and doing an image search for "rectal exam" sure does turn up a lot of interesting pictures.

(via Deadspin)