HGH Charges Rock Annual Easter Event

Just moments after being declared the winner of the nation's annual Easter Egg Roll, three-year-old Kaitlyn Miller's victory has been cast into doubt.

French newspaper L'Equippe, citing anonymous sources, has revealed that Kaitlyn, a Bethesda, Maryland pre-schooler, tested postive for HGH. It's understood the French newspaper received this information from a source within the laboratory that conducted the testing.

Kaitlyn's father, 36-year-old Jeffrey Miller, expressed surprise at the accusation. "I'm sure my little girl will be cleared of all charges," Miller said. "Kaitlyn won this fair and square. It has to be someone else's sample. This rush to judgment is hurting an innocent child."

Poppy Miller, Kaitlyn's mom, 32, strongly defended her daughter. "Um....what the fuck? Human growth hormone? She's a human. She has hormones. She's growing. She's three friggin years old! And by the way, how the hell did they get a urine sample from my kid?"

A representative of the World Anti-Doping Agency (WADA) stated that Mrs. Miller's comments constitute an admission of guilt and called for Kaitlyn's immediate suspension. Additionally, WADA has forfeited Kaitlyn's first prize winings, a Dora the Explorer Magical Castle bedroom playset, which will now be given to the second-place egg roller, five-year-old Francoise Depardieu, a tourist from Orly, France.

Kaitlyn, when asked for a comment, proclaimed her innocence and stated she would not return the first prize. "Dora mine! No take Dora from me!"