Hockey Players Are Stupid, Ugly, and Hate Women

I've generally lived my entire life by a code. Hot chicks get to do whatever they want, wherever they want. It's a time-tested tactic to use when trying to get them to sleep with me.

And when that doesn't work, I just show them how super sexy I can be.*

The New York Rangers though, live life by a different, stupider code.

During commercial breaks, teams of three Ice Girls clean loose ice known as "snow" in the goal and the blue-painted goaltender's crease in front of the goal line. But Rangers goaltender Henrik Lundqvist declined to move and used his stick to whack the squeegee Kelli Higgins, 23, was using to push the snow into a pile during the first TV timeout, knocking the butt end of the squeegee stick into her stomach.

"I said 'Excuse me' maybe two or three times," Higgins said Wednesday. "He didn't move and didn't say anything, so I gave up and went around him. "The tip of my squeegee kind of hit the tip of his stick. I don't know if he thought I did that on purpose or whatever, but he took a big windup and slashed the squeegee pretty good. It startled me a little bit. It didn't feel great, but I wouldn't say I was injured or in a ton of pain. I was shocked."

It didn't end there, either. Another Ice Girl, Chanel Benson, claims one of the Rangers spat on her as she left the ice.

I didn't even know Pacman Jones played hockey!

Rangers beat writer Steve Zipay questioned whether or not the Ice Girls should be on the rink in the first place.

[I]t raises the question of why trios of bare-midriffed young ladies are swirling around to perform a job efficiently handled without fanfare by rink personnel in many arenas. Yes, at some arenas and at the Coliseum, male fans ogle the girls in what passes for "entertainment" during TV timeouts. Confession: I'm usually typing during timeouts so I don't even notice. So I'll ask: Should the "Ice girls" even be dressed up and shoved out for display in the lion's den?

That's the dumbest God damned question I've ever heard. Regular readers here at The Balls know how I feel on this situation, but in case you're new here I'll answer again. Hell yes, they belong on the ice! As I already said, hot chicks should be allowed to do whatever the hell they want, when they want! What don't you understand here, Steve?

I also took the time to ask all hockey fans if they thought the girls should be on the ice.

Both said yes.

*I get them reeeeeeeally drunk

(via the new NHL Fanhouse )